Memories: 28 April 2025

28 April 2025

8:23 am

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Wearing Charlie’s top mandible. Today is a Mojo/Mama/Power Day. I may add an opal to the top of it as well. I have a broken off piece of Boulder opal from the one I polished and set in sterling silver a while ago.

So I will polish it up and cut it into a heart shape and set it in a bezel setting and add it to this, I think. Or rather Spirit gave me that inspiration so Someone Upstairs likes that idea. :-)

28 April 2024

I am very exhausted today, after last night’s epic dance at the Koala Tavern, for/with Alter Egos.

Scott instructed me to not mosh so hard for the song “Chop Suey” as I had already thrown myself into the mosh for “Zombie” and worried I might injure my neck severely.

So I reined it in (even though I quipped to him that I don’t take direct orders, that I am defiant, and rebellious!) I can see he is genuinely concerned for my safety. But I love my wild moshing dance. Oh well.

28 April 2023

I had another lovely day. The rain finally stopped so I got some washing dry.

Lyn visited me and brought me lots of food. I am so grateful. I devoured the beef and vegetables lunch she brought me right away. I put the cooked chicken in the fridge to eat tomorrow. The other food in the freezer.

Then we sat and chatted in my Sacred Space garden.

28 April 2022

2:25 am. Unable to sleep. My mind is positively threshing with random ideas for silversmithing. Most of which will probably fly out of my brain come sunrise 🙂.

I got launched into a hypomanic episode a few days ago after having another argument with a neighbour down the road. His mental health issues do not sit well with my mental health issues. Also I abhor abusers.

I have had to cut ties again. I am in some distress as his 92 yo mother is slipping down that old road to death and now I have been forced to abandon her. It’s a sickening feeling but detach I must or I shall suffer even worse.

I spent the last three days sanding back wooden sticks and inlaying them. An absurdist enterprise as I don’t need any more staffs or wand ffs! But it gave me a primal focus to push down the grief and fury.

So this evening I have had breathing issues from inhaling too much dust, both paua and wood (a tad suicidal…that…) and when I went to bed, I berated myself on all the lovely things I could be making with the new silver spoons I bought. Also had interesting inspirations on adding decorations to a few other things I have already made.

It was like spirit putting a rocket up my bum, telling me to keep creating and improving my skills as they want to see me succeed before I decline into my own imminent death. (If my lungs will last long enough…)

I almost had to laugh as it’s so funny how much pressure I have to be self actuated. Muses have a way of killing their artist/writer victims. With burnout or exhaustion.

I want to enjoy a few more years of life on this planet. So to settle my brain I got up and had two capfuls of spiced rum left over from Chrismukkah! And if that does not quell my overactive imagination then I will have to take a Valium.

My hands and forearms are very sore from all the grinding and sanding like a maniac for three days. So what is that all about? Self sabotage because some broken down old bastard gets aroused by harassing me. Fuck off!

I need to find some kind of equilibrium or this horror show really will kill me.

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7:34 pm feeling excited and anticipatory…about what one might ask? I have no clue. My lungs are struggling but I feel emotionally buoyant, perhaps because I can see my persevering with my hard work on my latest projects is starting to come to full bloom.

Charley’s wand or perch. Hmmm. It’s been a strange kind of obsession for the past few days. But I am seeing progress.

I am looking forward to going dancing this weekend (if I don’t get too tired and if my lungs behave). I suppose I can do what I have always done and take my Ventolin and push myself out there!

Last weekend I was too tired and too distressed but tomorrow might be the night for some epic revelry.

The dance for no other reason than pure enjoyment…continues…

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28 April 2019

It’s another exquisite day! I am thoroughly enjoying these sunny autumn days. Not hot and oppressive but the perfect temperature on my skin and gentleness for my lungs. (Albeit my asthma has been bad and I felt light-headed from all the coughing attacks yesterday.).

Even the dog is loving the weather. He is lying calmly at my feet, watching all the insects and birds in the garden. He looks so peaceful and content.

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Watching ‘Devil at the Crossroads. A Robert Johnson story’.

28 April 2018

Karen is here. She is sending me food porn ie amazing cake recipes. Omg! Funny! But evil!

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Mama T and Karen were NOT, I repeat NOT GOING OUT. Then Jenny arrives. “So” she says “are we going out?” Karen and I nod happily. And that’s how the party started!!

Ramjet at The Elephant. Better be a good night!

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CLUB AMAZONIA IS OPEN FOR EXPRESSIONS OF INTEREST.

I am setting out these guidelines for a safe fun social club for those oddballs like me that don’t feel Comfortable or safe in the usual pubs and clubs and casino spaces.

You know, the traumatised, the introverted, the intrepidly “out there”, straight people, lgbtiqa people and anyone who wants to have a good time without being violated or generally debased in the scene.

No psychopaths/narcopaths/control freaks may apply.

The vetting process will be via myself. Email me at [email protected] or private message me on Facebook. Tell me about what venues you enjoy and why.

My thinking (as suggested by my doctor) is we form an online community then meet either fortnightly or monthly at various venues we choose.

Safety is the key here.

No violence will be tolerated. No coercion (sexual or otherwise, no manipulation).

We will all have a shared responsibility in this club. I want us to be able to have a few drinks and dance without having to deal with atrocious behaviours.

No excessive drinking. If you can’t handle your alcohol consumption and maintain decorum you will not be included.

I do endorse frivolity, supporting each other to manifest joy in safe congenial ways.

From comment section:

By decorum I mean, no flashing the gash “here’s NOT Looking at you, Kid or your kiddie factory” cos like Ew!

No exposing male genitalia either cos Ew!

If you want wild rampant sex, take that Home or get a room.

I want a roomful of splendid (dressing up is encouraged) joyous carefree people who respect themselves and each other.

I do not have time to babysit the ferals. We are all adults here. I know alcohol is disinhibitory, but you control your own game or you don’t dance with The Tanya and her friends.

Be respectful of those of us who dance into the Zone (the almost psychedelic experience brought about by moshing and stomping and whirling dervishing for in excess of an hour). Do not touch the Amazon in her Zone. It is grounding and unwelcome. She will come back to you (mentally and spiritually) when the song finishes. Guaranteed.

Age is not limited but I perceive the majority of members will be 30+. Youth is not unwelcome as long as you have above-mentioned “decorum”.

Freedom of movement will be encouraged. If you can’t make it to a venue, that’s fine. Life (mental health issues etc) gets in the way of even our best intentions sometimes.

But be respectful and communicate. Say if you have to cancel or can’t make it.

I will party with or without you but it’s more fun if we all show up and contribute to the vibe.

(Club Amazonia has a membership of One or 1000). The dance goes on.

A reminder of the glory days! Dancing out my pain after the will dispute in filthy torrid Pubs, making friends and enemies along the way. Fabulously fierce and free!

Having almost died a few too many times I have grabbed at Life by the Proverbials and relished my slowly diminishing returns.

You cannot fully appreciate Life until bastards have tried to take it from you.

The more they took, the higher I rise and the brighter I Shine.

If you are with me, you are with me. If against me...go, be awesome somewhere else 🙂

Update 2022: Another of my unfulfilled dreams of owning my own club. Oh well. Covid ruined the dance for two years anyway. Time to put those dancing shoes back on and carry on where we left off. 🙂

28 April 2017

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It is cold this morning. My fighter fish looked rather colourless, so I have put heaters under their containers again. No heater for me yet. Gotta tough it out to save on electricity bill.

It is a nice sunny day outside but the wind is chilly. Reminds me of Wellington weather. I hung out washing and brought some in. Still feel numb and exhausted but I have the luxury of being able to rest any time I want.

Which I did yesterday, most of the day except when I decided to clean the guttering out back of my house. That should clear some Chi! The lime tree will love the compost that was built up therein.

28 April 2016

I woke up at 5.55 am after having one of my serial nightmares. Weird. It is now 6.37 am but I am still tired. Gonna let Bobo outside for a pee and then try to go back to sleep.

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28 April 2015

I am greatly loved, valued and appreciated. Even when I am most raw, demanding, grief-stricken. I have a beautiful friend who has weathered many storms in life with me. A few who dragged me up for air if they had to.

My dearest woman friend, Lyn, has always been a sister, mother (on rare occasions like tonight when I would accept nurturing of the motherly kind), friend, mentor, counsellor. She is the epitome of Wise Woman. Ever patient, loving but like me, she won't suffer fools or buy into Bullshit!

She has enriched my life, literally (when she helped me fight for my rights with the Will Dispute) and emotionally.

She is my Rock when I flounder like a beached Mermaid with shattered hopes and dreams, a lame 2-legged one crying over an empty vessel.

She sent me home with milk and bread, caramel fudge (yum!) and a full belly with a roast dinner.

With her staunch unfailing support and love; this wild, love-sick jewish Viking Witch Wench is girded to fight another day.

Women are my balm even as I seek love, approval and protection from men, it is women who Bless me, worry over me and drag me over the line. G-d Bless you, all my friends, fine and righteous and good men and women in my world who love me when I am really quite insane in the membrane.

Much Love and respect for Lyn and Jarrod and Crystal who have had to pull me together too many times.

xxx

28 April 2014

4.13 am...time to sleep again I guess. Only been up for 12 hours but I am tired so enough for today. Sei Gesund!

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I slept from 6 am -4 pm. I went outside to clean the fishpond filters and fill up the ponds. Happy Goldfish means Happy Tanya!

Then I watered the back garden. I picked some lovely orchid blooms and last night at 2 am I cut down a bunch of Ladyfingers.

I am now at Crystal's with Jarrod. About to get Red Rooster and hand over my car.

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28 April 2013

Awesome night dancing at Irish Murphies. New acquaintance Raina, John and one photo of me with Antonio (Stalker No 2). Lol.

28 April 2011

28 April 2010

Wake up and Smell the humous.....or Hummous? Either way chick pea or mulch, a gardener's dream!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons