Memories: 26 December 2025

26 December 2025

6:19 am I wake up from a beautiful dream. I was living in a ground floor apartment with big windows looking out onto the street. I was in high anticipation as a suitor was coming to visit me. I wasn’t expecting him until 11 am and I was wanting to shower and wash my hair and dress in something lovely.

Suddenly a man walks up to my apartment. He ‘s not the suitor but someone famous. I immediately recognise him and gasp “Are you who I think you are?” He smiles and mysteriously says “I don’t know? Am I?” With this mischievous winsome smile. Instant recognition. It was the guy who played James Bond.

(Wait…I need to google him as I can’t remember his name lol). Right…it’s Daniel Craig but in real life he’s married and would not be randomly visiting little old me lol. I haven’t watched a Bond film in years so I don’t even know how I knew he played as James Bond. But the guy in the dream certainly looked quite a lot like him.

Anyway, he is very polite and British and I tell him I am expecting a date to turn up. He says “That’s okay. You go shower and I will make a cup of tea while we wait. I am interested to meet the man who finally gets to date The Tanya!” I laugh and say “Oh my god….so am I! I doubt he will show up though. Most of my men turn out to be fakes or tricksters or bloodless mindless cowards”.

He says “I think we shall have fun! I am looking forward to this!” I go out to the front windows and my “date” has arrived early. He is parked outside, looking nervous and weirded out. I yell out to my famous movie star mentor/guide/friend “Oh my fucking god…he’s early and lurking outside and I haven’t even washed my hair!”

James Bond calmly says “go wash your hair. I will keep him entertained”. I reply “No that would be weird. It would scare him off. Competing with a movie star. Why are you even here? Another saboteur to my love life potentiates?!” We both look at each other and laugh. I just met him and yet we feel like old friends, completely safe and comfortable with each other. It’s a nice feeling.

So then the date arrived. He’s short, Jewish, neurotic, nervous as hell. He sees I have Bond Guy with me and he goes pale.

“You’re early” I tell him (trying not to sound histrionic). “But come on, we are making tea”.

“Who’s that guy!” He stares contemptuously. I reply “He just arrived. I have no idea. I think he’s Bond. Very decent fellow. I could fall in love”.

“James Bond” moves slickly over to my date. Shakes his hand. Smiles warmly. “How do you do? Welcome”, acting as though we have a long history and hadn’t just met each other.

I roll my eyes. Why DO men do that? Take immediate ownership of a woman then compete like gladiators for a Grecian goddess.

I decide it’s fun to have the attentions of two men, one confident and charming, the other a hot mess but kind of endearing and obviously genuinely thrilled to meet me. Me. Little old me. I haven’t seen such enthusiasm in an eon.

So I relax. Chill the fuck out. Decide I will just let things unfurl and have fun with this rather unexpected encounter.

I go back into the kitchen. It looks just like a kitchen we had in my adolescence. I explain the chaos and mess is not mine. It’s my stepfather’s and he’s not here. Loathing sears through me like a knife in hot butter, tinged with a weird grief of memory.

Suddenly I have moved out of time back to being 16. Oh oh. No you don’t. I don’t belong to you, any of you! I must stay in this current space-time. Don’t let old memories ruin your lovely life with your two rather sweet genial attentive men.

I go over to the fridge. Open it. Both men stand beside next to me. It’s full of various shelves of meat. Ham (which I never bring into my house!) on one shelf. Lower down other nice meats. I pick up a giant slab of red meat and set it on my lap. (Like that was the most normal thing in the world). It seeps blood all over my thighs and hips. Ew!

James Bond person, so dear, such a gentleman, quietly removes it from me. “No dear….no….go and have your shower. I’ve got this!” I say “I can’t possibly shower with two strange men in my house. It’s uncomfortable. Unsafe”.

The other guy moans “Is there anything kosher to eat?” I show him all the edible kosher food. Then I go and shower.

I come back, hair wet, cleansed, dressed and luminous. I look and feel radiant. The two men are getting along like peas and potatoes. There is a real sense of intimacy, camaraderie and safety in the air. I feel so happy and delighted. My two new men friends like each other. The sexual competition has dissipated. Thank the goddess for that!

“Here she is! Did you know we are both Freemasons?” I think to myself, ahhh that is interesting. Then I wake up.

It’s a beautiful dream, even with the weird sexual allusion of red meat landing on my lap. Because of the emotions. Warmth, safety, excitement, anticipation. Feeling guided, protected. Not any conflict (even with the lovely Jewish man who arrived too early for our date.)

Instead of it being weird and threatening and nerve wrecking my James Bond foil took control of the situation and made sure I was safe, prioritised and comfortable. Nice.

(I prayed to God last night before sleeping to remove my trauma dreams…the one the previous night was awful) so this is me, partially lucid dreaming….putting the skids on the slabs of meat lol.

Good Morning. Happy Boxing Day.

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https://youtu.be/QFfXXfzYSn0?si=rA-inlIm8R-Vl8Xy

https://youtu.be/1OJFqtrtNnk?si=rjdaGyDD0N5j9mYa

26 December 2024

Today was a very lovely and spiritual day. Jarrod spent the day and evening with me. We lit the Chanukah candles together. Actually I asked Jarrod (who is a pagan!) to light them while I said the blessing.

We were astonished to observe in the shadow behind the candlelight, the Viking rune “Sowilo”.

I have been working for the previous three days on sterling silver beard beads which I carved the rune “Uruz” for healing on the first one and am yet to complete the second one. I am waiting to confer with Pauly as to which rune he’d like for the second bead. So this rune showing up in the shadow cast by my Chanukiah was rather unusual.

26 December 2020

11:45 pm I had a beautiful day with Jarrod and Crystal today. Also a lovely day yesterday with Lyn and Peter. So happy and grateful for the abundance, love and happiness. It was a delicious feasting!

26 December 2019

I had a lovely day with Jarrod today. He brought lots of antipasto for our lunch. In the evening we watched “Years and Years” on sbs on demand. Fascinating!

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7.14 am. I promised myself a love letter a day so here it goes:

Dearest Tanya,

I think you are an amazing and brave and beautiful woman. I love how you have grown from a very quiet terrorised little girl into a deeply expressive outspoken (sometimes witty and obnoxious!) audacious fearless mature woman.

The sassy side of your nature, the extroverted aspects of your nature that your family of origin and the education system almost obliterated with so much horror and abuse, you reclaimed in the past 10 years. You truly became the woman you always dreamed of Becoming. Wild, Free, Indomitable and Delightful.

No matter how much awfulness has been thrown at you (and there were decades of abject horror!) you continuously rise above it. Sometimes the only thing holding you together like a finely wrought silver cord was your faith in a higher power:yours and God’s and your innate strength and defiance against a sick sick society.

Your Love shines. Radiant and ephemeral. No human male lover had proved worthy of you. All the games and cruel abuses broke you down a multitude of times and yet you mysteriously kept Love burning bright inside you like a beacon of Hope as well as your ancient preternatural Distress call. A siren of fate. A lighthouse in storm tossed seas.

Like Odysseus tied to the mast of his ship and blindfolded to avert the Sirens’ depth-sounding songs of Death you went out and without qualms...you Danced. In the darkest most unholy Spaces you maintained your Sacred Tryst with the gods.

So much spite and envy was hurled at you, by people in that scene you had thought were friends. Even lovers: envious of your courage and light.

You wanted to die. Do you know why you are still alive? Still Chosen, little one? You have a yet unfulfilled Destiny. I know you felt cheated out of peaceful Oblivion. Robbed of love and success and money. But those are just fripperies.

You are a Soul that is manifest on Earth because you are needed and wanted and admired. By very few humans and all your pets and wild bird/animal visitors to Sacred Space.

Don’t beat yourself up for your anger and fire and passion for wanting to be loved, seen, respected. Those are basic rights of all living sentient beings. You deserve all the love that was strangled out of you by monsters. All the love that was stomped on and disavowed by cowardly bloodless curs.

Open your heart and mind as you have been so masterfully doing in recent years. Watch the magic unfold. The magic that is you. Do not give up.I have your back! Always and forever.

Love from

(Insert The Name here)

26 December 2018

I found this sticker stuck on my chest. When I read it I had a little laugh. My mother celebrated Xmas on Xmas eve (German Xmas!) and my silly daughter chose that afternoon to upset me.

The spirit of my mother is “acting out” as I am in the process of removing her couch from the lounge. (two pieces still here but rest of it under the house!)

Well, how did a food-type packaging sticker get into my bed with me? Probably one of the cats brought it in and I rolled on it in my sleep.

Used by date 24 December. Mama T is Done. But it is all good. Mother’s have greater capacity for forgiveness and moving on than one usually can expect.

Mother’s love is Eternal. (Or in Gisela’s case Infernal!)

26 December 2017

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1.01 pm

(still 11s). I wonder what my angels/Trickster gods/elementals are trying to say to me? Very determined are they! Sweetness and light and hmmm, ccccccommitment. But to Whom or What?

I woke up with a big love and an unmistakeable energy signature. Still a bond of sorts after all this time/distance/unrequitedness. Silly man.

I am ignoring it. Not my monkey, not my circus. If he wants me, he knows how to get in contact with me.

I have had quite enough ghosts and zombies and false lovers for several lifetimes.

Let them quiver in their jocks and crawl at the feet of their Queen of Wands as Davidson Devo did in June 2016.

I always warned him that would happen if he kept harming me. (I myself never fully realised my own power: in fact I was half-joking). But there it is. Manifestations of a woman’s love.

Popping up like glove puppets in a neverending Punch and Judy Puppet Show. The Tanya hammers each and every salacious treacherous bastard down and licks her wounds and loves her beauty, power and life. (Why not? Nothing better to do!)

It’s a comedy of errors, a grotesque comedy of terrors, a delightful tragic bliss and a serenade of yearning that lasted far too long, like screeching Banshees or blasted sunset-driven horny cats. (No pussy grabbing, crotch pounding, flesh merging for you, motherfucker!)

I was gifted a woman’s body with a mind of a man and the soul of a goddess. It has its handicaps. Psy Sighs.

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11:11 am. Days of this! Lol! Funny old world!

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It’s Boxing Day. It’s hot again. Storms impending. Tornadoes threatening! Stay safe, people!

I am feeling content! The neighbourhood is quiet. All is well!

26 December 2016

Jarrod brought a lovely lunch. We are having a lovely day. He cooked a stuffed turkey roll, made coleslaw and potato salad and we have enjoyed our lunch. Now sitting in the garden revelling in all the bird life.

26 December 2014

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I had a lovely day with Lyn, Peter, Annette and Daryll and Danni. I arrived just as they were having lunch (my food radar rarely fails :-) ) and we passed the afternoon chatting merrily enjoying each other's company.

Puppy was especially excited to see me!

Lyn have me a gorgeous pop-up book on Vikings. It even had a viking ship pop-up in the middle. I was excited like a kid. I collect pop-up books (or used to, for my children) so I was enchanted!

26 December 2013

Being driven to pick up Crystal with Jarrod in his car, to go see The Hobbit! Precioussss!

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Chanukah was over, now Christmas is over... New Year Eve craziness yet to come, followed by Tu B'Shvat (new year of trees).

Tonight, boxing day, my gorgeous daughter and my friend Jarrod are taking me out to see The Hobbit as we are all Tolkein fans from way back. So I am really looking forward to seeing that.

It's 2.03pm just woke up to the sound of my neighbour yelling about chicken. Oh the holidays, the stress, the psychotic arguments about everything and nothing. So glad my toxic family is dead and the few remaining of my family of origin are out of my life.

I finally get to experience Peace and Joy and healing!

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So my neighbour Timsa calls out my name from behind our communal fence. I call out "Here I am". He comes to peep over the top of the timber fence.

“Merry Christmas! I want you to meet a Jew!" A young man appears beside him, smiling. I grin back, inanely.

“Shalom" I say "you are a Jew? An Israeli?" "Ken" he says "b'seder". I laugh.

"Happy Chanukah. Where is your Kippah?"

He blushes. "Ahh you are a Secular Jew like me!"

Very funny and odd way to meet the neighbours. He is going back to Israel in a week. Lovely!

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Pomeranian puppy for sale $500 in Laidley. Soooo tempting. Miss my girl so much!

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Just watered entire garden and refilled fry pond. Now knackered but happy!

26 December 2012

Loving The Big Lebowski!

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Just watched Betty Blue! What an amazing film!

26 December 2011

I enjoyed a lovely visit with my "Mum" Sybil today! Gail and Tayhlia and Miss Bella Rosa were happy to spend time with her too! Thanks for having us Sybil! xxx

Copyright : Tanya Désirée Arons