Memories: 27 April 2025

27 April 2025

1:11 am. Up again…dammit! But I feel very contented with my connection with the multiverse yesterday. I woke up feeling rather unwell. By lunchtime I had a headache. But I went outside to eat my spring rolls and was astonished by the rather determined kookaburra demanding my spring rolls. He flew right beside me on the small outdoor table. Like a boss.

The spring rolls were very hot, but I threw him a piece. I made a video of him, interacting with me.

Then I went back in the house. I made my YouTube video about ghost stations in England. Finished that. Then I had a powerful urge to go make an offering to the fae. Like it was almost a demand. So I put some honey and milk in a small cardboard container and went outside to do that.

Then I noticed Charlie’s grave had been scratched up by the scrub turkey yet again. I went over to tamp it all back down, even though her body is no longer there as soon after burial some birds dug her up to my ghastly abject horror.

So you can imagine my surprise to see her top half of her beak just sitting on top of the soil. I hesitated…but it’s all that is left of her. It was almost like something or someone wanted me to have this last remnant of her.

So I took it inside and washed it and set it on the window sill to dry. Then it was like I got guided or rather pestered to make a mould of it in delft clay and cast it in silver. I was very hesitant. It’s a tad macabre albeit Magickal and I have had many failures with my silversmithing in the past week or two.

I felt reluctant to make any more mistakes. Yet something or someone was nagging me…just do it. It will be lovely to have something of her to wear with my other amulets.

So late in the evening I made the mould. Then I went outside with it, intending to melt the silver with my mapp gas. I set everything up but when I went to ignite the mapp gas it was empty!

I thought, what the fuck? I will need to use my Smith Little torch with the rosebud attachment. I felt anxious. I have never done casting in my studio before. Always on the outside station I created for it.

But something told me, “Look, you can do this, Tanya. You have the skills. You just gotta overcome your fear of failure and push through it.” So back inside I went with my casting equipment.

I lit the torch without any trouble, but I didn’t have quite enough heat so the silver took a long while to melt. I started to panic that it was going to fail again but something said to me “add more oxygen and crank up the heat”. I did what I was guided to do and this time it worked.

I spent the next hour or so, filing the beak back down. (Where the mould leaves a line in the centre!) Tomorrow I still need to saw off the sprue, and solder on a jump ring. I am so proud of myself but honestly it was very much “spirit” led and gifted from the fae.

I wish “they” would help me succeed at soldering the bezel on my beautiful cuff I keep failing at. Perhaps if I ask them nicely and make more offerings they will assist me when the fine silver arrives. That would be truly marvellous!

Meanwhile I am up in the middle of the night, struggling with my bladder and worrying about my future health outcomes. The other odd thing was while I was making my video yesterday a spirit stood behind me and ran their hand across my back in a sort of comforting gesture then told me to not be afraid as they are there to support me.

Then all that weirdness happened with me finding Charlie’s beak and I was very supported to make it in silver! Unusual, bizarre, weird. What does it all really mean?

I am not sure but I guess I will need to go with the flow and let my guides and protectors lead me on my way and hope they don’t lead me astray. Someone powerful, loving and determined wants me to succeed at long last. Even with my nonsensical fae existence. Trust I must in the multiverse.

Imagine what I might achieve if my health improves and I meet a strong devoted real love one day? Semantics…I still need to overcome the last delusional hellscape…. Shhh …says my angel….all will be revealed…in time. Gosh, I don’t know.

But Charlie was one of the greatest loves of my life and her being “gifted” back as a talisman or amulet is very very big magick which I will not underestimate or waste.

I am a tad in awe. Gratitude to the multiverse who yesterday really did have my back. Literally and figuratively. I wonder who that spirit was? I guess in time they will tell me who they are. Perhaps an ancestor?

Oh well, back to sleep I go. Laila tov! (good night!)

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10:25 am here we go, Babies. What magick will the gods/angels/fae bless me with today? Another day in “Paradise”. Not so bad…

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27 April 2024

I had the weeping rose arbour (which the base rusted out and might have caused my weeping rose to die) out on the kerb for the kerbside collection. But I’ve been staring at it for a few days. Finally it came to me. Repurpose it as at a trellis for my Jasmine vine. It looks great. I am happy that I recycled it this way.

If I buy another weeping rose I will need another strong support for it. But all my weeping roses have died after about 6-8 years so I think it’s the metal rusting that is the source of their demise. So if I buy another one I will need to make a better stand or support for it. They are hellishly expensive but spectacular when in bloom and I can’t bear any more rose deaths. I really miss it already!

Interestingly, in my recent trance drumming sessions I had a spirit mention “trellis” randomly about three times. I had no idea what they were talking about? In frustration I replied “what are you on about?” And they replied “you will know the trellis when you see it!” Lmao. Indeed I do! Gratitude to that guidance as I am glad the Jasmine has this wonderful support now.

I had the weeping rose arbour (which the base rusted out and might have caused my weeping rose to die) out on the kerb for the kerbside collection. But I’ve been staring at it for a few days. Finally it came to me. Repurpose it as a trellis for my Jasmine vine. It looks great. I am happy that I recycled it this way.

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27 April 2023

I spent the day drilling holes in my gumnut pendants, and sanding the back of Yoda. I also drilled a hole in his bail.

I am exhausted but content. I cooked a lovely dinner: vegetable stir fry and potatoes, chicken drumsticks and a parsnip cooked in my air fryer. It tasted delicious. I put ginger, lime juice, honey and terayaki sauce in for flavouring.

A good day.

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2:11 am well I have worked myself into a frenzy for the past 6 days. So tonight I can’t sleep. I got out of bed and ate leftover dinner which I had cooked at 4 pm. It was my only meal yesterday so this hobbit woman must have been hungry (nervous energy/insomnia/weird high from the excitement of being able to bezel set now!)

I am glad I got up and ate a middle of the night meal as I got advice on how to sand the stones which I marred and chipped from a man who does lapidary work. I explained I don’t want to remove the stones unless I absolutely have to because (arggghhh) so he told me what grit diamond paabf*kper to buy and where to source it on eBay. Phew. I ordered it right away asl it was actually cheaper than the other company I had originally looked at.

So hopefully the sanding papers arrive fairly soon so I can attain perfection (or close to it!)

I am trying to figure out where all this excess energy and motivation and general zest for jewellery making has suddenly come from but then I did put a prayer out recently for extra help with resources, for healing my mind body and spirit… so here it is.

It’s quite amazing how quickly things manifest when I combine my prayers with my iron will and determination then put it all into action by working so very hard.

Grateful that even though I have been a bit unwell with my ears (Eustachian tube issues, my gut, my arthritis) that I have pushed myself through all of that ickiness to create. Old me used to just lay down to die and never dreamed of having this much psychic “psycho” energy.

Especially given the life stressors the entire planet is labouring under at the moment0…or rather for the past 4 years.

I have done well, not just to survive but to Thrive in my silly nonsensical Ways.

I am looking forward like a very small Child, to whatever surprises/blessings/magick the gods have in store for me. I feel very contented and connected to the Holy One in all manifestations right now.

But I must attempt sleep as Ratih is coming to clean in the morning so I need to be rested when she gets here. (Otherwise I drive her mad with my mad ramblings!)

Laila Tov! Good night! Sending love and happiness to all xxx

27 April 2020

Going cold turkey from a long 6 year old love addiction that has demonstrated yet again (on both sides!) a high level of toxicity. Under stern advisement from my daughter, I have deleted his number so I can’t call him ever again, or continuously be played for a damn fool.

I held high hopes that he might come back to me. Ridiculous! My heart feels like someone has machinegunned it. Which of course it was always barely scraped together by duct tape (after decades of trauma) and my beautiful spiritual delusional intensely powerful haggard Heart of Hope.

I will be laying low for a while, licking my wounds.

True Love is the Absolute WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. In this World. In All worlds. You wouldn’t do this to a dog.

Update 27 April 2025: This! On repeat. Sick of living like this quite frankly.

27 April 2019

Today I am filled with gratitude for the beautiful Life I have somehow managed to slip into.

My garden and gorgeous pets. My mother many moons ago read my Tarot cards. She told me I would be content in my garden, surrounded by lots of little faces. She assumed children but I had no more children but have always been surrounded by animals and birds. So many tiny faces all looking at me with unconditional love, admiration and respect.

My mother got rather perturbed and jealous when she saw my future (she never wanted a good safe happy life for me!) At the time I was confused, (I was in denial about her envy and spite) and what could be so wrong with being in one’s own garden of delights, blooming exponentially and surrounded by so much love that I could almost fall to the ground and weep!

I missed out on so much in life but in a long arduous battle and a journey that is still unravelling, evolving, I can say that I got one marvellous thing out of all of it. I got Me back. That was no mean feat as I had no idea who I truly was. I am still tweaking and eking out more aspects of Self even at this late stage of life.

But so far, I like what I am seeing in myself. A brave beautiful Soul who is so deserving and so joyous in her spirit. Who loves and loves and loves and flies in the face of societal Darkness and goes where even Angels fear to tread. Who clothes herself in honour and integrity, in courage and in a fiery furious intention to create a better life for herself. I was so focused on survival and thriving that I did not even notice when the garden met me in my dreams, in my reality and rose up to protect me and watch me bloom.

Amazing.

Above my head the crow is watching me kiss Charlie and at my feet my dog is pondering his existence.

We are so blessed. So very blessed.

Update 27 April 2025: Now it’s just me in my beautiful Sacred Space garden. But the sun is shining…and rather intrepidly and mysteriously…I still have Hope for my future. Even with all the vicious rejection, sadism and abandonment. Somehow, some way there will be Love in my life again. Kookaburra gifted me yesterday. Today Crow is “singing” to me.

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https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid02mwkhyXxmYGUFMNQzLgfWZ8ZvibmCeQYyusAkkrrhYigFdULiFR9y6DykL7kPgBEJl&id=1340840204&mibextid=v7YzmG

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27 April 2018

The incubating illness has manifested as left hip pain. Lower back hurts too. So I went to bed early feeling very fatigued.

I woke up at 9.23 am and saw a video of young choir boys singing some aria with cat meows. I tried to share it but it was on a group’s page so didn’t work. But the look on Miss Penny’s face, listening to the beautiful music accompanied by soprano mewling was priceless. Great start to my day!

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Another fight with AGL but hopefully the problems are being fixed.

I am quite undone. Gonna lie in bed today. Mama T needs to rest!

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Well I’ll be ...AGL manager I spoke to today actually had integrity and kept his word. I think I have the vapours!

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Got Led Zeppelin in my ears, chicken tagine on the stove, a very confused dog (oh and the tagine just boiled over..shit!) Also Socks is no Rock Cat, he asked to go outside as soon as the music came on. Like all my men, he can’t handle a whole lotta love.

......meanwhile Tagine is still overflowing.... metaphor for my life really. Might as well go rescue that tragic Tagiiiiinnnneee!

Copyright The Tanya aka Tanya Désirée Arons (of the former boychik Aaronczykssss)

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What is wrong with this picture? I ate half of my meal with one fork until I decided I needed to cut some meat off and suddenly realised I had another fork.

How forking weird is that? Welcome to the Psychedelic Dreamer’s Dementia Ward!

As my Dearly Deceased Dad would have said: don’t worry sweetheart, just put your foot on it and growlllll!

(Unhelpful life skill example of bad parenting no 2 million and whatever.)

Daddy, Take Quentin Crisp’s erudite trite Style and Roberta’s “I am G-d, Insanity is a blessing”’ Drag with you.

Sacred Space is a zombie -free dead shit, Dickhead free Zone (Godzone in Brisss bania)

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Watching The Handmaids’ Tale Season 2.

Praise Be! Reminds me of my previous bullshit existence. Ie triggered!

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Magic Happens, Babies 🙂 Always and forever! It happens!

LOVE AND LIGHT!

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SHABBAT SHALOM! G-D IS GREAT! AMEN V (shhhhhh) SELAH!

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I do need to seriously think about a new vacuum. Mine is 23 years old and fading fast. Lol!

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Today has been intensely emotional/magickal and expansive. I burst some bubble and hit a wall, had a minor victory then went a little crazy on a forum. Funny but crazyyy!

It’s been Real. Love and light, y’all!

Laila Tov (that’s Hebrew for Good night) even though I am a heathenish Crone alone on my Throne with my dog and his bone and my ever-silent iPhone and my longing to go home to a place I never belonged so that is my trope and monotone.

Sleep well and dream the psychedelic dreamer’s dream.

27 April 2017

I just watched Blue Jay. A gorgeous movie. Very emotional. Before that I watched Adoration, which was also excellent.

Now need a drink and a wild night out but that will have to wait.

I might just go to sleep early. My emotions have been intense today. Time has slipped through my fingers and ships have sailed without me and that is my life as I know it.

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2 weeks of "health" after the sciatic pain finally ended. Now a hacking bronchitis/asthma. I am utterly furious. My teeth have been feeling sensitive again too. I cannot go on like this much longer.

I have been constantly sick for months now. Plus, winter is coming. I had a lousy summer being in agonised pain with my teeth now another bout of crap impending.

I have started on ventolin and seretide as I am spiralling under. Hopefully I can stop it in time.

27 April 2016

Lawn mower guy coming Friday. Yeah...ok. Better show up!

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4.11 pm just woke up. Bloody lawn mowing guy failed to turn up. But the landscape guy that housing sent turned up at 10 am to measure for the soil and grass for my subsidence.

I was knackered as Lucy arrived yesterday around 6 pm and left at 4.30 am. So I went back to bed, expecting to be woken by lawnmower.

I definitely need to find the money for a self-propelled mower or better yet a ride-on so I can do the job myself.

27 April 2015

Dumbarse broke my heart again. Told me everything was a fantasy in my mind. Not bad for a man who talks to me for hours.

They always label you crazy when they think they are smug and have a new woman/victim I mean. Such narcissism!

I must ask myself the question. What is it about me that constantly attracts abusers into my life? When will I cease self-inflicting damage to my heart, mind and soul by reaching out to men who are insincere at best, or hateful at worst.

No wonder I am not coping with life.

No money, poor health, a kid moving overseas, no family, no real security of my own, except for a car, no luck, no love, abandonment/rejection/betrayals/false friends and even falser lovers.

Fuck my fucked up life.

Oh well, Byron. Byron is my place of healing. Something to look forward to.

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You know it's really alarming. I only wanted one thing from Life. One enormous but immensely trivialised thing. It didn't even matter if money/status/security came with it.

I have been living like a drowning woman, clinging to flotsam and jetsom on turbulent edges of maelstroms all my life. Every now and then I would be becalmed like a ghost ship without sails or rudder.

Did I give up? No! Did I die? Almost but not quite. So sick of not dying and barely hanging on for illusions. Exhausted. In pain.

What choice do I have? Just keep floating, like a cosmic turd spray-painted Gold saluting the cesspools of life.

Shit makes beautiful things grow. Grow taller, wider, stronger, stranger. The stink is the same. It follows you everywhere you go. You can't hide Shit. Not even by eating it. Oh, how I was force-fed shit! By shitty people.

What to do???! Eat chocolate! Tomorrow on payday. It's still brown and molten and a by-product of a naturally occurring perfect herb. It is still Shit! Nice sugary placebo shit.

Shit-stained people really admire quality shit. Trust me on this!:-)

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2.35 pm. I guess I should get out of bed. Lying here, all warm and cozy with my sore left leg. To Rise and Shine upon the day or lie and die the day away, that is the question.

Schmeh, choose life. Also I am thirsty and need to take my meds.

27 April 2014

Last night I went out with Sarah to the Alfred and Constance Nightclub. We had dinner with her awesome friends, then we all went on to The Elephant and danced wildly til 3 am.

Boy, were our feet sore! I took my stockings off and my red shoes and Sarah took off her beautiful silver glitter shoes and we walked to her car bare foot which helped soothe my foot pads by stretching the muscles. We were a funny odd sight in the Valley, all glammed up and bare foot.

I have taught Sarah to do this also, as it's so painful and really by the end of the night looking glamourous on stilettos, it's enough already.

We stopped off at KFC for our late night feast before driving home. We chatted to a policeman on overtime duty there. He asked us a lot of questions, so I teased him by saying "Name Rank And Serial Number Officer!"

He blushed then told me he loved cheesecake. I said "Unfortunately for you, Officer, I make a hellishly good cheesecake but I rarely cook so you miss out, also your wife might not approve" and I burst into giggles.

He was a nice bloke, actually. He observed we both had tattoos and were both wearing red and chatted amicably while I fed some of our chicken to one of the neighbourhood cats slinking by.

I bent over to feed the cat and when I stood up and turned around I noticed the cop was checking out my posterior, even though my 50's dress goes to below my knees. I had a chuckle to myself. Men. Never. Stop.

Then we drove home and I stayed over at Sarah's as I was fairly exhausted. She didn't wake me at 1 pm when she left the house, so I woke up at almost 4 pm! It was very sweet of her to let me sleep, as I need a lot of sleep especially after all the physicality of dancing.

Then I rushed home to feed the cats who all gave me a good bollocking for being gone so long, and I fed the chooks who were 'entertaining' the damn scrub turkey.

So I chased her away, then went inside, made a nice cup of tea then rang Jarrod so we went to look around Bunnings and had some dinner at Magical Rice, and while there, I got a call from Crystal, then Sally to say Rachael was waiting at my house to see their cats.

So I came right home and Rachael and I were amused to see Socks give her the cold shoulder for a while but really he and Sophie were happy to see her. He is such a MAN. He insisted on being outside and saw her off at the car. Very sweet, really.

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27 April 2013

Back to reality with a bang! It was an inspiring few days. More material for my Stand Up Comedy when I decide to turn my fucked up Travesty of a Life into a money spinner!

27 April 2011

27 April 2009

Been trying to think of songs to play at my Viking Funeral...there's no hurry but I want a say in what they play to send me off with. So far I've decided on "Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell, "Memories" by Barbara Streisand, "Turn, Turn, Turn" by The Byrds.

Oooh ohh, and my favourite Windmills of Your Mind by either Sting or Dusty Springfield and maybe The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, by Roberta Flack.

Oops just read the lyrics for the Sex Pistols version of I Did It My Way, and sigh, I don't think it's suitable for my funeral...So I guess I'll have to be good and stick with Frank.

Update 2022: Lol…so cute. The Tanya still hasn’t died…yet…it’s getting a little weird…

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There's nothing on my mind, it's all swiss cheese and inner space.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons