Memories: 21 June 2025

21 June 2025

21 June 2024

21 June 2023

I woke up early at 8 am. Beautiful morning. But I am still tired and wrung out from peeing all night. So I made a cup of tea, and toast with Camembert cheese and a chocolate biscuit. Then went back to bed. Two bad nights like this. No wonder I am exhausted!!

…

Polished white creek opals. Polished to 50000 grit. But…they are tiny. Not sure what I can make with them? #titaniasrealm #opalcutting #opalpolishing #whitecreekopals

21 June 2022

Happy Yule to all my Pagan friends here in the Southern Hemisphere. Blessed Be :-)

…

4:30 pm I spent the afternoon in my hammock with a thick woollen blanket while Charley played in the tree and Bobo lay underneath me.

Then I took them for a walk but my cough got worse as soon as the afternoon chill descended (around 3:30 pm) so now I am back in bed and my wound is hurting too, but I don’t know why?

Today has been a horribly unwell day but I am soldiering through it.

Grateful for the lovely sunshine, my bird and my dog. I even had a visit from Koko. Sweetness.

…

11:10 am I just got up. It’s a beautiful day but my cough is back with a vengeance. But I had such a productive day yesterday that I knew today would be a write-off.

I had trouble walking to the washing line to bring in the washing: dizzy and weakness in my legs. I definitely have all the symptoms of advanced Lyme disease from all the tick bites. You know that thing our Australian medical system still refuses to acknowledge. Dumbarse cunts. No wonder I feel like I am dying.

But today is a beautiful day and I will rejoice in it as I have rejoiced in most other days except for the particularly dreadful ones.

Yibbedy yabbedy onwards and upwards…to infinity and beyond…and all that JAZZZZ.

….

Beautiful red sunrise this morning. Red sky in the morning, sailor’s warning. I hope it’s a good day. I will make it so regardless of the weather!

21 June 2021

21 June 2020

Feeling sad: my little family of sweet little boys who befriended Beauregard and Charlie are moving to Wooloongabba. They brought much delight and joy to me in the past three months (since their Dad rescued Charlie after he went Walkabout and got himself lost!)

It was a balm to my heart and soul especially with the horrors of Covid and enforced isolation which impacted me more severely as I already live a fairly isolated lifestyle.

Bobo will miss them greatly. I dread the day, in 2 weeks when we walk past their home and they are gone. He will not understand it.

They promise to keep in touch ( as people do!) but I know that people drift away or get busy with their new lives.

Sigh.

I hung the pictures up the boys made for me!

Happy memories!

21 June 2019

I have pre-admission on Monday. Four hours! Blood tests, ECG. Full on.

Oh well, this is just another temporary ordeal then I can continue the process of healing myself.

I think I shall rest today. Take things easy.

21 June 2017

My shrink is away for 2 weeks and his staff failed to cancel my appt. So I rang and left messages and went into a panic and asked one of the gym staff to run upstairs and see if anyone is there. Fml. Now I can't see him for another 2 1/2 weeks so that will be 4 1/2 weeks. Luckily I don't need medication.

I am pissed off with his secretary who did not bother to cancel the appt or notify me he was taking time off. For a minute I thought he might have been shut down as happened with my previous psychiatrist. All good. I just have to keep going on as usual.

21 June 2016

…

Back from the supermarket. Shopping was arduous. I hate shopping when I just want to lie down. I bought some buffalo chicken wings and ate them in my car. Some banana bread. Milk, yoghurt. Few other bits and pieces.

It is good to be home but the moon was so beautiful nestled amongst long silvery clouds. If I had taken my iPhone with me I would have taken a picture of it.

It was a happy, inspiring sight. Especially as I am going through some kind of transition and I never can tell how I am going to be when I come out the other side.

…

Hypomania. Panic attacks. Feeling the feels is hard bloody work. Back to bed I go. I will try to sleep again.

Lyn brought me a wonderful foot spa and just as she arrived, so did the lawn mowing man. So it was hit the ground running, getting tables moved, and stuff put away so he could have a clear run. Then I had to race to the atm to pay him. Then Bobo, that bloody clown dog, got out so my sweet neighbour brought him back. Phew!

Then I cleaned out the filters from the ponds and cut back the strelitzia. Now, a cup of tea and breathe, Tanya, breathe.

…

God zone.

As a teenager I used to stride through dozens of hills and valleys searching for my wild Mare. Many times the ground would rock under my feet and I would stumble. The hills were right on top of the Wellington fault line.

I used to pray to the spirits of Aotearoa to help me to heal and to get me free of my family. I used to see little signs of the fae there also. My horse had a strong telepathic attunement to me, even if she did often "hide" on a different hill, I would eventually find her.

The land of NZ is very sacred. As are all lands on earth. We all bow to Jerusalem, Mecca, Machu Picchu, Stonehenge, the pyramids of Giza and there the spiritual power of the ley-lines are magnified and resonant.

But in Kabbalah, Makom, G-D's sacred space can be anywhere. The gateways can be there in front of you all the time. Eg Jacob wrestling with the Angel so he laid down on a stone to sleep and that place became holy.

Makom is a space inside you and outside of you. It is the place of dreams, hope, love, truth and peace. Makom "I was in His place but I did not know it". I believe that place and country and home are important to all humans, but there are special places that are sacred to non-human as well.

When we live in harmony with all the worlds, the elemental, spiritual, angelic, human, non-human, and even other dimensions (as Jesus said "In my father's house are many mansions"). We come to make peace and love the fact that our place is here, now, wherever I hang my hat is home. We are each the centre of our universe. Constantly connected. To life, to each other (even without the internet lol).

…

Jarrod and Harvey just left. Bobo was so happy to see them today. We had a nice dinner, chicken drumsticks and chips and wine. Then we watched The Hunger Games while the dogs lay supine beside us on the couch. Bobo was a farty stinky brat tonight but he is still a funny guy.

I was so itchy that I couldn't stop scratching my back shoulders where the skin cancers were removed. So I lathered myself in coconut oil and while Bobo snoozed I rubbed some into his paw pads. He was so tired that he didn't fight me touching his paws!

Now time to head to bed. I have only had 6 hours sleep this morning so although I feel very happy and alert I will try to get some more rest.

Recalibrating my brain-body relationship can be troublesome.

Today I kept hearing the word Tsim-tsum. The Kabbalistic expression of the creation of the universe. The contraction and then expansion.

As in orgasm, birth pangs, or volcanic eruptions which produce new islands in the sea. Or even a caterpillar crawling in a cabbage leaf, then building its own cocoon to turn itself into a gel then emerging in a completely different form, a flying winged creature of such breathtaking magnificence, flitting from flower to flower.

Life is good. I am happy. Love is eternal.

…

Another 3 hour nap interrupted hourly by needing to pee. I feel woolly and woozy but my mind is clear.

I had powerful dreams about my childhood home by the sea going under in either raising sea levels or a tsunami. I often have tsunami dreams.

The imagery was so clear it was like watching a movie. I was trying to pack a little kit bag of clean underwear and favourite toys for some children and trying to find my passport etc.

I watched 2 cars (presumably my own) get engulfed by the sea. I was not afraid just frantic to get the kids and myself out in time to safety.

So naturally I woke up just as tired as when I lay down.

21 June 2015

8.23 am. Home at last. I had a wonderful night dancing. At 5 am Barry invited me with his friends to the High Rollers upstairs. I had a few free cups of tea and met a very charming intelligent young man and chatted with him until 8 am.

He is part Maori and part Romanian. Turns out his family came from Katiki, at the foot of Mt Ruapehu. I was very impressed with his elegance and style. He lives on the Gold Coast.

…

11.48 pm. I have slept since 10 am. Wow! Exhausted. Better make something to eat and drink then go back to sleep. If I can :-).

21 June 2014

10.45 am. Awake but exhausted. Bad Reflux all night. Feel like I have been thrown off a freight train. So another day to rest up methinks.

There has been anarchy in the house...pussies tipped over the cat biscuits and have been pussy rioting then throwing up. Bastards! Why do I have cats??? Lol. Silly rhetorical question! Cos I can!

…

@ lyn. Thanks for the lovely chat! For the reminder that it is a totally new experience for me to be in this huge loving state and that recent lessons have shown me how much I am loved, valued and appreciated.

As she said, all other men put my love in a box and hid it from sight to control or to belittle me and this is a huge new way of learning to trust that there is a man, perhaps others too, who will not box me in, stifle, diminish me but let me be myself and let me run free as they know I am who I am for a reason and that they can also trust that I will not leave them or cheat them out of their own need for freedom or personhood.

She reminded that my dancing wildly in the night is still a relatively new outlet and expression of my love for life and people and wildness, in general and I don't have to feel guilty for living like a Wild Woman in the night as after all, this is my time to "Rise and Shine" and who knows what is in store for me, so enjoy! :-)

Then she mothered me by suggesting I stay home tonight and rest. (I wanted to rebel but I did as I was told and stayed home and baked a banana cake instead!). The wildness will break out soon. Everything in its season. Lmao!

Lyn has seen the Real Tanya, through prosperity to poverty, from so much trauma to periods of enlightenment and joy. She has seen me in all my splendour and in all my despair. 26 years of friendship. Yet she steadfastly loves me and is in every way a true soul sister.

I love my wonderful friends, my earthangels who hold me together when I fall apart and pick me up when I dive into the abyss, dust off my grazed and bruised and battered psyche and let me be Me in all my psychedelic splendiferous Wonder.

In spite of my Warrior Spirit and my battle with the gods of love and luck and fortune, I am never lost or forgotten for the Great Master brought you to me to bring me lightness of heart, happiness and peace. Xxxx

…

In bed...early...with my cat Penny who is thrilled to welcome me to our boudoir ce soir. Happy! Joyous! Overflowing with Love, Positivity and Potentialities. Being Kneaded (needed!) as we speak. Loud purring in my ears and now loud contented Sighing.

My cat is Awesome. Sophie and Socks are content in their own bedroom. Chooks roosting, fish fushing. Garden is hibernating for winter. All is at Peace and doing its Thing.

Banana Cake Baked! (Floors to be continued... Dusting Polishing also lol). It will happen.

21 June 2012

Constant Craving! Drives me Mad! Bella and I had lovely snuggles last night. I kept waking up, making eye contact, saying "I Love You". She kept curling up behind me, pushing her back against me for Intimacy and sighing us both back to sleep!

In the end at what turned out to be 2.20 pm. Lol. We finally got up! I had a wonderful afternoon and evening with my favourite Paltalkians then watched some TV and am currently baking the Banana Bread I threatened to make yesterday.

Gail took me out this evening for Coffee and Cake at Maccas with Tali.

A Good Day! Even with the Cravings! Hahaha!

…

Legal ease is starting to go my way methinks. Court on Friday. Now I hope the judge doesn't suffer fools at all lol.

…

I’m picking up my new red fish from Jarrod tomorrow. Yayyy! I spent the arvo cutting off dead banana leaves…compost now full. Also swept up leaves outside. Now bored and wish I could go out...anywhere lol

21 June 2010

I am not right lately but I am amazed and impressed with my closest friends who still visit me and sit with me amidst my chaos and squalor, enjoying my company and choosing to ignore the fact that I am a giant Schlub who is only interested in gardening at the moment.

Lol, I managed to shape my cumquat tree, gardenia and rosemary bush into lovely round balls with the aid of the Hula Hoop I bought for $5.

..

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons