Memories: 3 May 2025

3 May 2025

7:09 am

3 May 2024

I just woke up with the line “I keep dancing on my own” running through my head. A profound message as I am not certain if I wish to dance tonight. I have taken some kind of weird emotional hit. Not sure what that is even about? Except I don’t like having my wild spirit or shamanic dance constrained, even if it is well intentioned to protect my thick stubborn stoic Slavic neck!

So here is the answer. Just keep dancing on your own. The dance is for Me. If others relate to it or derive a healing from it then it is a gift from the gods channeled through my whirling dervishing tempestuous hobbit rotund flesh. It is a force of nature, but also of Supernature.

There is something very off kilter for a man who claims to love me to tell me only recently, that he “loves my power” to then only three weeks later try to limit my power. But It is the way of men. It’s destructive. It’s dangerous. Men who love me but simultaneously fear me.

It’s as ancient as sex and death and war. Haha “Sex and candy” chewing away at my heart and soul. Stymy the life force, steal the chi, tame the wild women, if necessary kill them.

But Mama T has died a dozen times or more, and been broken a hundred times. She serves her head and heart to no mortal anymore.

So she will dance, alone, as she has always done. And when her head falls off or her heart finally cracks open so wide her kinstiguied spiritual gold falls out or irradiates into another energy form…the Dance will go on…into the Light or the darkest blackest of Nights. According to the Will of the gods.

“Them’s fighting words, Little One”.

Yes Great Spirit. You created me this way. Sent me unavailable men and played me for a Fool for aeons. So I fight for Love, for Me, for sanguine gnosis and for my sanity, safety and for my wild defiant triumphant exhilarated Dance.

You still deny me truest deepest most loyal Love, so this is all that is left to me. Aho!

Update 3 May 2025: Interestingly, I am amazed how I was right on it. On Friday 5th April 2025 he utterly humiliated me at the Koala Tavern in front of the audience, mostly friends of his. Vileness beyond belief. All because that man who had claimed to be “happily married” has a new woman for narcissistic supply.

Ultimately, I knew all along…but I loved him deeply anyway. Now healing from yet another dangerous love triangle. I am so relieved that I resisted his seduction lures and did not have sex with him. I would have been even more destroyed right now. But I guess that was his plan all along.

Why I keep attracting narcissistic sadistic men who fake love for me and ultimately end up trying to kill me …this time with ostracism from the Brisbane music scene…I have no idea.

I made it clear I only come out to dance, enjoy the music, have a lovely time then retreat to my Sacred Space home in safety. I made it clear I wanted a real love this time. I made it clear my loyalty to BOTH my favourite bands. My love was real and authentic but I chose yet another Shallow Empty man. Sad but true.

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https://youtu.be/BsA8JydY7VM?si=CDKOiTincOk4iudz

“Snake visitor has achieved home invasion”

Massive portent too. Kundalini energy or masculine energy arriving unexpectedly inside my home lmao. It might actually be a female snake though.

Peter and Robyn came all the way from Waterford West. I was certain Snake personage was coiled in the foot spa. But no…it was empty. But Peter found a hole on the corner of the top of my bathtub woodwork where I keep my perfume bottles.

So we blocked the hole with a wooden board I use for cheese serving and some bricks. I hope snake can get back outside. Peter said it probably came in the bathroom through that hole.

So I am freaked out at the prospect of having a large carpet python trapped behind my shower stall in amongst the plumbing. Bejaysus.

I am still going out and have shut Charley’s door (which none of my doors shut properly) so I worry Snake creature might somehow get access to her. I am fortunate she had only got as far as the bathroom this evening or she would have eaten Charley.

3 May 2023

My daughter rang me this evening to try to work out some gematria that had been gifted her by spirit at 5 am. It was interesting.

She informed me that Samhain (in Australia or southern hemisphere!) is on 5th May and coincides with a lunar eclipse. The energies will be intense when/if I go dancing this Friday. I better be prepared! I thought last Friday was rather intense as it was!

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I went though the grits from 1200 to 8000 polishing paper. This time dry. I don’t notice any discernible difference. But I feel like I have done it thoroughly now 🙂

3 May 2022

I have been seeing “Angel number” sequences all day. 1:11, 3:33 and just now 4:44.

What does it mean? I suspect a movement in the force. I barely slept last night and during the day I was so fatigued that I had to have an afternoon nap as well. I got out of bed, walked the dog and the bird. Very slowly.

Feeling rather fragile but I guess I have been feeling that way for years, so what is one more day?

It was a lovely day today. A beautiful light in the garden and a comforting autumnal cool. Not too hot, not too cold.

Now looking forward to a nice dinner!

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Watching “History of a Lost Earth” (Re-Upload) Aewar on YouTube. Thought provoking. I don’t agree with his flat earth ideas but his thought processes are nevertheless fascinating.

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….and now…11:11 pm. Make a wish. 🙂.

3 May 2021

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This was very cool! My first authentic mediumship with my cousin’s Maori grandmother! It happened so unexpectedly and randomly, that it kinda freaked me out a bit.

Especially as I was busy that day, cleaning...of all things. Her spirit visited me on and off for a week, also her Chief husband. It was a huge honour.

They called me “Wahine Toa”. Which means powerful woman. I have no idea what they truly meant by it, but as I only half-jokingly call myself a “Warrior Goddess” after surviving my entire life and abusers (just barely!) I think they were referencing that.

I fell out with my cousin over some weird neo Nazi books she was reading. I loved her dearly but I can’t support fascism or neo-fascism.

I guess her whanau in heaven won’t ever communicate with me again. It was so startling as I had never “heard” spirits so clearly before in my entire life.

Which reminds me...I need to make offerings in my Sacred Space garden again. I think they opened me up and while it was a bit startling it was also a really lovely experience.

That spirit also offered to protect me as she was the daughter and wife of a chief. This little hobbitses Jew-ishy Viking Pakeha warrior goddess! I am still amazed by that level of love and recognition from the spirit world.

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3 May 2020

Frantically mopping the floors I hear the Maori word “horowhenua”. I tell the spirit I am busy and to stop chatting to me unless I have opened up at a relaxed and appointed time. It’s inappropriate. I mean, Boundaries!!!

But out of curiousity I stop mopping to google the word which means “vegetables”. Say what? But it can also mean landslide or earthquake. Hmmm.

3 May 2018

Busy day. I made beeswax wraps which was rather labour intensive. Then bathed Beauregard. Then took both him and Charlie for a quick walk in the forest.

Now feeling utterly exhausted so need to rest before I contemplate going to buy something to cook for dinner.

3 May 2016

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5.34 pm utterly exhausted. Slept until now after waking up at almost 3 pm, feeling crap, had breakfast, took my meds then went back to bed and passed out.

Now I have a crazy dog who needs exercise and a long night ahead of me. I think I will just keep resting. I am still feeling quite content in spite of my exhaustion.

Jarrod and Harvey visited yesterday. We had a lovely time watching "Dead Files" at night. In the arvo he made a homemade filtration system for my pump as we lacked the cinder blocks I needed to level and support the bathtub for the new aquaponics drain. So that needs to be completed next week.

I will try to get hold of 3 Cinder blocks for free on gumtree. I have no money and am behind on the AGL bills who are hounding me even though I made a payment. So my advance in the middle of May will go to paying them off, and paying off other debt, then hopefully pay for a car service.

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3 May 2015

6.05 pm. Woke up at 5 pm. I was sitting outside my front door on the porticoe, drinking tea, catching last rays of the sun, chatting to Jarrod when the man in my street went past with his Golden Retriever off-leash again.

I said loudly "Oh there is that man with his dog off-leash again, sick of it". He heard me, turned around, gave me the middle finger, said his dog is under control.

I said "No it is not, it's 8 metres behind you and it's an offence to run dogs off-leash on the streets". So he hurled more abuse at me, so I called him a cunt and I would report him to council. So I did!

$225 fine coming his way.

I am sick of men in my neighbourhood thinking they can bully me. A big dog like that could easily jump the fence and kill my chickens, or worse tear the face off a small child playing in their yard!

That dog is not under control. A well-trained dog stays at heel at all times, even off-leash!

Don't get me wrong. I love dogs!!! It's the bastard bully owners I take issue with!

Two years ago I had to report the arrogant SOB in my street with the huge Alsatian that he also walked off-leash. That dog actually ran to attack me when I got out of the car on one occasion and on another, when Miss Bella was still alive, I had to drop tackle her and shield her to protect her as his dog went for her.

That guy has since moved away. Keeping a large dog in a small area is cruel anyway.

Anyway, Good Evening! How was your day? Mine is just beginning!

I dreamt all afternoon, of spitting my teeth out into my hand (a portent of struggles with money) and also of fish-ponds that had drained out and the fish were dying, so I was extremely distressed in the dream.

I know I need to buy pumps and filters as it stresses me when the ponds are green and interestingly my money flows easier when the ponds are clear. Emotionally, I have been more intuitive of late.

It's been a rough year, but 2 weeks ago I found myself nurturing my more magical, witchy aspect of my personality, getting in touch with my emotions and intuition and feeling more powerful, spiritually speaking. So Julie you are Bang on! 🙂

Yes Julie! I have been very fragile for a long time now. I am trying hard to detach from the guy I am in love with as it is unrequited and getting too painful for me. So lots of emotional stuff surfacing and I have been "drowning" or been draining for months now. The Child sexual abuse stuff left me very raw and in a great deal of pain.

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3.43 am. Home. Sore! Happy! Had a shower. I had a great night dancing to the hard rock songs Empyre played later in the night. Awesome!

3 May 2014

Need money now...I am tempted by the Pomeranian Group. Such beautiful puppies but expensive as they are pedigrees.

I find it a tad humorous that the only time I want money is when I need to acquire a pet or pay for vet bills. Otherwise money means nothing much to me.

I am gonna manifest that dog until it is yipping in my garden being the New New World Leader! Dammit.

By the Way I miss Miss Bella Rosa and Zulu. They were both one of a kind Awesomeness.

Miss Penny has been smooching me in bed this arvo, all warm and snuggly. Happiness is unconditional love from animals :-)

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3 May 2011

A good day. I put a lovely antique Sterling Silver Card Case on layby and I bought a rose ring to hold up my beautiful weeping rose. Woohoo!

I've also booked a man to come and install a tv aerial on the weekend. Imagine it! I'll be able to get ALL the TV channels like everyone else in the 21st century! Progress!

3 May 2010

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons