Memories: 3 September 2025

3 September 2025

7:41 am I drift back to full consciousness as though bodysurfing on a gentle wave in smooth seas. Carried back with a feeling of love, of being held, of protection. I smile as it’s such a warm safe comforting feeling. A lovely way to wake up, feeling cosseted and nurtured.

A good sleep result too. 0.4. Back from my backslide. Hopefully I will feel less evacuated out of my own body and can take up the reins in my own mustang kwe spirit again.

Yesterday I got the urge to make something out of silver spoon bowls I had left over for casting. I decided to make a pendant for little Evie. So I annealed two spoon bowls. Smashed them flat, got out my disc cutter (which has heart shapes). Cut out two hearts. Then textured them both.

Then I decided to use the larger heart for Evie’s gift. I got out my stamps and stamped her name into it. Also the hallmark for sterling silver (925). Then I soldered a jump ring (but it failed…dammit). I was trying to solder it flush with the heart. Not enough surface material to grab it into. So I did it again, this time attaching the ring to the back. Success.

Now I need to add another ring for a bail and solder that. It’s the first time I have made jewellery since I finished my cuff in May. It’s nice to be back! Feeling creative again and wanting to make things. That long 5 week illness really took the wind out of my sails…but I still fought through it, reading stories on my youtube channel.

I am a powerful determined woman when I get going. lol. I need to buy sterling silver sheet and wire for another project in the pipeline. But a bit broke at the moment. So I will start that in a few weeks I expect.

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3 September 2024

Thanks Kylie for making me look all glamorous again xxx

3 September 2023

Another lovely sunny warm day. I sat and priced all my sterling silver rings with new stickers I bought for that purpose.

Then I was excited to see someone had responded to my ad on freecycle for a free tree stump. They will bring it to me on Wednesday. I have been trying to source one for about 9 months. So this is really awesome! I will use it for stamping my silver projects and for hammering bangles.

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3:34 pm A beautiful gift from my Sacred Space garden. Gratitude to the fae!

3 September 2022

11.08 am I have just showered, after waking up with a song in my head. I know the melody well, but it drifted out of my consciousness before I could think of the name.

Damn. It bore a profound message too. But that too is lost (for now…) then followed a vision of a steel ball like a bearing ball. I was observing its shiny metal surface thinking wtf? Why are you showing me this? Smiling to myself. Patience.

Then I was shown the ball in a circle with a group of other balls moving in unison like a cog in a wheel. Each ball rolling on its base, touching the surface but the image zoomed in to show me how each ball, while rolling on its own centre of gravity, was also touching each other ball halfway up at its widest point, the ball in front and the ball behind, pushing each other forwards in perpetual but autonomic motion yet there was a constant intimacy or connection because each ball was set in its group.

Hmmm I thought. Slaves but happy in their bondings. So the transmitter of this waking vision shows me the group of balls rolling together but they are inset into a brass casing so they can never leave their appointed setting, always rolling, always together until they wear their metal down.

Hmmm I thought. So then the great master of my barely synapsing mind, who loves to tease me, shows me another steel ball, still shiny but rolling haphazardly into eternity. Or wherever.

It rolled without restriction, its only contact points with the ground or surface but it has more contact potentialities than the confined balls as it could roll in any direction wherever its whim took it. (But who set it into motion?)…and we all know eventually it will lose momentum and cease to move until someone sets it in motion again.

Anyway I smiled again because I resonate with the ball that has no circle of tight orchestrated enslavement, moving endlessly in a gyration that leads nowhere but instead has the freedom to free fall, free ball anywhere it likes but also the disconnection, the abandonment, the loneliness and the singleminded pursuit of connectivity which carries the price of duty, surrender and myopic drudgery.

It’s all bollocks…innit.

But freewheeling ball has more potential to expand her horizons. She has lost so much. But look at what she has gained. Her centre of gravity is still in touch with the surface of the earth. But every now and then she flies…because she has seen the value of individualism and her own quirky mind, and her stoicism.

Don’t Mind me though! I am the moron that shelled out $112.75 because I saw my dog’s engorged penis for the very first time and thought he was dying (or in serious distress!)

Not so stoic when told by a vet receptionist that it was a medical emergency! Lmao!!!!! No…laughing Beauregard’s dick off. You owe me dinner Bobo, you mofo! Ahhh well it won’t be the first time I lost my mind because of a dick!

3 September 2020

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I woke up with these song lyrics drifting through my head “the language of love slips off my lover’s tongue, cooler than ice cream and warmer than the sun”. Eurythmics “Who’s That Girl” But I had to smile. That arrant faithless evil fucker is visiting me: David Davidson.

I know this as we sat and had ice cream at Le Scoops many years ago with my two daughters and he teased me mercilessly (the psychopath) then ate some of my ice cream and declared that it hurts so bad.

Jasmine asked “What hurts?!” And he looked deep into my eyes and said “The way it slips down the back of your throat and burns all the way down”. I blushed deeply.

Why the “haunting” today of all days?

It’s my ex husband’s birthday (meh!) and the day we got engaged (that was a hell that should never have happened but it begot me two children and a comfortable life for a brief period of time. Until after Jasmine was born and his and his familial abuses intensified.

So we migrated to Australia but there is no real respite in hell.

Davidson Devo was brought into my life just after a strangulation by Terry Rosilio. I was raw, traumatised raw...terrified of Life, of Love but how perfectly he carried the baton of Bastardry. But I was in love.

Love has been my curse all my life. Whetted and whelped me, turned me sour and bitter and almost been the death of me.

Yet still I cleave to it: like a Disease. Sexually transmitted disease: toxic feckless false lovers race to my side..breathe my Light then try to snuff me out. In a myriad of different ways.

So I put on the song and listened to the message. Language of love slips off my lovers’ tongues. Sweet lies, foulest treachery. Cruelest heartbreak. I should have died. It’s what they ALL wanted...to subsume me.

But I have a little gift from the gods called DEFIANCE.

So I giggled at my sweet but ignoble ghost messenger. Put on his other favourite songs by Madison Avenue. “Who the hell are you?!” And “Don’t call me Baby”!

Now feel cleansed- he can fuck off back to the Void and take his memory of ice cream with him.

That was the flavour of my love: eternal. I poured so much goodness and sweetness into that man and my reward? He married his abusive cuntish other lover. Like cures Like and Water truly does find its own level.

C’est la vie, say the Old Boys, it goes to show you never can tell!!!

I was not put on earth to be truly loved. I was put on earth to be Broken and rebuild myself a thousand times. Reconfiguring my heart like a Rubik’s Cube until all the little pigeons line up!

Then I scatter them to the four winds of Fate and breathe...and start again. From Ground Zero to Sublime Bliss. A rapid cycling Mockumentary of a Life lived for Love.

Sweet dreams are made of this! Don’t fuck with the Psychedelic Dreamer. The Tanya sees beyond this reality and knows. Games of Artifice and sacrificial Tomes. There are entire Worlds beyond this one and somewhere in the Cosmos is her True Lover.

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Lalalalalala loverly!

3 September 2018

4:54 am. Rough night. Just got woken up by Penny, doing feline athletics around the hall. So got up and gave her cat biscuits. She sleeps all day and parties all night or very early in the morning. 12 years old and probably dementing.

I was exhausted so went to sleep at 10 pm but woke up every hour needing to pee (annoying!) or refluxing horribly. At 2 am I took reflux medication which settled me slightly. Now the cat has dragged me from my subterranean lair.

Ahhh here she is, jumped back on the bed as she is satisfied with her snack. I will attempt sleep again.

Boker Tov (good morning). The day is young, but we are old and so fabulous!

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3 September 2017

Happy Father's Day to good fathers everywhere. Mumble mumble to the rest of the cunts.

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(My response to an article by Catherine Deveny about not liking her father.)

I totally agree. Forgiveness is reserved for people who are actually genuinely Sorry and change their shitty evil behaviour.

My mother never once said Sorry to me and justified her actions (enabling child sexual abuse, manipulation, neglect, betrayal, interfering in almost all of my relationships and friendships, physical/emotional/financial and even spiritual abuse (I found hexes on me in her kitchen pantry). Same goes for my father, half-sister, godfather, stepfathers.

None of them had grace or integrity to be Sorry or to correct the damage they have done to me.

I went back to assist my demented mother for last 18 months of her life to my own detriment, like a fool. I could not/would not attend my father's funeral in March yet still his lawyer insisted I take his ashes and I still ended up being made responsible for his remains, scattering them with the other bastards at King Island. Haunted all day by "signs" on car number plates.

So evil they still will not let go of me. Piss on them.

I have a right to a safe happy peaceful life without their interferences. I shall have my life, my way.

They were weak/greedy/selfish scumbags. With no honour or decency.

I am whom I am Becoming. My own mother/father/sister/friend. Stronger and wiser and more beautiful in heart and soul. They failed to kill me.

3 September 2015

My goodness, I have slept all day and night since 4 pm yesterday. It is now 4.07am although I have been awake and on Facebook since 2 am.

The birds are starting to stir. Time for me to have a cup of tea and sleep again. Still sad and weary. I loved Byron but it was exhausting with the mad anxiety attack over losing my script and arriving so late in the afternoon, also the grief from Hermann dying the day before.

Frieda is back on her nest, grieving too. Poor little hen has lost a son and a mate this year. I hope she won't grieve as long as when Mischief died as she still has Helga and Heidi for company but she was quite in love with Hermann. They were a cute couple.

I gave her cuddles last evening when she went to bed. She really snuggled in. Precious little hen!

It is kinda funny that my animals had better love lives than I ever had. On the bright side my exes are still alive. Oh wait, is that actually a bright side??? Lmao!

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3 September 2014

I checked on my hens. The little Silkies were sitting at the top of the stairway but obviously the bitchy Tabitha and Elvira had not let them on the perch. That, or it was too high to get up on their own.

So I put them both on the perch beside Tabs and Elvie (who muttered Ante-Deluvian Velociraptor obscenities) and went and cut free the ladder from the other broken coop and placed it so the smaller birds can get down in the morning without a hen fight. (I hope!)

I love my girls!

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I arrived home 10.30 pm. Shoe mysteriously still at the bedroom door. Clean bedlinen still on chair. Not Happy Tanya!

House guests asleep. Where do they go after After School care? My house is not a Joss house for sleeping in. This is getting absurd.

At least I heard little Rahul making normal budgie noises today. He must be liking his mirror. I gave him the tiny cuttlefish I got from Lyn and Peter late this arvo. He will enjoy that tomorrow, no doubt.

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I bought a pack of Wee Willems. Nice little smoke when you at a loose end. Always reminds me of Theo Hoedemaeckers. He was a sombre hard-working Dutchman. He liked his Wee Willems and the occasional Whiskey. I used to like to elicit a smile from him.

I think secretly he spent most of his life feeling over-burdened with responsibilities and just wanted to run away. He never did. Devout Catholic Man. A real man who did the right thing by his family even if he hated himself for it.

They don't make men like that anymore. I wonder why his son keeps in touch with me? It's not like we were that close?

Perhaps like his old man before him who walked past our house every afternoon, no doubt hoping for a "Hallo!" from my very exciting but excitable mother; his son also thinks I am exciting. Sitting alone remembering idiots is NOT exciting!!! Trust me on this. I must deter the Deluded Illusionists.

I am Not your kind of Woman and never will be!

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The city is dead! It's been quiet the last few weeks.

I had a quiet drink at Mick O'Malleys. Then strolled around the mall. Everything under construction. What a shithole! I need to be in a city that never sleeps and has its shit together!

Now sitting at the park opposite the casino. Might grab a coffee and head home.

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Checking out The Criterion. Lovely clean toilets (with soap and toilet paper! Who knew?)

Vibe pleasant (so far!).

Soloist was singing Live's tune when I walked in. One of my faves. He was very good and his sound was channeled through stereo speakers even in the loo. Respect!

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Tonight the bottom fell out of the chook pen nesting area. No way to keep Frieda and Mischief safe so I had to put them in Tabitha and Elvira's chook tractor.

I hope the little ones don't get too hen-pecked at Dawn. I am quite worried, but they will get used to sleeping together, I am sure.

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I wish people would quit inviting me to play games on here. It drives me nuts. I will start culling anyone who sends me game requests and those stupid pointless chain-type charity games also.

If you want to help a charity, send them your cash, or feed a homeless person or at least stop and have a chat with them. Do something that they can see and feel. Not some irrelevant game on Facebook.

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(See. Photo below)

A few days ago I found this stray shoe near the path to front gate in the grass.

It puzzled me that there was only one shoe, so I picked it up and brought it inside. I put it inside the spare room. The next night the shoe appeared outside the bedroom door. Today Day 2 of shoe rejection it is still sitting there, solelessly singing a plaintive song. Wtf?

I cannot live with other people. It is doing my head in. Who owns the shoe? It's not mine as I have big Hobbit feet.

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3.36 am in bed at last. I spent the night pottering. I made home-made Mod Podge in preparation for decoupage and laid out a design. I watched an interesting Danish film.

I finished off some washing, then cleaned the front loader.

I did dishes and made so much tea my bladder might implode.

Tomorrow I will have to try to repair the second chook house. Cheap piece of shit was dodgy from the beginning. So I hope the girls aren't scratching each other's eyes out at dawn.

I ate an entire apricot and almond cream cheese and an entire packet of soy crackers.

I cleaned out a drawer in my hutch and was horrified to see a photo of me with Courtenay around 2007 when I was hugely fat!

That man had severe paresthesia. He only loved me when I was huge, depressed and living on Abilify, cogentin and sodium valproate as well anti-depressents.

The dr I had at the time put me on a wrong dose of cogentin and I almost went blind.

Oh well, life goes on. I am slightlty improved now I am almost 50. I need less drugs to function but in some ways I think I am getting madder.

No man wants me for a partner which is rather depressing but I want a man who adores me this time, so I am holding on to my freedom.

I don't want to come last after a Bong, a beer, a job, another woman, his mother, his friends, and his fucking cars ever again.

I love my life now. I don't need any more Fake Men in my life. I've been let down a lot this year (every year of my life!) but this has been a very sad year for me. I wish Dave had been real and just as I was thinking about giving another guy a chance, he went all angst-ridden on me.

In the past few days a childhood friend (who is married!) has been texting as he does about once a year til I remind him that he is married and I am not interested. It's all very insane but I guess he just gets bored or something. Not my Monkey!

So meanwhile here I am with my cat, enjoying the serenity and lying here contemplating who might step up to claim me one day. If ever!

3 September 2012

Woke up at 2 pm. 14 hours sleep which I must have needed after my epic week dancing at Casino and not sleeping much at all! I spent the day in the garden, weeding, watering, pottering. Another happy day!

Now my energy is in my boots and I could cheerfully go back to bed but I'll stay up, drink tea, rest and watch TV. My energy will soar again, no doubt!

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I met the most gorgeous guy in the early hours of Sat morning. He turned out to be a friend of Steve "the Angel" who I met Tues night Lol! So I hung out with them and another mate of theirs and we ended up seeing the almost Dawn in with a lovely English man who busks outside the Casino. A sweet girl joined us and we sang Karaoke for an hour or do, then I went home by bus.

I hope I see the guy I liked again, but he didn't seem overly interested in me and I didn't mind at all as I was happy in my own mind and vibe and I danced for 8 hours so was quite muted down by the morning.

I really like Steve too, so I guess I will catch up with them again one night lol.

3 September 2011

I am so exhausted after such a fulfilling week. Wow!

3 September 2009

I am disappointed in my childhood sweetheart who after several, oh ok two emails from me on Facebook, still chooses to spurn me in a cold and callous way, gees I gave him the best years of my youth...between 10-12, pre-pubescent, no PMS histrionics and nothing but sweet sweet Puppy Love and general adoration. Men are strange, maybe he's terrified to know what the Final Product turned out like...LOL

Oh and btw I am still a Masterpiece in Progress, just waiting for the finishing touchups...ahem I mean touches...or is it Touchées?

3 September 2008

Tanya is depressed because her car broke down, her "outlaws" ugly evil stepsisters have ripped her off, and her mother doesn't know her anymore.....c'est la vie

3 September 1983

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons