Memories: 26 April 2025

26 April 2025

7:15 am

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I went to make offerings to the faery folks. I noticed Charlie's grave had been scratched open again. I saw this on top of the soil. I think it's the top part of her beak.

Update 10:07 pm I have cast the mandible into delft clay in sterling silver I just need to file, sand, polish and add a jumpring.

It will serve as a protective amulet as I can’t believe Charlie came back to me in this rather astonishing way. Love is Eternal.

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Rest in Peace Virginia Guiffre. You fought a long hard battle.

26 April 2024

https://youtu.be/_O9UiptM6wI?si=LRPx_GHPKyTL0ANt

26 April 2023

I chipped the front of the stone (even with tape on top of it. Arghhhh) but it still looks pretty. #titaniasrealm #bezelstonesetting #arggghhhh #magickhappens #iwillneedToImproveOnThis #donefortheday

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The finished piece. LOS the engraved hearts and the back polished with Renaissance wax . I lost the sheen by sanding off the mars on the stone. But I am still happy with it.

I used coconut oil to moisten with #2500 grit radial disk. At one point I got a little audacious and sanded with #600 grit sandpaper the rougher scratches.

It’s come up lovely although not as lovely as it was originally before I made a mess of it. C’est la vie. I am still joyful about how this piece turned out.

I cut the embellishments (hearts) out with my disc cutter ages ago so it was great to finally put them to use. The bail is an old bracelet clasp I recycled.

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There are mars on the stone where I slipped and tiny bumps from the radial Disc. I am going to give it one more polish to #600 grit and maybe try polishing the stone with oil and #2500 grit….maybe…?

But I set the stone. It was nervewracking as it was my first ever attempt. So apart from the damage to the stone (psy sighs) I am happy with my “professional development” and creativity. It’s a start anyway. I still have the square moonstone to set.

26 April 2021

26 April 2020

Mama T braved the post-apocalyptic post-ANZAC Day CROWDS and queues to buy my Beau some new balls. He is sooo happy with his new acquisitions.

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I had a lovely day today. In the late afternoon I took Bobo and Charlie for a walk. Charlie got to play with the three Scott boys. He played ball. They ran around with him merrily. Their mother Clare made me a cup of tea.

The youngest one, age 6, Winston randomly says to me “you are a Snake!” I almost fell off my chair.

I said “I am indeed a Snake in Chinese astrology. How did you know that Winnie?”

He looks at me sagely and says “I know because I am one too!”

His mother comes over to him and says “That’s right Winnie! You are a Snake too!”

I was a bit gobsmacked. The child is gifted with psychic powers to have randomly guessed my Chinese astrology sign! When I left, I told Clare that he is very brilliant and also gifted.

Then I carried on with our walk, by now in the twilight. I stopped to chat with Pete and Robyn and their little dog Koko.

Then walking up the street Leanne across from me and her daughter said Hello and we remarked on the extremely warm April weather!

Then I went home and cooked the marvellous steak that Lyn bought for me. I devoured half of it. It’s juicy, tender and delicious (even with my cooking it “well done”).

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The Dybbuk in the Roof

Chapter 12

“Who the hell are you to treat me like that?”

The world is steeped in Death and Insanity. A thin veneer of civilisation carefully masking the putrescence and bestiality underneath.

The Tanya knows the Dybbuk has multiplied itself in the billions. Riding each human with cavalier glee.

Choose Life. Choose Love. Alas, poor Davidson, we knew him well. His haunting had served only to highlight the miscarriages of justice she experienced. Over and over again. Also the medical negligences.

Then the smug evil condescension of her own Jewish community. But the Dybbuk never rests and neither does the Australian government with its fearmongering and loss of containment of coronavirus. Vile dickheads.

The Dybbuk is practising ballet on the roof, pirouetting with more aplomb than the usual ballet maestro. Counting souls and assorted epiglottal collective fears. Gaining prowess and infinite power.

Her former lover who fed this community with such vile slander is dead. But that song runs through her head (the guttural Smokey voice of Madison Avenue) “Who the hell are you to treat me like that, I don’t care where you been, where you going, where you at?!”

He used to sing it to her, trying to blow smoke up her arse and 20 years later he is incapable of smiling as she is utterly through with him and he is well...dead. Him and his cohorts in the community that still thought they could try to humiliate her, after two decades.

Karma rectification. Tikkun Olam. Counting The Tanya’s tears until her last breath.

Hush now, Dybbuk. You want to create Hell on Earth. Feast on human flesh like carrion? Sit down, Baby. The Tanya already lived through more apocalypses than this one. Just settle Petal, you fucking Amateur.

But one is mindful of the complete disarray. Condescending offers of assistance from glib grandstanders. Hypocrites.

Members of parliament offering people call 13 Health for assistance. Where was the help in June 2019 when The Tanya feared for her very life? None. Only abuse. 13 Health only services the rich it would seem. Systemic abuse rampant.

What hope in a pandemic? Why none! Do not delude yourselves. Look after your own self and your pets and your beloveds. Socially avoid the rest of the lying evil greedy salacious humans. Social distancing? My lifestyle has gifted me after all.

The Tanya had help from genuine earthangels while everyone else, including government officials whipped her hide. Flogged her reputation and her actual flesh. Then laughed in her face.

Well, humans...the last laugh is always best. Loudest and longest.

Hear me?....

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Lyn bought me this amazing steak when the lockdown began and there was no meat to be had in the shops. Also the most delicious Moroccan sausages. Omg!!!

I was in panic mode unable to buy basic food and my Angel Lyn provided.

Thank you my Queen, for all you have done for me (and all my “mad” phonecalls over many years (almost 32 years).

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26 April 2019

Yesterday I had a conversation with Crystal who informed me that her father had some nice things to say about me. My blood ran cold. I am still extruding furious cold coagulated blood.

I reminded her that although he will forever remain Her father that he is my ex husband. That he paid two people to attack and strangle me when our marriage ended and that although I never reported him to the police (a deep regret of mine) as I feared for my life and my children’s, that he remains the most vile disgusting pig in my eyes.

No amount of kind words on his part 24 years later, will ever change the fact that he is/was a monster and he is absolutely not My family and his opinions of me good bad or indifferent have no fucking importance in my life.

I reminded her that I had to work very hard in a severely traumatised state over several decades to keep us safe and it was not always possible. That her father contributed to all of that with his alliance with my evil mother, and Buck Scherer.

I am wondering what has fucking happened to Micheal after all those long years of emotional/mental/financial abuse that he suddenly decides he can express care or sympathy for me or my existence?

Maybe he is dementing???? He made a comment a few years ago to my daughter that he had a good life with me and I was quote-unquote “not-so-bad”. I was thoroughly disgusted by that.

What he really meant was he had a good wife who gave him plenty of sex (even though it was usually bad ahem!), who strove to keep my family unit together even when it was under constant attack from slanderers at Shule and my own manipulative interfering mother!)

Not surprisingly I began to have breakdowns as I was scapegoated, shunned, fucking pilloried at home, in our business, in my Jewish community and in false friendships. Ultimately Micheal even turned my own staff against me.

Only my dear friend Jarrod has stuck by me for the past 27 years as a former employee and most beloved sincere friend.

So what the fuck is my ex-husband trying to do by grooming my daughter?

Hmmm. Watch this space.

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26 April 2018

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Sally visited and gifted me a laptop and a new keyboard. Also some beautiful Turkish delight and chocolate!

Then Crystal needed help to get to visit a friend at Chermside to pick up a microphone for her spruiking job today. So Jenny and I went to pick Crystal up and drive her to her friend Jenny (who is a delightful salt of the earth woman).

Then we went back to Crystal’s for a cup of tea then back home to my place. Jenny and I drank wine and imbibed in the goodness of life but I babbled manicly and wore my Jenny out (as I have a tendency to do late at night when I simply come alive like a nocturnal blossoming creature!)

I am so blessed and grateful to my gorgeous friends. You lift me up and sustain me and bring so much joy and solace.

Thank you xxx

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29 PCs and laptops gifted to me since 1995 tells me I am a Writer. An unpublished schmuck of a writer. Venting my life on Facebook in intricate detail and often repetitive veignettes from my life.

I have a fear of success. Failure is my Style. Failure is something I am comfortable with, with my existential angst and experiential awareness.

I don’t know how to live this world. Or achieve. But my Beloveds keep blessing me with the tools to express myself so I might as well keep trying.

I strive to make you all proud of me one day. Not sure how or when but baby steps.

Thanks Sally, Jenny, Jarrod, Lyn and Peter, and David McSkimming who gave me my first computer.

Thanks for believing in me even when I don’t always believe in myself.

Thanks for being here on my journey to Wholeness and dragging me from Survival to Thrival. You are all so awesome!

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My longtime estranged younger daughter Jasmine flew to England on Tuesday. I pray the gods and the English treat her with kindness. I hope she gains wisdom on her overseas sojourn and that she is kept safe.

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Sore hip, sore knee, dear god hope it’s not another bout of sciatica again. Just keep moving forward...life is good. I am happy.

26 April 2017

Got woken up by a contractor for Housing. They gonna fix my fence. I am hoping for a new one but beggars can't be choosers. Sigh.

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26 April 2016

26 April 2015

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Toni Childs and her band are safe in Bali. They left Nepal 3 days ago.

My heart goes out to the families of missing and killed Australians caught in the Nepalese earthquake and avalanche. Also to the poor locals. Such immense suffering.

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4.41 am on bus heading home. I had a great night dancing apart from Lana hassling me again on the dancefloor. She says she won't have to pay the $1000 fine as her uncle is a judge.

She really is a putrid waste of space. Security took me aside and told me to report her next time rather than talking back to her.

Fair enough. She just won't leave me alone. Really disgusting!

26 April 2014

3.44 am. Home safe. I have had the most fantastic few weeks of my entire life. Tonight Sarah spoilt me lavishly for her birthday (should be the other way around!)

She bought me dinner at an Italian restaurant then we danced wildly for Berst until 2 am. Woody, Dale and Andy are awesome! Love them to bits. (Love Jabba too :-) ).

Woody finished the night by playing Zombie which I adore, having lived a Zombie life for over 20 years that song has particular meaning to me. Especially the fight for self-determination in Ireland and the anti-war message.

One has to confront one's Shadow before you can truly appreciate the Light Worker Aspect of the soul. Life and Death in an entangled Lambada dance for eternity. The snake (Caduceus). Swallowing its own tail. Life-death-life regeneration in the Gilgulim. (wheel of reincarnation).

It is good to remember our little spark of the Divine and take our place in the cycle of Infinite Awareness. A blessing and a Prayer of the Living, those who have faced the Hag and come out in full glory and bliss!

Schehecheyanu v'kiyamanu v'higiyanu lazman hazeh!

Blessed Are You, Lord my G-d for sustaining me and bringing me to this Season of immense happiness, wonderful friends, old and new, and a whisper and a promise of a New Life Free of Pain and Suffering with only Good times and People to come.

Update 2020: Finally getting there...happy life, surrounded by genuinely loving kind people.

26 April 2013

On Sunday I met a strange Man, he made me nervous but I pushed through my usual cynicism and mistrust after a very bad week of False starts with some aggressive and unpleasant Characters and auditioning suitors for the Ongoing Love Story of The Tanya's Primary Existence, to meet a wonderful amusing and fascinating man.

To add to the surreality of the mystique of my life so far this year, he proclaimed himself to be an Elvis impersonator so I asked him to audition for me. Right there, in front of everyone in the pub...he did! He was witty, charismatic and mischievous. My kind of man!

Update 2019: Well “Dead Elvis” turned out to be a flog. But it was interesting nevertheless 🙂.

Mama T rises and shines. Happy in love with the other headfucking Wiglet that always makes cameo appearances at the casino as he is approach-avoidant but never quite lets me go. True love? Our spiritual connection is intensely strong.

Even my psychiatrist commented on our Jungian connection as I had mentioned Dave in therapy (I felt his energy for past 5 weeks and was pushing it away as it never goes anywhere but true to form he pops up again.). My doctor told me I am very powerful in my intuition. It is unmistakeable. I always know without knowing when he will reappear.

It is sad that we can’t seem to get back together but our spirits are entwined in some weird cosmic dance and true to his word, he is never far away from me.

I have to keep loving myself and healing and growing in such a way that eventually I will attract the One who won’t run and hide, or play games or stress me out by shoving former friends and other lovers in my face. A man who chooses me, is happy and proud to be with me and respects me and adores me, as a woman, as “The Tanya”, as a spirit.

But first I have to make myself proud and happy to be Myself, even if it means staying alone for the rest of my life. I am not going to sell myself out for the sake of some fake fucked up delusional cock supreme ever ever ever again.

My doctor told me yesterday that all my poverty and mental health problems would melt away if I found a stable loving partner. I threatened to take him outside his offices and bash him. I told him he was being ridden by my mother’s abusive Hag spirit feeding me with patriarchal betrayals.

He apologised then and said he meant that a good man would be a great boon to me. But he acknowledged I would probably sabotage out of fear or not feeling deserving enough.

Fear! After every lover I ever had turning vicious and dangerous and in several cases actively trying to kill me (by strangulation and/or driving me into terror and poverty) I have to overcome reasonable fear every time I cast my heart to the winds and give some horny dickhead a chance. Which is why I shut down even my sexuality. I can’t trust most men.

Deserving! I deserve as much as any other human on this planet to be loved, nurtured, protected, made love to, cared for/about.

Which is why I am staying single until the time The One shows up in my life and meets me where I am. Halfway. Not subsuming me. Not smothering me. Certainly not fucking harming me.

I love myself too much to go down to that 7th Hell again.

Update 2021: Double sigh. Pity he turned out to be a stingy using lemonade rubberband cunt of a man. He started off with such razzle dazzle and ended up like a jagged little pillsbury doughboy!

Update 2022: Oh dear…lol…that was another hot shoe shuffle…had to divest myself quickly. Shit.

26 April 2011

Gail and little Tahylia picked me up and took me to see "Rio" which we all thoroughly enjoyed. I wish could afford to see the real Rio De Janeiro one day.

Afterwards we went to Bunnings and I bought some little terracotta pots so I could pot up my garden on the stairs LOL . Then later I fell asleep in front of the tv, so I spent the evening re-potting the pots.

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Tomorrow Lyn is coming to follow me to Salisbury Wrecking so I can finally and sadly part with "The Beast". Ave Beastie, it's been 21 and a half years and you have been the most Magnificent Machine and served me well. I will sorely miss you! Mazda Corporation, you rock.

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I wish I hadn't started eating blocks of chocolate last few weeks. I've been so good. This addict has busted majorly and now I'm craving chocolate day and night.

It will take me a lot of time to de-programme from the chocolate addiction again. CHOCOLATE = POISON AND WILL KILL ME! (but I'll die happier lol).

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons