Memories: 20 June 2025

20 June 2025

7:48 am

My heart is swirling like cream on a cup of thick Italian chocolate. Tiny embers of lava trickling down a volcanic landslide of righteous fury blended innocuously with a smouldering libido I have carefully wielded and kept precious and contained…waiting for a man who is trustworthy, honouring and genuinely loving.

It’s a love story and a faery story…a never ending story of hope and whimsy after a life built on flimsy mimsies and badly constructed fakery. Like those paper dolls we used to play with as children. One fucking dimensional. Only one huff and puff of the big bad wolf to blow that entire house of cards with those artificial capacious feckless dollies down. Woof….(oh I mean insert howl here!)

Time to cocreate something real, tangible, courageous and worth having. A real love with a man who chooses me by his own heart, mind, body, spirit. A soul mate. A friend/lover/partner/protector. Someone who has my back, front and sides but does not sublimate me, smother me, silence, shun, desecrate or abuse me.

I live on top of a sewer which occasionally the trees humbly remind me of who is in charge here on sacred land and Sacred Space and what happens when I forget the cesspit which channels other people’s effluent under my feet. A too-small pipe for the volume of homes surrounding me…well they’ve wanted to put shit on me for 22 years so now it finally happened lol.

No accident that the voodoo god of the underworld is my muse, my protector and will demand clean up on Diamond Street. Voudou gods don’t want to have their chosen ones, on their lands desecrated by shit either. Hahaha. Don’t worry Papa Legba…It will get sorted..I have perfect faith in your outrage!

I have people who truly do love me, protect and defend me. Little Tanya, alone in her hobbit house with Mordor under her hobbit feet is powerful after all. A power not properly understood by other mortals, conferred upon her by the gods.

They kept me alive for a reason, for this season of societal decay and atrophy. To be the Voice. To dance and mosh my inner power as a finely crafted weapon of reconstruction after the abject immolation of other humans.

“Dumb motherfuckers…but we can rebuild her. We always do!”

Yes Papa. In the gods I trust…humans, lovely as they are, sweetly do they charm, seduce and writhe in their own ignominy…not so much.

“But there are good ones amongst them. Ones that hear your Voice and witness your heart. Your immense courageous Corazon. Stand with you in pride, honour and dignity. Gift you. Another day in paradise.”

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I took a break from putting Kermie’s new cage together, drove to Lyn’s so we could have a lovely lunch at Alexandra Hills hotel. I had chicken parmigiana and vegetables. It was delicious!

Then I came home just after 3 pm and hit the ground running to finish installing his cage. Then I worked until 7 pm, wrapping copper wire around the gap between the top and the door. I ran out of copper wire. I need to do the back as well. I will go to Bunnings tomorrow to buy more copper wire.

I was greatly amused when I saw that Kermie was sitting on his swing I bought him recently. He has never used it in the old cage. Now he obviously felt it was safe to use. Interesting!

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Kermie has had an upgrade. A beautiful new cage which will be easier for me to clean. So delighted.

20 June 2024

8:52 am I had a complete nervous system collapse (more like a fucking firestorm in my mind!) yesterday. It was epic! I had been so happy in the morning, sitting in my garden, being adopted by the various wild bird visitors.

Then I got slammed. I rang my psychiatrist (one of the few men who completely gets me and loves with such intensity and purity that I could fall down and cry, it’s that powerful!)

I asked him if I was going nuts? (An ancient trope and one of my few remaining greatest fears!) “No” he replied “but this has been brewing for some time”. “Why? I have been doing so well for the past 8 years?”

He advised me to take a Valium. We laughed when I told him my 12 remaining valiums expired in 2018 and I have not resorted to them since 2015. But I took one. It settled me within ten minutes.

He called me later that evening to check on me. I told him I was much calmer but if I felt that bad tomorrow then I would take another Valium. I hope I don’t have to revert to needing medications ever ever again but this was an emotional emergency.

I didn’t sleep until 10:30 pm last night which was also astonishing as I was mentally and physically exhausted but my brain was firing off so much that it would not let me rest until then.

I slept well. (Thanks to the gods!) so hopefully that little meltdown is over. Although it will take me another day or two to recover from whatever full blown psychic attack that was. I told my doctor that I had felt very fragile in that moment but also so spiritually powerful that it was a terrifying.

The Tanya, even in her rare and almost miraculous breakdowns is a force to be reckoned with but I am grateful for my psychiatrist who never lets me down. Imagine if I had a lover or partner that cared that much for me? What my life could be like? Just wow.

In the midst of that mental firestorm I have ordered a tree stump for my silversmithing (for stamping and forming!) and a spinning wheel that I saw come up on my feed from Reverse Garbage. I hope it’s still there but I messaged them that I will come to collect it at 1 pm (I have to wait until Ratih finishes cleaning at midday). The spinning wheel is old but it looks like it’s working but it may need some replacement parts but I will get some advice on that and get it back into full working order.

I have been looking at buying a new one but those are about $2K so I will see what I can do with this one to get me started on my spinning fleece journey. Move over, Rumpelstiltskin x

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https://www.facebook.com/share/v/sAZ5j7TZWNCgjxtH/?

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20 June 2023

Another lovely day. I worked on polishing my opals. Then around lunchtime Lyn visited. She sat with me in the garden and we chatted.

She brought me groceries which was very kind of her. We talked about a book by Richard Fidler “The Book of Roads and Kingdoms” that I said I would like to read too. So she gave me the money in cash to pay for it.

She is very generous to me. I am so grateful for all my lovely friends who support me in this life!

20 June 2022

I had a productive day. I started early this morning by cleaning my copper sign at my front gate and the memorial sign for Tristan also.

Then I got stuck into working on my sterling silver mermaid tail. That took until 4 pm.

I got very weak and dizzy but managed to walk Bobo and Charley for our usual saunter or sashay or mostly ditzy dizzy promenade around the block. Bobo chose to do a massive poopykins on Cavendish road.

I bent over to pick it up and when I stood upright a teenage girl in the cav road uniform was grinning at me. I suppose it looks a bit weird especially as Charley fights me when I try to get the poo bags out of their container.

Anyway as soon as we got home I gave them both their dinner and put them to bed. Well Charley went to bed. Bobo played on my bed giving me hell as he does whenever I try to put clean linen on my bed and make it.

He had a ball. I mean he had his actual manky drooled on rubber ball in my nice clean bed so we both had a growly fight about that.

Then I fell into bed by 6 pm although I might get back up now to heat up some dinner as I feel hungry now.

It was a gorgeous day but now my incision site is burning and hurting and twinging so I might have overdone it. Ooops.

Healing my back patchwork quilt (-3) making a beautiful piece of jewellery (10) holding myself together emotionally while achieving both outcomes (priceless!)

Thank you to Sheila Snow and Michel Citrin and all my other healers. Xxx

20 June 2020

Thank G-d for my Facebook journaling. Everything is in here since 2009 (or was it 2008?)

I have found 3 diaries that were not typed up or I might have accidentally deleted them. (like the ones on Facebook from 2014 I lost when I deleted them!)

So now I have a lot of typing still to do but grateful that my life history was mostly saved by Peter when he rescued stuff from the last defunct computer.

Honestly it is hard to read and relive. But it’s MY life and I can’t change history or the vile epic bullshit I was put through.

But there were some sweet moments as well. Like any life: swings and roundabouts. I wanted to get off the merry go round but instead I got centrifuged out. Thanks HaShem...I think.

I am clearing out the dross for my Happy Ever After! A long time a-coming!

20 June 2019

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Hitting the ground running. I have been booked in by the PA for Tuesday 25th June. They are keeping me in overnight! Wow! Unexpected. But better to get the surgery done so my sluggish gallbladder doesn’t turn to cancer on me. Eeek!

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So weird story...as my cousin Mel and I were leaving the Myer Centre after our lovely lunch, me in my purple top hat and Mel in his dangly earrings, we passed a group of about 5 people, dressed in cerise who looked like Tibetan nuns and a monk.

The monk looked very much like the Dalai Lama and the nuns accompanying him saw my eyes go very wide but were looking at my purple hat and jacket and were smiling back into my face. So we kept walking on by but a few paces past them I turned to Mel and stopped and said “Omg...was that in fact, the Dalai Lama?” Mel looks at me and says “yeah I thought the same but if it were he’d be accompanied by loads of security etc. “

It is only later like uh, just now...that I realised he did have 4 nuns with him and for all we know they might have been security dressed as Tibetan Buddhist nuns. So I missed out on meeting a very famous holy man but in my worldview we are all holy...only some of us are born to lineages and some of us are born to evil schmucks. Either way we all put our pants on, one leg at a time and we are all human.

Anyway, I have decided, because I am spiritual and childlike and a bit well, ridiculous that it is a sign that my prayers are all about to be answered as it was only about 20 minutes after passing the man who might have been the Dalai Lama and his retinue that I got the call from the PA hospital about my surgery on Tuesday.

So what has Mama T been praying for, apart from the return of a man she still loves absolutely? Well to have my mind, body and spirit healed of course. So the body will be healed (or at least the offending gall bladder will be removed).

My mind is very much healed in the past three years since I quit psych meds, and the ghost of the Israeli-Scottish-Englishman homeopath creep ex lover haunted me. My spirit...is in a constant process of unfurling, rejuvenating and shedding karmic debts and blossoming.

My Soul belongs only to the Creator of all universes/paradigms/dimensions. My heart....will go on. Ok, maybe my mind will always be healing after the traumatic life I have had but I am getting slowly better/weirder/wiser but happier the older and closer to death I get as it’s been a long hard slog but I think have passed most tests with flying colours.

I pray the gods gift me with a much better future and surround me with the greatest of all loves and my version of success which is happiness that is created within me and all around me with harm to no one.

I looked at a lovely pair of boots today in Joanne Mercer. $300. They were lovely but still not as kickarse as my former stillettoed studded doc martens. I have never been able to replace them.

But anyway, I have everything I need. A home, clothes on my back, food in my guts, and a big burning unquenchable love that so many...so many were so fucking envious of that they sabotaged.

But ultimately life has gone on and I survived even those pestilential psychopathic borderline cuntish ghouls. With lots of help from true friends, my psychiatrist and the angels and/or spirits assisting from the other side.

I have every faith that the one destined to be with me into my older age will arrive (or come back!) I can wait another 5 years. What is time in the Mind of G-d? A millisecond or an eternity.

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On bus to city to meet cousin. I abhor public transport but I am doing it. Yayy me!

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Demolition has started at John the Romanian’s former home across the road. Men in orange Hazmat suits wearing masks because of all the asbestos.

Just as well I am going out for lunch. I don’t fancy breathing any of that in.

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Haha my fridge which is quite old now, is make strange wheezing gasping noises like a grumpy old man. For a moment it sounded like someone was trapped inside it. I inherited in 2008. Hopefully it keeps going for a few more years.

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Comment from a memory from today in 2017: worth repeating!!!!

Getting food from the charity is an experience! Almost comedic. They come out and ask your name and location and how many dependants.

I was advised by another client to lie and say I have 2 but fuck me this is charity and I was never motivated by greed (except I do get gold fever in mining areas but that is an anomaly left over from my prospecting grandfather who was not greedy enough to claim his gold find lol).

But I digress! So we sat for hours. The very odd couple that were with me has been there since 12. I arrived at 12.30. We bonded over the philapena lady's dead dog which she was still grieving and she would break into tears spontaneously and very dramatically then look at her staid cold rather dry Australian partner (to me he had the makings of a sociopath) and whine "we get a Foster dog, yes?"

He would wince and sneer and say "No more dogs" and she would wheedle "Yes, yes a Fosterrr dog so we can give it back any time we like and still go on holidayyyysss".

They tell me they are not poor but they come every week for free food "for something to do". I muttered that I could think of much better things to do with my time than beg for food.

They were interesting to watch. She at one point, looked at me rather passionately and declared loudly "Oh Tanya, I am so glad you are here!" I gave her a strange bemused look.

I had only just met them and it seemed incongruent her declaims of delight to be in my presence. I wondered if I had died and only my spirit was there, or if it was one of my fucking freaky Psychedelic dreams but alas no, my lower back started aching from sitting in the cold breeze and I thought, you know I am not that desperate, why am I even here?

The decision to go for food had been a driven insistent one and who knows? I said out loud, after one of their many complaints about the poor quality of the sandwiches last week giving her diarrhoea, that if the charity was going to commit government sponsored genocide and kill us with food poisoning, then why were we here at all? I grinned wryly. They clammed up for a while. Lol.

Then an Aussie white woman of my vintage arrived. They all knew each other. She heard my name spoken and turned to me "You know Tanya, I have only half a cabbage at home and I am desperate for food, so when they call us in Run, I will beat you to it". I just smiled and said "Yeah go for it, Babe" trying very hard not to 'Whatever' and roll my eyes.

She was true to her word. When we got called in, she flew up the stairs like a bat out of hell or Phar Lap out of the starting gate screaming my name like a Banshee "Come Onnnnn Tanya!"

I crawled up the stairs as by then, everything ached and my ptsd was fully activated because Fuck Man, imagine these people in war time, they would Kill you for your last mouldy maggotty piece of bread!!!

I got my food quota in a dignified fashion and got out of there feeling not quite so much grateful as whimsically beaten down, traumatised and exhausted.

I think the clients must do that to all new people as a kind of competitive sport so as to keep the maximum amount of grub for themselves. It was amusing but also disturbing to watch.

It is also not worth spending almost 3 hours chewing the fat with people who are crazier and greedier and dripping in heavy gold jewellery and just had a holiday for 6 weeks in Philippines. "Oh we are not poor, Tanya, we just like doing this!" Hahahaha. Wow!

I have more dignity than that. So the quintessential existential question remains "Why am I even here?!" I do not exist like other people. Hahaha.

The Philapena woman asked me if I had ever been rich? A strange question. I answered "Well to quote a famous quote, 'I've been rich and I've been poor but Rich is better!" They both stared at me, still waiting for my answer.

So I told them that at 23 I had been rich enough to own a Freehold house. "How did you do that?" She gasped. "Inheritance!" Her partner sneered. I nodded at him.

"But although I was perceived to be rich I never had much money as my husband controlled it all. I have been much more at peace and content being poor than I ever was being "rich". I never want to be rich again if it means being at the mercy of a cruel and vicious man".

She put her hand to her mouth in mock empathy. "Ooh Tanya say that last part again". I looked her in the eye. Repeated myself. Sat back in my chair. Exhausted.

Lesson delivered. Message heard. Even repeated. The price of wealth if garnered from Abuse is too high. Too fucking high.

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Gods I love you, my beautiful cousin. We are not weeds. We are fine rare and almost unattainable orchids...clutching to the side of a cragged Mountain that few men are brave enough to reach, living on the Mountain Dew and mist (ambrosia disguised as Jack Daniels) transmuting our DMT in our violently traumatised brains...living free and fiercely wild...loved and protected by the merest of connoisseurs! Lmao!

Life is wonderful. Even for vainglorious weeds!

20 June 2018

I saw my doctor. He says I am much better than 5 years ago. Also that it is not true that I am Self-destructive, in fact that I am very much better at self-preservation and have finally learned to cut dickheads/wankers/psychic vampires and other toxic people out of my life in spite of my predilection for attracting (and general fondness of) weirdos.

He says I rather enjoy gaining Mastery over the psychopaths. I concurred, as in truth that was my entire childhood. I was surrounded by evil sociopaths and I had to fight long and hard emotionally to survive them. He says I have good people in my life (thank god for that) and am very supported. Yup!

He observed that I am in my usual quiet withdrawn winter hibernation. (You can set the clock by my seasonal moods).

We did another test for Alzheimer’s for the memory clinic. Now just the ct scan and blood tests to go. Not sure when they will be conducted.

I do believe we shall leave the psychotherapy to the experts, not intrusive psycho-spiritual, possibly schizo-typical lawnmowing men. Lmao!

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Brisk chilled morning. Lovely sunshine though. I am gonna take it easy today. I have my debrief this afternoon. Other than that, just another day in Paradise.

I have sat outside with Charlie and drank a cup of tea and eaten avocado on toast. It was lovely. But now back in bed as it is so very cold.

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I got woken up by a young woman screaming. I thought it was dogs fighting as several dogs started barking as well. No idea what has happened as I heard other neighbours go to check on the woman. Something horrible must have happened.

I just stay here all warm and cosy. I was awake at dawn as Sophie cat wanted to go outside. Then awakened again.

20 June 2017

I have felt very strange in the head all day. I went to the charity to get food to stock up on my resources. I thought I felt odd because I had to wait 2 and a half hours and it was cold. But then I struggled to get home and unpack.

I cooked dinner tonight with the chicken drumsticks. Delicious. But I am now in bed after feeling really woozy and lightheaded even after eating dinner. Anyone who knows me well knows how a full stomach usually refreshes my mind, body and spirit lol).

Anyway I am now in bed, with my cat Penny and the Beau. Feeling dizzy is not cool so I am going to sleep it off...hopefully. I have been feeling odd since Friday so maybe it is just exhaustion or some weird spiritual affect. I guess I will know in due course.

20 June 2016

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2.23 am. Bloody still awake. I spoke to Crystal on skype for 3 hours then tried to sleep. Hot/cold flushes, epic restless leg syndrome (still dancing horizontally lol. (So I gave up after an hour and did dishes and made raisin toast, then got back into bed to Facebook. Only 5 hours sleep since yesterday. Grrr!

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12.20 pm back in da room. Finally slept from 6-12.15 pm. Intense. Bloody needed it.

At the moment I feel like a searing burning-off comet that has come too close to the earth's atmosphere. Shedding and shredding the past attachments and flying in a straight projectile towards my next spiritual evolution. In a way it is quite scary but so beautiful.

Blessed is the Holy One who brings me to this new state of Being. Purged but surged and even at times super-charged. The Great Work continues.

We are being healed, revealed and elevated on High Wide Shoulders that have always had our back. Little short Hobbit woman standing tall on the shoulders of a Giant of Love, Hope and Protection. Tussling His Hair and tickling His Neck and giggling like a silly school girl.

It's a long fall from the heights of the glorified and sanctified but we have fallen a million times and now at last the fall is a flying joyous leap into the next re-birthing of our soul's quest.

All I can ever hope for is a soft landing as my arse is class and well, my tochus has been kicked so hard so many times that it craves a little luxury. Being a hard-arse wise-cracking Heyoka Love Junkie has its side benefits - side boobiage.

No really. Apart from the deconstruction of the flesh I am honourably time-fighting as I want to look pretty and continue to have fun before I die (I was robbed of my own innate beauty being told I was ugly-stupid-crazy-worthless long enough.)

What happened to these "Beautiful people" that abused my body mind and spirit for over 4 decades? That whittled me down to a dessiccated dying husk when I should have been in my full and glorious primal perfection.

They are dust and worms and smokey bone remnants and ashes cast into the deep. Their beautiful cold contemptuous hatred and envy recycled into wormied lust.

I bet even the sea worms and earthworms know they taste of bitterness, and dishonour. Move along, nothing to see here. Zero calories and no soulful nourishment from the remains of their days.

The tragedy? My family knew better. Gurdjieff, Ouspensky, Madame Blavatsky and their own personal inherited witchiness, the magic that happens and the spirit that moves upon the void that settles upon all of existence Knew BETTER.

To Know is to Heal. Not to destroy or annihilate the truth and the beauty. The soul I have given you is a Holy one. If only Primordial Consciousness could have realised the human predilection for its own grandiose manufacturing of its own decay.

Here we stand Naked in the Garden, but we think we are wearing garments of splendour. The Emperor's New Clothes. Hahaha. The Empire Builders rags.

What does this mean, Man? It means Shit. Blood. Sweat. Tears. Pus, Boils. Then to be raised up to Life's blessings. Truth. Beauty. Love. Wholeness. Strength/Mana/Power. Peace. Glory. Sweet zero point gravity. Flying, vibrating, existing. Then doing it all again.

Ain't No Body got Time for that?! Smiles. But we do we do. Time and Place. Makom. The stitch in time. Or fetching the Snitch in a game of Quidditch.

Lord, bring me my Broom. For this House is Clean!

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A gift from the wise-cracking spirit of Quentin Tarantino

Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice.

Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness.

Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

he became the shepherd instead of the vengeance.

Quentin Tarantino

Me: But Joey aka (Gisela/David/Angela/Trevor/Micheal/Terry/David D/ insert names here) I AM NOT ANGRY ANYMORE.

Ok maybe still a little bit but I prayed in a dark night of the soul, fuck it several dark nights of my soul…for Justice, for Karma, for smiting, for Resolution to my Revolution, for Peace, for Karma to be shown me in my own lifetime, or I would spend the rest of Eternity denying a cruel petty whimsical wicked G-D.

Yes. I was in that much pain and suffering, cutting deals with Makom out of Time, out of mind, out of place, out of love, out of faith l, out of my own intrinsic humbling Mortifying Putrefaction.

But G-d Heard Me. G-d took Action. It took years. Months…days…and years but now I see it in my own Day. I am so grateful, so powerfully gratefully purified before the Creator of Life and Love.

I tried to remove myself from this free-wheeling handicapped bus of a life. My wheel fell off. But Nup. No dice. No get-out-of-earth-free card. He threw me back up on the hurdy gurdy Double Decker. Just so He could show me. One more time - my Hit list being enacted. In perfect timing. G-d's own Timing.

Now Tanya, remember your time is also a-coming. Make it a good one. Conspire to inspire while you respire cos when the Breath of the Lord leaves your damaged lungs and fully broken rebuilt and broken again heart and that perfect Soul I have Given you returns to me?

You must remember this: a kiss is still a kiss. A case of Do or Die. You my dear, have lived through both. We are not Done or Dusted yet.

(That was a word from my Sponsor). Lmao!!!!

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So Jarrod bought us a fruity berry wine. We couldn't find the yummy one from last week.

So he pours it and takes a sip. "You will like this Tanya, it tastes like kosher wine". Cool!

So I take a sip of mine. "Yeah baby! It tastes like Manischewitz without the Malaga." Malaka Schmucka! Here is residual proof that this Heathen Viking Bitchy Itchy Sneezy and Grumpy Witch... is Still Jewish.

Oy! (Do I want Fries with that?)

20 June 2015

5.15 am. Home, running a hot bath. I can't feel my feet. I had a great night dancing.

Mission X were playing. Awesome as always! Bit hard to whirling dervish in my underbust and wiggle skirt so my dance to Zombie was a little bit restrained. But not by much ;-).

Former Zombies like to let it all hang out now that we have been revivified!

It was good to see Corena tonight! Love you, Woman!

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9.10 am. I haven't heard from Crystal for a day or two. I am sure she is working hard and enjoying Cork.

Time to schluff. Good morning!

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Oh G-d Yes! So blind. They tore my eyeballs out so I could finally see the truth. One harassed me again last night. I told her I have a bone pointed at her. If I could find a Kadaatchi man I would do it for real.

All this spiritual mumbo jumbo about higher consciousness and forgiveness and constantly turning the other fucking cheek. I have given the thing enough chances. Some people really deserve to die.

One day she will go too far and someone will kill her. Won't be me but by god she is begging for it. That is her problem. She is so sick with envy and hate she probably hopes someone will kill her.

She had a sociopathic mother like I did. So she really really hates herself and projects all that hate onto others. She has become her own mother. (If she ever told me the truth and psychopaths rarely do).

Anyway, I have unleashed the furies. Now I just gotta sit back and wait. She sent her evil friends to dance next to me last night too. 3 very sick people. I just ignore them.

They must think I am someone special to stalk me every weekend. Seriously, they need to get a life and fuck off.

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Watching a movie about Albert Goerring, Hermann Goerring's anti-Nazi brother who saved jews. Really interesting.

The great-niece of Hermann and obviously Albert as well, worked for me in Chicken Express. It used to strike me as very odd, how with my own german heritage and being a jew, I seemed to often attract either Former Nazis or Neo-Nazis in my life.

Mind you, the 3 Neos were rather obsessed with me. To the point, one offered to do my first tattoo. I demurred. I told him that I didn't trust him to tattoo my jewish flesh, that he might do Dot-to-dot Swastikas.

He laughed uproariously, told my then boyfriend, that he would fuck me when we broke up. I laughed even harder. I said, "You are dead sexy Noel, but I will never sleep with you".

The next Neo I befriended, was an Aboriginal VP of an outlaw motorcycle clubhouse. When he found that I am jewish, he went pale. When I found out he was a Neo Nazi, I went pale.

He treated me well. He even told me he sat down with his girlfriend and watched Schindlers List and how it moved him. I nodded my approval.

I said, “You can't have a hatred of a people when you are educated, you understand that everyone is really the same. It is like your left arm telling your right arm that you hate it. Total ignorance”.

He said, "I am an odd sort of Nazi. I am Indigenous". I joked he would have been shot in the back by the Nazis. He nodded.

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I am watching a horror movie now, in bed with Socks who is smoochy and rubbing his big old head on my hand snd purring triumphantly. He is also licking my hand.

Nice to have a loving man to come home to, albeit a four-legged one with attitude.

20 June 2014

I hate being in love! It has turned me into a maniac! Grrrr!

2.42 am. I have just finished dusting and polishing furniture in kitchen. (No Lyn I have not mopped the floors ;-)....hopefully tomorrow lol). Vacuuming done though. Floors were filthy thanks to cats shaking cat litter crystals all over house.

They are in hiding as they really hate the sound of the vacuum. I wanted to hide too, but had to finish the vacuuming at least, as I set my mind to it.

Instead of hiding, I went outside and cleaned the guttering and did other stuff that was not as important as cleaning house was but soothed my nerves.

If this keeps up I will be homeless with a shopping trolley to keep all my cats and chooks in and pitching my hammock up in Whites Hill Reserve somewhere...or Byron Bay. Mmmmmm Byron!

If I weren't so motherfucking broke I would be there as I need to be in the Godzone by the sea. Maybe next week..if I complete the housework. I need to hire someone to help me dust and polish lol. It took me 3 hours just to do the kitchen.

I think I need Hormone Replacement Therapy so I wear a 1950's apron, smile serenely and cook and clean all day long. Dancing is great but I still have to get on top of home duties which I can no longer avoid.

I had a smoke with a mate last weekend, so perhaps the health benefits were that I finally got into housework mode. Hell tomorrow if I want to get really Kkkkkrazy I could bake an orange poppy seed cake. I vaguely remember buying oranges for that purpose. Hopefully they are not rotten yet?

Oh well! Such is life!

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I am glad I stayed home. I have had a bad tummy bug thingy. I guess I overdid the housework last night lol.

I got given heaps of clothes from Gail and Christina and got a cuddle with Tayhlia then was rather unwell. C'est la Vie!

I think I will rest tonight. It will serve me well.

20 June 2012

Six days until Final Orders at Court for my Settlement. Then another 2 weeks for Grant of Probate. Then another 60 days to pay me out. How much more can I take? Crazy Making!

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Two huge helpings of bolognese sauce, mince and veges and Fettuccine had given me a major stomach ache.... But Goooood!

Now planning to bake Banana Cake hmmm maybe tomorrow? Plenty bananas from my tree!

20 June 2011

I had a lovely long chat on phone to my darling Carol. I watched the dvd she made for me of our kids and a karaoke night years ago. I will try to make a copy to send to Norma as her family were in it a lot. So cute!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons