Memories: 30 April 2025

30 April 2025

7:30 am I had an interesting dream during the night. So vivid it felt “real”. One of my musician friends came to visit me and he was lying on the grass, looking relaxed and happy. The grass was so green it almost had an emerald aura. The man, was so peaceful and contented to be in my company.

It was a lovely dream. He came to tell me not to upset myself about our mutual friend who had lied and deceived me for years….and had played such a cruel sadistic trick a week before my birthday. He said he loved me and had tried to protect me but my stubborn heart had to be broken so I could see the truth of who that man really was and let go and find a real love.

Then he offered himself. I said I love him too, but he has a partner so really…I love all my friends but I am not going to be seduced into triangulated love affairs that go nowhere. He said he understood.

Then he said “let’s have a cup of tea, I brought cake!” So we sat in my kitchen and hung out like it was the most normal thing in the world. In real life none of those musician friends ever visited me or invited me to their homes. Odd. But it is what it is.

Today I will keep working on my opal pendant. I have decided to prong set it instead of bezel setting so the delicate opal lines can be seen on the edges. Well, that’s the plan anyway. 🙂

It’s given me a boost of energy and inspiration…something to look forward to. Creating and building back my own “success”. I poured sooo much time, energy, heart into other humans in recent years…fighting against csa and later the Covid insanity.

Now I feel drained, used, depleted, defeated and betrayed. But really? What could I have ever expected? The world has changed irrevocably. Only very rare and precious souls truly vibe with me. Appreciate what and whom I am….and it was always that way. Always.

So I need to let it all roll off my shoulders. Their spirits coming to me in dreams is “interesting”. But a comfort in a way. An acknowledgement from their soul to mine. Namaste! Hahahaha.

Let the music play and the players parley. Mama T loves you all, in spite of everything.

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https://youtu.be/i-xwaq2Lbuk “My heart pendant…setting the prongs.”

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10:37 pm I am tumbling my newly made sterling silver heart and Charlie’s beak pendant. It’s been intense. I am utterly exhausted but triumphant. I am so proud of myself.

I had trouble at the end when trying to solder a jump ring to the heart pendant. I took the easy way out and soldered it to the back with easy solder in the end. (After several failures at just that one tiny task alone…don’t get me started on all the other failures I fought through today). I am a warrior goddess how I have fought against my own fears and anxiety and atrophy to complete this task.

It’s such a huge boost to my confidence. I needed this! Thank you to my Angels who insisted I make this pendant. I proved myself yet again a rather formidable intrepid Mustang Kwe pushing myself through it all to reach completion.

It’s in the tumbler. Tomorrow I will set the stone then wear it with pride. I worked bloody hard for this project!

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Yippy Yi Yo! I almost want to set the stone now and keep working on this project! But it’s 11:18 pm and I need to sleep or else I will launch into hypomania. Wheeee! But I am very happy with this result. #titaniasrealm #magickhappens #loveisthelawloveunderwill #freedominanotherparadigm #gratefulhappywomanhere #myMuseisKillingMeButItskindaworthit.

30 April 2023

https://youtu.be/IEycqjtdC9s

30 April 2020

10:33am. I feel like I am on the cusp of something...some kind of breakthrough. No idea what it is. I pray to all the gods that it is something good!

30 April 2019

Today I bathed Beauregard. I gave his face a little trim, also his tochas. I managed to clip his nails under great sufferance. He even bit me but he looks like a lovely clean handsome dog now. I had a shower myself and washed my hair.

I have felt very fatigued the past few days. So I have not done much except watch tv and rest. I did manage to clean all the filters in the fishponds yesterday.

30 April 2017

3.33 am. Awesome night. Thanks to Jenny, and Karen who rocked out with me.

Now in a hot bath wondering how we did that all again, especially considering my exhaustion and asthma. Bloody Mustang Kwe. Push myself beyond my limits. But we had fun. That is what counts.

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Just woke up, let the dog out for his morning ablutions. Brought Charlie into the kitchen from spare room. Only to hear a croaky struggling sound of a very young "man" who has found his voice.

My little Silkie Cock Supreme and his crow. Omg. So cute. It had to happen. But he is only 5 months old. Roosters grow up so quickly these days! I am a proud Mama.

I wonder if my neighbours will accept his verbiage? Next door there was loud bleating from the sheep. Maybe that set him off? We got the Puberty Blues again.

Beauregard was fascinated with the new sounds cascading from Elphabar's chickeny lips. (I mean Alfie, dammit!). Alfie/my elphabar is all boy now. Charlie is not the only Cock on the block. I suspect 5 hens are feeling rather smug now. They might even get laid.

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My Romanian neighbour calls me over to show off his two sheep. Yes. Two! Very cute. He says the male is due to be slaughtered but he is keeping the female. I feel for the male sheep. But then I am a hypocrite as I still eat meat. Just draw the line at eating my pets!

He is looking at getting a beehive. (The same man I once bollocked for putting down poison and killing our bees which he now denies and blames the council). I told him

I want a hive too but I get plenty of native bees drinking out of my fishpond. He said " What?! I had no fruit for 2 years. No bees!" I said "Well if you don't poison them, they come to your garden and pollinate. Weird science huh?!"

But the council is constantly spraying herbicides in the forest behind me. So I guess I am lucky to have the native bees at least.

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Grateful to Lyn who talked me down from one of my turbulent mood swings where I feel like I was to just scream and scream but can't safely vent without scaring people.

I am blessed to have such strong support from my friends who validate me and understand me in a way that is truly life-enhancing. Thanks Sweetheart x.

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Watching Seven Years in Tibet. Good movie.

I made an aloe vera spray for Charlie as he is still plucking out his feathers even though I have been giving him vitamins in his water. Bobo got hold (how?) of the spraying parts so I had to get one off another bottle. He also got hold of my tights which are now bitten through. Annoying.

The sprayer I replaced on the bottle wouldn't spray (gel was too thick I suppose) so in desperation I just put some of the liquid in my hands and gently dabbed it on him. He was not impressed and tried to bite me but I am determined to get him well again.

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30 April 2016

I have bathed Bobo. He tried to savagely bite me several times but the wee bastard is Clean. Physically. Lol!

I have fed the hens. Still tired from last night's dancing and I only woke up at 3 pm. Hmmm! What to do? Contemplate dancing more or resting?

Storm coming which very likely means I will be out in the dangerous wildness and electron-charged madness to weave my magic spell again. On my ageing body. Not so charming when I stagger home crippled with pain.

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30 April 2015

6.55 pm. Gotta go out. It is pissing rain but The Tanya needs to fly.

Might check out Bunnings.

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Bunnings...s hooks. Hung up my copper pots in the kitchen windows. Awesome!

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I woke up at 3.49 pm. This morning I had trouble sleeping even with 100 mgs Seroquel on board. I am loathe to increase the dose.

I lay awake until nearly 7 am. If my leg hadn't been so sore I could have gotten up and done housework. Or something. Such a waste to lie in bed with a fertile mind.

I was so tired though. Body tired. Even my eyes hurt. I do believe menopause is killing me. It has me all fired up with nowhere to go. Dammit!

30 April 2014

Feeling stressed as I am gearing up for my Gastroscopy tomorrow and Crystal is not keen on keeping an eye on me overnight after the procedure. I hope I don't rupture my stomach? I guess I am worrying for nothing.

I have managed on my own before after more serious surgery. It just kinda sucks that I feel I can't rely on her to be there for me when serious shit goes down. At least she is going to drive me in and pick me up so that is a big help.

30 April 2011

I slept over last night at Gail's house so we could watch the Royal Wedding. Bella and I enjoyed Gail's comfortable bed!

Then in the afternoon I attended my neighbour's 1 year old birthday party and naming ceremony which was lovely. Then Gail came back later on to my place for a cup of tea and a glass of wine.

I also managed to find time to plant the strawberry suckers from Lyn. A nice day!

30 April 2009

I have to spend the next whole month looking like a deformed Bugs Bunny. I really really hate the Dental Hospital at South Brisbane!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons