Memories 9 April 2025

9 April 2025

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7:05 am, in the quest of "trying not to die" while being slammed with the impending prospect of having two or possibly three teeth ripped out today (maybe...public dentistry hell loops can be strange...), I woke up obscenely early and now am lying here, still in bed asking myself "what the fuck?" a lot.

What the fuckery...I am re-examining my latest friendship atrophy. Kinda laughing my arse off cos a neighbour woman I spoke to down the road told me that when my now former friend was telling me for my birthday last year that "he couldn't wait to play for me" he meant he wanted to fuck me and how dumb, was I? And instead, that him flaunting that new conquest in my face was him trying to make me jealous! I go a little pale, and my blood runs cold. "He's married" I reply. We both start laughing.

Yeah, married men playing weird psycho-sexual games...about as sexually stimulating as a wet over-used teabag. But...she says, that man really loves you!

Oh well. I need more than fantasy flames that jizzle and fizzle. Years of being played for a fool and kept on the back burner and left to slowly rot in my own transmogrifying orgasmic energetic calibrations. The fucking psychic vampires had a good feed.

Anyway I was watching two women “Joss and Sianie” on instagram talking about one of their dates with a much younger man. They are funny and sweet. Then I thought about all the lovely younger men (and some older ones) who approached me in recent months on the dance floor and how my friends in the bands fended them off to protect me.

Thanks Guys….but there was also the element of sabotage as they wanted me for themselves…not as a lover or Muse but as a kind of mascot. Something to be subverted or controlled. While they frolicked with that other woman right up in my face but got insanely jealous if I paid any man the slightest attention. Hmmm. What is wrong with this picture?

Now Mama T is free in another paradigm…she might actually allow someone lovely, genuine and sexy as fuck to play for/with her!

Where will I find a man who is not intimidated by a toothless intelligent witty but circumspect Crone?

The beautiful people….comes to mind. Oh well…it’s rather comical when I come to think of it. Onwards and upwards, Babies. Let’s see what new loves manifest for me? Hopefully loyal and true, fun, exciting, authentic and delightful. Intelligent, and genuinely invested in forming a solid intimate partnership with me.

No more rolling around like a spike protein at arms length being played for a fool, and sneered at. Done and dusted. (She who abhors dusting!)

Ten years of carefully protected tamped down celibate asexuality is about to explode, Babies. Hahahaha. “Have we reached Catharsis yet?”

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Leaving the Herston Public Dental hospital now. The staff were Super lovely to me. Even when I broke down after having the full mouth x ray as I was terrified as I am not supposed to have anymore X-rays. Today I had two. Lots of extra radiation now fml. But…they didn’t need to extract any teeth. I need a new root canal job as it has eroded. I need to take better care of my gums.

I burst into tears as I was having trouble navigating around the building as I usually have an excellent sense of direction. (That will be the effects of the Valium also, fml).

But I am okay and really happy I didn’t need any extractions.

The supervising dentist asked me why I was not on any psychotropics, if I am under the care of a psychiatrist. I explained I weaned off them all in June 2016 as I am treatment resistant and wanted my body pristine and my mind back.

The only reason I have been taking Valium for 3 days is due to my nervous system reactivity to the loss of a significant friendship and feeling unwell and vulnerable. I hate that stuff! Then she understood and looked at me with real authentic admiration.

Then they were even more kind and nurturing than before. Courage under fire, even when feeling unwell and vulnerable. Don’t ask me how I fucking do this life? Frankly if anything worse goes down…I am done.

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Watching “The Handmaids Tale” season 6. Amazing!

9 April 2024

I was in a dark mood today but I made my daily vlog for YouTube, then later on in the afternoon I went to Aldi and bought groceries. I bought a few extra treats in honour of my impending birthday.

When I got home I unpacked everything and then took Charley for a walk. I stopped to chat with Avril, then moseyed on home. I cooked up a pizza for dinner and feel much better now. Phew!

9 April 2023

https://youtu.be/JLgGzsL26-Y

https://youtu.be/9UI2Mb9tU3A

9 April 2021

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Frenetic day. I have had to lie down on the couch as I am exhausted.

I started the day by smashing macadamia nuts, then sanded back the pink marble table. I bathed Beauregard and fought with him to attempt to clip his nails. Then I vacuumed my house, then mopped the floors.

I changed my bed linen and took all the cushion covers off the cushions in the dining area as they were all dirty from the cat climbing over them. I washed down the wall in the dining area as it had black mould. So much mould in my house after that long rain period!

I also did several loads of washing, somehow managed to sprain my left foot. I made muffins and froze them down. I played really loud music most of the morning as I felt wild and happy!

Then later listened to the Spiritual Sisters podcast. Even though it was an agony I took Charley and Beauregard for a walk. That was the end of me.

I need to rest the rest of this evening as I have my spiritual social circle at West End, Orleigh Park tomorrow.

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I was just outside, sitting on the concrete path, smashing macadamia nuts with a hammer. Feeling content as Robyn and Pete had come past with little Koko so I had morning cuddles with my beloved little doggess goddess friend (which is a glorious start to my morning and always a delight!)

I was dancing in my seat to Mongolian death metal which was also uplifting. Smashing macadamias, upper body dancing, breathing light as it streamed in concave swirls around my Sacred Space garden.

My iPhone rings. A number I don’t recognise. I decide to answer it anyway. A friendly, warm but solicitious voice rings out. “Hello my name is Lucas I am in one of your local jehovah witness groups.”

Arghhhhhh... I bemusedly tell him “is this some kind of a joke? I have never been phoned by the Johoes before?” He stumbles and mumbles almost inarticulately.

I reply “I think you must be very bored to be calling people... very bored indeed...you better go back to those holy books and read them up some more!”

Jesus! Literally!! HaShem! WTAF?! I hang up and start laughing. Oh dear. I would never be a Jehovahs witness. I like celebrating my birthday too much!

Perhaps I should have invited him to my Sacred Space Social circle and expanded his consciousness!

But as a Jew I would never force my beliefs down anyone’s neck. Or cold call them.

If the Holy One (or their manifestation as Jesus) wants recruits... trust me...he taps you on your third eye, or your shoulder or tries to kill you often enough that you realise you are more than just a body and you have no choice but to slip slide into Line.

Which line? Doesn’t matter... thousands of pathways to God and some more beautiful and sincere and peaceful than any offered me by Judaism or in my early childhood, Christianity.

The gods have tweaked me and thrown me under the bus. I prayed for true love so they brought me rapists, stranglers and traitors. Each time it nearly killed me but I rose above them in my own feminine mystique and innate divinity as only a warrior goddess can Become... out of those putrid wastelands.

So yes....that too came late, just prior to my suicide attempt but the gods have cast me back to Earth and I am walking my walk and wearing and talking my torc/talk as I was Chosen for no good reason but I keep rising up after every body slam and scandal and torpitude beset me by Men and their filthy Henchwomen so here we go..up She rises on those Kedushim but very earthy tippy-toes.

Life is beautiful when you finally ride that tsunami wave from hell!

Yesterday I was beset with a heavy mood, a grief and a longing for my last traitor, Dave. It was uncomfortable and painful but I pushed through it.

Lyn came and showered me with love and gifts and that was a comfort. A true sister of the heart!

Later I realised it was Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) so that partially explained my heavy mood.

Today the sun is shining so my dark mood has dissipated like a kaleidoscopic vortex and I feel peaceful and content.

Blessed be the Holy One who gifts me happiness after despair in an ever-swirling mono-cycle ...may I merit more happiness, peace, true love from humans and prosperity and better health too. Amen v’ selah!

9 April 2020

Hahaha. I turn on the tv to the scene in “Oh Brother Where art thou?” where the three sirens meet the three men in the river singing “go to sleep little Baby” seducing them with their feminine wiles. Delightful. I feel somehow soothed and comforted by this.

From a comment:

I will explain why I was amused: yesterday I was polishing my Naga Kanye (half angel half mermaid ie siren).

So feeling a bit whimsical I told her she was beautiful and as she has protected my home so remarkably well, could she relax things just a little so I may have True Love in my life? (Yes I am that BORED AND ISOLATED! 25 years of it!)

I asked the Angels for a sign that they had heard my little romantic prayer.

Then this came on tv last night and just after midnight when I posted one of my memories from last year, I had mentioned Sirens twice in my imagery.

(As you can see I am rather fond of mermaids and other mystical or mythological entities!).

So these are the “signs” or rather synchronicities that my love life has approval From the etheric beings to improve.

The rest is up to me and the other person because...you know...free will 😉

It just gave me a little ray of Hope, and a bit of a giggle, is all. No man has yet got the bollocks to claim me. Apparently I am too terrifying.

Ahh well. All good. I am happy in my own feminine mystique and Power!

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No Weed, No alcohol... now no daughter. Happy Passover/Easter/Birthday to the government sponsored genocidal coronaviral CUNTS!!!

Sorry...had a wee little vent there! Feel better now!

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I have had a mild headache all day. Annoying. Time to resort to panadol I guess.

@Kelly Anne it’s not the flu....yet. I am just extremely sensitive to Energy and...other BULLSHIT!

Hugs. Sorry I snapped at you. I know we are all being controlled by FEAR

Ie false evidence appearing real.

@Kelly Anne look. No matter what happens. If I should die at any time in the near future or distant future. Under any circumstances... I love you all (even if I yell at you occasionally!).

I have lived with Death a long long time. In fact ultimately it will be a release and a relief.

But I am not going to live in fear of it. I am

Avoiding covid as I have a fucked respiratory system but it might actually be a quicker kinder death than others so hohum.

I am not focussing on Death but On getting through to the other side of this shitty shitty existence.

9 April 2019

So I go down to Woolies at Whites Hill because I need cash out to pay my lawnmower man who is arriving today.

I gather up a few groceries - mostly cake and chocolate because I am Soul-feeding at least one of my cravings, and because you know, Birthday week meshugass!

So I go to a checkout where there is a person as I don’t want to be anywhere near that other ghoul ex-friend who works there and she is on self-service. Good. I think. I will avoid that cow.

But alas, the universe conspires to make me face all my demons at once. Beside me at the checkout I deliberately chose, is a guy I had wild sex with once but who ran out on me. Triggering. Awkward and horrible. I did not look at him.

I hand over my groceries to the checkout woman and answer politely when she asks me how my day is. Thinking to myself...Fucked. It’s fucked. But thanks so much. I still don’t look at the guy.

Why bother? Another vapid mouth breathing sex predator who hates women. I stare straight ahead, determined to hold my ground. I hear his voice, loudly, talking. “yes dear, I will get that for you”.

I turn my head and stare at him. Balefully. Disgusting. He is simpering to what must be his wife or partner, but looking directly at me. I hold his gaze long enough to let him know I think he is a low level entity not worth the black under my gardening fingernails. Then turn back to pay for my groceries. Ugh! Putrid.

I find it vaguely amusing that he was so determined to get my attention after I had stood next to him in the checkout queue and completely shunned him. Hiding under his woman’s skirt on the telephone. Another traitor/cheater/liar. I walk out of the supermarket and stomp down to my car. Breathe Tanya.

I often see that vile creep down the shops and I always always completely ignore him. So why on earth he did that little display I have no idea? I am not the least bit interested in him. He used to come to Irish Murphies and even recently the casino, to stare at me like some lacklustre lost boy. I just look past him or through him.

What the fuck is wrong with these stupid vile men? If I had known he had a partner I would never have had sex with him. But to be fair that was 6 or 7 years ago so he may have settled himself down after that.

Still in all, it is obvious that he has never forgotten me. It’s not a compliment.

Ahh well, the sun is shining. My dog is happy I am home again. I will manifest joy out of this misbegotten life. I had a nice cup of tea and piece of cake. Sweetness in my dereliction.

9 April 2018

I am seriously thinking about starting my own social Club with a view to it becoming a nightclub (depending on membership base and popularity). I would need to rent a venue close to the city. It would need to be a safe space for women which is a market níche that the pubs and clubs and Treasury Casino have failed to provide in my own personal experience over the past 7 years.

So who’s in with me? I am thinking we would have live bands and/or djs on the weekends. (Give new bands a chance to showcase their talents)

Perhaps have comedy nights or slam poetry during the week. Or some kind of Cabaret.

I want to run my own club as I am sick of the vileness we as women are subjected to in the music scene.

Thinking of calling it “Club Amazonia”.

This of course would require financial backing/ sponsorship/grants.

Would any of my friends or associates be interested in supporting and/or participating in this. I know many of my sisterhood that have had traumatic experiences in the nightlife and not felt respected or protected by Security and Police. So the only option as I see it is to operate my own club with my own trusted Security staff.

I would want to ensure it was a joyous carefree space for women revellers and men who are not violent or predatory to gather together to dance without harassment and judgement.

Music is Life. Dance is Healing and happiness. Freedom of expression (without violating other people’s personal boundaries) is welcome!

9 April 2017

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1.11 pm. Something really powerful, beautiful even magical is happening to me/for me/around me.

Charlie just flew the width of my back garden, about 20 metres.. I was told he can't fly!!! I ran like a rabbit on acid to rescue him from Bobo who hightailed it after him. Saved him from the jaws of potential death.

Charlie was totally oblivious to any danger (in the way of the Rainbow Lorikeet and the Way of The Tanya/Psychedelic Dreamer. Truly the Art of Not Giving a Fuck creates intrepid little fragile beings of great beauty.

He is now on my chest, helping me eat pizza.

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Jenny came to spend the afternoon with me. We sat in the garden with her "grandson" Charlie and face-timed Rhiannon so she could see her little fella. He was happy to see them both.

I have clipped his wing as he has spent 2 weeks living with The Tanya and he too, has gone completely Wild and discovered he can Flyyyy! Yayyy! But no! Not too far anyway. I love my Wild Things but too much freedom can get us killed.

Jenny and Brendan spoiled me with a gift card, wine and chocolates for my birthday. I am delighted. Thank you both xxx.

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https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0c875jETAHXNZhdAHVmCQzXJHY7CC51mnN5YinnS35qjNALdUdgApbiF4nLQ7XxQzl&id=1340840204&mibextid=v7YzmG

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Last evening Karen came over and brought me the most beautiful Belgium chocolate cake for my birthday. Also kabana, a block of cheese and dip and a massive block of chocolate, and Coca Cola. She also bought us yummy pizza at Dominoes. At the casino she bought me drinks and we danced together all night long. I am so blessed and grateful to have such a lovely caring friend. She thoroughly spoils me. We came home at 1.30 am as we were both exhausted from dancing both nights. But we have had a wonderful time!

The vibe was weird at the casino last night, even though it was busy. But Karen and I just did our thing and revelled in the celebration of our freedom. We are living in interesting times but with genuine loyal friends (not superficial fakes which that place utterly crawls with) you can enjoy the best and endure the worst of human nature and it is amazing what we have been through together.

It is a glorious sunny morning. Charlie is outside on the table, chortling and bathing himself. Beauregard is beside me. Penny is watching silently from the back door. The hens are muttering to themselves as they explore the garden. The fish are swimming. Life is peaceful and exquisite. Just glorious.

Comments:

Ironically the friends who practically demanded I be out last night spent most of the time ignoring me and sucking up to some dude. (Ie following the money lmao). It was rude and almost ridiculous.

I was a tad upset to witness their fakery but you know, not really surprised. Human nature can be very fickle indeed. Which is why I keep my circle of trust very small and am always glad when I do.

I danced with a wonderful wild bikie chick woman last night. I met her last weekend. She told me she was straight but she thought I looked absolutely sexy and Hot and gorgeous in my wiggle skirt and underbust and top.

Lovely woman. She couldn't understand why I was being ignored. I laughed. She whirled me around that dance floor so passionately and wildly that I had trouble keeping up as I am not a formal dancer so was not very coherent with my moves. Lol!

I told her I can't dance as I got a little stressed but she said "you are doing it right now!" This was actually hilarious as when I met this woman last week she told me she could not dance and I just grinned impishly and said "Don't worry, it's just a bit of rhythm, like fucking. Fake it til you make it". (This from The Tanya who has been celibate (again!). For 2 and a half years. Ahem.

Anyway last night she showed me not only that she can actually dance but that she can dance extremely well. Little lies people tell you are always amusing. Haha. Anyway I really thought she was lovely dancing with me and showing the men how to treat a real Woman as only real Women know how. Very cute!

PS. The men at the casino were disingenuously disinterested by my Femme Fatale persona last night (me-owwww purrrrrr) but Karen and I had to laugh at the suburban mere males who stared at me in lustful anticipation (a euphemism) when we stopped in at the IGA in Coorpooroo to get cat litter. Me bloody ow. Cos Pussies are always my priority as a Cat Woman. Hahaha.

9 April 2016

I just attempted to take Bobo for another bike ride. He was not happy. I got him a bit used to sitting in the basket and walking the bike beside him. I got lots of kisses for that.

I took him home and had a quick ride solo. I hyperventilated (asthma still bad) and lathered myself in sweat. It has no gears so it goes marvellously on flat roads and downhill but walking it home uphill is a buggar!

Oh well the brief bit of speed flying down Amethyst Street was worth it. Now I have to recover and then take Bobo for an actual walk to the dog park.

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11.19 am. By the gods I was sick last night. It was pretty intense. I was in bed early.

Now awake feeling much better. Hopefully I feel well enough to dance with Mission X tonight. If not, not. See how I feel later.

I need to find someone reliable to do the lawns. Until I can get a loan for a ride-on and do them myself. I am not coping with chronic anxiety and stress. So there must be an answer.

My body went into shock last night. I didn't eat much yesterday so it was not food-related. So it seems stress is affecting me severely.

I am gonna rest quietly today. I have a mammogram in Monday. I hate those! Then my birthday on Tuesday. Busy exciting week coming up!

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9 April 2015

In back bedroom. Attempting to complete the washing down of everything covered in an inch of dust!

In the style of the witty and charming Quentin Crisp "after 6 months the dust doesn’t get any worse!" I have to inform you it does! You just stop caring about it lmao.

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9 April 2014

I just made home made Hummus and it is delicious! I would never have thought of substituting Tahini for yoghurt before but it tastes just as good.

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Socks and Sophie have arrived! They are not impressed with their new abode and are hiding under the bed. I think I will let them calm down and get used to the new smells. Bless them!

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Went to sleep at 4ish. Now awake at 2. Still feel a bit fatigued in the old bod but mind is clear. Awesome!

I went out to let the hens out to rummage and fertilised some of the front garden with Ramon's yummy rich poopy offerings. It's a beautiful day but I missed most of it. I am awaiting the arrival of Sally's cats. All good! Time to shower and have a nice cup of tea!

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My grandson Ramon The Rare Qld Rabbit has a new garden to play in. It has a large vegetable patch that the former tenant planted out.

Crystal is looking forward to putting him on a leash and letting him play in the vege patch. He will be entralled!

9 April 2012

I was feeling rather depressed awaiting outcomes this Wednesday when Lawyers cut a deal over lunch which does not inspire confidence in me! When Gail arrived w Tahylia for a cup of tea and brought me back to her house for dinner. That was a lovely break from my Blues!

Sylvia Shine: hope it goes well friend, tanya, whatever will be, just you look after yourself, your life is what counts, and . x x x what YOU and only YOU, is where you are at and that will be in a good place, you will make it. good luck. love, Sylvia

Me: Thanks so much Sylvia xxx

9 April 2010

Yesterday The Tower, today Saturday The Star. Hope after Total Disaster...interesting as I've been riding the swinging pendulum blade.

I've forgotten the name of that thing in horror movies that is sharp on both sides and swings up and down and either side is deadly...so I'm looking for the upswing lol and hoping to no longer be chopped to pieces.

9 April 2009

lol tomorrow when I wake up, I'm gonna French Kiss the morning...only it'll be probably afternoon by the time I wake up. Schmeh...always been a late starter. Oh Bon Jovi, I love your lyrics.

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If only I didn't watch the tv movie If only...there's 1 and a half hours of my life gone forever...if only I had one.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons