Memories: 29 July 2025

29 July 2025

8:00 am barking bronchitis but the fever broke during the night. I had to get up to pee 8 times. Bloody exhausting! Doing the zombie shuffle to and from the bathroom when you are exhausted is a bit funny.

I had very intense, almost inter-dimensional dreams about carrying very heavy shiny black steel sea trunks into my house. There were about a hundred of them in various sizes and I was frantically Tetris-ing them to fit into my home. Insane!

Every time I rolled over in my sleep I would pull the doona down and then the cold night air would prickle at my skin and I would have to pull the doonas up. So I kept either overheating from the fever and my electric blanket, or alternately, freezing. I rocked and rolled all night long. It felt like I was moving heavy sea trunks in real life. Like I had a massive workout.

I didn’t use my cpap last night as I feared choking in my sleep because my lungs were so congested.

I am soo irritated with myself as I danced so wildly and fiercely on Friday and Saturday nights only to get sick on Monday. Cold air in my lungs literally kills me. Dammit.

But I will keep drinking the mullein tea to clear my lungs and rest.

Living my very best life can be so precarious but no regrets. I have always collapsed in a heap after overdoing any physical exercise.

I am sure I will feel better in a few days if I take things easy.

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4:24 pm Siiiiiicccccccckkkk! Wahhhh! Even lying on my electric blanket is not soothing me. Oh well….better days a-coming. I had another mug of mullein tea with honey and cardamon and some chocolate. The piece of chocolate had little flavour. But that’s good as I have had wayyyy tooo much in the last month. Getting sick, losing my cravings might be a positive!

29 July 2024

8:15 am I awoke at 7 am. This early wakefulness is starting to freak me out. A new “normal”? I only had to get up twice to pee during my 8 hours of sleep. Not bad. So yes cpap is assisting my bladder. Ironic.

I’m still lying here. My lungs feel bloated and sorta annoyed. But I went to West End drumming yesterday and some rude white privileged cow in a Hugo Boss blouse (of course!) took my seat that I had “reserved” with my drum while I went off to the loo. I had to sit on the cold fucking ground, slightly downhill which wreaked havoc on my back and is not good for my chest either.

So I will withdraw my energies from that group. It’s not the first time I have been Othered or treated rudely. But it will damn sure be the last.

I don’t usually attend in winter months as that kind of exposure to the elements puts me in danger of flues or bronchitis. So really! What the fuck?!

Anyway in true Tanya style, I rose above the arrant bullshit, played my drum and some other sweet little instrument. Let my inner child guide me into a sweet little meditation. Then went home.

Home is where my sacred Space is. Where I am always welcome and relatively safe.

Not “Peopling” today.

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4:29 pm feeling dizzy and weak after spending several hours polishing my silver rings in preparation for selling. Gahhh.

Tomorrow or Wednesday I will take them down to Spellbound Mana where I will rent some shelf space to display my jewellery. I hope to make some sales but if not…I will know it’s a hopeless effort and will try to figure out what my next adventure or direction might be.

I am exhausted but I must keep trying and remaining stoic and positively supercharged. Lol

29 July 2023

8:02 am Bobo Update: I woke up and he was lying across the top of my pillow as he often does in the morning. I said “Do you wanna go wees?” He just kinda rolled his eyes at me. I was not sure if he was too weak to walk so I carried him outside, put him gently on the grass. He walked quite solidly over to the bushes and had two wees. Thank god.

I waited to see if he wanted to poop but no dice on that. He had vomited his small meal up at 12:52 am so probably had little in his stomach. During the night, he was shivering a fair bit. I kept my hand on his belly which seemed to comfort him.

I worried about the shivering then decided to bring the old woollen blanket up off his floor cushion from yesterday. I covered him with that and he seemed to settle down. I eventually fell asleep and so did he. So sleep might have helped somewhat. He had no appetite this morning.

So I will still try to access the vets at AWL on Monday for a general check up. It looks like something he ate upset him. Or he has a bit of a chill.

Maybe I am in denial but he seems better this morning. He’s back to his normal “growling” talking at me to register his discontent. I was wrapping him up in the blanket which under normal circumstances he hates. But he finally accepted the blanket so he knows it’s warmer. Funny guy!

He has snuggled back down and gone back to sleep. I will have a cup of tea and will probably do the same.

Please keep us in your prayers. I appreciate all the love and support. Thank you!

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At the emergency vet at Underwood. . $195 Consultation fee. I am freaking out about a large vet bill. But we are going ahead as I don’t know if it’s serious or not.

They just informed me that it’s a 90 minute wait.

I am now trying to decide if I wait 90 minutes. (Annoyed at the lack of communication as they could have told me it’s a long wait before I drove here.) or if I wait and book him in with AWL on Monday (and I don’t know if they will have appointments for him). But if they are cheaper than $195 consultation fee…and will let me pay a treatment plan…then that is perhaps a wiser option?

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We are still here as I could not decide the best course. My anxiety is through the roof. I am tamping it down as Bobo is smart so picks up on my vibes…man.

He just looks like “what the fuck?” But hopefully all will be soon. I pray he doesn’t need euthanasia.

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Beauregard needs testing for liver and kidney damage as he is anaemic. So they are sending me to the Gold Coast AWL at Coombabah which are open until 4 pm. They will do a treatment plan and let me pay it off.

The tests run to about $2000.

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They can’t get hold of the Gold Coast AWL which according to their website is closed. I am waiting for response as the emergency vet has left messages.

Frankly I am decompensating. I may have to take him to RSPCA to surrender him. (Which means they will euthanise him!) but I wanted to try to save him but as is usual with my fucking accursed life when things go wrong, no one is available and /or it costs thousands of dollars.

I am at my wits end. I honestly don’t know what to do.

Coombabah is 47 minutes drive from here. I am not in a fit state right now to even be driving.

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No one available at Gold Coast AWL as they were short a vet so closed early. So they recommended I take him home. No pain relief offered. Nothing. Just the $195 consultation fee.

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3:09 pm we are home. One more night together and I will see how he goes during the night. I will surrender him tomorrow at RSPCA. Just the consultation today was $195 and there is no sense running up thousands of dollars in vet bills that I already know won’t save him.

Our land here in Holland Park was so poisoned with the termite spraying they put down when I first moved in here over 20 years ago that it’s just been a series of stillborn kittens, baby guinea pigs born without heads or limbs and then strange unexplained deaths with my pet hens.

I haven’t laid down any poisons since I moved here as I knew the land was already contaminated. The house is made from asbestos but it’s the termite poisons that caused the kitten stillbirths and the deformed Guinea pigs.

Then factor in that I constantly had to poison my own dog with heartworm treatments (monthly) and tick treatments (Frontline) 2 weekly then is it any surprise his kidneys and or liver are shutting down? Plus both our struggles with our bladders through the night in recent years. He gets up with me to pee also.

A few weeks ago I was up 20 times in the night. He got up with me four times. My cats died of copious peeing too, that the previous vets claimed was diabetes. I now call bullshit on that. Socks was a candidate being overweight, but the other two cats were lean.

Either way, I feel fragile as I know something is poisoning us: either in our air, food and water. But how to prove it?

Anyway, Beauregard and I have one more night together. If he gets worse I will euthanise him tomorrow. If he improves, which will take a miracle…then perhaps we will go along merrily in denial for a few more days. Such is life.

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29 July 2022

In other Intriguing news: I saw Margot on my walk around the block. She told me that Wallace Bishop is looking for mature age applicants for apprenticeships.

I think that would be wonderful to get trained on the job so to speak! But I have zero confidence and as I have not worked since 2001 and been a disability pensioner since 2003 I don’t think they would be willing to hire me (obviously preferences would be given to people who can demonstrate stability as having held down other jobs over the years.)

But for a brief moment I got my hopes up as it’s so hard to learn everything by myself from YouTube videos plus the added expense of buying all the necessary equipment.

But I like the idea of manifesting my little “Titania’s Realm” business even though I have to do it the hard way. Acquire the right equipment slowly as I can afford and just do my own thing as I know what happens when I enter the workforce: it usually goes very bad for me.

But this is something I am passionate about doing/learning/striving for, so when/if the right opportunity arises I might as well give it a go.

Nothing left to lose after being on the Losing end of things for 27 years!

But I am my own enemy as I am a hard worker but my nerves are easily jangled especially if I fail at things (like soldering!) so I am better left to my own devices…treading water and learning as much as I can my own stolid stubborn way. That means I am not subjected to potential abusers in the workforce.

Plus how cool would it be to be a business woman again? Independant and perhaps one day, solvent.

Psy sighs. It’s not seeming very likely but I have been taken by surprise before. Like my first bout of happiness in 2009 and my recent years immersed in wild creativity and enervated, almost manic motivation. (On my few good days!)

I am looking forward to better days. Perhaps better health. True love and good friendships and prosperity in whatever way that manifests. With harm to none and competition with none. Living out my days, doing what sparks joy and surrounded by good kind supportive loyal people.

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29 July 2021

1:36 am. I can’t sleep which is weird as I went to bed exhausted at 11 pm. I guess it’s because I felt so weak yesterday that I actually set up my hammock in the sunshine and had a snooze.

Now my brain is moshing like a frenetic berserker. Running over all the things that happened at the hospital on Monday. Even reminding me of the dream I had just before I came back to consciousness after the procedure.

6 men dressed in tan shirts with long sleeves that looked like a prison uniform all gathered around me and comforting me and telling them they were going to teach me silversmithing and help me thrive. Hmmm. 6 must be symbolic of time. 6 months? 6 years?

They were nice men too. All in their 30s. Perhaps they were angels sent to protect me. Or it was just the delicious oxygen causing my brain to hallucinate?

I was relishing it so much but when the nurse saw I was awake she quickly took the mask away. I said “hey I was enjoying that. It feels good to have pure oxygen in my lungs!” She said “yeah but too much will get you high”.

Whatever! I could stand to be a little high after that epic epic struggle!

Hohum.

The doctors kept asking me if I have had heart problems or stroke. My blood pressure is low and my heart rate slow. I said “No…my heart is broken and permanently glued together like a carapace thing!”

I no longer feel kinstuguied. It’s just a mud creature pounding effortlessly in my golem body…belonging to no one but the gods.

But yet…yet…by the grace of the gods and Papa Legba whom I called on recently for assistance (he chided me that I need to make him better offerings than lollipops and black coffee which was cute but I have fallen into poverty and disarray and can’t afford Rum!)… I am here.

Strutting my stuff. Half dead and half alive and sleepless in Brisbane but….I am extruding my spirit interdimensionally and I am even more deeply deeply powerful the weaker my vessel gets. It’s starting to even freak me out!

Oh I forgot: two nurses both made little quips about voodoo while putting in my cannula and trying to put in the lady in the next bed’s cannula. I had to laugh and replied “we won’t be calling on Papa Legba right now as we have no rum and no cigars and the gods must always be respected and have their tribute” grinning to myself at their mentioning voodoo because we were being stuck like voodoo dolls. The Scottish nurse said “Oh you know…Tanya”.

I just closed my eyes and smiled like a Cheshire Cat. My “Angel” was with me, and had helped me fight for my rights in reception. No one fucks with The Tanya…but only because I have wonderful honorific relationships with holy and protective beings. A life’s work!

I understand why my closest friends and daughter treat me with a measure of consternation and awe. It’s confronting watching me merge psyche and soul with the gods and galvanise my rage in a moment of complete and utter disarray.

Cute but no rum…or chocolate fish. Only a failing carcass still pushing out skin cancers and a craving for my truest deepest love, blessed and protected by the Holy One. (Never send a jealous god to do a man’s job to bring me my Beloved…only envy and spite and sabotage follows!). That did not work out too well for me in the past 7 and a half years.

Hence I have invoked the guardian of the cross roads to stop the bullshit games and bring that one to his own perfect alignment, with harm to none and competition from none, only true love and deep loyalty. I will suffer no more fools or abusers or envious callow cruel men and women.

I am at war….this might be my last fight. One can never know. All I ever prayed for, hoped for, wished for, yearned for was a true faithful loyal loving partner: one unashamed and Unafraid and indeed delighted to have me as his love!

Maybe next life…after I have scraped together the flotsam and jetsam of this one, reconstituted it like a semiprecious stone in a vacuum and turned shit to spiritual gold again. (Sniggers!)

Mama T is not semi-precious. She is the real thing…a worthy beautiful deeply valuable spirit who deserved…always deserved…better but accepted her Din (fate) as there was nothing much else she could do given her circumstances.

So I must raise my flag on the marble arches and call down from Valhalla for Sleipnir and ride …and ride….to infinity. To the ends of the multiverses which are ever-expanding and find my nîche and my tribe and true love and my “home”. Home is where the heart is but cracked and carapace hearts make for dingy apartments.

So there is that…

Anyway…Laila Tov. Tomorrow is another day.

Oh and this evening I had an image of myself, stretched out across a window like the harlots in Amsterdam plying their trade. Ahem! But I was stretched languorously across the threshold of the window, like a membrane between life and death which ultimately we must all push through. Not selling or gifting my body or my soul to anyone but guarding my core in a troth to those worthy of my Light, Love and Essence. Interesting. The gifts of oxygen. I could do with more of that good stuff! Lol!

Ps: De…I …fy!!!

I defy….even the deities that spawn treachery and dis-ease and cuntish lacklustre Covid cowards and false henchmen and petty vicious lazy fucktard hospital office assistants.

DEFIANCE!

You know what would be nice though..just once…just once…I was not put into full battle mode when I am having surgery.

That smug little bastard deserves to be sacked!

In maoritanga:

Kamate Kamate

Ka Ora Ka ora

It is death, it is death

It is life…it is life.

I teeter on the balance with grit teeth and tippy toes…again.

Like a fucking skywalker!

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29 July 2020

I had a gorgeous day with Jarrod and Crystal yesterday. Crystal made dairy free gluten free cupcakes and brought a cute card game along which we played most of the evening.

We dragged out the Rosenthal cups which rarely get used and drank chai tea in them.

Crystal gave me a Shungite Crystal so I gave her the pendant of the Mickey Mouse Sorcerer!

29 July 2019

9:20 am. I have been to Greenslopes hospital early this morning (fucking arggghhhh) to drop off the holter monitor.

I had a rough night with lots of broken sleep after going to bed at 9 pm. I woke up on average every 45 minutes to an hour. I set the alarm for 6:30 to be sure to be awake in time. It went off but I was so exhausted I ignored it until 7 am.

Then hauled out of bed, let the dog out to pee, dressed. Drove to the hospital in a somnolent state but made it. Delivered the monitor.

Grabbed a coffee and filled a script at the hospital pharmacy. The woman who worked there was charming. Then I went to Coles. Then back home. So grateful to be home and back in my warm bed.

I really can’t handle early mornings especially when I have been up all night. I know I do this, with a kind of weird anxiety every time I have to be anywhere that early in the morning.

I have to suffer like this again on 5th August as I have to be back at the PA hospital for post-operation check up at 8:30 am. Ghastly! But after that hopefully I will be free of early morning appointments for a while.

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Another house being demolished in my street. Also found out my neighbours behind me are going to demolish or renovate their home. So lots of construction and noise and dust and more shit all around me.

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1:11 pm The Tanya is hanging by a golden thread. Choosing life in whatever gentle or great way it unfolds for her. Lying in bed as unwell and exhausted. But Penny purring beside me. Lovely girl!

Michael Brecher has slaughtered me at the quiz game lol. That kept me busy this morning.

Nigel has checked in on messenger. Jarrod is on his way over for our usual Monday shenanigans. I will resurrect myself and we shall eat the yummy things I bought this morning even though I know my body will make me pay. Mama T is going to enjoy today in spite of her squidginess.

29 July 2018

I had a great night last night. I returned to my old stomping ground with feelings of trepidation. (I promised myself I would not go back after being furious about the rape culture I witnessed there.)

I stayed away for 3 months which was good as we discovered other bars and scenes where we could make our characteristic salubrious bon vivant mark on the world.

It still rankles with me how women are disrespected and betrayed in the night life (in every aspect of life). I dislike participating by endorsing the malfeasance of our times. I even had to take time out to grieve.

But in spite of all my highest ideals, I craved music and dancing and Jack Daniels last night - my general weekly wildness. I spent most of the day in bed, battling exhaustion and even told my friends I would not be going out last night. But at 8 pm my mood/vibe shifted so I rang them and said I would be going out!

Well we had a wonderful time. We were lavished with drinks by one of our friends there. To the point I had to reject the JDs and drink water as I was driving later.

I had to take my high heeled ankle boots off when we left the casino at 3 am as I could not stand the pain anymore, so Jenny and I hobbled to the 7-11 for our traditional end of the night meat pie!

I fell into bed, utterly exhausted and woke after 6 hours sleep. I can barely walk as the bones in my feet are signalling huge protests but the dancing has, as always, elevated my spirit and recalibrated my consciousness. In fact as I write, I can hear a highpitched resonance inside my skull.

My body which struggles with chronic fatigue and sleep apnoea really loves the dancing! But I will be resting and recharging for the next few days.

I look forward to next week’s Ecstatic Dance which is also a beautiful experience as I can dance bare feet! Also build energy with like-minded Souls in an alcohol-free flow state.

Dancing bare feet is infinitely kinder to the bones of my tootsies. Lmao!

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Well I over-exerted myself last night. Now my lower back hurts and my arches in my feet are still throbbing and every bone on every toe feels crushed.

It’s time I accepted my demise in the winter of my life and gave up on gorgeous shoes and shuffled around in sensible ones instead. Wahhhhhh!

I looked fantastic though. There is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Time for a scalding hot bath and head to bed early perhaps....

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29 July 2017

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Trigger warning: false lovers and human sexuality and frailties.

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I am so unlucky in love and relationships. It seems so tragically unfair.

An old flame turned up at the casino last night. He slowly made his way over to me. An old game we play. He acts shy and then completely smothers me.

I act out. He leaves or I leave, usually after a wild night of Tempestuous sexualised dancing. Or that is what happened 8 months ago, the last time I saw him.

He had been like a breath of fresh air after the constant mindfucks of my beloved Englishman so this one and I had danced wildly and sublimely but I had not gone home with him as he still has a partner and I was not going to be used for a roll in the hay.

So last night this wild Italian lover comes to me. "I love you. You will always be my girl. You look wonderful." Usual patter. I said "I don't see you in 8 months but now you love me?? Who are you rebelling against tonight? Your Padre, your madre, your wife?" "I don't have a wife!" "Yeah whatever you liar.”

This is our usual foreplay. He is insanely passionate and I am just...insane. Lmao! So he danced real close and every cell in my body starts lighting up (it's been a long long time since I had sex and he was actually the last person I had sex with so the cell memory went berserk!.

But my brain engaged. I still love that other headfucking Englishman (it is a hopeless, lost cause, I know) but I am loathe to leap back in the saddle with this handsome Italian Stallion who feigns love and affection but can only think as far as his dick.

(On the other hand, what else is new?All the men at the casino have that on their mind. Sex with someone I know and sorta trust could have been lovely.)

But I am holding out for what? Genuine authentic love and passion with a man who is not lying and cheating and using me like a doorstop once a year (or two?)

So he danced too close in my personal space and I gently pushed him away. So his fucked up predatorial ego ignited (cos I was not so pathetic and desperate as to carry on a mock affair for one night only in the public eye of many acquaintances at the casino).

So he went off and danced the rest of the night with his other former lover instead. He even brought her next to me, hoping to upset me or provoke jealousy. The other woman is another Jewish woman from Israel and she and I Dance every weekend. So I just rolled my eyes. Carried on dancing with my friends.

Lee (my Asian friend) a true gentleman, danced with me a fair bit. He seemed to know my discomfort and I had the sense he was being protective of me. He knows what I am like when my passions are fired up! Antonio and his young lady friend also danced with me. I was so grateful for true friends and true loves and true loyalty.

I ended up having a good night, overcoming my Angst and my sputtering cacophonous hormones. I danced until 2.30 am. My feet hurt but I staggered to the 7-11 for a pie and some chocolate bars. Comfort food after a very intriguing night.

Then headed home for a nice hot bath and washed that man right out of my hair. Well figuratively speaking. I may never have sex again but if it means I don't give my body/mind/heart to anymore epic Superficial Psychopaths then I am Doing ok.

I have love in my life. Men who love me no matter what. Non-sexual loves but men who have been there for me through the good the bad and the ugly. (Or the devilishly handsome mirages of lust and false promises who trot other women out in my face to try to prove what, exactly?! Lmao. That they are faithless feckless fucks??? Hahaha.)

I could go mad with grief and absurdist loneliness but I shall rise above the bullshit. I have been celibate for many years of my adult life and it didn't kill me. It has just made me aware that I deserve more than being picked up and put down once every few years. Or used as a display model on a tawdry dance floor.

He loves me?? Loves? Loves? We have seen the depths and lengths of his Love. It disappears into the night like a steamy mirage.

My Israeli rival was left standing and waiting as he ran away from his own misbegotten game. I watched her for a while, processing the confusion and the abandonment.

She came to me and asked me to fix the back of her pants. They had torn slightly. The sisterhood. I patted her down, made sure her tochas was not on display and she was grateful.

Wardrobe malfunctions are her specialty but Hashem bless her, I look after my own. Broken down women, torn by life's Abusers and yet we dress up, show up and prance like show ponies in our desolation. Female Warriors of the night.

Pray for us, oh Holy One and bless us with a love that is True and loyal and passionate and not completely off tap.

Update 2018: This time last year: not much has changed but I had a brief slippery backslide from my celibacy haha. Still love the unattainable one (most likely as a safety mechanism) but have ceased making contact for the past few months ie attempting to heal!

Just gonna keep dancing, being carefree and joyous and Love my own Life and Self! I am liking even more of Whom I am Becoming.

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Ahhh well, There is a sheep named Missy who is most likely grateful I was kept alive, if only to save her from further agony with that freak across the road.

I am Loved by the Voiceless and the Wild and those who have survived against all odds. I have loved them and set them free.

My other neighbour called me a Witch. I am a jewish witch: tortured and tormented by my own former community. For the crime of being Wild and free and intelligent enough to demand justice and respect.

I BELONG TO NO MAN AND NO WOMAN. I like it that way.

George the Busker remonstrated me on eating my pie last night. Haha!

"It's Treif!" He cried "full of pork offal!"

"Like I give a fuck, Georgie?! It's probably got dog and cat and King Rat in it too! Just don't tell the Rabbi, ok?" Food is Life. L'Chaim!

Besides I was really hungry after purging my beautifully cooked Japanese chicken curry (I think I am allergic to chemicals in the curry sauce as all the food was fresh!) then dancing all night on an emptied stomach. (Antonio kindly gave me his chippies and 2 Coronas)!

Also who gives a fuck about Kashruth when I have danced all shabbes night with assorted Heathens and outstripped them all at their own goyische games. Psy sighs. Not much of a Jew anymore but always and forever a witch. Cursed by Fate to dance the Dance of the Red Shoes to my own immolation.

My former Jewish lovers raped and strangled the hope of a nice jewish family out of me. The goys, no better.

I fucking hate Humans.

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Farkkk! Going back to bed. Been bitten alive by midgies. Need to rest.

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Watching Nazca Unearthed on Gaia. Might as well educate myself if I can't sleep.

29 July 2016

I have been in the garden, cleaning out the pond filter in the big pond. Watering. Cleaning out the chicken coops, filling their nesting boxes.

One of the new hens was a loner, watching me rinse through the worm farm so she got some worms as a treat. At first she had no idea what they were, oh yum!! Ohhh! Happy hen now.

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We just got back from a very long walk in the hills of Whites Hill Reserve. We went past the sports grounds and play area, then followed these awesome tracks. I am completely knackered now but it was such a beautiful day and the dog and I really enjoyed it.

I decided to take him for a long walk after he attacked a bull mastiff puppy. The poor little thing cried. But that puppy will be a huge dog one day!

29 July 2015

Coles Express has finally paid back my money. They have rung me just now, offering me a box of chocolates as compensation. Select rang me also. Nice to get apologies. It took 3 weeks to resolve. Lots of stress and fighting with my bank. Arggghhhh! At least they are apologising. At any rate it is over now.

Also I am still being harassed by a member of the jewish community for Defamation. It took 3 weeks to get a reply from his lawyer and they demanded I reply within 7 days. The letter arrived 6 days late. Another farce and attempts to silence me. I will go to court on that count. Not. Going. To. be. Bullied. By Morons!

I had hoped being 50 that life would smooth over but instead this has been another fraught year. So tired of having to fight for my rights for every little thing.

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Lmao. That happened a few weeks back. I have 5 freeloaders and one sub woofer!

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5.51 pm. Home from my Debrief and from early dinner at Garden City.

Back snuggled in my bed. I still feel wooly in the head. Nice to be home :-).

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9.54 pm I slept all evening. Just got up to feed the cats. My chest is still icky. I really needed the rest.

I think I will have a cup of tea and watch Netflix then go back to bed.

The house is quiet. The kind of silence that screams like a high pitched hum. I knew I was in trouble yesterday when any extraneous sound irritated me and light hurt my eyes.

I found it difficult focusing in Garden City. I ate and got the hell out of there. Big shopping centres give me the heebie heebies ie overly stimulate my senses.

29 July 2014

I am officially a vampyre. Slept from 3 am -4.30 pm. Hmmmm! Will rush out to get some sunlight before I die lol.

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Trigger Warning: domestic violence.

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I would have shot him too, only earlier. My husband was also cruel when I was pregnant and in labour. After having Jasmine, I vowed I would give him no more children. He is currently very ill, pissing blood out of his urethra. Kidney stones. Karma is a Bitch. I do feel slightly sorry for him. His father died of stomach and bowel cancer.

He is lucky I chose the path of least resistance by divorcing him. He made my life Hell. By the end of my marriage I waxed and waned between being Homicidal or Suicidal.

Glad I got myself and my kids free of him. He still harassed me via my mother for many years later but eventually he quit. By then Mummy Dearest had a new Henchman in Buck Scherer to continue to Harass and Vilify me.

I am glad they are dead and can't damage me any more, even though Buck's rotten salacious evil spawn live in my former step father's house. A house that was supposed to be willed to me.

My entire family were nothing but traitors and lying scum. It hurts. It will always hurt but I am forging a better life for myself now and one day they will be a distant dark blot on my life-scape.

Karma and Hashem continue to smite my enemies. I can have Faith in that :-)

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I am feeling a bit upset that I have been seduced by another sociopath. When will I ever learn? Well, my conscience is clear. I know I did the right thing as I always do. Sometimes being right is not enough but it helps ease a shitload of pain. :-)

Letting go and getting ready for an even more awesome life. Free of Bullshit!

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Restless spirit. Been to the pub, had a JD and listened to Woody. Now getting chips and coffee at the Kebab shop. Heading back home, I guess. Sometimes on nights like these I wish I had a partner. Would be nice to have a cuddle. Unfortunately it's too much drama. I function better alone.

29 July 2013

I slept all of Sunday night, monday until midday. I really was exhausted. Not in as much pain now, so I needed the rest.

29 July 2011

29 July 2010

My garden is blooming beautifully. I have almost totally cleaned my house (still need to mop floors and dusting and sort stuff LOL). I woke up at 12 noon yesterday and worked on the house until 5 am this morning, went to bed, couldn't sleep until 6 am and amazingly woke up fresh as button midday today. So did more stuff around the house. Wooohoooo.

29 July 2009

I had a busy day trying to overthrow the nasty petty Legislation of the Australian Govt, ie Centrelink. I am an Anarchist! (Welllll, I do try to create change......sighs despondently).

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons