Memories: 1 October 2025

1 October 2025

8:05 am drifted back into ordinary reality. I slept well. Exhausted from my spinning wheel efforts which were great for a while then things went haywire on the bobbin, I had to unravel and there were several breaks. But I did well otherwise so I know I am on my way. Lots more practise and improvement needed.

I had a lovely day yesterday then practised spinning until almost midnight. I am working so hard to distract myself from life’s weird ass quandaries.

Slipping and sliding on my personal Wheel of Fortune. Experiencing lots of Deja vu and synchronicities too. The timeline is jangled but I am moving through all of it quite courageously. Life (what is left of it) is still good. 🙂

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Tonight’s synchronicity…a trivial thing but caught my attention: I had my debrief with my psych then as is my usual habit I went to Garden City for a late lunch/early dinner. I bought a skull shaped glass jar (a cheap one!) as I already have a recycled Crystal Vodka skull but wanted a second one to sit beside it on my apothecary shelves.

So then this evening, I was working on my spinning wheel, half listening to podcasts while concentrating on my new skill set. I nearly fell off my couch when a show started that I had not chosen, (just randomly queued by YouTube). I had watched it before but YouTube likes to repeat things to me ad nauseum. But it was a show about …crystal skulls. Hilarious!

Anyway tonight began Yom Kippur so to everyone observing this very holy day…G’mar Chatimah Tovah. I wish you well over the fast.

1 October 2024

A beautiful day but I feel very weak and dizzy and kind of disassociated. I wanted to see the new Joker movie but I felt too discombobulated.

Yesterday I ate too many fried foods and an entire packet of chocolate biscuits (dairy!) so now my gut is making me pay! Not pleasant but that is what I get for self harming with foods that I know are bad for my food allergies.

It’s insane how I do this! I’ve been really hungry the past few days too. Like I am trying to overcompensate for something, or worse, intuiting some new disaster in my life (I hope not…apart from the gut issues!)

1 October 2023

Another hot sunny day in “Paradise”. I slept well. Exhausted. But got up around 10 am. I had a call on messenger from my friend Nigel in NZ. Then I contacted my cousin Robert’s daughter Nicole who reached out to me recently.

Her father is recovering from a brain tumour but it’s terminal. It started out with lung cancer. So we chatted in messenger for a while then I suggested he may call me later (they are about to have lunch!) I have never met this cousin but it feels important to at least speak with him before he dies.

Our family is so fractured and dysfunctional so most of us have never met in real life. The sins of our fathers...literally. So it behooves me to support where I can, from a distance.

His daughter sounds quite wonderful. He lives with her and her husband and children and she is looking after him. A very kind daughter indeed.

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I didn’t get to call Robert but instead I had very long chat to our cousin Megan in NZ. She told me she lives close to Robert and they have lunch and drinks regularly. I am so glad he is not alone in his time of need.

Then Lyn rang and Peter has been able to fix my laptop so that is wonderful news. Everything is moving forwards again.

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1 October 2022

I didn’t do much today. Rested after my epic night dancing last night.

1 October 2021

I had a lovely visit with Lyn and Peter this afternoon. I got home just in time before a storm hit. The light show driving into Carindale was spectacular.

Lyn spoiled me with Jaboticaba fruits from her gorgeous tree, a yummy sweet and sour chicken and rice lunch. Also she gave me some nighties, and some other clothing, including Jeans!

She also spoiled Bobo with a huge tin of tuna!

He was acting weird running up and down their house and whining, a few hours ago. It was so unusual but now I realise he could “hear” the impending storm. Clever dog!

I have turned the lights out and am watching the storm at my desk. It’s beautiful and wild. Lashings of much needed rain!

1 October 2020

The Queensland Holocaust museum is going ahead. My hope for this is that it will teach current and future generations of Queenslanders about Tolerance, Respect for all life, and how the effects of marginalisation, racism, classism, sexism, homophobia and other forms of Hate can have long term catastrophic trauma, damage to the personal psyche of an individual and to the entire culture of a people.

The stench of hypocrisy is permeating Brisbane. I not only smell it but was forced to swallow it as well.

I have not forgotten the utter utter slander and ABUSE I received...even at that meeting.

I still support the Museum in principle. Maybe it might help create better, more aware, more enlightened generations.

An absurdist dream given what I already know. But dreams are created to reverberate like a pebble on a dark and festering pool...to carry messages of Hope and perhaps even Love. To percolate a world that is truly Inclusive and Free. We are not Free until Everyone is Free. That is the reality we must supersume.

Out of the death, torture and darkness of the Shoah new life still Struggles to spring forth, purified and ennobled.

Here we are: a new day. Be’ezrat HaShem!

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My $4 shoes that upset that dirty motherfucker so much. Giggles. Best $4 I ever spent!

...but was it really my shoes??... or my Truth, my very existence, my Light?!

I hate Nazis..Fascists, Homophobes, racists and Elitist Misogynists and their fellating Henchwomen ...the traitors to the Sisterhood and our Tribe!!!

In that my Jungian Shadow, one can truly say I am a deeply Hateful Woman. But I have walked between worlds and stood in my cumstained Truth and held my own Integrity so in that...I am also a Deeply Loving Woman.

Let Life (L’Chaim!!) Finds its way and hold Her Sway and Sashay away to smile yet another day in the face of the dereliction and putrefaction and utter dishonour that is our current paradigm.

The Tanya....Redolent in her own Becoming....has SPOKEN.

(Move along…move along...nothing to see here!)

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The catalysing Iconoclast clasps to her gilded Truth through cyanotic bitten down lips and freshly ground teeth: reverberating like crystals on a multifaceted chandelier from which She swings like the Organ Grinder’s Monkey. Whore and Henchwomen to no Man but the gods who whittle and spittle her through her carefully reconstructed life like the wild but fiercely enervating Spirit She is!

If I could play a tune on my teeth (they are not hurting but feel hollow and fragile but gelatinous like Gummy Bears) what would they Sing?

A Bjōrkian scream or a cacophonous non-melodic Yelp like Yoko?

Bob Dylan and I sound more simpatico but my Muse is too often more depressive like Leonard.

Who am I really?! Just a Woman seeking her Self in all the rejecting places and unholy spaces until She came Home and found...not her True love in a male partner but the Magnificence of her own Divine Femininity and her own Divinely Masculine Protector Spirit (redemption from the many Fathers she never merited and the inadequate husband and subsequent Lovers) she had to make peace and love with her own inner Man.

Unloveable unknowable but relentlessly seeking Integration and Honour and Safety and the Most Sacred Divinity inside the carefully reconfigured fragmented shell.

Excuse me while I scream now: a Silent Scream like the Aleph (the Om!) that created the multiverses. Out of chaos, out of the Void comes Creation.

We can rebuild her! Oy veh! Yes we can. We have done it many times before. Formidable Daughter of the gods. Dance and Delight oh deeply Desired One. We chose you. We gifted you. We watched you re-create over and over again from desolation and despair.

Love you, Little One.

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“No one likes you!”

She seethed with her wizened alcoholic bespittled lips. I stared, simultaneously opening and smashing shut steel walls around my heart. My inner core rattling and shaking like an atom just before it implodes.

I look into her bloodshot hate-filled eyes. Truths told by drinks in the night. Naked effluvial envy flowing like snot from her dwarvish putrefaction.

I know. No one likes me. It is the Way of The Tanya. Psy sighs. So I’ll have to like myself…even more. Love my Self.

Upgrade. Uplevel. Recalibrate. Become...It took a long time. Years in fact.

But those swinging steel doors I sometimes stand back up into place in the prison of my mind and the prison of this societal Decay no longer dismay me. I am free. I dance. I exist. I even Thrive sometimes.

I am not here for your entertainment. Nor your approval. I don’t care if you Hate me because I stood the test of Time and split the atoms of my own body and grew up and over MOST things. A work in progress. A masterpiece. A co-creation of the emanation of consciousness and the Will to Live and to overcome that was greater than even the gods gave me credit for.

I blew my own mind. Sometimes it’s like an explosion of snot. A nostril hair gently tickling my brain. Itchy and scratchy. Achoo! Yuck! But at other times it’s an electric eclectic manifestation of Awe amidst the awfulness.

Awesome. Yet Awry. Yin and Yang. Bang bang bang. Pop goes the Weasel. The Big Bang didn’t do it but if not who stole that Cookie from the cookie jar and pickpocketed it for their pocket full of love letters from the Edge of the Event Horizon.

Sit down Baby... we got you!

I know.... you got me good Dybbuk and Daemons and Angels and Deities and other assorted fickle Fae minstrels.

Love is the Law. But how did I sign up for This?

“Who the hell are you to treat me like that?” Tanya laughs..her witches cackle reverberating through multidimensions. “Get Thee to Gehenna...David! You were/are part of the Problem!”

“I know...I know...but while I was busy fucking you over even I had the moment of decency and clarity to tell you Tanya, that You can Do anything!”

Too little, too late. But thank you. Thank You, and Me and every last dirty motherfucker that tried to slay me.

Thank you to my truest deepest loves that stood by me...even Now. In all paradigms.

Thank you to God in all Her (Their) Man infestations. (Ahem little Tanya Cosmic Joke for the Yoke!) ok okayyyyyy manifestations.

Ring the bells and clamour to the pestilential presidential populace. Bring on the Rectification. The Sword of Damocles swings both ways. Time is of the Essence while simultaneously being a Human Construct but time spent out of harmony with the Mind of God? A waste of a life and of Love.

So Make Love not War....Bring me my truest most ardent and Faithful Lover!!!

Oh shit Tanya there you go... wanking again. (I know right?! Rolls eyes! But funny! N’estce pas!?!).

Sotto voce muttering from Behind the Veil “...you gotta gift it to her she is relentlessly romantically idealist even after we allowed her to be molested, raped, slandered, strangled, butchered, desecrated, spat her back from her own suicide and made her spit several teeth out to slay the demon gods of poverty and decay by the sadistic but free dentists and their little whims, even when we set up the scenario for some filthy Israeli handmaiden to call her VICTIM, still she rose up on her very spindly but sexy shoes. Mama T!

Incorrigible, invincible, inconsolably inveterate Determined little Bitch from Hell. We adore you. We value you.

Is this a trauma psychosis! A Fait Accompli?! Je suis desolée. Ahh no... sorry NOT SORRY...don’t cum the raw prawn on me. Hong Kong fooie we left that Harlot down the pub. Maybe she will wash one day...

Now now...rise and shine. They will scrabble at your feet (I know...I know.. they already tried that. Can we say....murky obsession) Unclean zombie ghosts of former friends and lovers. What would Imhotep do?....build those cunts a temple and mummify them for posterity.

Naturally. Only smoke and ashes to appease the God that thrives on the stench of jellied fire. 5000 gods can’t be wrong. But that jealous raping smiting God was not worshipped this Yom Kippur. So that shall be...interesting!

Hahahaha.........onwards and upwards. L’Chaim. Water is Life. Wash. That. Man. Out of your...Hair. Pubic and Public and contrariwise. Top to tail. Top hat to coat of tails. Coat of many colours. Splendiferous. Love is a many splendoured thing... until it’s not!

The sea monkeys have my money. The QE2 dentists have several teeth. The PA hospital incinerated my gall bladder (the gall...the epic CHUTZPAH remains intact, thank you very much!) The QE 2 took my uterus and fiddled about with my bladder and rebuilt my vagina. (Simultaneously humiliating and debasing me until day four after that particular surgery I contemplated very seriously, throwing myself off their roof.)

But almost 13 years later I rather enjoy pissing normally again... so I healed even from that. (For now!)!

It was Filthy. All Of it. Including the fake lovers and friends and the superficial society we built from Nothing but white privilege and disarray.

Karma is a Bitch. But She never lets me down. I have been at the end of her whips a few times myself so I knowwwww how that goesss.

Tikkun Olam is manufacturing love from Hate even if it seems too late for a very important Date. There is always another Rabbit Hole or a Portal sent by Heaven to heal and flow and bring back the Glow.

The End!

PS I AM.... HAPPY!

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In the game of Life we parry and thrust..in God we Trust while we sashay our way into the seduction of Fools and a few jolly good fellows, we slink through the stink of obsequious obliteration and writhe sinuously through our symbiotic sinews working out our days in a daze until one day...we are Awake and look around in the bright glaring sunshine of our newfound holy convocations...the Becoming. “How lovely are your tents oh Jacob”. 7 years and 7 more. Labours of Love for a Woman Scorned.

55 years in the Making...how many more on this cosmic wheel of outrageous good fortune and malfeasance?! How long is a piece of string? Only useful if it burns a wick that lights the way from disarray and displaced desire to stoke the Fire that burns Eternal.

Whatever! Lmao!

I am building a web of Life like Grandmother Spider I have been casting out silken lifelines to fellow compatriots or survivors With Soul. Catch them if you can... then cast them to the winds... pay them forward.

Someone might catch my vibe and build themselves a new web of life and so on and so on ad infinity until our beauty and glory is reflected in moonbeams on the glistening dew of our tiny silken but strong webs that connect us to Gaia and to God.

As above so below but wait.... there are creatures of decay we must feast on (metaphorically of course. Perhaps I might be a Vegan spider or a Breatharian.)

Little frayed ends to snip loose and kick from our web as they do not appreciate our aesthetics or our level of cosmic consciousness or the atrophy of our old life or the co-creation of our new ways.

Recycle, refrain and re-try. Reframe. Reflect.

Just for today. We begin again.

“Time is of the Essence”. Fuck that! Just do, be whatever you want or can manage in this Moment.

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I felt perfectly awful today. Out of sorts, triggered, waves of hot flushes followed by cold chills.

Sometime around lunchtime I had the urge to phone my half sister’s half sister Heidi. But I did not follow through.

Then tonight she “liked” my photo of the moon on Instagram. I thought it was odd as she has not interacted with me on social media before.

So I rang and left a message on her answering service.

I told her I had intended to call earlier today so after seeing her interact on Instagram Thought I would follow through with a call.

She just replied that she is in St Vincent’s hospital after emergency surgery. (I won’t share those details but fairly scary!)

So I don’t know how much my mood was affected by picking up on her with my weird intuition but it came as a shock to learn she is in hospital. I even mentioned to Jarrod yesterday that I felt I should call her.

So anyway I pray she recovers well.

Another small synchronicity: I am watching ‘The Last Word’ which is a German show about a woman whose husband (a dentist) dies.

Heidi is German and married to a dentist. A bit odd. Thankfully she is okay ie no one has died.

Another synchronicity: This afternoon I was walking the dog and on my way past Margot’s house thought I must leave a note or pop in as I have not seen her and her family for a few weeks.

Then walking further up the street Margot comes driving towards me and waved excitedly. She pulls over to say Hello! I tell her I have missed seeing them and had just thought about them as I walked past their home.

She offered to bring the children to visit tomorrow afternoon. I was really pleased about that. Her kids are delightful!

Update : omg I just saw the scene in “the Last Word” where a daughter of a vicious Narcopath mother gives her mother the send off she deserved. I wish I had done the same! Brilliant.

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1:11 am. You are on your right path. Your time is Now. Don’t give up. Let Love be your guidestone little heart of stone.

1 October 2019

I wonder what having a decent father would be like...but..if it pays to advertise...I will stick to having possibly imaginary gods as father figures. They seem to often have my back. Unlike the several men during my early childhood.

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On Sunday evening a tiny voice in my head, whether spirit or intuition said to me “flowers. You will be given flowers”. I replied nonchalantly, no one gives me flowers. Not for many years. Which is why I delight in growing my own.

But then yesterday both Jarrod and Crystal arrived bearing gifts of flowers. I was hugely surprised as the little intuition had been correct.

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1 October 2018

1 October 2017

Home safe. I had a lovely time last night. Thanks to HaShem and my lovely friends. Some useless clodhopper Dame stomped with all her weight on my right foot so I will be very sore tomorrow. Horrid jealous spiteful people. But you know, I kept dancing even through my pain. Cos I am a warrior of an indomitable spirit.

Alter egos played really well, all my favourite hard rock (even My favourite Live song) then mixed it up with some schlocky 70s love songs I was forced to endure on Sundays in my childhood. So that was a bit weird and triggering but I handled it like I handled everything else. Lmao. I don't know who I am but I know I am awesome!

Now time for a hot bath, Brie on toast and a cup of tea before I pass out for a few hours.

The love of my life (the one I can't seem to let go of emotionally, which is worse than dying in all honesty) came to watch me for a short while tonight. With his gf in tow. She was looking rather pissed off. (I never have gone near either of them in a year and she has never even met me).

So I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the surreal bullshit and bullshit people I poured so much love into. I guess I can be satisfied that he felt the need to see if I am still out in the world, celebrating my shattered life.

He didn't stay long or approach me. But he made sure I saw him and there was a long moment that we stared at each other and I showed little emotion but turned away and kept my mad energetic baltering up.

All I have is this body, this mind, this spirit (accursed by both demons and city angels and of course, the celestial ones) but I rise and shine, even in my agony and I will keep rising and shining until my bones crumble into dust and ash.

I will live my life joyously and without regret. I have earned the right to be free and happy and the love that was pissed on and mocked and derided is more precious than life: only the fools don't know it. (Or maybe they do or they would not come to stare at the beautiful wild forgotten freak, The Tanya).

It's been a few weekends of ex paramours trawling past, with or without their gfs. Nuts. But I am ok.

Love is Love and one day they might just realise what they threw away because I live in poverty or was not submissive or sychophantic enough.

I am proud of the woman I am. I deserve the Love that was crushed and stolen and even violated by miscreants.

So just moment by moment, day by day, year by year I am Enough. I am worthy and I am adored.

I am so tired too. But shhh, that is one small handicap in a long life of victorious triumph. Surviving all my enemies. And being Loveable anyway. To my dog and cats and birds. (Not the fish, they don't give a fuck).

I love my fish though. They are awesome. Nearly breeding season. I might get some babies soon. Waiting on the next full moon to throw the spawning mops in and see what manifests.

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We must remember this

A kiss is still a kiss

A fundamental lie as time goes by.

Moonlight and madness, never out of date. Woman needs man but he must have his mate (never The Tanya and I must be ok with that).

Funny how stupid songs reverb through my brain as my synapses blink on and off with sleep deprivation and over-exertion! But I am having fun before I eventually die so that is just fine by me.

Will you still love me when I am 64 (6 feet under?) Will I still love me? And other existential questions.

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind and it's a good rain gonna come yes siree then Psychedelic Dreamer might settle down for a wee bit as she craves fresh water from the heavens and a cooling down of her frazzled meridians (not a desert dweller by native instincts).

Megan Phillips: Shut down the portal now sleep deprived cuzn, your burning out lol

Me: I am Just warming up hahaha.

I used to sleep 16-20 hours a day. Now look at me!

It's like that woman in Death Becomes her. All blown apart but still rampaging through life with great hair, stilettos and big big attitude.

Unstoppable unquenchable unrequited but bloody incredibly beautiful Zombie Queen

Life imitates Art and us oldfarts are living effulgent (effluent?) proof of that!

PS. Not.So.Bad. Death toll of my former life this year, Lyn, Crystal (twice as I revivified that defunct relationship) and 2 more friends slip sliding away.

Times are a-changing and I am watching it all burn out.

But I had a lovely few days with Karen and life always goes in a perpetual Forward motion. Even if you feel like you are crawling on broken glass it is always one more inch forward and after a journey of a thousand lifetimes we get There (to Godot who we are still waiting for). Haha

Love Samuel Beckett and all the mad great Irish muses. Must be our mad arsehole great grandfather Irish smiling eyes blue eyed boy genetic mutant lunatic genes eh?

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Right my beautiful, Mofoes!

I am finishing off my cup of tea and heading back to bed.

Love you all.

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It is horrible how perpetrators of child sexual abuse garner supporters on forums and how this society still protects and enables these kinds of evil twisted people.

I need to leave Facebook and this planet. My work here is done. Sick of the evil shit frankly.

When I am dead remember this! I fought for myself to the end and I also fought for others like me! Some were even my enemies but what is right and good in the world must be upheld.

I hold on to that: purity, righteousness, clarity, hope, Love and Light.

Nothing else matters.

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1 October 2016

I just caught Penny and Bobo snuggling back to back on my bed. She moved away when she saw I had seen them. So cute!

Sophie got thrown outside at 4.50 am after running amok in the kitchen, breaking stuff. Socks and Mushu are AWOL. I need to desex Mushu and Socks has always been a Wandering kind of guy.

Penny and Bobo seem to get along quite nicely when Mama is in bed. Body heat. Cosiness. They are smart.

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Thinking about starting a new Minyan or congregation. Another Rosh Hashanah is upon me. Time to stand up and be counted before the Lord.

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4.50 am. Woken yet again at dawn. This time by cats running amok bouncing off walls. Grabbed a glass of water and back in bed. So very tired.

1 October 2014

Every now and then I have stumbled across or tripped the light Fandango with, or fell in love with (spiritually speaking!) some incredibly wonderful people who inspired me or reminded me to love life, mine and theirs, and who simply made me happy, just to know they exist in my reality.

These fine, amazingly kind and beautiful people make up for all the dross and dereliction of all the false friends, family and loves in my life.

Without these jewels of bright light and inspiration, I would not be the Woman I am today.

Thank You! Thank G-d! Let Go, Let G-d!

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I have to go to QE 2 dentist at 4 pm. Grrrr! It really is the murder house. I still get pain in the dry socket where they ripped my tooth out!

Reluctant to let them at me again. Hopefully just a clean and check up!

Don't get poor, people so you don't have to suffer at the mercy of govt dentists ever!

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I woke up at midday. I was so exhausted I went back to sleep from 2 pm and literally had to drag myself out of bed to get to dentist on time.

I need 3 fillings re-patched. Great....

I went to Aldi, bought some Yakult and had some when I got home. I feel much better. Head clearer too!

There is a wild wind outside and I feel good enough to go out and run amok but I will stay home and do my cases!

1 October 2013

3.17 am still awake. Wishing I had somewhere to go to in the middle of the night...ie urge to Run. Lucky I don't have or know how to ride a motorcycle or I'd just split and never come back. Somehow running away in my Mazda doesn't seem as romantic. LMAO.

Yes, I've been watching Sons of Anarchy again. I know, it's a tv show, but I can dream of owning my own bike and being adored by a wild man who gets me, can't I? Just cos I'm sad, broke, broken, miss my dog and old doesn't mean I have to let my wild child inside of me just Die!

I told some guy at the pub that I like to let my Inner Child have her way. It's the least I can do after the crappy childhood she had. I think she has earnt the right and privilege to come out to play whenever she wants or to throw the occasional tantrum, even if it's on the inside.

My Inner Kid has epic cravings lately. I've been trying to hold her back but really I shouldn't as she rarely steers me wrong. She really does know what is best for her, and this adult, putrefying shell she is stuck in. LOL.

He asked me how old I was, so I said 48 and a half, cos my inner child still counts by halves....since it's important to a kid. LOL He said something insincere and drunk, like 'I Love YOU'.

I said 'Look around you, this is a pub! There is No Love in this place....it's every man (and woman) for themselves'.

The veracity of this hit me like a brick so I decided, buggar it, I might as well just keep dancing, and forget about the pseudo-attempts of the males in Australian Courtship practises. I will give him kudos for one thing. He bothered to come to me on the dance-floor to chat me up. Highly unusual.

Usually they just sit mawkishly, or hawkishly on the sidelines, drooling into their beer stubbies or rum and cokes, fantasising about having at least one ball to approach a woman. Sad but true.

Still the guy blew it by informing me that I was coming home with him at the end of the night and that he was 'getting in early'. Like I'm some piece of meat to be picked off the meat hook and tenderised before the other punters get in. Ewwww. Twat!

So hmmm, I went home alone as is more often the case. Still kinda trying to process it all. Maybe I am weird, but I would like to find a man who treats me like I am special, not slowly rotting, to be picked up quick before I start 'going off'!

Pickled meat, anyone?

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With Deep Regret I have taken down Bella Rosa's picture as Cover photo. Not because she is not worth looking at or remembering, but because it hurts to see her in her pure innocence and beauty and the love she exuded for me.

I can't bear to think of her in so much pain and trauma, or how we fought to keep hold of each other. I miss her every day, and there is no living creature that comes close to her, in how much she loved me. Death may separate us, Woman and New World leader Doggess Goddess, but the LOVE we shared can and must Never Die.

I long for a male partner in life to love me anywhere near as close to that. Complete and utter devotion, trust, respect and caring, based on total adulation.

I wish that just once in my life, I had experienced that with a man. I can only imagine how my life might have been or how much better life could have been for me, had I had that level of kindness and caring from a sexual partner.

I think that is why God makes Dogs and Cats....to give us the right conditions, the reality check to remind us of what is precious in life. Since No Man ever kept me Precious or wanted me to experience real enduring love, God gave me cats, and dogs, and especially little Miss Bella Rosa.

He also blessed me with daughters, and one of them, Jasmine actually brought Bella (and bought her) into our lives. The Joy that Dog brought me is limitless. My heart is full whenever I think of her. I don't ever want to lose that or let that go. I have lost so much in this life, including the love and respect of that daughter.

Bella was a gift that kept giving, that came from a trauma that never heals. Perhaps one day my Jasmine will come back to me, and life will be different for us both.

I truly rejoice in the love I am receiving from Crystal. I am blessed to have one adult child who doesn't think I am a complete Schmuck. (Or if she does, she is kind enough to not remind me of my failure as a Woman/Mother too often) LOL.

1 October 2010

I rang 13 Health cos I don't wanna panic and spend all night and day at the hospital for nothing. If it gets worse, like I can't breathe or my legs and arms get heavy I have to go to hospital.

What a drag! So hoping that won't happen as I think I got the beastie out early. I will not let a bloodsucking parasite get me down (even if this time it's a bone fide one!)

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Dammit, just got chomped on by a bloody big tick on the back of my neck. I thought it was a skintag and scratched at it then realised it was moving. Now my lips feel numb and my head is all woozy cos the little beast injected poison when I removed him.

It's all from gardening under the native trees up the back, I get one every time I work up there. I hate ticks.

Adrian Shine: try crosses next time

Me: Vy vould a nice Jewish girl like me need crosses...oh you mean the Vampire Beetle....maybe I need to wear garlic around my head in a lovely garland when I'm gardening.

Sylvia Shine: that's what you call[tick-for-tat],hope the bugger ,sucked all the bad blood,and took a meesa mashina[amen]anyway ,tanya,you know,i ,wish you all the best,love you,sylvia x x x x x x

Me: I wish the beastly bug sucked the bad blood out...it just left me with hives and I'm sooo very itchy. I'd need a super duper Vampire to get rid of all my bad blood anyway, and then who would be good enough to give me a blood transfusion of well, much nicer kosher Blood!

Tanya with goldene blut! Now that's scarier than the vampire! Love you too Sylvia, from the little transplanted Aussie Bleeder Bleeding Heart LOL xxx

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons