Memories: 5 July 2025

5 July 2025

7:24 am I wake up, open my eyes, bring back a boiling rage from the Astral. Tamp it down…not today…not going to upset my vibe today.

I look outside…weird light. The sun is shining as though being forced through a strained dog turd. Not conducive to happiness but…always take the weather with you.

Cyclones, tempests, sultry sullen sun dogs, HAARPIST fallacies and dog day mornings. I got a lot to transmute this morning.

Time to pee and extricate my mood from the morning morass. Time is fleeting…build back better. Attitude is everything. Yada yada yada…I need more sleep. But no. On we go!

5 July 2024

7:50 am awake. The cpap mask went well. Much better than when I used it in 2003. My upper respiratory tract feels bloated from my airways being held open all night but there is no pain or discomfort. The back of my throat feels a bit dry and husky and there’s a weird ‘smokey’ taste in my mouth but other than that, I feel fine.

I only got up to pee once during the night which is also a positive. Usually I get up a minimum of three to four times. So here’s hoping this continues to improve so I can heal and achieve great things, or even just exist in the world less activated and on my last raw nerve from chronic exhaustion.

Time will tell! 🙂

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12:12 pm feeling very dizzy and lightheaded today. Not sure why? But…I have tried out my new ultrasound cleaner and cleaned my own jewellery. Not quite to my satisfaction but I will need to polish some of it to remove tarnish but my rings came up great.

I have also bottled the lime cleaning vinegar I had out in the sun for 4 weeks. Nicely macerated. Now I need to clean my fishpond filter, then strip my bed and change my sheets.

Somewhere between those two jobs, I need to rest. Before I fall down. Lol. Hopefully I feel stronger by 9 pm for my wild dance tonight.

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5 July 2023

It’s been a lovely sunny winter’s day today. I was up during the early hours of the morning and witnessed a very thick fog. So I knew the rain would cease and the day would smile upon us.

I spent most of the morning listening to podcasts then later I sat on the grass with my drum and had a trance drumming session. Then I walked the dog and bird.

I feel lonely but also kinda contented. Patiently waiting for life to push itself through all blocks and obstacles and reveal true hearts and minds.

I feel ready for a new life and love to begin.

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It sounds like it might take off to mars. Colonise mars with yeast. Lol.

I am still quite sick but seemed to cough less today. It was bitterly cold and raining all day so I sat in my studio and hallmarked some silver jewellery I made last year then polished it up nicely.

I also made some ring holders to put inside the canteen. Just sorta pottering around as it was a good day to do so.

In the evening I got cabin fever so considered driving to the shops to buy more chocolate but it was so cold and wet and morose outside, that I decided I would be wiser to stay safe and warm in my house. The chocolate can wait. But I ran out of bread so that meant I have use the bread machine.

Fortunately I had enough bread mix.

5 July 2021

Haha I met a man named Simon at drumming a few years back who took one look at me and told me to primal scream. Obnoxious bastard. I just replied that I am all primal Screamed out and if I ever started again I would be a Banshee at lintels. But yes it was a tad confronting and weird.

My former lover was sitting in circle opposite me with a new woman and even he was greatly amused when I put good old Simon back in his place.

But I was severely triggered as it reminded me of the days I was in Love with that filthy bastard Davidson and how he also used to try to humiliate me at Kabbalah classes with his cheap nasty gf whom he later married.

I often wonder why I draw in so many venal toxic men into my life and why they set about undermining me with their other lovers and friends.

It must be a stain left over from my abusive family of origin. A program running in my head since early childhood: the sexual abuse and dehumanising I experienced during most of my childhood. Hmmm.

Or it might be karmic. Or it might be that there are so many shitty awful people and they flock to me because of my power as a warrior goddess whose strength helped me survive my entire life.

But I have beautiful kind soulful Earthangels and the Ineffable Ones on my team so there is that. 🙂. No one fucks with The Tanya anymore. There has been way too much fuckery. I am contented with my life these days.

Creative and constantly filling my own soul up with love and light and humour.

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5 July 2020

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5 July 2019

3:21 am. Insomnia. Shit!

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11:11am. Good morning Angels 🙂

I had a rough night with insomnia, reflux and pain but squeezed some blissful sleep in from 6 am.

Reborn into another day. It is still windy outside but not as bad as yesterday. I shall endeavour to enjoy today as I do every day. Carpe Diem!

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5 July 2018

Tonight I attended The Short and Sweet play festival. It was held in Surfers Paradise. I thoroughly enjoyed the performances. I am very proud of my daughter, who played a Leprechaun, in full Irish brogue.

5 July 2017

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But I am catastrophising. I have only been taking reflux medication (none of which worked until Nizac which only works some of the time) for a few years. Then only half a dose as I was already suspicious of pumping more drugs into my body that are slowly killing me. Seems my instincts were right.

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5 July 2015

4.38 am home from dancing. Weird vibe tonight. Lots of aggressive men who would not take No for an answer. In spite of the higher ratio of creep factor, Karen, Kimbo, Moana, Jo and I had a lovely time. As we always make sure we do.

Kimbo gave me a lovely cuddle at 3.30 am when I was getting so stressed from some creepy men that I had to hold my temper. Thanks, Kimbo. You rock, darling girl!

I will be resting my feet in a hot bath then off to bed. I love dancing all night but being harassed by drunks really makes my blood boil. I know security was watching out for me most of the night as one guy harassed me early in the night. Another guy who noticed it went to complain.

I can handle myself so apart from the stress factor, you'll be happy to know I didn't get into any fights. (Ahem!) I honestly don't know how I didn't, as the first creep kept baiting me by cycling back to me on my part of the dance floor just to prove some psychopathic point in his moronic head.

I just kept an eye on him. After the 10th time, even my friends noticed he was harassing me so they would dive in between him and me. Funny, as soon as one psycho (Lana!) stops hassling me, another one leaps up to fill their shoes.

No rest for the PTSD survivor. I just have to try not to let them get to me but after some other idiots, tall hulking Teutonic men literally kept dancing and jumping on me, I was ready to Schnap, Crackle and Pop. One actually apologised, then did it again. Grr drunk moronic men!

The more they pissed me off, the harder I danced. Such is life in the big city.

5 July 2014

4.34am. Knackered. Went dancing at the pub after helping Jarrod move his fish to new house.

Now home, cooking chicken schnitzels. Just ate melted cheese on toast. All I really want is Jack Daniels and chocolate :-(. Sipping tea instead. Lol.

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3.29 pm. Not long awake. Feel happy to be alive. Still in love but like a bad case of the flu that shall pass. Fever in the morning, fever all through the night will soon transform into cold dark chills then emptiness.

Oh, how I dread the emptiness so I am stocking my impending emotional void with dancing, laughter and genuine loving friends who are truly there for me. This is the longest period of ‘in love' euphoria I have ever experienced. It's the real thing.

Pity it's dry-humping a mossy dank brick wall. That wall is loving all the psychedelic swirling and heat and sunshine. I have almost thawed out its crust. Awwww! Poor Psychedelic Dreamer and her fetish for 'wigs' as Jarrod reminded her to ground her.

Now my wig is completely wigged out but the Love goes on. I am not going to stop loving as this feels good, right and almost a spiritual vocation.

I was not born to be loved by a man. It simply has never happened. I must say, I do try though "insert evil grin".

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I am so proud of Jarrod. He is towing a trailer to the tip. First time towing. He only got his license a year ago. I have been driving for 33 years and I have never towed anything. Wow!

5 July 2013

I slept until 12.30 pm. Still felt weak but was pleased to see Gail and Christina who visited. When they left I got a mad urge to get to work in the garden so I cut back the other passionfruit vine and watered then raked leaves and threw them as mulch around garden bed.

I also changed the water in the back fishpond. (Need to buy a pump and filter for it). The fish looked so happy and pretty.

About 4.30 pm I came back inside as it was getting dark and damp. Lit the Shabbat candles, prayed for my usual "miracle", yet to happen. Now watching TV and resting.

5 July 2011

I slept most of the day but managed to go outside and rake up leaves for compost, heaps of leaves. I've spent the evening reminiscing about an old friend with Jarrod. Happy Days are here again. If we knew then what we know now....oy.

5 July 2010

Another day without a dollar, or a collar or a holler. I will go quietly into the Doldrums of my Serenity and live to laugh another day. (All Primal Screamed out so now just LOLL about!)

5 July 2009

If you read this, even if we don't speak often, post a comment with a memory of you and I. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. When you're finished, post this paragraph on your own status and you'll be surprised at what people remember about.

Dionne Ginsburg: (Sylvia Shine’s daughter)

I remember you as my big/older friend, and we used to play together near the grounds of wellington hospital. and i loved playing with you. and once we ate martzipan fruits that your mum bought for us. xxxxxxxx

Me: Oh how lovely! I remember you as the most beautiful child with large eyes and yeah I thought you were adorable and I used to drag you around everywhere. Wow I don't remember the Marzipan Fruits but I do love good German Marzipan to this day so yeah there must have been some marzipan munching involved. xxxxx

Jarrod Nielsen: mmm... Let's see... Una ravel ling, tea fountain, escaping house painting to see psychics, Pope Alice and trips to cool places like Byron...

Me: omg you weren't even there when the tea fountain happened! That's cheating lol

JN: It was described in such detail that I felt like I was... lol

Me: Lol it was truly horrible and unforgettable ...not one of my most pleasant memories that's for sure.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons