Memories: 23 July 2025

23 July 2025

8:47 am I wake up, hit the ground running. Busy night in the Astral interrupted by several pee breaks. Exhausting. But here I am, back in the room. Life. Be in it.

The neighbour’s grey façade is reflecting sparkling sunshine. Less ugliness, more golden light. It’s got a wintry bite to it. Crisp like a refrigerated apple. It’s fading like a teasing tainting disappearing Cheshire Cat. But it holds the promise of another lovely day!

Blue skies and clouds that look like punctuated Morse Code. Hah, one looks like two cherubs kneeling down but facing each other and holding hands. The gods have spoken. Love each other. Be kind. Honour each other.

Mmmmk.

I have my debrief late this arvo. I haven’t seen my wonderful doctor for about a month as he had surgery. So I will be glad to see him back in his rooms, strutting his stuff again. I have been worried about him. But he’s a fine and good man and like me, powerful in his core.

Other than that I have to drag my carcass to the supermarket and get some food. I hate food shopping. Yuck! But necessary.

Have a beautiful day wherever you are in the space-time continuum. We’ve got this! Love you!

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5:25 pm I came home from my psych in a rather wild rainstorm. I got soaking wet just walking to my car! WOW!

My psych is very impressed with me. He says I am a sooth sayer, a truth speaker and courageously hold my own integrity. He is so proud of me! Awww I walked out in the deluge that arrived almost out of nowhere like a Titanium Woman, ten foot tall.

I am very fortunate to have a few rare and precious earth angels that support me as I navigate life, grief, trauma, bitter disappointments and…my rollicking wildly powerful recalibrations of my heart, mind, body and spirit as I move forwards…fiercely defiantly free to Me. In All Worlds, Paradigms, Spaces and Places.

The Mama T sets herself free and opens entire vistas to what is yet possible, by always cleaving to Truth.

Oh, and I am Loved. 🙂

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People were very kind to me today. I stopped in to Woolies at Mt Gravatt Plaza to buy a few groceries prior to going for my debrief. The checkout lady admired my beautiful Native American mojo bag that I wear constantly. (Always take the mojo with you, Babies 🙂 )

I told her where to source one similar. They are made in Bali! Then when I went to pay for my groceries I realised I had left my iPhone with my cards in the car. So she waited while I rushed to my car to get my gelte schmelte so I could complete the transaction. (If I had had my new Apple Watch on, I could have paid for them with that…but I keep forgetting to put it on after having not worn a watch for 30 years!)

Anyway, another lovely day with lovely people in it. Blessèd Be!

23 July 2024

7:53 am awake early as I went to bed ridiculously early. I managed 10 hours of sleep. Deeper this time. Less floating back up from the astral like I did the previous night. Only two pee breaks which is a good night. Less congestion although my lungs feel stretched and kinda bloated. Still sciatica pain too. Dammit. But that usually takes a week to resolve.

I feel okay though. Life is good. Hold each other precious.. we’ve got this!

Time to make a cup of tea. Make something of my day. What magick shall I weave today? Perhaps (gasp) do the dusting! Lmao!

Nigel Peaceful: A small amount of magic 🐉 will help with that pain.

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Interesting shapes in my coffee grounds this arvo :-)

23 July 2023

Another lovely day. I was still exhausted from dancing on Friday night so lay in my hammock, listening to podcasts and fell asleep. It was comforting. Charley was up the tree and Bobo lay beside me.

Later in the afternoon I cooked pumpkin soup. I froze most of it down.

23 July 2020

I have had a lovely day. A visit from my beautiful Soul friend Lyn. Another brief visitation from Dave (from down the street) with his puppy Rosie! I told him I have missed seeing his family.

Then I watched a horror movie “The Visitant” which was quite good. Then a few other movies and documentaries.

Then tonight I had a lovely phone call from Crystal who rang me to tell me that her Director had admired my decoupaged dining table. He was distracted by it on our little show reel I made with her to help her with her script blocking.

So she told me I need to put all my artworks on my Instagram. So I posted two photos of the table on there. I told Crystal I had to block some crazy guy that kept bugging me and I don’t really follow what all the following is about on Instagram. I hate being “followed” or stalked.

She said you get sleazy guys who “slide into your messenger” and try to DM you you just Block. So I agreed that I will have to be more stricter in future.

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I just watched Mucho mucho Amor about the life of Walter Mercado - the Puerto Rican astrologer who was non-binary, and had such presence and spirit. I fell in love with him! A delightful human!

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Top End Wedding is also a sweet film.

23 July 2019

It’s an exquisite morning. I slept well. (My version of sleeping well). I feel much refreshed.

I am having a coffee in my garden, watching the sunlight streaming through the trees and shrubbery, glistening the dew on the grass which is cold under my bare feet but redolent with life restoring energy. Socks and Penny are outside too. Bobo and Charlie also. Sophie, hiding somewhere. But the animals are breathing this light and seem happy too.

I had messages from two friends, sharing love and support.

Life is a majestic miracle and I am humbled and grateful (in spite of everything that has not worked out for me) to be here on this earth. Shining and rising. Yet again...how the fuck do I do it?! No idea but there must be a higher reason for this Dreaming. This reality in the macrocosmic hologram of potentialities.

I promised myself a happy loving fulfilled life so perhaps my own higher self (that stubborn Bitch!) demands I keep plying my Troth to this existence for a bit longer. (Even though a big part of me was quite happy to gooooo!)

Now I have to radically reconfigure my world view. I must accept that I am kept on earth and frankly all I want is to fly to every Sacred Space on earth and commune with every aspect of holiness that ever spawned magic and spirituality and religion and just rejoice.

All I ever wanted was true love (absurd!) and to be in peace and harmony with the gods. Well that is funny as really it all starts from within. I am my own woman and man and inner child (she who cleaves to life even if it means throwing an epic Berserker tantrum and taking an entire hospital team down with me!)

Something magical happens when you believe in yourself and your divine right to safety. Something powerful and utterly terrifying but so fucking grand.

I am in love with my new version of me. On that (almost!) last breath I was smiling with grateful acceptance of greeting the next paradigm. But I was sent back to fight another day. (Literally..FIGHT). It’s not fair. It’s not cricket. But I did it. No regrets.

I want to lull myself in the healing waters of Byron Bay. One more month of winter then I will be there. Okay maybe two months...wait for the ocean to warm up enough.

I need a purifying cleanse and the sanctification of the sea. The gods decree I stick around this place a bit longer. Why? No idea.

Even with my sleep apnoea and cptsd and utter exhaustion Someone wants me here. Delicious, innit?

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11:11 am. what do my “angels” spirits, guides, assorted gods, and The Holy One want to tell me?

This morning I “heard” the words “Add Value”. I took that to mean be positive, value myself and don’t allow myself or anyone around me to play small.

No time or energy for hiding my light anymore. Only the ones who value me get to resonate in my full power though.

The rest are mere spectators or voyeurs and the usual assorted psychic vampires or celestial fleas. Hohum.

I know one thing though. G-d in Their Infinite Awareness really does have my back. Every time I have lost trust or faith in myself and G-d I have been hurled into life-threatening situations to rectify the paradigm in my small but fierce little Hobbit woman way.

But for now Oh G-d can you just allow me to recover my physical strength? I need a strong body to match my strong Mind. Oh and thank you. I could not have done this life without you. I don’t like being a catalyser or a lab rat though.

I truly believe I deserve a better, more serene, loving life. But what I wish for myself and what HaShem determines for my highest growth and potential might not be the same path.

Hmmm. But so many were thrown Into my personal vortex and so many lacklustre evil people were purged from my life so I must be valued if not, hahaha...Value added.

Power Up Bitches. Be ready for anything. I can feel the Divine Feminine pulling at my crone whiskers. She won’t suffer any fools or any abject tools.

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Feeling weak again today but just managed to clean filters on the ponds. Need a rest now. Drain site is aching. Oh well. Every day is another day, regaining my core strength.

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I spent the late afternoon making pumpkin soup as I realised around 4 pm that I was ravenous. So I hauled my assets out of the hammock (a tad reluctantly as it was so beautiful and peaceful) and started cooking.

Then while that was boiling I cut up old limes to make a cleaning vinegar while watching a show about Disclosure about portals that take people into alien ships or other planets. Interesting stuff.

Then I sat down and devoured a huge bowl of soup and toast. Pretty good.

Now sitting on the couch with my Beau. He didn’t get a walk today. I will have to make it up to him tomorrow. Sorry, Bobo.

23 July 2018

I had a beautiful weekend. Thank you Holli for buying me dinner at The Burrow the evening before you fly home. I appreciated you making time for me and the lovely chat.

Thanks to Julie for the lovely visit. Thanks Jenny for our general wildness on Saturday night.

Thanks to Ecstatic Dance group for sharing your joy and energy with me. I am rather exhausted but content.

This afternoon Jarrod and Harvey arrive so there will be more lovely company for all of us at Sacred Space. Looking forward to Harvey kisses.

Charlie will not leave my shoulder this morning. Really clingy. He stayed with me while I cleaned the filter on two fish ponds and topped up the water. He is still sitting on me. Must be in need of extra attention. Sweet boy!

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23 July 2017

So exhausted yet can't sleep! A few hours here and there. I would go out again, except my feet are still stinging from last night's revelry.

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Just got up to discover a dead sheep on my front verge. I went over to John immediately. Big dogs jumped his fence last evening. Missy is still alive but suffering under his house. The council just arrived to remove the dead "Little One". I am really upset for him. He is a crazy mofo but he loves his sheep.

I offered to lend him $100 for a vet to come out for Missy, as she is suffering with a gash to her ear. Horrible. Just horrible.

John says the 2 big dogs will be put down as they are dangerous. I said "Yeah lucky it wasn't a small child". But Little One is dead. Awful. I am furious as I predicted this might happen.

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I went over to John's and we got a bucket of warm water and I tried to wash the blood away from the wound. I covered her in an ancient but very warm sleeping bag I had still from my marriage, from when I was a newlywed and we used to go skiing. She went to sleep after feeling much warmer. The wounds need stitches. Antibiotics. I hope she will be ok.

I smacked my head on one of his floor beams and yelled at him, "Man I don't even like you. I am only here for the poor blasted sheep. Nearly knocked myself out now".

He laughed. Silly old man. But I feel sorry as I blasted him the other weekend then his tree fell down and now dogs have attacked his sheep. Just beyond awful!

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23 July 2016

2.24 am. Waiting on the Nightlink bus to go home. Boy! Am I tired! Asthma has been bad all night but I still had a wonderful time dancing with my beautiful friends.

Ahh! Here 'Tis. Good. (I abhor public transport but it was easier than paying hefty parking fees as I was in the city early for shule). All I can think about right now is my bed and a nice hot cup of tea!

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2.58 am. Home safe. In so much pain it physically hurt to get up my 12 steps but I managed it. :-)

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11.04 am just woke up to wild blustery winds. Which means I can kiss all my hard work from Thursday goodbye. The home made recycled paper will be everywhere. Argggghhh!

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Happy! For the sake of heaven I followed a direct order from Above. It had been delayed by a week as I was trying to ignore it but Hashem knows best.

Another festering wound burst last night. It was interesting. But I know now who Loves me or at the least, respects me. Awesome! Life is awesome when you have integrity, courage and unconditional love in your heart. Your mind rings like a Crystal Bell.

For some reason, sitting in shule, I had Frances Bernstein Z"L very much on my mind. Perhaps her spirit was with me. That woman thought I was wonderful for sure.

She was an incredible inspiration. 85 years old, fit as a fiddle (she walked an hour a day), mind as sharp as a tack. She fought hard for me with my attempted Orthodox conversion, even offered to pay for the flight to Sydney to see the Beth Din which due to my almighty integrity I refused.

The Beth Din flew up to Brisbane for the other candidates but when my turn came they wanted me to lay out money I did not have. The hypocrisy (along with the abuse as my Sponsoring Rabbi and I were slandered and accused of selling cheese that did not have a proper Hechscher) totally put me off completing the conversion. Disgusting people to damage Rabbi Cohen's reputation and career in that way. Beit Din of filth!

Newly widowed Octegenarians should not have felt she had to pay for me. She felt so hurt for me that I had been abused and betrayed in this way. But I was happy with my decision. My soul/values/integrity cannot be bought. She cried but she understood.

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Today I am praying hard. For prosperity, true loyal faithful love in a commitment that lasts for the rest of our lives together, for healing of my trauma and depression (in short, a miracle!), for all blockages, walls and impediments to be removed that have stymied my creativity and success all my life.

First it was my family of origin that held me slave to fear, doubt, depression, oppression, suppression, that filled me with a sense of immense failure and disgust, that taught me I was worthless. Then it was in my marriage and after my divorce, an explosion of attacks on my life. Here I am, a survivor. Still praying, hoping, wishing, yearning to Thrive.

I had a taste of glorious triumph after the will dispute ended and I had my small windfall of inheritance. A tiny fraction of what was supposed to come to me. Even my lawyers were shattered and horrified and cut their own fees (almost unheard of!) so I had enough to buy my car and fix my teeth and buy a bed. Heroes.

I too, was a hero! I went out into the world, to places even angels fear to tread. I was their Witch, their Angel, their Muse, according to the gods of their understanding.

I stood in my own Mana and held my own amongst murderers, thieves, drug dealers and princes of the night. I learned I am powerful. I counselled young women, survivors like me, that their lives are not dirty, wasted or useless. That only their abusers taught them that and they must fight that belief as it is wrong.

It is a mantle of death and despair that they put on but must stand under it, naked, radiant and clean! That one day they will throw that coat of filth to the ground and trample on it.

They will put on a new cloak, the coat of many colours, the coat of psychedelic dreamers everywhere, perhaps Joseph's cloak. Their mantle will be rich and woven with love, experiences of profound joy and meaning.

It may be invisible to human eyes but it will cast a gleam of pure radiance in your own eyes. It will make mortals step out of your way, or grovel at your feet, or love you with a love that is pleasing, nurturing, accepting.

Never again, will you bite down on the bitter poison that is Neglect, Abandonment, Betrayal and a seeping wound that is Grief for a life that was robbed from you, even as a small child. You will sing, or dance, or play, or write, or jump into puddles, or swim, or play beautiful joyous music, or build things with your hands.

Your creativity will fill your days and nights with happiness and satisfaction. No one will ever rob you of your joy. Ever again. For to do so, brings only death-like dissolution.

Once you were untouchable in your gilded cage that kept you safe. Now you are untouchable in your Valour, Zest for life and deep deep love for yourself and those in need of your love and support.

A lone wolf walks the paths that others may tread. Alone. Beautiful. Wise. Fierce. She honours those brave enough to walk with her at the end, but her journey has been a lonely one. Solitude brings peace after a lifetime of ugliness.

She sniffs the winds, surveys her territory. Storm coming...wildness sets her soul free. Welcome! Wild things cannot, must not be tamed, shamed or blamed. We do or not do, according to our inner guidance. We must be free.

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I wish I had money to go to Byron Bay. Dammit!

I have been to the dog park. Beauregard had a nice time. Now time to rest again. Maybe go dancing later, if my chest eases up a bit.

23 July 2015

Still resting in bed, coughing a lot less. Fever broken (but it comes back as night falls). I reached my peak last night when I prayed to die.

Shit happens. Still here! :-).

Think I am gonna live a while yet. Very inconvenient but there still might be some more fun to be had.

My ribs hurt like hell from days of coughing but that will settle down.

Mood? Ok. Calm and resolute.

Getting lots of cuddles from Miss Penny, who is my nurse cat!

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Miss my grand-rabbits :-(

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Like visiting my mother...really! I used to disassociate, go foetal on the couch and pass out to sleep. Had to tune out her energies for years! Sometimes, I still do.

My other way of tuning her out was by reading her magazines, or a book, hell even local papers or cereal boxes. It was impossible to be fully present.

She was like a soul-sucking vampire draining me of every fibre of my essence. Omg! I went there to be a good daughter but as soon as I walked in the door it was like being smashed by Thor's Hammer.

I would at least try to have a nice cup of tea with her. The kids would spend time with her while I slept until I caught her feeding them pork sausages and telling them it was "Schicken, Darlings". Then heard her telling them to dye their hair blonde so they could marry a nice Aryan man.

That was one of the many final straws. Her mind was going. Onset of Alzheimers. But I didn't know it then. Also she had a devilishly black sense of humour.

She might have just said that crazy shit to see if I would get up off the couch to yell at her. Anything to re-animate the Consecrated Home-grown Zombie.

In the end I stopped the visits. It was bad enough she emotionally damaged me. Not my kids as well. It took a shocking disgusting comment on her part "You were both dirty little girls" for me to cut ties. Then another year to get a loan from a friend so I could move out of my mother's rental property after she slandered me to every Rabbi in town. Gevalt! Ze Glory Days.

That was 2001. What a fucking Space Odyssey. Still I did the dutiful thing in August of 2008 when I was anonymously told where the evil step sisters had granny-dumped her.

This time I fed her with all my spare energy, plucked little threads and pearls of cognition from her with gallows humour and showed her photos and tried to find the real monster tucked away in this sweet little mushy shell of a woman. What joy to see her inner spark light up in rare moments.

One day a carer met me at the security doors. Smiled at me. "I always know when you are coming to see your mother. And here you are!"

I was stunned. I looked at her with shock. "How could you possibly know? I hadn't even known I was coming an hour ago!!"

She said "Gisela always knows. She sits up straight, smiles, looks around brightly, then says 'My daughter is coming!' Sure enough, within the hour, in you walk".

My blood ran cold. But control, manipulation, obsession had always been her forté. Team that up with Telepathic Bonds with her kids that could not be broken and here you are. Lol!

So I smiled, feeling nauseous, and said "Ahh I see, that makes sense. My mother always was very psychic. Old age intensifies this ability."

The carer, quite eerily stared into my eyes. "And you, you are psychic too! I know it. But your mother never fails to fascinate me. Even with her brain deterioration she still says the most profound things. Like she is tuned into a higher power!"

I giggled nervously. "I am not psychic. Just mad and damaged with a demon for a mother".

The woman burst out laughing. "Ok, have it your way then". She thought I was joking. Sadly, not entirely true.

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An hour before sundown I got an idiotic but irrepressible urge to go outside and attempt to fix my kitchen drawer again. (Giving up on Housing doing anything. They won't give me a new kitchen so I have to find a way to build another one.)

So I threw on some clothes and hammered and plotzed and plotzed but the drawer is fucked and swollen but I got it holding together a bit better. So once again before I siliconed the plywood base I made for the fucking thing, I tried to get the drawer to fit the runners yet again. No dice. One side fits but other side has swollen out of alignment.

So that was that! Then I had some coconut water with orange juice to rehydrate as I am weak as a kitten. Then I thought I would try to screw in the holders for the perch in the chook house. Simple! I will use the electric drill with the screw attachment.

So then, to reach chook house I had to go under the house to get my second extension cord. Two cords joined to the drill later and I am drillingggg drillinggg, scaring my hens who are timid little fluffballs, cursing my life and my ineptitude, singing to calm them down and then swearing again.

No dice. Mofo drill wouldn't work. That is until I accidentally flipped the switch to reverse and the screw came flying out, got lost and I had to cross to the house to get another one. This time with a screwdriver. All this in the cold damp dark, by torchlight. Bemusedly asking myself why I pick the night-time to do Random Home Maintenance?

So I screw one side in with great effort on my hands and lungs, coughing and gasping. The other side, Not so good, the screw is fucked. So I tried hammering it.

No dice. By now I am lathered in sweat and in a fine Fettle. So I wedged one end of the perch in. Shoved the other end up top. Then climbed inside the coop to sing to my silkies to settle their nerves and get them to sit in the nesting area.

Herman was happy on his perch but until I fix it properly tomorrow, hopefully in daylight, the rest was too high for the girls. They don't care. 3 of them huddled together to keep warm anyway.

Then it was back inside and back to bed. I need a shower but that will happen later I guess.

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23 July 2014

23 July 2013

Suffering exhaustion but had a good sleep last night. Just woke up ready to enjoy another day.

I will go grocery shopping and pay off a parking fine at Carindale. How exciting!

I wonder what new delights await me?

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Mind Boggling! Qld police treated me almost as archaicly, commenting when I made my statement. "What do you expect? It's just drunk people" then informed me I could also be charged for defending myself by pushing the guy away. We live in Dark Times when the true value of a woman, and her Valour to survive is debased and ridiculed, even by a female detective.

Then society wonders why women are becoming increasingly cynical and more often violent. Why should we lie back and let Men and patriarchal societies fuck us over...again and again? Who wrote the rulebook that women, to be "good Girls" should be raped, beaten, emotionally tortured and ruined financially amongst so many other things?

Who thinks women should continue to submit to male abuse systems? Psychoes, arseholes, and their henchmen and women is who! They live and walk among us and gain positions of power or authority ‘cos they are sadists.

Which is why we must continue to fight for the rights of decent good folk, when we find them, in all walks of life and in all occupations. They are out there! If you are lucky enough to meet them!

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Lyn came over this evening and together we enjoyed my Full Moon ritual, sitting by the brazier, snug in blankets and chatting. I did my customary "wish list" that I do every moon and we really enjoyed the peace and quiet.

A visiting possum let his presence be known and Penny went crazy climbing high in a tree and Bella drove us nuts putting her ball in my basket but apart from that, oh the serenity. I lit all my lanterns too. It was a magical night!

23 July 2012

I slept til 4.30 pm today. One of those days better spent in bed. Now up with noone to play with. awww!

23 July 2011

I went to bed at 2.30am, spent an hour or so not falling asleep (most unusual!) but then slept until 2.30pm, apart from a few wake up calls from the dog and cats. My back was very sore last night for some reason so I spent the day snuggled warm in bed. Bliss. Going out tonight! Looking forward to kicking up my heels! lol

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons