Memories: 28 July 2025

28 July 2025

8:40 am Good Morning. A long sleep. I was utterly exhausted from my overstimulated nervous system from the epic wonderful weekend of dancing. So a catch up on sleep was obviously needed.

What a gorgeous morning! The light bouncing off my neighbours’ grey façade is white. Cold, crisp, clear, incisive. Cutting edges into my retinas. Awww.

What magick, joy and delights shall we conceive, receive, co-create on this day? It’s a choice, a decision, an envisioning of love, light, truth and coherence.

We are bouncing off a cymatic plate in an invisible dance with the gods and Gaia. She is bouncing us on her knee, sending us forth. “Aliente Por Favor!” To be the best version of our souls. Our hearts, our minds and our exquisite labours and our most heartfelt creativity.

What shape or design shall our lives transform into? What can we weave from the old stories that no longer serve us? What threads shall we keep as golden reminders of who we are and what shall we carefully curate and snip away, untethering at last, the false, cruel, spiteful, envious, stymying ones.

Who shall buy this wonderful morning?! Such a sky! I could be high…on life! L’chaim.

Where do we begin? Where do we end! Only the vibratory resonant music of the sephirot really knows!

Choose Life! Music, Art, The Dance but above all else, choose your Self too. Hold your line and your tiny fractalised innate Divinity. Deify. Defy All that would have you cheapened, playing small, scrabbling in other’s faecal matter and deceptive hate. It’s not yours. It never was. Kindly return to Sender what is unholy, ugly and of no real use to your soul development.

You are beautiful. I love you. Believe in the power of You.

End of morning transmission. lol.

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8:05 am Sick! Feverish. Back on the mullein tea to clear my lungs. Pity, as I had a fabulous weekend but I shoulda known better than two nights in the biting cold and rain then dancing in an overheated club. I knew this would happen. No regrets. I danced wildly and joyously. Life is good.

Thank the goddess for mullein tea and my electric blanket.

28 July 2023

I woke up at 10 am. I felt a strange sensation in my body. Almost like a stirring in my sacral chakra. Mama T is reintegrating her sexuality after 8 years of celibacy. 13 years since I broke up with Courtnay whom I dated for 5 years.

I just realised it’s been almost 19 years since I met him. That relationship began on the tail end of healing from much ghastly horror, and was manipulated and orchestrated by my former forensic psych nurse friend.

“You can’t makes sense out of nonsense” was her favourite witticism. No…but you can kick it to the kerb and heal yourself over long decades until you recalibrate your sexuality/sensuality/spirit and psyche so that perhaps…one day you will invite into your body mind and spirit a man that truly loves you, delights in you, respects you, treats you with kindness and is loyal and faithful to you.

So you can at last, have a safe healthy nurturing equally satisfying relationship that blossoms into a solid partnership that no ugly putrid rancid creature can sabotage or destroy. Maybe….

In the meantime my body is telling me she is ready, willing and able to allow Love in her sacred spaces again. But can I trust in her? Her inner knowing? Or her declension into death that will grasp at life by fully inflaming its sexuality like a last fucking hurrah?

I guess I will just keep dancing. And wait for The one I can trust with All of me to be there for All of me and not just for the frottering. How will I know who really loves me? I will let the gods decide since I have proven myself incapable of succeeding at Love on my own terms. (Having fallen in love with monsters, zombies, demons and trickster spirits before. Too many times).

I eagerly, but with great trepidation, await The One mortal man who will love me without the abuse I endured for decades. A man who is clean and clear, noble, wise and sincerely loving. A man who Sees me, has eyes only for me and yes, Dates me. :-)

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Yesterday was a very weird day. I almost ran over a cat that ran across the road on my way to Reverse Garbage. The cat was running from a woman walking her dog. I got a helluva fright. Workmen on the tiny crowded street witnessed it. I rolled down my window and said “That cat has just used up one it’s nine lives. But I am glad I didn’t hit it as I love cats!” The workman holding the stop/go sign was laughing.

Then when I bought my wares at Reverse Garbage, the man at the counter (presumably the owner) asked me, which box I wanted? There were two to choose from, a plain one and this uber colourful one. I replied prosaicly “I don’t mind. After all, a box is a box is a box! As long as it serves its purpose!” He looked at me sanguinely then gave me the lovely colourful one.

I was delighted. Random acts of kindness. I drove home with joy in my heart. However spirit was still whispering in my ear “accident” and I replied “I know, almost killing that cat was mortifying!” But at the intersection (the crossroads) next to my home I almost had another accident.

Then I got home, unpacked my groceries and set about washing the new bottles and removing the stickers off them. Then I took my pets for our customary walk.

Some toxic venal bitch that lives on Opal Street started a fight with me when I glared at her because she lets her dog come out to attack us when we walk past. Never shuts her gates. She’s a bloody pest. So she says to me “What is your problem?” Knowing full well that letting her dog attack other dogs is the problem.

Then when Bobo snarled at her dog and tried to bite it, (naturally!), the bitch accused me of kicking her dog. I really lost it then. I told her “I would never kick an animal, you filthy fucking liar”.

Oh my goddess, she is a piece of work. She tried to threaten me with “I know where you live!” I replied “I know where you live too, and what kind of person you are!” Then walked home.

I was furious all evening about it. The scum dog owner. That thing needs to be put in a box permanently. I pitied her small children. A monster for a mother. She needs to get a hobby instead of entertaining herself by letting her dog attack passers-by.

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Beauregard is unwell today. He came down quite suddenly as he had just welcomed Lyn with great glee and delight then lay down looking lethargic and feeble. Lyn and I searched his fur for ticks but didn’t find any. He’s been slightly off colour for a few days.

I wrapped him in a woollen blanket (which when he is normal, he absolutely hates) and put him on a big floor cushion. He lay under my bed for a while. I gave him some cheese which he did nibble at. He is drinking water. He lay on the cushion for a couple of hours.

When he saw me climb into my own bed, just now (5:15 pm) with nervous exhaustion, he climbed up onto my bed with me. Which is probably better for him as I have the electric blanket on and he loves to snuggle with me.

I won’t be going dancing tonight as I want to keep an eye on him. My best and only Beau. My precious one.

I just changed my sheets today also, and cleaned Charley’s cage.

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7:51 pm. Update on Bobo: he just ate a few little meaty balls “clunkers” . I carried him outside (before he ate!) and he did some hard little poos but that was a good sign. I had to nag him to have a wee but he eventually did a light stream. I used my torch on my iPhone to check on the colour of his urine. It looked normal.

So I am still praying that whatever struck him down this afternoon is passing out of him.

I rang the AWL number but they are closed until Monday and their voice message suggested the Animal emergency vets at Underwood (which charge like bloodletting wounded bulls). However if he takes a turn for the worse I will have to pay it on zippay and incur more debt. My dog is my life.

I feel relieved that he has eaten, albeit only a small amount. That is a positive sign.

28 July 2022

I had a lovely day. I spent it cleaning rust off my edelweiss bells I think Lucy gave me years ago. One of her op shop finds. But after years of hanging outside, it was quite corroded. So I ground the rust off as much as possible which took several hours. Then hung it back up.

Then I bathed the dog and took him and Charley for a walk. We visited the dog park and as no one was there, Bobo got to chase a ball at the park so you should have seen his happy gleeful face!

I need to go out to get groceries but can’t really be bothered as I am quite tired now. But I guess it needs to happen. No milk, no tea, no chocolate, no dog tins of food means “crisis” lmao.

I might have a rest then go to the supermarket.

28 July 2021

Haha I noticed Charley is helping him steal the offerings to Papa Legba as well. Like a dynamic and very defiant duo!

Put the “I” back in Defy! Little buggars

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@ Carindale. Had to buy bulk washing powder. Place is really really quiet. Surreal.

My right arm feels very weak as I had to use it to carry heavy items, plus had to clean the fishpond filter yesterday. For some peculiar reason I feel weaker today than yesterday after my colonoscopy. Must be a delayed reaction. I went through that entire fucking process in fight mode.

Frankly I am so sick of having to struggle with everything by myself but shit happens.

I really needed the washing powder otherwise I would have left it another few days or a week.

I am celebrating my freedom by eating Japanese curry for lunch.

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Home again…weak as a kitten. I am gonna lie in the hammock under the golden rain tree and read and snooze. I had to bring out my mohair throw as I got cold earlier.

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De-I-fy. Every act of defiance beings you closer to Warrior Goddess status. Live proud and free. On your feet! Head high. Never let the bastards grind us down.

28 July 2020

28 July 2019

I just got woken up by my fur doctors. Beauregard and Penny demanding tribute. I mean, cuddles. Bobo tried to show Penny that he loves Mama T best by smothering me. She just watched in circumspection. Wise old girl knows Love is not a competition. It just is. But Bobo is a jealous dog-tor.

I had to shove him off so I could breathe. But to make up for the affront to Bobo’s canine pride I patted his head with my right hand and Penny’s with my left and she purred smugly and sagely and Bobo was mollified.

My fur angels, my fur kin. Good Morning!

I had a lovely day and evening with Lyn yesterday. We chatted, bought Chinese for dinner (Yum!) and then sat by a fire we built out in the cold crisp night air and looked at the stars and chatted some more. A beautiful night!

Almost 31 years of friendship. I arrived in Brisbane on 1 August and met Lyn several months later. A lifetime.

I am so blessed to have such powerful loving friendships. Lyn and Jarrod who literally upheld me for over 30 years and 27 years respectfully. Who were courageous in the face of my familial abusers and saved me. Many many times. My only family...not of blood but of heart.

I love you x

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11:11 am. There’s Magick in her fingers, magick in her toes and everywhere she goes Magick knows and follows. She wrinkles her nose in glee and delight. Another day, another night. No more smiting...no more sleight. Oh Holy One...Blessèd be the Light.

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28 July 2018

So I missed out on seeing the lunar eclipse and Mars but I had a wonderful few hours chatting to Nigel in NZ. Thanks for the laughs, the lovely readings and the wonderful company Nige. You are a delightful friend!

I really enjoyed our moon madness and how we both got the giggles around 1 am my time. Yup. It’s the lemonade!

I absolutely derive such joy from all my wonderful loving authentic and caring friends (and my cousins and my daughter!) You make my life so amazingly good and I am so fortunate that we all have each other.

28 July 2016

Today I adopted 3 rescue hens. They all look like Tabitha. Reddish brown. I hit the ground running and drove to Capalaba. Lyn lent me money to buy more laying mash as I had run out but don't get paid until Tuesday. Thanks Lyn, my champion.

I came home just on dusk and unloaded the grain and put it into the Containers that I like to store the mash in. Then I went to check in the new girls. They were all huddled in the nest as they have never had a perch before. So I lifted them each up onto the perch so they get the idea. I also locked up the other hens in their coop.

Then somehow I left my glasses in the new hens' coop. So I spent the last half hour searching all over the house and garden for my glasses as I can't see tv without them. It was rather funny. I checked the coops twice.

I spiralled into despair (I lost my good pair of glasses and suspect the turkey may have stolen them and put them in his mound By now) so I really need these spare glasses as there are no options if I lose these ones!

So anyway I got the urge to check on the new girls again and this time I looked under their perch and phew, there were my glasses! I have no idea how I dropped them and did not even notice! Nuts!

But all good now. I can see now and everyone is safe in their nests.

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5 more sleeps until payday. Woot! I had a nice day today although I still feel Like a stuffed scarecrow. Empty and full at the same time. Oh well, I can always stone the crows. Or dream of being stoned.

I am watching Fargo Season 2. Taking a break from Broadchurch.

I am looking forward to getting acquainted with the 3 new hens tomorrow. I will have to find names for them.

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9.48 pm I feel woozy and befuddled. Gonna hit the hay with my beautiful Beau and dream the psychedelic dream. Today was a day of unexpected blessings of the feathery kind.

Thanks to assistance from my beautiful friends, Jarrod who told me about the rescue hens and Lyn for shoring up my food supplies for the hens, I am looking forward to eggs in a few days.

It usually takes that long for hens to settle back down to laying. These new ones are 12 months old so they should have a few more years in the lay.

Happy grateful blessed woman here. Surrounded in love and abundance and gifted with peace and joy.

28 July 2015

Still bloody crook. I took things easy today. I had my skin check. Dr sent off a biopsy.

Debrief with my psychiatrist tomorrow.

28 July 2014

5.39 am. Sleepless in Holland Park due to Euphoria!

I slept all day Saturday and Sunday. I might as well watch online tv shows and make a cup of tea.

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Eu-bloody beaut-phoria. I wouldn't be dead for quits. After 30 years being a Zombie I know something about feeling Dead! Glad to be experiencing such joy and healing.

Bring on the next adventure. Hope it's more amazingly good stuff. I deserve it!

...

I simply adore how Miss Penny greets me with a propitious head butt quickly followed by shoving her arse in my face.

It's like "Helloooo!" One more reason why cats are gods. They are Honest about their feelings even if their sense of propriety is a tad Marked.

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I am grateful for the people who have come into my life and stayed true, for the people who left my life but gave me important lessons which although painful were character building, for my soul family who love me no matter what, for this body, mind and soul, for my guardians who inspire me, protect me and guide me through dark places and dark nights of the soul. I am grateful to G-d who creates the Worlds above and below anew each day and breathes life, love and beauty into my soul.

I am grateful for the present moment and for a future even as yet unimaginable. For Happiness. For deep abiding Love. For Mana. For letting go of anger and regrets. For manifesting positivity in a lacklustre world.

For never giving up and for remembering whom I truly am and am yet to Become. For standing fearlessly in my own power. For learning not to yield to abusers. For the Day. For the Night. The sun, moon and stars. For Life! L'Chaim.

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I went dancing for 2 hours at Irish Murphy's. I got there in time to hear Rosco Conti sing with Wasabi. Awesome night! Thanks Guys! :-)

28 July 2013

Just awoke. Legs and feet slightly less sore. Mouth...hmmm. Not sure if it will need treatment tomorrow. Might settle.

Mood -Content, warm bed, happy body, mind and soul. Wish I had a man to cuddle but I have my cats. Zulu woke me up licking my face. (Ew) and drooling in my hair ( double ew). Then he took to patting me with his big black paws and being part-persian, unretractable claws.

I was having a dream about Island Bay and some tsunami had raised the sea levels and swamped the houses and was quite distressed trying to "save" people. One almighty Claw from the Paw hooked me and brought me back to reality. Thanks Zulu... Ouch! Some wake-up call.

He's a very demanding Man Cat. Reminds me...why do I want a man so very much? Perhaps they might be even more demanding? LMAO!

Update 2020: I miss my Zulu guy. His funny squeaky yowl, so soft voiced for such a big cat. I miss how he used to drool in my hair and knead my head while I slept. Funny guy!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons