Memories: 25 July 2025

25 July 2025

9 am. A long sleep. I have a slight headache. Probably dehydration. I had to get up to pee twice during the night which is an improvement too.

Holding myself together…as always indomitably and courageously. I had intense dreams. I was shown the commonwealth coat of arms again. That’s twice now.

The government is watching me watching them lol. Even in my dreams….Now hear this: Every move you make, every soul you take, every benevolence you fake…I’ll be watching you. I call upon the gods to protect me and all other humans who stand up to our alien/AI or demon infested “Overlords”.

They will not be allowed to get away with what they perpetrated on my species, Homo sapiens sapiens in 2020-2022. There will be retribution. Those who were knighted can get knotted. We the people, real authentic humans know exactly who and what you are. We the people will never forget what you took from us: our health, our progeny, our safety, our human rights and our divine right to our humanness.

We the people are calling the gods of retribution upon your evil anti-humanist heads. We are arising and shining from the long sleep of denial and obfuscation.

We are calling in our holy blessed ones who stand by our sides with honour, dignity and pride because they know who stood up and was counted amongst all Men. We will find each other and keep what is beautiful and worthy of our species Alive.

Even we tainted ones, broken ones will reclaim our innate human spark and reignite our Light.

Mama T has Spoken!

…

3:30 pm it’s been such an exquisite day. Not a breath of wind. I had the birdie boys outside for a few hours. I cleaned all their cages. I have decided to buy a larger outside cage for little Beau. It’s getting crazy cosy in my studio/bird room but I want him to have more comfort for when he’s outside. They are both living their very best life.

I feel so grateful and happy these days. Peaceful. Free. Enjoying each day that the gods allow me to enjoy. Navigating through the sadder ones.

Life is interesting. I worried today was going to be too cold but somehow, without the cold wintry wind it was a perfect day. I am feeling very blessed indeed.

I might have a nanny nap then go off for my usual Friday night Dance. Berst are playing. I haven’t been to one of their gigs in ages!

My house is clean, the birdcages are clean, I cleaned the fishpond filter also. Time to play!

25 July 2023

It’s a beautiful warm winter’s morning. I woke up at 8:57 am. Leapt out of bed. Unusual. To be so enervated first thing in the morning.

I am still in my dressing gown, drinking tea, sitting outside under the frangipane tree, with Charley and Beauregard. Yesterday was much cooler. It feels so lovely to have the warmth of the sun and only a light breeze.

I have been thinking about the universal sweet love I received on Friday night. It was lovely and unusual. I have been putting out prayers/affirmations/manifestations for decades for the gods to reveal true hearts and minds and show me who my truest deepest love might be. Alas…he is married. So unavailable for a love partnership with The Tanya. Psy sighs.

But I am soaking myself in that sweet romantic agape love (that will not be sullied by sexual frotterings because I have integrity and respect for myself). It really is lovely to feel beautiful, and seen and cherished by another human being that I have witnessed to be a man of decency, even though his rock star image lends itself to smouldering masculine sexuality that drives the women wild. Lol!

It’s all razzle dazzle show business but I allowed myself a brief moment to accept that he does like me. He has always treated me with kindness and sweetness. And that is enough.

I realised on Friday night/early Saturday morning that there were many pouring love to me… including a woman at the end of the night who didn’t want me to go home and kept me dancing for 5 more songs.

Love is surrounding me in exponential swirling concentric circles that vibrate like cymatics off my flat plane of celibacy and isolationist existence. It’s beautiful and soul nourishing.

It makes me wonder who will be The One to claim me as his own lover, to adore me and cherish me and make a heartfelt sincere commitment to choosing me for the rest of our lives in a sacred union of deep love?

Does that man even exist? But I have come a long way in my healing that I am even willing to open up to a real Love again. It’s a tad astonishing!

…

I took Bobo and Charley for a longer walk through Whites Hill reserve. My liver ached the whole way. Moving in spasms of pain. I came home exhausted but got busy making a ring in the late afternoon /evening.

Unfortunately I cracked the Opal while attempting to set it. I am still thrilled that I managed to make the ring though. It was my first time making a ring shank setting.

…

Another great review of my daughter’s show. She has had 5 good reviews now. I am so proud of her!

25 July 2022

9:06 pm I finished sanding back the half moon edges. It still needs more refinement. I have to stop now. I am dizzy and utterly exhausted.

…

In bed. Everything hurts including I bit down hard on my lip while sawing, so I now have what looks like a cold sore or blood blister. FML. But I was determined and hell I don’t know where I get these firestorms of blitzkrieg type energy from but I have wanted to do this job for a year so I seized the Evening!

I had a lovely day today. In spite of having to wash all my clothes again as the smoke reeked in all my clean washing.

Crystal messaged me that she has Covid so that is a worry.

Perhaps that’s how I dealt with that worry, with my fierce enervation sawing up my desk. Nothing like intense creativity to chew up nervous energy.

Hopefully I sleep better tonight as I only had 5 hours last night.

Tomorrow I will have to vacuum the studio floor and clean all the fine saw dust off my furniture. Gahhh.

A woman’s work is never done!

25 July 2021

Last glass of revolting prep for the night. I have done well as I had to drink 3 litres by 9 pm and it’s 8:26 pm. One more litre to drink tomorrow morning (argghhhh). But with strength of mind I can do anything. (I reminded myself that I carried a very heavy timber cabinet into my house by myself then Inlaid it with abalone! Back in March!) So I am a powerful albeit half-crazed woman.

What’s one night clinging to the toilet bowl extruding one’s insides? Utterly fragile making and gross but I am surviving it so far! I am very glad I made the decision to not do this colonoscopy only two months after the gallbladder surgery. I could not have endured this back then. 🙂

Interestingly Viking Warrior Goddess Mama T has a strange craving for steak, eggs and chips. (And I rarely ever crave steak lmao!). Fasting is not my forté!

Finished last of 3 litres prep just now: 8:36 pm. Champion!!!

Update: The nursing staff and doctors were excellent yesterday but when I arrived at the reception I was ignored by the admin officers. There was a long line of other patients waiting in seats behind me.

I shuffled my paperwork, shuffled (semi-danced) between both feet, not sure if I should wait for him or the young woman at the end of the counter. Dude mofo continues to ignore me. I continue to shuffle. Take a few steps towards the woman also ignoring me. My rage increasing by the minute.

I hear the sound of his printer printing out. I think, oh well he must truly be busy,…but no…continued silence…not much movement on his part…a second printout gets vomited out of the machine.

Dude Mofo still does not move from his seat. Finally he looks at me with dead soulless eyes and says loudly and irritatedly “You need to go to the end counter, to be served”.

I replied furiously “Are you being a smart arse? You plainly saw I have been waiting here all this time.”

“That’s the process” he screams back at me. I told him to get fucked and I will not be humiliated or abused on a day when I am about to get a colonoscopy.

I walk over to his colleague. A Handmaid’s little bitch of his same age group. She demands my pension card and Medicare card. I shove them at her. She started screaming at me too, when I stated I better not be put to the bottom of the list because of their rudeness and incompetence. Another verbal fight ensues.

They call security. I note a Maori man with kind eyes arrive and his security card. I am even more furious that they are so vicious and incompetent that they have called security on me.

I stare at him and continue berating the staff (by now the nurse manager has arrived…Scottish…she yells at me that my complaint has been noted and did everyone in the waiting room have to hear it?)

I replied “I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me?” She replied “I can see that!”

I replied that I will not be tolerating any abuse from this hospital as I have a long history of experiencing abuse here and at the PA. Especially from admin staff whom anyone anywhere in any clinic or office in the known world Knows it is a basic courtesy and common practise to acknowledge a patient or a customer with words like “I will assist you in a moment, please take a seat” not to blatantly ignore someone who was obviously triggered and confused. (We had trouble even accessing the department as they had blocked off the lifts with no clear Instructions on how to get to the endoscopy dept, only signs saying to use the main entrance).

Ridiculous… ALL of It. (A kind employee had found us wandering through the corridors and guided Jarrod and I and another male patient (also lost and confused!) to the endoscopy Department!

So young bitchface with eyelashes like Medusa snakes (fake batwings ones that did not colour her soul any prettier) screams at me to sit down.

I just stare at her for a longggg moment. I walk to where Jarrod is sitting. The security guard lurches forward and shows me his card and tells me he’s security. “Yeah yeah” I reply. He asks “If I am all good now?” (Like I am some kind of primeval animal or petulant child).

I tell him I am good, very very gooood but I would like to kill everyone in this place. I glance at the admin staff. They have played their sick little “BDSM play” like basic filthy motherfuckers.

I look into the security guard’s eyes. I see basic kindness there. I tell him…”I am here for a colonoscopy, not this bullshit…but all I can say is …Kamate kamate kaora kaora….” He goes a little pale.

I say “You feel me….?” He replied “Yes. I feel you”. I smile behind my mask and ooze sweetness and light from my core. I deserve better. Truly. Basic manners and respect.

I notice another man had arrived standing near the now defunct lifts. He is wearing Orange hi-vis gear but by his posture and watching me, I know he has been sent as back up in case I go Berserk!

(I wonder if he is from the Psych Unit…like wearing a uniform to disguise the fact that he is observing me?) I look at him for several moments. Nod.

Rudeness, incompetence followed by threats for my safety and my rights to have a colonoscopy that frankly I don’t really want but is forced on me. (To stop me from getting bowel cancer but won’t clean up the systemic misogyny and othering and the gross zombie apocalypse I am witnessing every day!!!)

I sit back down. Talk to Jarrod about the fact I might be better off going home and cancelling the entire evil thing.

Jarrod tells me it’s up to me how I manage my health. I nod. Feeling sick to my core that I am forced to live in this sick sick perverted acopic incompetent vicious society.

I calm down slightly. A male nurse (an Indian man) calls my name. We get to the doors and he himself struggles to get the automatic doors to open.

I quip “It’s easier to get into heaven that the front doors of this hospital”. But once through the portal the anger seeps out of me although I am enervated and vigilant and “ready”.

Only kindness and respect once within those doors. Strange. Surreal….

But just another day, dealing with bestial incompetent youths at that hospital reception.

I tell Jarrod that I pity anyone with actual bowel cancer having to attend that clinic. It’s bestial. I tell him I will kill myself before I let any of those bastards near me if I get truly terminal. (Or diagnosed with a terminal illness). I will take back control over my life and my body. Even my psych agrees that I will do that.

I came close last time after the systemic abuse. I don’t even know why I am cleaving to life anymore. For some unrealistic fantasy that life will get better for me??

It’s delusional! Yet I intend to flog this dead zombified existence until more bits of me fall off (they removed 6 polyps yesterday!) or until I die preferably on my feet, as a true warrior goddess!

…

Jarrod wryly quipped later in the evening “Thanks for dinner and the show”. Funny. But Crystal chided me that no one will ever take me to colonoscopies again, if I am going to behave like that.

Well yeahhh…nahhh Do I look bothered?….

Frankly death is starting to look like a preferential outcome …again. She already claimed Socks and let’s face it …what am I holding onto life for?

Marginalised, dishonoured and betrayed? I ask you… the gods and my own self.. WHAT THE FUCK FOR ??

For the sake of heaven’s capricious whimsy and for my body’s choosing life against its own better wisdom! Fuck that!

It was nice of Crystal to pop in and see me while Jarrod was here. They left at 7:30 pm.

(I am okay though…no bleeding or fevers or any complications from the “procedure”) …. That’s nice!!

….

I just took the dog and bird for a walk around the ‘hood. It’s a glorious day. One almost worthy of remaining alive.

I stopped to visit Peter and Ailsa briefly. They had friends over. Nice people. (Pam and Richard who went to school with Peter!)

Peter made me toasted marshmallows again.

Spoilt Mama T!

…

…

25 July 2020

I woke up from a repetitive trauma dream I have been experiencing regularly every morning for the past few weeks. I finally realised that the woman in my dream is Marina Abramovitch. What do I have in common with a Satanic Paedophile ring leader? Nothing. So it startled me into full wakefulness.

I dozed for a while longer, pondering the emotions and meaning of the dream.

There is definitely a Movement in the Force. I am being shown so much primordial ugliness. But out of shit, beautiful things grow. Post traumatic growth. Hmmm. What have I been germinating in my Own Darkness and what new life will I push through from these heavy morasses of old traumas?

I can only hope and pray as I have always done that I Become someone greater and better than the sum total of my own obliteration.

I also realised that Penny’s son Tristan died on 24 July 2011 and 9 years later at almost the exact time, she is also dying.

But she is fighting to hold onto her life. Yesterday she asked for food constantly and in desperation (I had run out of chicken hearts) I gave her some trimmed off chicken meat off a drumstick. But when I went to bed she had vomited it up on my bedroom Floor.

Poor old girl is hungry but not holding her food down. The time is nigh, my love. I suppose I will book her in next week sometime.

Holding on while letting go. She has been one of my greatest Loves in my life. She actually nursed me back to health in the past year with her constant patting and purring. I can’t bear to euthanise her just yet. It feels like giving up too soon. But she is getting weaker.

On a happy note: it’s raining. I am grateful for that. Grateful to have had Penny with me for 14 years. Grateful for Beauregard, and Socks and Charlie.

Grateful for my true friends. Grateful for life and its myriad gifts.

Alive in the apocalyptic shitshow with another dying cat but this too shall pass and I will experience joy again.

…

…

This evening I ran into a couple I thought were friends. At the supermarket. I went over to say hello and they mentioned they are often in my area. So I said “Oh you could come visit me! I live just up the hill!”

The husband smirked at me and said blatantly “As if that will ever happen!” So I was rather shocked. I have participated quite happily in their group for three years. I thought they liked me.

So now I have Unfriended both of them. Deleted them from my social media accounts. So I am Sharing this with you as this is of absolute importance to me:

I abhor false deceptive people, liars or fake friends.

If anyone who is currently on my Facebook list is not genuinely interested in friendship with me, either in person or on social media: please, leave my profile page.

I share my innermost thoughts and feelings quite willingly, but devalue me or my home as not being somehow good enough, then just go.

I would rather an enemy who tells me to my face than a thousand smiling assassins faking care/ friendship or whatever, in real life or on social media. Frankly I would rather be alone than waste my time with sadists.

For those of you who barely interact with me on here but voyeuristically indulge in your hunger games brand of schadenfreude... buh bye. Get your weekly dose of psychic vampirism somewhere else. I have nothing left to Feed you with.

I am a real person and a true friend but hell even I have my limits.

…

Now Socks is unwell. I suspect a bladder infection as he keeps pissing on his bed and tonight peed on the Dining table (because the woollen tablecloth must have seemed too cosy!)

So he will need to go to the vet on Monday. I am at my wits end! Seriously!

25 July 2019

Feeling fatigued and a bit sad today. No idea why. Just woke up like this. I went for a coffee at Amanda’s and read my book for a while. But Bobo was a bit fractious so we came home. I might even have a nap. Best thing to do to avoid life for a while.

25 July 2018

…

Taking my handsome Beau for a walk as he needs to move his body and smell the smells!

25 July 2017

Bloody bollocking tooth pain...again. I am so over this!!!! I also had really sore joints last night (arthritis from the cold night change), upset tummy (first in weeks as I have been taking Slippery Elm to replace the Gastrostop).

Today I just felt generally weak and unwell. But I have upset myself about my neighbour's dead and dying sheep. Now two teeth (one just filled last week) are playing up.

I just need to fight my way through this. Teeth have been major problems since December last year. If this keeps up I will just get them to rip them all out.

…

I know hon. I have fought for 52 years to keep my teeth. Even spent $10k on the front ones from my small inheritance as I looked dreadful with the mess the dental Hospital made of them over the years.

To be honest if this Shit keeps happening, fuck it. I would rather be dead than suffer anymore.

My dentist at the hospital informed me last week that if the root canaled one doesn't heal she will (finally!) send me to a specialist. Say what? Why didn't she do that months ago????

Poverty means below standard dental care. And yes I am furious. And yes I am disgusted. And yes, my constantly inflamed teeth are probably killing me internally.

But I just grit them and bear it and try to hang on, day by day, month by month. No other choice.

….

…

Almost 3 pm. The day has gone quickly. I have not felt well today. Ugh! But the sunshine has been a lovely balm to a tormented soul. Time to take Beauregard and Charlie for a walk. Shake off the demons from the past. They have nothing new to teach me, except pain.

…

Last night Crystal messaged Jarrod and sent him photos of her current trip in Ireland. She was on a bus to go to see the Giants' Causeway in the north of Ireland. She had also been to see the Pillar of Destiny and the hill of Tara (where the fae hang out). She sent a photo of a beautiful tree covered in different coloured ribbons.

I am delighted as I was so very angry and disappointed that on her last sojourn in Ireland for 8 months she saw nothing of the sacred sites (except for kissing the Blarney Stone which I deemed imperative for every actor or performer or tale-bearer!)

She is finally enjoying the spiritual journey she promised me when she went to Europe. I am so delighted!

She was unable to commune with the fae at Tara, as some bloody noisy tourists came too near her and she could not tune in. I would have told them to buggar off!

My daughter is still so yielding and accepting of boundary violations! But of course she is still young. I am satisfied that the Fae will have been pleased she paid homage though. Perhaps if we are lucky she will have a wee blessing of her own to impart to the world?

She said she meditated at the Pilllar of Destiny and she heard it roar. It is a large phallic-looking rock. I wonder what it 'roaring' at her means? Hmmm.

I wish she could also get to Israel and visit the Western Wall, Masada, other amazing spiritual sites from our other beloved traditions.

Makom! "I was in this Place and you did not know it". Gates to Holiness everywhere. You just have to know where to look and Before Whom you stand! Awesome. Magical. Beautiful. Blessèd!

While in Ireland she is collecting all her stuff she stashed with 3 different friends and will be sending some of it back home, in preparation for her return in December. 5 months to go! I am getting excited.

25 July 2016

Beauregard woke me up not long ago. I am grateful. I had been having nightmares. Early this morning I dreamed I was breastfeeding, great quantities of milk (which I had lashings of when I was feeding my babies, so much so that it poured out of me!)

But after I removed the infant from my breast, I sat a while and looking down at my chest, I saw blood flowing thickly from both nipples, with great clots of it. I thought Ew! How much did the baby drink of that? Then the dream ended.

I know I was triggered by the imagery in a scene a tv show last night. A young man got shot in the head as he was carrying milk and bread home from the local shop. When he hit the ground it showed the blood from his head wound blending with the pool of milk that oozed from the broken milk bottle. Powerful poignant image. Life forces merging at the point of his death.

So because Psychedelic Dreamer is very suggestible she regurgitates it out of her psyche in the night.

Great cleansing purging of horror. What I do best! Warrior of Complex PTSD. In point of fact my breasts have been very tender since I increased my dose of HRT. Great lumps of burning pain. Bras hurt! Clothes hurt. Some days are worse than others. I went bra-less at home for a week or two. I might do that again.

They do feel like they are bleeding or sore from lactating. (I still, after 30 years remember what that felt like, also mastititis). Motherhood was a great gift and a curse. But it taught me to love my female body in ways I had not quite integrated at 19/20 and 22.

It was not until Jasmine was born that I truly embraced my sexuality/femininity and fecundity without fear or trepidation. Her birth liberated me from fear of my own self.

I realised this morning (because there is a word to describe it now) that I am gender-fluid. I have many masculine traits. I fight like a man, fight off abusers, suffer no fools. I like working with my hands, attempting handyman's jobs.

I eat voraciously and with gusto like a man. I can drink better than most men but I have a fear (a healthy one!) of alcoholism as that figured large in my childhood so I control how much and how often I drink. I wear a Bikie Jacket (with great pride!)

Men desire me and fear me in equal measure. In classic psychology and gender differences they either want "to fuck me or fight me" sometimes at the same time.

I come from a father who was one of 7 wild Loutish pugilistic obnoxious brothers. My Dad was very violent (not physically to us but he did smash things and get into bar fights) but he was also very sensitive/emotional.

He had trouble managing his emotions which was a weakness (gift?) my bastard evil mother exploited at every opportunity. She rode his instability like a wild steppes horse in upper Mongolia. Without the discipline or training to know how to tame or control such immense spiritual and emotional power.

As a child it was I who had to defuse the wildness and the ferocity. My parents were shameless screamers.

So I grew up to be angry. Fierce. Wild. Never truly tamed. I will not be Broken down. I have been broken by my parents, by abuse at school/home/work/university/shule/society enough. No I don't fit in. Yes I am a Freak of Nature. I love it. I have learned to Love my precarious individuality. To live with it.

So excuse me while I scream now. Or if I sit, legs apart (in long pants only as I am a lady, you know ;-)), smoking a cigarette or small cigar (my fave masculine disassociations), drinking Jack Daniels with Coke, contemplating life/God/art/nature or my tender breasts for a while.

I love my inner man. I love my woman. I adore and will die to protect my inner child. Miss Five. My fierce frenzied little warrior goddess. So fierce, so spiritual and so protective, even of my fucked up fuck-knuckled parents. All of them. Too weak/greedy/selfish/evil to protect me as a child.

So I did the job myself. I went to safe houses where my Light was respected, even fêted (thank you June Robertson my only true mother!) The abuse continued unabated but I had somewhere to go, playing with Lynne, eating dinner with Lynne (my first true sister!), escaping reality with Lynne, living as we did at the beach.

We were the little men trapped in female bodies. We were 10 ft tall and bullet-proof. We were Free. We were almost Heavenly Creatures except for not being able to identify a brake line. We were marvellous.

We still are: Marvellous.

Happy Birthday tomorrow, Lynne Robertson you were and are still my hero! Love you!

…

…

I wrote this great little story just before, and mid-sentence my FB blipped off and I lost the lot. So. Mad. Right.now. This shall pass but don't you hate when your creativity is stymied by a glitching iPhone or Facebook or the Angels?

I will not be silenced! (Stamps feet and throws myself into the air, twirling landing with a crash!) Hashem moves in mysterious ways but I will not be silenced. So instead my vibe was seriously interrupted as I can't remember what I wrote now. Gotta go with the flow! Or Blow!

…

…

My beautiful friend, Lyn recently told me that my life mirrors the parable (Fairy story) of Snow White. I found that kind of interesting.

Firstly, I was born with such white skin and Titian red hair (until it all fell out 6 months later). My skin would not tan in NZ (burnt and peeled but never tanned). My mother used to push my pram out into the sun until my father's mother instructed her not to bother.

"She is like Snow (Maurice). No matter what we did he looked like he had fallen into the flour canister. Give it up!" In truth, I never boasted a tan until I migrated to Brisbane. The light rays hit the flesh at a different angle or intensity. Or different mix of UV Rays.

Also like in Snow White my mother tried to kill me. Numerous times. Usually from neglect. But later in life hoping she would drive me to suicide.

She had enabled so many men in abusing me (Trevor, Cees, Micheal, later after I left my marriage, Terry, David Davidson, last and worst of them all, Buck Scherer).

Even David Davidson had the shred of human decency to be horrified when I succinctly pointed out how Buck and my mother had manipulated him and the lengths (a one way ticket to Israel) that they were prepared to go to take my children and utterly destroy me. No fucking paedophile was ever going to get access to my children. I am not my mother!

Like Snow White I was saved by a man who loved me unconditionally and would not become my Destroyer (Jarrod! My mother paid him $20 and insisted he 'look after' me but he rejected her bribery).

At the time I just laughed. "Is that my current bride price? That is what she paid my childhood friend, Phillip Hoedemaeckers too, "for lunch, Darling!" Surely I am worth more than $20 lousy dollarssssshhhhh.

He calmed down and together with Lyn who also saw through my mother's sociopathic manipulations they became my staunch supporters. My true family. Not of blood but of heart and soul and of honour and integrity.

They held me up and would have reached for me if they could. They helped me bury my dead evil stepfather and then much later, my mother.

They sat with me and watched the Adult Guardian sell me out to that bastard Buck, and again sat with me during the Will Dispute and watched me be stripped bare again. But they strengthened me in the time of my life when I was a sleeping zombie, a golem, an automaton, a living dead creature of manifest Light and Love. They would not/could not let me die.

Like Snow White I spent 20 years "asleep". Not coping. Poisoned by the apple that would not/could not fall far from that malevolent tree of my life. Pure evil, an envy that dogged me for decades. Now five decades. Envious of what?!

My white skin, or my burning-White passionate heart of fire? My desire for love/acceptance/respect? My Love of G-D and righteousness?

My faith in G-d's Vengeance and Justice even if only served too little or too late, in a cold dish of curdled mottled hatred but a most delicious feast I ever tasted as it proved to me and to all the worlds, that I was Loved and I was Heard and I was Valued even if only by an Invisible Being. That I would be healed and lifted high upon Invisible Shoulders and danced with, sung to and enlightened instead of being sleighted and blighted.

For like in Snow White, I have awaited the Kiss of Life from my own personal Prince. He never came (or did he? I might never know?!) to awaken me and bring bliss and life back to my golem soul. To live happily ever after.

I told my psychiatrist about Lyn's theory. He saw it too. He said "You are fully awake now, Snow White. Be happy!" And so I shall.

I have spat out that poisoned wormied Apple that choked and smothered me. I sup instead from the life-affirming Ambrosia of the gods.

My G-D has blessed me with such love, joy, healing, validation but also such vengeance that I know, categorically without any doubt that I am loved/valued/wanted here on earth In this time and in this place.

A terrifying humbling thought.

…

@ Jarrod's new home. It is lovely. I helped him unpack a few boxes before we could take it no longer. So now we are sipping wine and partaking of delicious Bries and now cooking roast veges and corned beef. Yum!

Beauregard has tried to mark his territory and chew Jarrod's new rug. Now just had dog sausage which he gobbled down in one inhalation. Happy dog!

He also took to bark at some invisible entity at the back door. The neighbouring dogs joined in. Sirens went by but for once Beauregard neglected to howl. Maybe because he is a visitor. Harvey, as usual rose above it all, by claiming Jarrod's or my lap because he finds Beauregard incredibly annoying.

A good night for all of us.

25 July 2014

…

Awesome night last night. Jo went Off lol. She stripped Dan. I missed it cos I was eating a kebab at kebab shop. I needed to feed. Lol.

Jo went to work with only 3 hours sleep. I am back in my bed. Happy Days!

25 July 2012

Busy day. Blood test. At long last as I've had the form in my bag since March! Then I ordered my new glasses. Then I went to the chemist then I walked to my psychiatrist.

Then back to Garden City for a little retail therapy. I bought a climbing rose and some fertilizer and sulphate of potash. Then I caught the bus home.

I got home after dark so will plant the rose tomorrow. If it's a nice day I will fertilize as well. Looking forward to spending time in my garden.

25 July 2011

25 July 2009

I don't believe my Tarot card today...the Tower...which signifies Disaster. I actually had a lovely day today...Tomorrow is the Moon...should I worry? Or as Mad magazine used to say..."What me worry????"

…

My breasts are sagging, my belly is sagging, my bottom is sagging and my brain is sagging...but everything else is fabulous, thank you very much!

25 July 2008

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons