Memories: 3 October 2025

3 October 2025

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8:35 am Fridayyy….yayyyy. Another beautiful morning. Still no rain which is getting concerning. But sunshine as happiness is always welcome.

I had another night of going to bed exhausted then getting slammed with the inability to pass out into sleep. Over a week of this. Interesting. But when I finally succumbed I slept deeply. So that is a positive.

Breathing better than previous night too. I have achieved a lot in recent weeks, working on odd jobs and craft projects. I still need to finish polishing the black heart of either basalt/hematite or obsidion.

I am enjoying spinning the lovely lilac coloured rolag I bought a few years ago from America. It feels wonderful to be acquiring valuable “homesteading” skills.

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Still searching for my lost White Creek opal….but the faeries gifted me this instead. Symbologies of Love for my discordant symphonic cacophonous almost catatonic heart resonance. Whom do I trust? The trickster “good folk” or humans?…..don’t answer that question.

The Mama T can only ever trust in her Self, her Higher Mind and the gods. 🙂 A gift for this Season of joyful reclamation of heart/Mind/Body. On we dance…with or without the Red Shoes….

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Perfect Loveliness at Sacred Space :-)

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I posted this yesterday on YouTube (which was unusual!) To post my ramblings on YouTube I mean. So I am re:posting it here for my Facebook friends.

“Today is “Day of Atonement” and another day of trembling before the Lord, passes me by. Another day of living through a veritable apocalypse, the stuff of nightmares. Epstein files, assassinations of people for speaking their truths, regardless of how we resonate with them, 3i Atlas hurtling through space, post Covidian madness and fall-out, broken love potentiates, friends turned into enemies.

Wars, famine, Apathy and atrophy.

Where is G-d in all of this?! Quietly watching and weighing hearts and minds in the measure of Time and the weightlessness of Space, for we remember the turning point when the timelines got broken and forked out across the cosmos and even little me: praying as I always did, even as a small brutalised child, surrounded by so much evil and unrepentant pernicious enemies that dogged me all my life…even this morning a troll on Instagram FFS. Relentlessly evil and callow and cowardly and vicious they are.

But on this holiest of days for Jews everywhere, including “The Lonely Jew” the Witch and Shaman, we are reminded to atone. At One ment. Be One with Super Consciousness, knowing we are a mere reflection or refraction, a Mandelbrot patterning, a Fibonacci spiralling, a passing player on the chessboard of eternity.

Living our lives with honour, integrity and dignity, even though we had to abdicate from our religion. After decades of serious intentional harm was done to me and my children. I chose to live this way. Alone, but triumphant, courageous and stoic.

G-d was in this place (my shellacked heart!) but I did not know it. No…that is not strictly true! That Energy built me, proclaimed me, healed me, sent me back from 16 near deaths for a Reason.

To bear witness to my dying Western civilisation, to see Natural Justice and retribution. To carry me high on His/Her shoulders to keep a promise to a little girl and to an older woman.

Shalom/Peace. We will still yet blossom in our love, our creativity, our joy and delight. Even without a community….there be Angels in the architecture…loving me no matter what…no matter who, shining bright for me, bringing me through the darkened mottled looking glass smeared by delusional enmities not of my making.

Ptoooey….bit of spit and polish…we can see clearly now. A new day. A new year. A new Return to The One who co-creates our beautiful bright blessèd lives. With kindness, with generosity, joy and with communion.

End of transmission. Xxx”

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10:25 pm Yeahhhhhhhh Babyyyyyyyy! Making good progress. Enjoying the process. Loving la vida apocalyptica minus the Calypso Blues….let’s Dance, schmooze, and then snooze. Time for a Jack Daniel’s and rest on my laurels, I think.

3 October 2024

A beautiful day. A contractor came to fix the laundry door so it can close and lock again. The back door had mysteriously remedied itself! From the movement of the house! I am living in Baba Yaga’s cottage, spinning in infinity. All good. One less job to do!

Ratih’s here, cleaning. Then Lyn arrives around midday so we can go to see The Joker movie together. Awesome!

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3 October 2023

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3 October 2022

This afternoon my daughter Crystal and invited me to come to Maiala forest at Mt Glorious. Jarrod too. So we met up and had a wonderful time walking through the forest. We got to see the fireflies at sunset and had a barbecue. It was wonderful!

3 October 2021

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3 October 2011

Ye Gods and Goddesses of Infinite super structure of the Most High, Angels, Trolls and MiddleEarth men, Hobbitses, Humans and creatures of the night....by Gads I am tired. So tired of waking up tired, staying tired and going to bed tired only to arise, you guessed it ....tired. Heavy day today, but tomorrow perhaps I will be, slightly less tired??

Laura Martin: I completely understand, and it sucks!

Me: Ironically…on this same date 10 years later I am utterly exhausted and feel a deep emotional heftiness (that is not all mine!)

I am pushing through the fatigue by knitting another little scarecrow toy.

I also attempted to pull Apart the outdoor umbrella that Sally gave me as the string broke so it is no longer useable. I hoped I could replace the string but was unable to dismantle it.

So that threw me into a spiral of frustration as I am unable to fix it.

Gahhhh.

So I went inside (out of the heat) to knit.

But really I want to both simultaneously run out to buy chocolate and…crawl into bed again.

It’s insane as I have been fighting off this split kind of tendency since I hurt my hand.

Overcompensating by working too hard on projects even in spite of my Injury.

I watched Maids last night and was greatly bemused by the mother who, in a state of intense trauma (she had just lost her house to her conman gambling husband) which was reminiscent of how I lost everything again, but to my mother’s dead perverted evil conman husband!

Anyway the mother goes into this manic state and attempts to break the window to get into her house and slashes her artery open so badly that she almost bled to death.

Then a few days later after getting released from the psych ward tells her daughter the cast the hospital put on her hand itched like crazy so she got her husband to saw it off. (Thereby exposing her hand to risk as the artery needed support to heal!)

The daughter freaks out but the mother rather prosaically in what my psychiatrist terms ‘manic denial’ says …”but I have art to create!”

I almost fell off the chair laughing as I do that daily (except fortunately I did not cut open my hand..only pulverised it and tenderised it by accident).

I have not even gone to the doctor to check on it as I abhor all medical personnel so much now!

But that level of complex ptsd and denial is something I am having to confront.

No bloody wonder I am tired! My body is fighting to heal the hand as well as I keep using it for things like gardening and knitting, and making earrings.

No rest for the wicked but I did lose two decades in a semi-comatose autonomic state so I guess I am pushing myself because I want to create and achieve things at this ridiculously late (and with Covid and the two minutes to midnight nuclear clock!) rather pointless last fucking hurrah before I “die”!

There is something to be said about the human spirit and triumphalism and resilience and my pathetic little fantasies of travelling the world and visiting sacred sites (for which I need to manifest large sums of money!)

And the constant craving for a love partner is more crushing that the 2lb mallet on the hand.

FFS!

…You know what I need…a good drink, copious chocolate and regain my former joyous sexuality that I shut down because of spiteful envious ruinous former lovers.

But now it scares me to get back in that saddle again.

I can’t betray my integrity and my autonomy….for a fuck. 🙂

So knit I shall..even though I know that too, is just marking time until my oblivion.

I hope the children get some enjoyment from my creativity.

If not… Sigh… I worked myself to oblivion for the edification of the gods!

Laura Martin: Tanya Arons I would happily e-mail some chocolate to you if that were possible. 😋 Also, not to pry or anything, but are you really looking for a "lice partner"? 🤔

Me: Laura Martin haha no that was a typo but yes…love partners have historically arrived in my life as lousy Dybbuk ridden unfaithful dangerous entities with no real heart or soul for The Tanya so there is that!

Fortunately as I wrote recently to the last one I loved too much, I never needed to depend on a mortal man thanks to the gods and the pension and housing provided by the government.

Otherwise I would not have survived this long or this wonderfully prosaically. 🙂

Laura Martin there must be another storm brewing as along with the intense cravings for chocolate etc I am now pacing the floors like a person waiting for some intense event.

I just washed my hair so feel slightly better. Might be time to get my chocolate and just slide into carbicide gracefully.

I also need to Dance. Dichotomous urges means I need to purge something! Lol

3 October 2020

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I had a lovely visit with Margot and Evie. Evie got to see Sacred Space’s resident Mama Poss and her baby. Evie named the baby “Buttercup” and the mummy poss “Lily”. Just gorgeous!

Evie watered the front garden (and car!) for me which was also much appreciated by me, the faeries and the garden!

I feel so blessed with all my wonderful friends in my life.

Blessèd, happy and Grateful! :-)

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Making another batch of granola. It was delicious! Something healthy for breakfast each day too! I especially enjoyed the cinnamon. I think it might have energised me a little too much, but you get that!

This time I put half a cup of sultanas and half a cup of dried cranberries. Charlie loves sultanas. Not so much the cranberries. Lol!

3 October 2019

Constant Altered Beast Power-Ups!!!

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Betty is unwell. I am monitoring her. She may need to be euthanised as she has what looks like Ascites or waterbelly. She has been so healthy and mischievous then this all of a sudden. It reminds me that life is extremely fragile. I will not be buying any more chooks if/when she dies. It’s too heartbreaking.

3 October 2018

The goddess is Rising 🙂. We who have been laid low by recent events in the American judiciary and the two-year debacle of tyranny and horror that is Trumpicide. Breathe... rest...believe. We have Love on our side.

Love for our planet, our women and girls and male survivors also. No one is left behind. No one is forgotten. We rise and shine. We speak or write or sing. We play. We dance. We rest and we get up and greet the sun and do it all again... but with a purpose. We were kept alive to witness a new society being built on the burnt out debauchery of the old boys’ paradigm.

Watch and learn. No longer shall we grin and bear it and walk the earth smeared in the filth of our perpetrators while smiling inanely and obeisantly into the faces of those who thought they knew better and wanted less for us.

Fuck you! We got this! (Even me with my failing health has got another uprising in me). I know as I have seen my body take over again and again, when on the tenth wind of exhaustion, I have stomped down demons on dancefloors and raised my glass to the gods in stoic pre-destined fierce tormented determination.

They have hurled me high and gifted me with a safe landing. It’s not the fall that hurts it’s the sudden stop at the bottom but I am accustomed to scrambling from the cragged rocks of the abysmal Abyss and when my hands could not reach the comforts of solid rock to climb onto, there be angels in human form that reached for me and clasped my fingers and on we went again.

Together and separate but always fighting for each other. Sometimes several times a day. Breath by breath.

Banshee shrieking at the windows of our souls - we cast open to catch a breeze and a new outlook or to purge that stale stagnant smoke of past Phoenixian metamorphoses. Only smoke and ashes baby...breathe.

Blow out the candles of dystopia and prepare a new celebration of honesty, decency and justice for those of us whom, without will or choice, were forced to sleep in the dust of our own mortification, sublimation, annihilation.

Nations shall not wage war on each other. Life will demand her Way. The way of the peaceful Warrior. The Rainbow Warrior. Free energy is coming. Peace is ours. Women and our children will grow up in safety and be honoured and respected and perhaps Adored again.

That is my prayer. My expectation. My manifestation and the world will flow with abundance and beauty and grace again. In my own days... with my own eyes shall I see it. I cannot leave this mortal coil until the work is completed.

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My profile picture is my quick chalk drawing of Lady Godiva I drew on the Albert Street for the Parking Festival. Crystal was showcasing her new theatre company Lady Made Entertainment. It is intended to support female or trans women artists to gain work in Brisbane’s acting industry.

I sat on the ground and looked up to the sky for inspiration on what I should draw and Lady Godiva popped into my head and like a daemon diva I quickly scribbled both horse and Lady down. (I had to put clothes on her as it was a public forum and I had to consider the children).

Lady Godiva with her naked rebellion against the authorities of her epoch and my other heroine Boudiccea who avenged the rape of herself and her daughters and the stealing of her lands perfectly represent my advocacy and struggles right now in October 2018 against the perverts and Trumpisite parasites and the paradigm of hell that has been unleashed against women since Roman times (and even earlier!)

But now.... the Bitch Goddess is Back. She is Rising and Shining even in her naked fury. Glorious in her triumphant reclamation of the divine feminine and divine masculine as together we forge a new Earth: built on safety and justice for all her inhabitants.

Come...Sisters. Let us dance! Pray! Soothe and say 😉 Speak our hearts and minds and beat back the foul oppressors of our current epoch. Conspire to Inspire : even with my puny audacious caricature and vain nomenclature, and a clattering of angelic hooves riding on the storm fronts of rebellion. Come...Sisters. The time is Now. Today. Reclaim our Majesty and Sashay away from

Anything and anyone that does not hold space for us or keep us precious.

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I had a rough night. Woke up four times to pee. Bloody annoying. I was worried I was going to have another gallstone attack as I felt so weak and debilitated all day yesterday. I had a twinge of pain in my left side of my upper back (referred pain !). Crystal told me to take two panadol to stave off the attack. It seemed to work.

I had a lovely time with Crystal, Jarrod and “little spoon” Harvey. Bobo was happy they were here too.

I cooked us a chicken tagine which was yummy. Crystal bought us delicious chocolate brownies in the afternoon. Jarrod brought us wine and cheese and hummus and crackers and chippies. So we had a day and night of feasting!

In the afternoon they got an urge to make a tipi from the black bamboo we cut down that was too close to the power lines. They were happy in my garden! Delightful.

3 October 2017

Jarrod and I attended the Kirtan Mantra chanting at Mt Gravatt this evening. We rather enjoyed it. Afterwards we watched Penny Dreadful and variously facebooked (multitasking).

At one point Jarrod commented on one of my posts, from his end of the couch, and a second later, I Liked his comment. Then I burst out laughing. "Intimacy in the 21st century". Lol.

I said "Nevermind it is perfectly acceptable to have a mental health break after I dragged you out in exaltation of Krishna the allegedly Blue Avian god".

We both giggled at that. But we did have a lovely time and it's on once a month with more mellow meditation on the other 3 Mondays. So we might go again.

I simply adore my gorgeous friends!

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Relaxing with The Beau. He is gnawing on a rather stinky bone. I am sure he will want to "kiss" me with that dead carcass breath later. Joys of fur child motherhood.

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I feel much better after spending time with Jarrod at the Kirtan chanting last night. I love those moments of ecstatic dance or ecstatic trance that takes me deep inside myself and opens me up like a flower and heals the cracked fissures of my psyche that has been tortured and tormented by decades of abuse.

In praising Krishna I spent some time reminding myself that Creator is One and all the gods are expressions of that Oneness. There is no separation, or betrayal of the significantly jealous God.

Krishna is just one manifestation of the Holy One. A created divine being. As are we all. Even we mere mortals have a divine spark embedded deep within us. Soul. Consciousness. Light.

What joy to be Seen and to embrace the Bliss. I feel so loved and supported by the gods and spirits of light. I heed their call and am in return answered. A partnership, not of pain and betrayal but of standing up for what is right and true and goodly, for what is gracious, beautiful and holy.

Makom. I was in this place but you did not know it. Gateways to holiness (ascension) can be found anywhere. Sleeping on a rock in the Ancient Canaanite desert, wrestling with angels in Jacobean dreams (as if wrestling with mortal enemies is not exhaustive enough).

Psychedelic Dreamer, once proud to be a Daughter of Israel, daughter of Sarah and Abraham, daughter of the Jewish people. Heeds the call of all the gods who will edify and validate her existence. Who will bless and keep her precious. Who will lift her up and protect her from so much evil, so much hate, so many violations of her perfect Soul and beautiful always- healing body.

I fanned myself in the sultry rain-soaked heat to the rhythm and beat of the music that accompanied the songs of joy. One chant perfectly layered upon the tune of Sweet Child of Mine. I came to consciousness and mouthed to Jarrod in surprise when I finally recognised the tune. "Sweet Child of Mine". He grinned back at me.

Where oh where are my sweet sweet children. My created Beings manufactured in my body. Loved with all my heart. Slowly torn from me by abuse/lies/slander/violations/poverty.

Ahhh. Forget about it. I have other "children" now. Spirits and animals and loyal loving friends who stand beside me. Staunch and proud to be my friend. Faithful strong and true.

Jarrod. My truest love. Strongest most loyal most beautiful. Very few men can ever hold a light up to you. You are my Brother and a pure Light and a pure love that cannot be broken by mortals. You are my gift from the gods. You sustain me, even in my darkest turmoil and madness.

I thank G-d for you. Not many could tolerate The Tanya in all her fury and trauma, nor in all her most powerful unfurling flaming Bliss.

Wretched rejected woman that I am. But also deeply divinely aware that I am Whom I am Becoming and you were always there to watch the Tzim-tzum (the kabbalistic contractions of my rebirthings, re-awakenings, healing from grief and abuse over and over again, until we both thought I might not pull through it one more time.)

You have loved me unconditionally.

It was not without a humourous yet oddly wistful irony that I found us a meditation spot amidst the Brahmans. (That destructive betrayer David Davidson had told me he was a Brahman. But also a Kabbalist and a Chabadnik). So spirit (perhaps his or our Holy One who loves to play with me, His Beloved Lab Rat brought me to the abode of the Brahmans at last.

Krishna, the blue avian extraterrestrial god who brought advanced technology to the ancient Vedas, and enlightenment and a culture that has lasted 25 000 years and perhaps instructed our own newly-Jewish Abraham 5000 years ago.

Abraham, formerly Abram who rejected polytheism and awoke to discover the One. For who created the gods worshipped across the multiverses? Who gave us Soul (Neshamah) and Light bodies and Consciousness. Who brings Life and Death, Love and hate and moulds it into a perfect Desire for Nirvana, Peace, Healing, Abundance and Love?

What are we, faced with the I and the Thou and our own descent into oblivion while desperately cleaving to our own immortality?

Who shall love us when we are no longer here and who shall claim us as their own precious gifts of spirit?

Is this all just a wistful dream or nightmarish faery tale?

Where are my Changelings? The Queen of the Fae, Titania? You owe me big time hahaha. I will not sup your Ambrosia in the eternal Twilight place or eat your cakes of nectar.

The Tanya has suffered long enough. Give me back my dues. My daughters must return to me, healed and joyous and blissful just like their mother. Respectful caring and truthful. Or forever be cast from my sight. Changelings, return to your dark fae and tell them. Tanya knowsssssss!

She lives on, with or without you. She breathes. She dances. She laughs in the face of your mockery and derision.

She (I) will not be controlled/violated/desecrated. I would rather choose to die and disappear, without god or light or love into oblivion, than live a lie with one more abusive person in my life.

And that has always been an option. One feared by all of my abusers. Even Davidson cunt demon spawn begged me to choose Life. He realised that I was ready even back then to slip slide away. And he knew he was greatly responsible for that, with his collusion with my familial Abusers.

A toxic Wasteland of epic proportions. T S Eliot, the Mage knew it well. Sylvia Plath knew it also. Without their brave and beautiful way-showing I would not be still crawling through life, on my knees, in the dust of society's disrespect and poverty, but holding my head high because I am not born to be putrid and evil and a liar or a traitor of the broken and torn and desecrated, accused of false memories and deception by those so ugly and selfish and filthy that they would deny the child survivors' right to freedom, prosperity and bliss.

Kick us down and hold us down with their arms and legs across our chests and throats. Silence us. Scorn us. Demonic entities of putrefaction. I call your Name, you slanderers and rapists and murderers of innocence.

I See you. But you will pay your karma. You can hover around me lost in limbo, evil henchmen of lost causes as I release you to the gods of your understanding. You must face your own actions or inactions and come to perfect balance within your own Soul.

You, David the Brahman/Jew and You Gisela the Witch, and You David the spiritualist and you, my still living Sister Angela The Coward. And all your henchmen can go with you.

I live free. Fiercely protective of those I love. Some will be forgiven and some will be forgotten. Time will heal and shield me from your Shame.

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3 October 2016

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Yesterday was a beautiful spiritual magical day (and night!) so grateful and happy. The universe gifted me with such generosity. Blessings showered upon my head. I was so sick with my allergies but even they did not kill my vibe.

I don't know how I do it sometimes. It is truly magical. Supernatural stamina of a noble mind. I don't always understand why I am destined to walk this world alone and there are many times a day I feel utterly distraught about my epic failure to thrive in this life, but then a gentle guiding Hand waggles a finger at me and draws me out of my own darkness into a light that emanates from the recesses of my own soul.

Dreams happen. Magic happens. Love happens. When I die it will be knowing I have shone as brightly as

I could and fought hard against oppression, depression, suppression. My own and others. Stood and looked Life right in the eye and even flew in the face of my own misery.

Joyous. Bounteous triumphs of mind over matter. Lived.

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My sick evil bastard of a friend Jarrod just Snapchatted a pic of my mother's ancient wizened demented face on top of my face. I saw my past-present-future. Now I need my meds!!!! Lmao!

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Jarrod and I are going to Feast. Yum!

Omg. Delicious awesome dinner!

3 October 2014

7.18 am. Going to sleep. I had a great night out. Spontaneous, magical and interesting. Met some lovely people later in the morning at the casino. A very generous drunk ex-cop turned Barrister (looked too young to be one but I read his brief which had on the table and he checked out lmao.)

Nice guy, married, from Sydney. So I didn't get too friendly but his friend from India was a hoot and we were hanging out with Katrina and then some indigenous people joined in with us and we all had a great time together, talking crap, drinking and dancing.

Now sleepy time, until Karen arrives this arvo. Then we will be out again.

3 October 2013

Last night I had a powerful urge to go out. I drove Crystal home, after she returned my car, and we'd visited Jarrod briefly so she could take him his birthday present. I went to Irish Murphy's, and listened to Locky singing and playing guitar til midnight.

Then I went to the Casino and actually won $15 on the pokies which was great. I decided to use my winning to buy myself some Hungry Jacks, as I was quite hungry. So I walked to hungrys and was waiting impatiently in the queue there, when I turned around to see a familiar face.

The young woman named Emily who works behind the bar at Irish Murphies. I was surprised as I thought she was still on holiday in Ireland. She told me she just got back.

We had a lovely chat and she told me she was thrilled to be able to get to speak to me as a person, as she has never been able to interact with me before. I told her she is the best bartender in the pub and I'm very impressed with what a hardworker she is, and I'm glad she got to have a holiday at last.

She was very sweet, and told me she wants to buy her own bar one day. I told her she definitely should as she has the right personality and skills to be successful at it.

She told me she really admires me, how I dress, my attitude, even how I do my make up and that she wants to grow up to be me one day. I was really touched. I said, "Emily, don't wait to grow old to be like me, do it now while you are young! I used to be such a shy person when I was young and missed out on so much". She laughed.

I said "I know, I act like I don't give a shit about anything and am totally cool, but it didn't happen overnight". She said she hoped I would be at the pub on the weekend, which I assured her I would be.

She asked if I was coming on Halloween as she is decorating the place. Downstairs, will be Hell, the ground floor, Purgatory, and upstairs will be Heaven. I said, well I'll be downstairs then, where I'll fit right in!

We laughed hysterically and did a little dance and even the Hungry Jacks staff (whose service was Shite omg...) had to laugh. Some drunk guy tried to join us, but I said to him, after he garbled at us drunkenly, that we could not communicate with him in his drunken state of inarticulation.

He said, "Well an hour ago we could have had a great conversation". I nodded and smiled, as Emily and I left him there. She made a face at his back and I laughed.

I saw Emily off at the cab rank and walked to the park opposite the casino and sat on a park bench and ate my food and felt really content and peaceful. Then I got in my car and drove home. The night was warm and beautiful and I'm so glad I went out.

Update: 3 Oct 3020: Emily really was a lovely young woman. Pity that pub turned so vicious and toxic. Emily always treated me well though...many times noticing me tousling my way to the front of the bar, being jostled by drunk men, she would nod to me and get my drink ready before I even got there! Respect!

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7 am. Still awake. Massive headache so had to take a pain killer. I hope I get to sleep soon, as I am going to Lyn's this arvo.

My hens are happy as I let them out just after sunrise, so they get a whole day to forage.

I am trying to work out why I have a headache and why I was so sick on Tuesday with belly issues. I never seem to get any opportunities to enjoy robust good health. This is annoying!

Oh well, off to snooze.

3 October 2011

Had a call from my lawyer today, it seems mediation will be scheduled for the end of November, and Angela will be requested to appear here at the courthouse along with the Scherer strumpets for the mediation.

I don't want to see or speak to any of them, so I've asked to be kept in a separate room! Only highlight that month will my first and only holiday in many years to the Blue Mountains to visit Margaret!

So legally speaking, there is finally an end in sight....I just hope I don't get financially raped in this mediation as I am still bloody traumatised about my divorce one where my ex was able to get away with screwing me financially (and funnelled money to NZ but I can't prove it!) sooooo...mediation is a dirty word for me. Fingers crossed my lawyer doesn't back down!

Sylvia Shine: praying,it goes your way pg,whichever way,sod it,just be well.get on with your life.just be well and happy,if it comes off,that will be a bonus,so GOOD LUCK x x x SYLVIA x x x

me: Thanks Sylvia. I will overcome with or without my rightful inheritance but the money sure would be a bonus to my life. I do believe I will be able to move forward when this is over and happiness is truly possible now. Hugs and thanks for your kind words of support. Love you. Xxxx

Sybil Colvin: You are doing well with the lawyers I am sure it will go your way

Me: Thanks Sybil...nothing guaranteed yet but if wishes were Diamonds I'd be wearing them on the soles of my threadbare shoes by now! Nevertheless Good Times are Happening Now. I'm not putting myself on Hold ever again. Life is way too short!

3 October 2010

Thanks Dr Juan Semo for posting this article on his profile. I've borrowed it as I totally understand the context of the article. Like Greta Garbo, "I vant to be alone" in fact Need to be alone without stress or control issues or bullying, but I do also enjoy and need some contact with people in my life who enhance my life ie bring me some measure of happiness and support.

No Man is an Island, but I realised a long time ago I am not good at living with other dogmatic, aggressive, pushy, dominating and unsupportive people. Doing that would be equal to living with my mother which was so not happening in a far out way and brought me to the brink of suicide. I don't think I need to replace her with yet another toxic flatmate.

“Epidemic of Loneliness” Psychology Today.

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I have decided to take my beloved Beast, my blue Mazda 121 to the wreckers by 31st October when the Rego is due. I can't afford to repair the car anymore or maintain it, plus pay rego.

It needs $1000 in repairs, and you know, I've threatened this a million times before but really, no money, no car. So screw it. It's 21 years old, so not going to last forever.

Hopefully I will "inherit" enough money in a few years time to buy another car then. If not, then I will have gotten used to my new lifestyle change of bloody public transport.

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After my trackrecord in the Love or just plain acceptance stakes, it's a miracle my heart beats at all. (Shit, better not laugh about it too much, I'm sure I'm courting a nice little stroke or heart attack!) To all the men I've loved before.....ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH muffle muffle, death rattle! Yeah my heart rate is slow, so what? It's not exactly self-inflicted!

“Why losing love can be a heart-stopping experience”

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons