Memories: 24 November 2025

24 November 2025

8:36 am I woke a wee while ago, entering my body through my solar plexus. I settle inside the cavity of my chest, surrounded in the prison of my rib cage like a steel barrel for a spiralling circus of monkeys. It’s a strange sensation, this walled construct for my breath, soul and bones. My bones ache in my ribs and left wrist. Pain sears through me but I Push it away. It’s temporary. If I don’t accept it as reality it gets shunted off, until next morning.

I had a good refreshing sleep after exhausting myself by spinning alpaca all evening. I only got up to pee at 4 am, crawling gingerly from my bed so as not to tweak my sensitive sciatica. I peed then went to stand in the kitchen to observe the dawn. It was pretty. Golden light streaming across the eastern sky, like a greeting from the gods.

“Hello, You there!” I nod and return to my bed. Replace the cpap mask. Pass out. Two dawns in a row. This could become habitual…giggles. I only woke up because of my bladder. But I am healing. I am reconstructing from too many ground zeros. I am living my best life with the bones and ashes of the old one. Cocreating with the gods (the holy one in all manifestations!)

I turn on my iphone and am presented with the video of Crystal singing “Wicked Litle Town” from the movie Hedwig and the angry inch. Jarrod accompanying her with their ukuleles.

The Wickedness of this little town with its toxicity cast upon us globally has cost me my daughter and my adoptive brother also. It’s eaten us all like paper dolls with no substance. But my barrel chest that once housed Love smashes me from the inside.

Reclaim your life Tanya! Keep fighting for what is yours by Divine Right and Sublime Sight. No accident we woke you up at dawn…a new day, a new blossoming potentiate, a new paradigm, a paradise in a hell in a shaken stirred snow globe, trapped in Someone else’s squalid enslaved desultory delusion…only you Tanya know how to break free.

Aight…up she rises. Love is the law….hold it precious. Blow Life back into it. Feed it from my brittle metallic chest. Open the cage…set it free…watch it fly far and wide but return to me…ennobled, strengthened and blessed. Real love that never fades or hides or dies.

(Shit…Angels….there’s not enough drugs in the known universe to keep this haggard Hope alive!)

Shhhh Tanya -le, Our Little One, our Warrior Goddess of heart and mind….it’s happening…trust in Us!

(Mmmmk, I love you!)

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7:36 pm

10:44 pm

24 November 2024

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24 November 2023

Today I finally finished off my Australian passport application. I drove to the Wooloongabba post office to complete it as the young Australian Asian woman that worked there was so efficient and kind to me when I got the passport photos done yesterday. (After seeing my new urologist at the Mater!) I had also driven to Officeworks to print out the forms. I was riddled with anxiety all day so this was a huge achievement.

Now I just need to save up the money for a long weekend trip “home”. I am determined to live as fully and vibrantly as I possibly can afford now. This death spiralling has been a timely reminder of all I have missed out on over the last three and a half decades. I need to reclaim my spirit and manifest joy!

24 November 2022

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I am looking forward to attending Crystal’s performance as a Witch in “That Play” written by William Shakespeare. Starts with M ends with H! Really exciting! I haven’t been to one of my daughter’s performances in months. She is a superb actor so I am in for a treat!

24 November 2021

On a walk with Bobo after spending the last few hours cutting up a raw mother of Pearl shell I inherited from my dead mother. Gahhh. I got one useful piece out of it so far. I cut it using my diamond blade on my fake dremel.

I am covered in shell dust! It’s in my hair and on my arms and on my t-shirt. Lol. I used my respirator so now I feel dizzy from wearing the respirator but that is preferable to dangerous toxic shell dust in my already incapacitated lungs!

Oddly I was quite unwell most of the day. I drove around several second hand shops searching for silver cutlery. I was fuelled by a pressurised type of anxiety. The traffic was mad too. So many idiots on the road. In the end I bought a t-shirt.

I came home feeling crap. My liver ached. I had a bit of lunch (roasted vegetables) then walked around the house in a restless zombie haze.

Then decided to cut up the mother of pearl shell in a burst of activity that came out of nowhere like a firestorm.

Now (7:41 pm) I am exhausted. Not much to show for my efforts.

Oh well. I have lots more to cut up! I only got one strip done before it started getting dark.

24 November 2020

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Today I finally put the resin on my marble tables. I am not happy with the result. Uneven and too many air holes even though I went over with the butane lighter.

I may have to do a second coat and hope that works. Feeling really frustrated after all the work I did sanding it back! Plus the stuff is expensive!

Then I had to throw out the brush as I ran out of acetone, and managed to get the stuff all over my hands (even after wearing gloves!). I just don’t like working with it at all.

24 November 2019

To the person who just invited me back to join the Shamanism group that is infested with admins who espouse anti semitic views and no doubt behaviours as well....are you fucking serious??? Pull that stunt again and I will block you permanently, thank you!

She has now been blocked, as she invited me a second time. I do not negotiate with Nazis or any fake Shamans who espouse their politics and religious views.

Any other fake friends on here who support Nazis can fuck off my page right now too.

Don’t let the Swastika hit ya, where the good lord Split ya. Auf Wiedersehen Dirtbags.

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Home from another wonderful afternoon at the West End Drumming Circle. Beauregard was completely loved up with lots of massages. And Mama T did what she always does best. Held her own ground and “flew”. ;-)

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At Orleigh Park near where we experienced the West End Drumming Circle. I had to laugh as once again my ex lover was there with his woman, and I rose above it beautifully. But then I saw this sign covered in birdshit and had to laugh.

Give love a go in the vapid shittiness of Life. Keep loving anyway.

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I must say that a few months ago I had a reading from one of the fake shamans on here. A woman I was extremely supportive of and shared many of her posts bleating about colonialism and racism she experienced as a brown person but who I recently discovered espoused filthy antisemitic views.

These Shamans want to purify the swastika and return it to its former ancient (albeit still Holocaustic glory!). They did not like it when The Tanya said simply No. Nor when they tried to justify their filthy Jew-hating attitudes so I basically went Berserk on their heads.

In this reading I was advised to “seek a luminous teacher or guide”. No doubt they hoped I would find a plastic fantastic shaman and become their student so they could milk me of my paltry pension money, yeah?

Well I have found a luminous guide/mentor/teacher during my recent trance dancing at Ecstatic Dance and I was both completely amazed and a tad in awe! My luminous “teacher” is not human and in recent weeks has unleashed the most earthy, tumultuous and miraculous healing for my mind body and spirit.

So excuse me if I scream now... lol. Lilith...you honour me and in turn, I hope you are proud of me as I have always, as a Jew, a woman, a witch, a feminist, a freedom Fighter have always tried to honour you.

May we rise together, healing the filth and carrion of the patriarchy that is still raping and torturing children and in my own life still playing nice with my various “stalkers”.

Well the jig is up. My love is not to be tainted/debased/trivialised or subsumed.

Move along Motherfuckers.... no THING to see here. I have done my Work.

I am the Luminous One I have been seeking all my life. No protection or genuine safe sexual partnerships for this little girl grown wise and powerful in her own core after decades of evil cruelty.

Psy sighs. I will keep only those people who treat me with decency and respect and genuine love. Time is precious.

Lilith and I Dance and writhe and thrive. Alone or in as good human company as I can muster. The rest...have their own hero’s journeys to embark on. No more louche feeding Zombies please.

Heart and Soul, Body and Mind rectified and purified and personified. No cross/star of David/crescent or fucking filthy swastika. All have been utilised in the murder of innocents. All are stained with blood. Nay bring me true Light and Love in your energy signature and by that symbol I shall know you.

Look to your own Light and shine accordingly. Don’t try to live off Mine!

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Sally Castle: And Sophie lives on! Thank you Tanya ❤️

Me: She is very skinny. But very interactive. Asked for cuddles tonight which was unusual as she has been her avoidant self again.

I think the time may be near that we send her to the Void. But while she is fighting on I am fighting with her. She tells me in her spirit how much she loves me and appreciates the extra time in this incarnation. A great great spirit of a cat.

Kelly Anne: Do you know if she has any cancer yet? How old is she? Poor old dear. They hang on because they want to stay with us as long as they can. Such beautiful creatures we share this planet with.

24 November 2018

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3:46 am. Finally in bed after my Epsom Salt bath. (Almost fell asleep in the bath).

I had a fantastic night. Let’s hope I get some sleep this morning.

24 November 2016

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Happy Thanksgiving to my Yankee Doodle Dandies. Freedom To the People. Eat drink and be merry and make America safe again.

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My Beauregard sleeps with his paws touching me. Also sits on my feet whenever he can. (like many men in my life he symbolically "walks" all over me.). But tonight I find it comforting.

He had bad separation anxiety when I spent the day in the Myer Centre with my cousin. He cried the whole time I walked to the bus stop. Like my former beloved dog Bella Rosa. I rarely go out without him. So it was hard.

Tonight I am grateful for the love I gave and poured out and exploded like a safety beacon at sea. For the kindness of strangers. For the unconditional love of true friends and my pets. For life. For my big heart which should have quit decades ago but the gods and The Tanya wouldn't let it.

For the constant suffering and the constant craving. For the sabotage and the arsekicks which probably ultimately saved me from even worse misery (pretty fucked up when you even are grateful for certain enemies).

For complex PTSD which gifted me with a fantabulous bullshit antenna and a hypervigilence but also robbed me of any hope of real enduring romantic love as I can't close my eyes/ears/heart to the obvious truth even as I want to.

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Just on bus to head home. I had a lovely catch up with my cousin Melvyn. Wow! The transformation. He looked fitter/happier. No more walking cane. A glow to his face. It made me happy to see he is so much happier living in Cairns.

It is stinking hot outside. Phew. The heat hit me like a wet blanket as soon as I stepped out of the Myer Centre. I am glad to be going home so I can check on the chooks and the dog.

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My Doctor wants me to give up on the casino, and my performance art which is very exhausting and to find ways to visit Byron Bay more often.

He says I need peace love and happiness and of course the beautiful clear waters. He says I should dance in the ocean with the dolphins. I give too much of my warrior energies away in the nightlife.

I agree, wholeheartedly.

He suggested I advertise on social media for people to travel with me in my car $20 each so I can pay for petrol and my food expenses there. Such a great idea.

Today I am having lunch with my cousin Melvyn who is visiting from Cairns.

It is already a hot day but I woke up early and slept sporadically during the night. I have showered and am thinking of heading into the city early for a spot of window shopping.

See how the morning evolves.

24 November 2015

I am very tired and very hungry but doing my best to drink the poop goop from hospital. All I can think about is KFC, chips, chocolate, Ice Cream and Jack Daniels. Wahhhh!

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Alcide is feeling more confident and "at home". He just growled and snapped at his nemesis, Frieda, who was so surprised she backed off. I am so proud of him, asserting himself! Anarchy...incoming! Lmao!

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The poop medication has made me woozy and lightheaded or woozy. Same thing really! I haven't started the movement but I had very light meals the past few days. Excited about Alcide and wary of lush rich meals which would make today and tomorrow even more revolting.

I need to go out and buy food for tomorrow night. But for now I have to wait. I hate being regimented by an entire Alimentary canal system! Right now I hate all Doctors. Possibly nurses too. Not that it is their fault I eat shit until I die or that Monsanto has poisoned all our food sources with glyphosate so we are all rotting our own bowels. Nor is it their fault that as a child abuse survivor Long-term trauma gave me GORD or GERD!

Ohh. Look. A Puppy! Forget about all the negative shit. Release and Reset the Program of my Life!

Alcide and I are getting along like a "Piglet" in mud. He loves his new Mama, his new cats, his new chickens..Not Bitch Frieda though! Wait until he is bigger. Ha! He loves his clam pool.

Today I showed him the big spa bath pond so he saw the Finned family. He did not know what to think of them. They are almost as big as him! Well, slight exaggeration.

Sherry Paris: Love that baby and the baby will get you through this! I love you!

Me: I love you too! Hopefully the colonoscopy will be my last ordeal for 2015.

Little Alcide's beautiful puppy love will sweep the ick away with his fresh broom!

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Soon I have to start the prep for the colonoscopy tomorrow. Ugh ugh and putrid ugh! I have a boiling anxiety and feel like running away. One simply cannot escape one's own health issues. I hate being subject to probing and plumbing. I guess once every 5 years is not so bad.

Lyn is going to take me and pick me up and stay and have dinner with me. I am so lucky. I asked her to come early so she can meet and play with Alcide before I have to go to hospital.

She will love him as much as Jarrod and I do! Crystal got to see him on Skype and she was thrilled for me and said she has never seen me so happy!

I said "Yes you have as I was even more in love with you as a baby, if that seems even possible. My heart just exploded!" She giggled!

That is the sad thing about human offspring. They have the memory tucked away in the brain somewhere but they rarely comprehend how big a mother's love can be...until they have their own children.

My mother used to mock me when she saw me with Crystal and later, Jasmine. She said "You are so Maternal " (spoken with a mild sneer). "You must get it from your Father's mother who had so many children". I said, "Well, Connie didn't have much choice. No contraception in those days. All 7 of those smelly ungrateful louts of sons."

My mother was jealous of my love for my children and my animals! When my very first pet rooster died...he fell off the back of a truck and I adopted him right away, thinking he was a hen and wondering why he didn't lay Eggs for 3 weeks until I brought 2 hens home and Someone, crowed. Lucy became Luke!

Anyway when he died a horrible death because the vet was a bastard and rough with him when I demanded he be euthanised like a cat. He threw him about on his table and Luke fought hard, sensing what was to come.

The injection was quick and he was gone. The vet only charged me $5. I went home and took to my bed and cried for 2 weeks.

My mother (one of the rarest occasions of her actual attempts at mothering) invaded my space by getting into bed with me, attempting to comfort me about Luke. (My husband was useless in the face of my grief and epic depression).

She soothed me by stating she had never seen anyone love a chicken like I loved that rooster which was ironic as we sold cooked rotisserie chickens by the 100s in our business. She said he was a very lucky Luke to fall off the back of a truck headed for slaughter outside my house and I had given him a nice life.

Then she even said how jealous she was of the love I had inside me.

I cried even more. Completely traumatised by the injustice of even a chicken's life. One born to be eaten, one rescued from a truck going to slaughter and destined to be brashly put to sleep by a monstrous vet!

Life is weird sometimes. But now I have little Alcide, a new baby to look after and rejoice in. I pray we merit to have a long and happy life together.

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Alcide and I woke up again at 9.44am. He slept nestled in my pillows behind my head. As soon as he started whimpering we got up and raced outside for him to pee.

He spent 5 minutes eating grass and playing with leaves then went under the wooden table and did a poo. Yay! He has got it! He was so pleased with himself too. I told him he was a very good boy!

Then he sniffed at the clam pool so I filled it with fresh water and he had a little Pomeranian paddle. Then he ran around in mad circles in the lawn, trying to get Mushu to play.

Mushu was not inclined but was rather astounded to meet someone smaller than him and not liking no longer being the smallest baby in the family. He has been kind to Alcide.

Socks and Sophie are off in a huff. Unusual for Sophie to disappear but I know they will be back for dinner. Sophie is more annoyed than Socks about the new puppy. Socks just looks aghast but not really hostile.

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7.22 am. How do you turn a night stalker/dancer extraordinaire into an early morning Bird??? Get a puppy!

We have woken up, been outside for wee-wees, wished Penny and Mushu a good morrow. We have nibbled on cat and dog biscuits, quietly observed Mushu trying to dominate Penny with ill consequences.

Let Penny outside to escape the horny toad creature. We have gone back to bed with Mummy for snuggles. Mummy ate 3 banana muffins for breakfast and is supping on a cup of tea.

Tomorrow I will be having a colonoscopy. I will be gone from 12.15 til 5ish. I hate leaving Alcide. I guess he is going to be fine for half a day.

24 November 2014

RIP just_a_mere_male Aka David Paul

You are a great spirit, and a much loved friend. A quiet reserved gentle man and a great spiritual mentor.

Love always!

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*Trigger Warning: suicide, dv

Wow! I just woke up from a 3 hour nap. The anaesthetic at the dentist really knocks me around. Now I am ready to partayyyy but no car lmao.

Crystal is moving to Ireland in May next year. Most likely I will never see her again, or very rarely.

I am trying to come to terms with that new reality. More abandonment. But I get it! There is not much opportunity for her acting career here. Europe will be awesome for her.

My own grandmother suicided at 54 after my mother got married as she feared a life of isolation and post-war Germany, extreme poverty. She had also a long history of violent mental issues, and major depression.

It was a terrible act but as I get older and have been living with a similar reality now for many years, I get it. I forgive her damaging my already fucked up mother in that cruel way. When the psychopath has no more victims to lash out at, they often turn on themselves, either by misadventure, suicide or develop auto-immune diseases.

My mother-in-law (sadly, another Narcissist) died 9 days after my husband and I migrated to Australia.

I had promised I would bring her here when we settled but she didn't believe me. She died of a heart attack, only 3 months after having her left breast removed.

She had her daughter and her family to look after her but she feared they would not care about her (with good reason!). Both Shirley and her husband Jacques were horrid psychopaths and their vicious emotional attacks on me, were part of the reason I decided to migrate to Australia.

I had to survive and wanted a better life for my children away from toxic people.

Well, Hilda died, no doubt suffering from the grief of rejection and abandonment.

Her rotten son, my former husband made sure we only had an hour before boarding our flight with her and I knew she was suffering and I knew she might die.

On the plane, I cried the entire 3 and a half flight. Not just cried, sobbed (we were late boarding the plane too).

I, who was so happy to be starting a new life in a new country, already knew there would be horrific consequences of my decision.

I had removed myself from one toxic family but was flying into the cesspit of my own remaining, vicious mother's campaign of terror. Which really blew out of all human decency 7 years later when my step-father, Cees Van Der Greft died. The rest is just 20 years wasted in more and more torture... until my own personal Hag died.

Now after barely surviving the Arons-Cohen, Phillips, Van Der Greft, Stewart Debacles...I am about to be abandoned and rejected yet again.

Not by any shitty churlish lover or partner (used to that and those men never really loved me so I can write that off to more waste of my heart and mind)

As my evil sister used to say to me, implying that I was somehow stupid, or crazy, and reinforcing the fact my entire life has been an epic failure, "a mind is a terrible thing to waste".

Maybe so, but she worked hard in collusion with other abusers to make sure I would suffer for the rest of my life, even from birth she hated and resented me. I get it! She was trying to survive 3 very Disturbed Adults and was wrongfully put in the caretaker role of an infant when she had only the day before my birth, turned 15.

But she declared me dead 2 years ago, too cowardly to admit to how many ways she contributed to my abuse by refusing to be a young adult woman and removing me from that house of horrors.

Well, Dead Sisters Don't Cry Angela! Dead sisters Don't Die for you either!)

They dance wildly, embracing the remainder of their Life Force, they live with their Own Fire to light their way in Dark Abysses, and seethe the abcesses of the heart, mind and soul, (Oops just popped another one!)

They survive, and survive and survive. Sometimes they strive to thrive, sometimes they Dive. It's all good.

I have things money can't buy, I have things I never asked for, and didn't want but were thrust upon me. I have Life, I have the kind of Beauty built from the degradation, humiliation and the horror of living with liars, fake people, and narcissists and psychopaths and so much destruction that they wreaked on my life.

Yet I Rise and Shine to greet the day and the night and sometimes, I even laugh in the face of so much madness even I can't process it all in one go. 15 years of Therapy and still going!!

I am Greatly Loved in this life I have now. I am Valued, Respected, sometimes Feared, misunderstood, but I am Rich in Spirit and Experience and I am a worn down old warrior but I love my hard-won Peace.

I must work on holding on for a new life, even without my daughter. I must discover a new paradigm for myself

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I am back from the QE2 Dentist. My lovely young Indian lady is wonderful. So patient, gentle and kind. She had to patch my crown under the gum-line as it was exposed and sensitive and then did a filling on the top tooth.

She suggested I buy "tooth mousse" or Sensodyne Repair to put on at night, for my sensitivity problems. She asked about coconut oil pulling and she said the research says that has good effects too.

The ct scan thing they did on my mouth and jaw shows calcification in my ligaments. She says that is why it hurts to open my mouth wide. I said, "How did that happen?" She said, "it's part of the aging process."

I feel like that Munch person in The Scream! Maybe I should scream more often. Lmao.

Nah, I am over being a wide-mouthed Banshee screaming into the night! (It was very healing at the time though!)

One more appointment and my toothy problems should be over, for another year, or so I hope!

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24 November 2013

I heard tonight that the Livewire Bar at the Casino is being brought back to LIFE...Finally thank the lord. I told the powers that be at the Treasury Casino they would lose money by getting rid of it, and it seems I was right. Hmmm. So the live bands will be starting again on Friday 13th December.

I will be able to spend time dancing at my favourite Irish Murphies pub as well as the Livewire bar. So happy little Mosher here. My busker mate George is happy too, as it will bring more business in the night. So I will be hanging with him and the beautiful Ellen the Violinist at the end of my wild wild nights.

Life can't get any better, except having a Life/Love Partner and money. Well one outta three aint bad. I still got my Health, hack hack hack. thpack.

At least I finally got my wish, which was to have fun and enjoy real freedom before I die. Who knows? I might just keep on living and fucking enjoying my Life.

Now THAT would be a wonderful Turn Up for my Book of Life. And one hell of a flourishing Finish, because G-d KNOWSSSS I deserve to FLOURISH in the next phase of my life.

If only I were capable of it??? I can't think of IF ONLYS, only what IS. The past few weeks have been the most wildest and happiest of my entire existence. Without a doubt in my mind.

Some dude tonight told me I was crazy and he liked it... blech...I said Of course I am crazy...you don't get to be this AWESOME by being normal you know. (I ditched him though, I don't like men who call me crazy!)

It's a trigger I have...awww poor schmuck kept trying to kiss me and eww, and he had a huge rip in the seat of his jeans...double eww...like put some decent clothes on before you try to seduce a woman, even a crazy one...hahah)

He had nice hair though. Oh well. As Jarrod says, I gotta quit having or starting relationships with Wigs (great hair but not much under the hair lmao) So Jarrod, you would be proud of me, I let a great curly wild mop of hair, slip away into the night. Yes!

Oh and I eliminated two emotional gameplayers from my snare of seduction (or theirs). No time, no patience and no love for fuckers...pity as I really liked both of them, and they are too stupid to realise that they could have been in my life for a really good and long time.

So I got a little sad, then a little mad then thought FUCK, there is someone out there who will be the Right Man for me, and if he never shows up, or can interact with me in an honest mature decent fashion, then I am not missing out on any more predating psychopathic twatty shits. (Ok I had to vent a little, it's my prerogative LOL)

Game Over! No Love, No lust, No Romance, No Dates, No Bonks and No Things...lol. Next! I guess when the Universe chooses the right man and the right time, I will be informed appropriately, like the Karma Angel that bazammed Player no 2 last night. Just fucking Priceless.

Meanwhile I have my garden, my cat, my hens and my beautiful generous supportive real Loves, who are always always there for me, my Real Family. My Friends. I love you sooo much as without you, I could not have lived to be This Person, and I am honoured that you believed in me, even when I wanted to check out a few too many times. I SEE YOU AND YOU SEE ME! (Curtseys...blows kisses)

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I am Loving my Charles Bukowskian Lifestyle. It's truly awesome. I can't stop rocking out all weekend by night, and resting by day. It's not attracting a partner but at the end of the day, I am happy so far.

I realised tonight how much I need my own personal space and freedom, and I don't want to sacrifice my newfound freedom for any man woman or child. It's been hard-won and sorely needed.

Tonight I danced so long and so wildly that I released a lot of pain and tension, only to come home crippled with foot pain, but it's worth it, so worth it.

I had a wonderful time dancing with my women friends, Liz, Shauna, Sam and the beautiful Katrina who stayed with me all night, and we looked out for each other.

I massively lost my temper with one guy whom I had told at least 3 or 4 times to get away from me. I even moved seats to move away without conflict but the dumbarse had to push it.

I really need to sit down too, as I was tired and in pain, but to get away from him I had no choice but to get up and keep dancing and rocking out.

I didn't mind, as Berst were playing and they are awesome and as the night goes on they play harder and harder rock which I find mesmerising and puts me in the zone. Loved it loved it loved it.

Update 2020: Pity that pub turned into a filthy rape den treacherous snake pit. But I was in denial in the early years of my wild tempestuous celebration of freedom

After that vile will Dispute and my even viler family of origin.

Still in all there were some good times in that pub before it all turned so evil.

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Drinking 2 tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of warm water. Not such a good idea. Now have epic stomach cramps ffs. The epsom salt bath gave my skin some relief though.

Still not bloody tired which is ridiculous. Schmeh!

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Still haven't been to bed yet...so exhilarated from my wild weekend dancing. Fuck yeah. Think I will watch Sons of Anarchy and eat toast. Why not? It's almost 6 am Sunday morning and I can't think of a finer thing to do, apart from sleeping that is.

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Omg. Still Fruit batting so now having a luxurious epsom salt bath to soothe my itchy skin from sweating while Dancing (so not sexy lol) and my sprained left foot from too much Moshing!

Then I will attempt Sleep...whatever!

24 November 2012

Still not asleep which means I will crash and burn later tonight or tomorrow. Eeeep!

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Having a crazy laughter-filled time with Jarrod and Crystal at her place. Sleep deprivation makes me Maddddd and funny!

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I Am Extraordinary! (this is what I tell my particularly persistent prospective partners as a way to fend them off!). I also actually happen to be Extraordinary but it pays to keep them guessing!

Marco was quite determined tonight. He told me he is afraid of me cos he watched me hoist the guy on my shoulder the other week! I said Good. You should be but be fair, he was a very small person. So Marco goes on to tell me how strong and beautiful I am and how Sophisticated I am!

I laughed at that! Sophisticated? Me? I am the woman who can shoulder men who annoy me! I eventually told him to go home at 3 am when he asked if I would go home with him!

Lol! The chutzpah! I said “No you had your chance with me 3 months ago and blew it! There will never be another chance!”

Hah! Let them keep trying as I have their number!

Happy...extraordinarily Happy to be home with my Dog, cats and hens and goldfish in my extravagant boudoir.

Crippled pain in my feet from dancing all night but extraordinarily content.

Last night I wore my red corset and black skirt and boots and got a lot of compliments from several women and a few men. Marco kept telling me over and over again how lovely I dress myself.

Then he went and ruined it by asking if I were a Rich Woman? Hilarious. All my clothes are secondhand including my fabulous corsets. Good to keep the Punters guessing though!

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On bus home after a fantastic night! Kristian's birthday party was awesome and I danced the rest of the night at Casino. 8 th Dawn but will need a big sleep after dancing for 6 hours.

I met two lovely women who asked me to stay back with them then we lost one so I gallantly stayed with the other lady until we found her errant friend. We missed our bus but it was rather entertaining, listening to the schticks of the dawn Homeless Panhandlers who profited from my generosity quite handsomely!

Being one step up from extreme madness and homelessness myself I see it as my Karmic Duty to give what I can.

24 November 2010

“Love is not the opposite of hate. Love and hate are very similar emotions. Like a faucet with hot and cold handles, both temperatures of water come out of the same faucet. The opposite of love is indifference. Like a faucet with no water coming out. ~ Dave Berg(My Friend God)”

Me: I hear ya Dave Berg, been the recipient of indifference one time too many. It does leave you feeling like a faucet with no water, or feeling abandoned on a desert island with no water.

All dry and like an empty husk blowing on the vicissitudes of Fate. Screw it. I want Passion, Reality, someone strong enough to tell me the truth and not hide behind delusions and their friends.

Bobby Orley: that only happens in movies girl pity life isnt a big movie hey

Me: No Bobby there are REAL people out there, I know cos I am as REAL as I can get. I just attract weak, psychopathic men who can't be real or honest. Tonight at MacDonald's some guy tried to pick me up, it was so funny cos he was obviously hyper-manic and nutty as a fruitbat.

Gail told me not to engage with him but I had a brief chat to the guy. I laughed when we sat down with Tahylia cos Gail said, "I work with mental patients all day, I don't want to have to deal with them in my spare time!"

I said "Yeah, and it's really frightening cos the only men that want to chat me up or have anything to do with me are seriously insane!" So not a good picture. But I had a good laugh over it anyway.

But life is one big movie, only you have to be the Star in your own Movie and write your own script and play to it, cos noone else gets you the way you get yourself. I've tried to play to others' tunes and all it ever got me was damaged beyond repair.

Now I live my own life, keep myself safe and enjoy being a Legend in my own Mind and screw what anyone else thinks. This is why I have very few friends who I know are completely there for me, are real, genuine and brave enough to understand my traumatic past and not hate or judge me harshly for it.

If I didn't have these beautiful supportive caring, courageous people in my life, I would probably not be here right now.

…

Weeping Rose dug into ground this afternoon. She's a beauty. I'm glad I dug her in as now she is lower down in the ground and I can admire her roses easier. (So annoying being short, I have to strain to see anything over 6 foot).

I'm worried she might go into shock but I kept as much of her roots in the potting mix and tried not to disturb her too much.

24 November 2009

had a tiring but successful day moving Crystal back from Toowoomba to Logan...hot day, lot of driving but we both did very well!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons