Memories: 2 November 2025

2 November 2025

10:23 am

2 November 2024

12:43 am when you finally realise “the spell is broken” and love ain’t real anymore. So you walk away. Hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But it’s right and true. “Let the boy watch” indeed.

7:25 am:

8:50 am:

Funny quirky “highlights” from last night:

Two men approach me at the coffee table. A handsome Indian man and his white friend, both in their late 30s or early 40s. The Indian guy asks me courteously if they may sit beside me. I smile and nod politely. “Of course you may!”

Next thing I know they both plonk their arses down, but Indian guy keeps shuffling closer and closer to me until he is in my actual space, almost pressed up underneath me, with an eager cheeky grin.

So I lean down to him and say…”why don’t you just climb right up inside me and wear my skin since you feel the need to invade my personal space!” He just smiles slightly, and moves a little bit out of my zone. For the love of all the gods.

He also asks me if I work there? I reply “No”. But it’s starting to feel like work. Like an endurance ordeal. Like climbing Mt Everest without any oxygen. A corpse bride. lol I love that club. But what the fuck?

There is a very tall man sitting beside me on my left. Also merging with my energy meridians with his badly positioned boot. I tap his boot “Not you too, my bubble”. He smiles. Indian guy says “can you ask him if they are real RM Williams boots?” seething with sexual competition. lol. FFS!

So I turn to the young tall guy and say “this elitist Indian guy wants to know if your boots are real RM Williams?” Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Tall guy says sanguinely, “No they are fake!” I high-five him. “I love your couth and integrity. I appreciate your honesty!”

Indian guy shrieks “I can’t believe you did that?” I said “Why? Ask an honest question, get an honest answer. I’m not here for bullshit”. He wanders off to sulk for a while.

His mate comes back with drinks for him. “Where is he?” he asks. I just shrug and roll my eyes. “Don’t worry! He’ll be back”. His mate says “I don’t think so!” I nod, and smile sadly. Mofo came back. As I intuited.

Mofo then asks me again if they are real RM Williams boots. I reply with mild irritation “We’ve already done that dance!” I roll my eyes. He replies “Classic!” I return to dancing for my handsome talented men…which is what I am there for. The dance. No harm, no foul.

But they trigger me with that “Let the boy watch” audio overlay. Scott and I meet eyes. Stare each other down for a few seconds. Yeah. I am done. He knows it. Guess it’s the last time. Dammit.

I had a lovely time dancing with Sonja. Erin came to give me a very long hug with her cheek pressed against mine. I want to cry as I soaked up her sweet love like a half-dead woman. I needed that! Thank you Erin, you gorgeous girl x

Hayley arrives. Looks at me. Asks me if I am all right. I tell her I am. An uncharacteristic white lie because Mama T must maintain the Wild and the grace under fire.

I left not long after. I think I need to recalibrate. A longggg rest. No more bullshit. No more sadistic triggering which started on the bus ride going into the city.

A young Indonesian girl had befriended me at the bus stop, then randomly announced loudly on our trip that she broke up with her bf and attempted suicide. Brittle, but matter of fact. I thought “Oh dear goddess…here we go!”

The bus driver was watching me in the rear view mirror. I tell her “Don’t ever do that over a fucking man…no man is worth that. You are young, but you will get over it! Take another lover!”

Mama T needs to follow her own advice but I am not one to slither my loins from one cumstained dickhead to another. I am NOT my mother. Lol.

I had a funny thought though. Perhaps the gods sent me Indian guy to “save” me and launch me back into my full blazing joyous sexuality.

Like the helicopter that saves the drowning family off their flooded roof. But my loins are reserved for a man who respects me and does not merge or meld without my permission.

Meanwhile…Chop Suey. Self righteous suicide has to galvanise from the putrescence. Are we having fun…yet?…. I guess so. The Queen of the Damned gets to rise from the ashes…yet again.

Reality is cracked. Zombies everywhere and only very few men of mana left. Except that young giant with the fake RM Williams boots in love with his woman. A sweetness. A reminder. Real men still exist. Somewhere out there.

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Sacred Space… where even the snakes feel safe and cosy and kinda comforted. Lol. The terror on my Muslim mower men was kinda hilarious. I had to explain that it’s a very peaceful snake but to keep a safe distance. While we were looking at him or her, snakey personage slithered under the house to go back to sleep under the dragonfruit which is its favourite spot. Creature of habit like The Tanya. Lmao.

2 November 2023

Not well today. My lungs are struggling…but Ratih is here, cleaning. I have been outside, taking down all the Halloween decorations.

It’s a beautiful day. I am happy!

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https://youtu.be/YdefA9uHOY4?si=eOQeQMwGFzcMc6n5

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4:37 pm

2 November 2022

https://youtu.be/urhARHVc2cU

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The day is windy. My mood is dark. The penetration of isolation and the horror is seeping into me. I need to rest more but my spirit screams into the flailing surreal Void. Choose life. Choose Love. Choose Peace. But I am not Chosen for a mundane safe existence. I am alive against all odds. I am tired. Tired of the pervasive evil.

So what will I dooo? I have a debrief at 2. Then a quick drive to pick up some frippery I am hoping to transmute. All the while in an agony of anxiety about money, about the future…about our planet.

So what must I doooo? Carry on as per usual…I don’t dare use the word “Normal” as nothing is normal anymore. Reality is surreality and an inversion and a perversion.

Bregje Tit: I know exactly how you feel. That longing for 'normal', while even in the 'normal' days things were not so good, but SO much better than almost every aspect of life in the here and now. One little example: when I hear an aeroplane or chopper with a strange sound or at an unexpected time, I cannot suppress the thought Putin has started his war with the whole of Europe. And this is just one little thingy. The only remedy is to keep everything simple, live in your own relatively safe cocoon, and try to do things that give you a good feeling. With your creative adventures you are doing this very well!! I am too depressed and passive to be creative, but try to be satisfied with the little things I can manage per day. This week, there are some pleasant feelings coming from the outside: I love to watch the world championships gymnastics from the U.K. this takes me away for a few hours and it makes me feel so happy and proud to see these absolute powerwomen in their element. 💖

Michel Citrin: Stay close to Mother Earth.

Me: Michel Citrin, my psychiatrist advised I need more grounding too 🙂. I ground every day in my garden. But it seems to not be enough. So I need the sea 🙂. I will go to the beach soon.

2 November 2020

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I missed out on going with Crystal and Jarrod to Maiala forest walk at Mt Glorious yesterday. So I missed out on see the fireflies again. I prioritised drumming instead and when drumming finished, realised I could not still go to Maiala as I had the dog with me.

It’s Crystal’s birthday on 6th November so I suppose she thinks I am a shit mother now. But she rang me at 1:30 pm and I was getting ready for drumming at 4 pm and I had already committed to drumming so integrity is everything and short notice adaptations set my teeth on edge. Argghhh

Oh well. There is always another night. The fireflies are not available after December though. I better rattle my dags so I can see them at least one more time this season.

A memory from 2 November 2010:

I spent the day buying and stocking up on food. Now I'm tired, broke and too tired to cook any of the aforementioned food. What's with that?

Simon S: Pity we can't eat first, then shop later. It's a backwards world 🤣

Me: Simon, I have lived a “Heyoka” lifestyle for decades. I guess I should be honoured the Ancestors gifted me this life so I could Become....and honour them back.

But when you have been riding your horse backwards on the arse end of Nothing for longer than you can remember, it gets a bit scary.

Fortunately my Earthangels often bail me out of my infernally sinking ship of a Psychedelic Dreamer’s Life!

Simon S: Tanya Arons hmm. Deep.

I just do everything backwards coz its the opposite of my first idea (which is usually a bad one). Working on it 🤣

Me: @Simon S. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the Iniquities of the selfishness and the tyranny of evil men

Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness …”.

Well that ended badly.

https://youtu.be/mYlgXY7C3Gc Pulp Fiction.

Simon S: Tanya Arons one of my fave movies

Me: This movie literally saved my life as I was just leaving my marriage (I was still living in the downstairs rumpus room with an iron bar by my side as I had been freshly strangled by friends of ours (their evil vermin drug soaked kids) who took $50 off my scum husband to rough me up but went overboard.

No help from the cops either. (Story of my life). So I had the iron bar primed and ready if my ex came down the stairs for the rest of my stay in our marital home. I was quite ready to kill him in self defence if I had to. (Yes traumatised, but trauma turns me homicidal after a lifetime of epic epic abuse!)

Anyway I went out to see this movie. It was the first time in my adult life that I had gone out alone, late at night to see a movie!!! Very scary …and yet somehow empowering.

I saw this movie and knew with every fibre of my being I was going to be okay. Moved out of the house not long afterward.

Of course I was not okay...more Abusers came thick and fast. I was like a flyblown carcass primed to receive! It went on for years...Then one day...it stopped.

I think it really only stopped after my suicide attempt in 2015. The gods realised I was quite prepared to choose Death every time they played fast and loose with me.

2015 was my most horrible of anni horribili as there were many others like that! But The Bitch is Back and truly truly Unfuckwithable including lmao, a Celibate lifestyle on and off for decades.

It’s amazing. How empowered you get when you stop playing along with society and fucking enemies.

Psy sighs!

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2 November 2019

Update: We lost Sophie in Dec 2019 and Penny in August 2020. …and Beauregard on 1st August 2023…. But the love remains.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0j4ZhNZDXk6kCwpAxPifQT8zo7uHvDc6rFKChb6sWRE49sdkqzAKAhxCaQCxRny9hl&id=1340840204&mibextid=v7YzmG

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Julie Goddard: I see people, there is a dark man in a wool vest looking at a man who looks very much like Jesus or a deciple, he is doing something with his hands, perhaps being philosophical. The dark man also has wings folded back so I guess he is an angel possibly.

There is like flashes or sparks above their heads with Jesus's being more active. Behind them there are two other figures, one looks tall and dressed in like a 17 or 18hundreds cardinal or pope attire, with a long ringlet of hair on either side coming down to his chest,and he is holding a cross that is burning.

They all look outlined by an aura that looks like fire or electricity. I’m not sure about the last guy on the right above Jesus. He looks distinguished, in a black suit, standing tall with his back turned.

Me: Oh yes, I see some faces too

The face of the person that looks a bit like Jesus is quite clear.

Below him looks like a dragon face or a fox?

How the imagination runs wild...

Well it looks like lightning hitting the top of the container (podium?) and the rat is running downwards as is the dragon/fox being.

But I did not see the cross nor Jesus but now Julie pointed it out I see the black man with his African animal skin down one shoulder.

He has a headband made out of fur too. A person is peering behind his right shoulder. Creepily it looks like someone wearing a baseball cap.

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I went out into the garden and tied back the dragon fruit which was frenetically rambling out of control like my Self! Bobo started yipping at something. Charlie was on my shoulder so he started twittering.

I looked up to espy the most fabulous male King Parrot up in the golden rain tree. Looking back at Charlie and I in astonishment!

I laughed. Did I not ask the spirits that Love me/guide me/protect me and All that is/was/and ever shall be, to bring me a king for my own Queen?! It’s for the birds. Message heard and witnessed, loud and clear.

I did not have my iPhone with me but he was gloriously handsome, decked out in red feathers and he brought momentary joy to my confounded jangled heart. The King (my equal, my partner, my authentic brave true love is watching...)

Time takes time. See you in the Void, my Beloved ...where you can only connect with your serious skullduggery avoidance. (spit!)

Tame me they said....hahaha. I am too wise and witty for that. But play me the right melody and I will lay down in your lap and purr like a kitten.

Unless you attempt to slay me with your concubines. Then sit on that, Sexy man. Sit on the barb of the dragon fruit you yourself created. Right up your own arse!

I lie down and die for no man woman or child. The gods, the trickster fae...simply won’t let me. Why?...Too much beauty in this world, gifted to me by radiant holy ones like that lovely bird.

From the sublime to the ridiculous. From the absurd to the mundane. Here we go again...hello Darkness...I want to go quietly into luminescent love that holds me precious and fears not my primevil rage. But shhhh...It is close. This revelation, this bliss brought back from the abyss.

I heal myself to the tenth generation before me. The ancient curses and furious ancestors with bloodlines of narcissism and psychopathy, unfurl their mortal wounds and lay their anger and pain deep.

I shall not carry your hatred or your despair. You gifted me enough of my own to terrorise the tribulation. Enough!

Sei gesund! Little One has Spoken.

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I got out a pair of chopsticks so I could play the little drum that Belinda gave me last Sunday afternoon. I started banging away on it, trying to establish a bit of a rhythmic beat. You know, just kidding around. Beauregard turned to hold me in his ever doggèd Regard.

“What is all this cacophanous monstrousity, Mama T!” Non verbal contempt and actual look of concern on his face.

“Oh you know Beauregard, just your human being silly, channeling the music of the spheres and the beat of her heart and the heart of Gaia!”

He stared at me...”Okay Bobo, shall Mama go Dancing (the word Dancing delivered in a squeaky high pitch...) tonight”. He rolled his eyes. “For the Love of dog-gods everywhere, please do, so then I shall have some peace and quiet!”

“Ok My Beau. I will gather my forces, natural and contrived, shower, and put on makeup and dance myself to obliteration for the august horror of all my enemies, as I always do!”

“Okay, Mama T...whatever! Have fun being sublimely Divine or subliminally incongruent. I love you!”

2 November 2017

Pain really bad this arvo. Home from Dr. just gonna go back to bed. Endone makes me woozy and weak. No relief from pain though. I will start taking Endep tonight. Hopefully that will help.

…

Finally getting some relief for a few hours which means I can sleep and my body can heal itself.

I go to see my gp at 2 pm for more Endone. Hopefully this condition will settle in a few days. It’s been intense.

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She has prescribed me a low dose of Endep (an antidepressant which also serves as a muscle relaxant on low doses). Gave me a referral for an X-ray. Leaving it up to dentist to refer me to maxillo-facial Specialist.

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Ahhh. The workmen arrived just now (7.40 am) to repair the broken sunken concrete square at my back steps. I forgot they were coming this morning.

I finally got some sleep but feel like death warmed up, so just went back to bed. I took another Endone and panadol osteo. Just gonna try to sleep the pain away.

During the night the pain was still coming in waves (even with 2 Endones on board) so I just got up on my knees on the bed and put my head down and rocked back and forth like a wounded animal.

Hopefully I will start getting better soon. Interesting times. At least I had a few hours proper sleep after the second dose at 2.30 am. Living on 3 -5 hours sleep since Saturday was not conducive to healing my face ache.

Now listening to the sound of a pneumatic drill on a morning when I have my own “drilling” pain in my cheek. Argghhhhh. But these guys work quick so it shall soon be over.

Beautiful morning outside. But now I must rest.

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Omg. Agony. Even with Endone. What fresh hell is this?! Oh well awake after a 2 hours restless painful nap. Time for another pill which so far, are not helping. Hmmm.

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2 November 2016

My mother died of Alzheimer's. She had an evil sense of humour. Gallows humour ran in my family. No idea if my dad is demented or even dead yet, but he was a nasty black humoured violent prick anyway.

As for me? Well. My sense of humour has been just as dark, irreverent and at times absurdist. I was the family clown. It defused a few dangerous fights between my parents in my early childhood. I had to be very witty and funny to survive. Ie keep on my toes on the trapeze line of abusive lunatics' 3 ring circus.

Schmeh! All good. My former family are out of my life now and she who laughs last laughs best (and loudest!)

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8.11 pm. Just heard the gate click. I was sitting here topless as I had just put coconut oil on my dry itchy scar tissue from the excised skin cancers on my back.

So hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, I grab my t-shirt and race to the hallway to throw it on. I run out to see who the unexpected visitor might be. No one there.

Mushu runs in, as I throw open the screen door to look outside. But that does not explain the footsteps. No door knocking as front wooden door was open.

Hmmmm. Not liking these weird spiritual events. No harm done, but a tad unsettling to my psyche.

Julie: salt the perimeter

Me: Yeah. I bought a sack of extra-fine pool salt to kill toads with. So I have plenty to salt the perimeter and will do a house blessing again. Lucky I still have kosher Mezzuzot on the front and back doors to keep evil at bay.

Not sure if the spirit is malevolent or who it is this time. I think it might be the usual suspect. Lol but he should have moved on by now. I know I have!

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Hot evening. It was so hot in my front living room today that the unopened block of Whittakers chocolate had melted. I had to put it in the fridge.

I have, naturally, now devoured half of it. But the house is humid and stifling. I think I will need to open the front door and windows.

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I am in love. With my whittled, fretted, masterpiece of an existence. With my true loves. Always there for me, no matter what evil nasty bullshit has been thrown at me, they have cleansed me, gathered me up, warmed my frozen lost soul, dressed me and sent me back out into the fray. The nitty gritty dirty gutsy glorious glittery Maccabean/Viking hammer time that was my former life.

Now I am ready to get old peacefully, surrounded by genuine loving friends and perhaps one day, if the gods allow it, a partner. To muse and laugh and sigh over the great hurtling (hurling?) miracle and travesty of my life.

Only 2 people in my life who have stood by me through the past 28 and 24 years respectively: Lyn and Jarrod know that my stories, my experiences are real and true. They loved me and carried me when I could no longer get up from the sludgy mire and morass of grief and despair. They turned my fear into courage, my mini-deaths into rebirths, my sorrows into joys.

They saw firsthand the abuses I experienced with Gisela/David/Cees/Buck Scherer and their callow cowardly greedy minions.

That was the great miracle of my life. That I had dear friends who bore witness and could corroborate my truth. Who knew I could barely survive amidst such intense enmity. Truly good kind people who championed my rights and even helped me duct-tape my broken heart and shattered dreams.

True family who like a loving sister and brother watched me go out into the world: in dangerous places and with fear and trepidation trusted I would come back safe, for my spiritual journey in search of love and inspiration was never an easy task. Even city angels with harmonica armouries and other angels ceded to my warrior-goddess power, a crazed dancer of the Light.

When the smiting was done and the dust settled (more like invisible but iridescent glitter, darlings) I will have to shift into a new focus. Grow older, wiser but serene. Ahhh. Smell the serenity.

Can I do it? Old war wounds create itchy scars that demand to be scratched. Boredom is not my default state.

But I have discovered after 28 years what matters. The love I gave that fell into vast empty vessels dressed as liars and cheats, that poured endlessly into them, lost and wasted to cause me decades of sorrow, is coming back to me. (Lol! As I write this sentence a dandelion flower blew into my lap - make a wish!)

It comes in waves of recognition. A blooming flower, a new friend's smile, an old friend's words of comfort, a hug. A dog's whimsical gaze. A cat's kiss on my hand. A frenetic turkey rebuilding his mound. New life from destruction. New loves.

Ghosts of former lovers finally realising what they discarded like garbage. Living ones loving, even from afar the woman who claimed them, loved them, then set them free.

I have no real family. But I have Love.

Real love. Not superficial plastic vapid fools. Nup. Not for my precious! I am an acquired taste but linger on in the senses for a very long time. With a richness and kindness that is sublime.

2 November 2015

From Lyn: I've met Tanya's Mr. Crow. For a long time now, he has delivered gifts of many kinds. Dropping them into the fish pond. They have lovely conversations.

Me: Oh and yes it is true. He brings 2 other crows with him now. One has a mangled twisted foot. He "talks" to me but more by energy than actual sounds like Mr Crow. I think the 3rd crow might be a female but not sure.

But they flutter over my head or sit on the guttering above me and look down at me, or perch on the washing line. Very friendly and unafraid of me, my cats or the chickens. A bit wary of the scrub turkey though.

I welcome them happily. I feel honoured to have so many animal and bird friends in my garden.

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His powers are beyond ordinary mortal imagination! Shhh don't tell him. It's a cat thing. He will think he is a god!

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Wait until the puppy arrives! I will be getting that face for a while! But she loves me really.

I woke up with a song in my head. Dream a little dream of me. The line "stars shining and I linger on Dear, still craving your kiss." More cheerful and less obsessive than "Constant Craving" by kd Lang. Miss my guy, even if he doesn't miss me "like the deserts miss the rain". Silly old Chook! Wake up and smell the hummus!

I had a horrible dream about living near a campus of a university and pro-Palestinians broke into my house and stole my mother's Lladro and my Chanukiah and Shabbat candle-holders. So I stormed their dorm room, beat the shit out of them and took back the Lladro but left the Jewish stuff (?why???) with them, presumably as a punishment.

So I am in a remarkably good mood after fighting off terrorists in my sleep. (Usually demons that I exorcise each night so this dream was a plot twist!) I threatened to tell the Dean what they did and the terrorist student with HDs quivered and cried and ceded right away. LMAO! Everyone needs a Bolshevik renegade mother at times. (Except me, who had a psycho mama).

Mind you, my crazy violent home-devil grandmother, Eva used to throw food parcels of bread over the fence at the holding camps in Hamburg, scream "Down with Hitler" then run like hell!

That was after my grandparents had a visit from a communist friend, who had been released from a concentration camp, appeared all emaciated with all his teeth smashed out and told my grandfather what was happening to the Jews, communists, gypsies (The Romany), political dissidents, gays, and intellectually disabled).

He then, working in his position in the city council billeting families who were bombed out, is thought to have "re-housed" Jewish families but that cannot be proved as he worked in secret. Some relative of my half-sister told her they dared not speak about it, even now.

(So probably a nazi fantasy bullshit story as if he had saved lives, he would be a righteous gentile by now). But I do believe they were stricken with horror when their friend appeared at the door that night and I do believe my mad grandmother threw food over the barbed wire. (Only because I would do exactly the same thing, only me, being the universal schmuck, would have been caught and shot). Just.Too. Honest and 'in your face' lol!

2 November 2014

I am a 100 percenter...real person, with real heart. I was even willing to accept charity to fly to Melbourne to bring comfort and solace to an old Rabbi friend.

The fact I am blocked is not my fault. If i was not meant to complete my mission, then Bashert but don't burden me with shared grief and pain if you don't want me to heal it, as that is my true Nature.

I have been othered enough by that community for caring about the rights of women and families even to keep Kashrut.

Now I am still being Othered, this time for being Reform and secular and now poor and alone. Ie. not good enough.

I will never be good enough for some people and I resent being scapegoated for stuff I did not do. I resent being lied to and lied about. I resent being patronized. I resent being treated as a third class citizen in the community, jewish and general and accused of madness when I speak out.

Demonizing me for having intellect, heart and soul will not serve anyone well.

I am letting go now. I can see the truth very clearly and I know a set-up when I see one.

…

Dentist tomorrow! Even having a filling done will be less painful than the bullshit I was subjected to on Saturday night.

I am hated for being a woman and being Happy. That is how sick and warped our society has become.

As my former Doctor used to say to me, this society fears Happiness and will do anything to destroy it or make it seem abnormal or lock it up. Ours is a culture of death and violence against women and children.

I said to him "what shall I do then, Doctor?" He said. "be happy anyway, after the life you had, you deserve it!" We laughed together.

He was in his late 70's and was forced into retirement by the Medical Board. Probably for endorsing happiness and inner strength in his patients as he told me himself, he intended to keep working well into his 80's.

So here is what I have to say on that...you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Choose wisely!

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6.15 am. Should sleep soon. I brought Mischief inside as he started crowing at 4 am when I got home. He is in the dog carrier crate in the dark in my bedroom. My little Cock, G-d Love Him!

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Misogyny is getting very serious. Not just in Israel with the Ultra-Orthodox men refusing to sit next to women on El Al flights but here in Brisbane CBD.

Tonight I was banned for a month by Eli the security supervisor who called me a Fat Bitch after I complained about being denied entry after I asked one of his guards to protect me on the dancefloor as the couple (a man and woman) who had spat on me, punched me on the shoulder and dragged me by my hair were on the dancefloor and I had reason to fear they would attack me again.

He told me all my group of women friends constantly complain and whine about his security company and that we were nothing but trouble. I told him he was a woman hater who refused to protect and defend the females and he was the one with the problem.

So under the Campbell Newman regime, involving ghettoisation for the G20, as just one side effect, he now has security companies harassing and discriminating against women who fearlessly go out dancing on the weekends for daring to expect that our rights to enjoy ourselves in public places and venues be preserved.

If a woman goes up to security to seek protection from attackers she is kicked out of the establishment for "complaining or whining".

This is the gross insanity women in Brisbane, in particular myself are subjected to!!!

My crime!? Dancing wildly with the bands, supporting live music and helping to build positive energy so that everyone joins in and has fun.

If she dares to declare the injustice of being discriminated against by an ignoramus woman-hating ape-man then she is called Crazy!

Fuck that Shit!

Sam Maree: Wonder if he was referring to me too, I got kicked out Fri night

Me: He hates all of us. He blatantly admitted it. He called me a Fat ugly Bitch. So I called him a black cunt which is shocking even for me but he had his guards all sniggering on the headsets and laughing at me.

At the casino I wrote a full report, sitting next to an indigenous lady. When I told her what happened and what had been said in anger by me due to his discrimination against all the women that dance there, she said "sis, you write and tell them you are sitting next to a black woman and I know you are no racist!"

I said “yeah, he got me mad calling me a fat bitch and later crazy and ugly.”

This from a man with such a putrid ugly soul that when I gave a homeless man a glass of water to drink, he closed the windows and chased the poor man down the street. He had just taken over the position as security supervisor there, and I knew then and there he was an evil cunt!

Sorry but no other word to decribe a man who hates women and under-privileged people so much but he never bothered to get himself good posture!

The other issue I have not enjoyed or want to be involved given tacit approval of, is the final jibe at women at the end of Jabba's playing when Nathan tells everyone to Fuck women right in the Pussy!

I love his band but that one closing statement just destroys hours and hours of what we think is enjoyment in encouraging a bunch of drunken troglodytes to rape or diminish us as women.

So I guess I am finally eliminated from the boozy blood sports of feminine disregard.

If I want to dance and have a good time where I am not treated like a worthless piece of shit I will have to find another venue. (Or start my own Club! Women and Men who actually respect women only!)

I am supposed to take my report in on Monday but really it is not enough. I think I will write an open letter to the newspapers on how I and several other women have been treated in the past 2 years.

Quentin Brice is asking women to write to her about their experiences of abuse, both domestic and systemic. I have enough experiences to write a book. Seriously! I try to put it behind me and live as happy as I can by going out dancing and even that is becoming increasingly dangerous, given the lack of respect or protection.

Well, I will not take this lying down and I won't let society (ran and co-opted by Men) Fuck me in my pussy as this society has fucked me over quite enough. Now It is time we fought for our rights to Party!

Also Sophie, Socks, Penny and my vagina all say No! (Well, my vagina might say Yes if I found a man who didn't treat me like a hole for his goal but that has not happened lately). LMAO. OR RATHER LMVO!

Muir Matheson: Tanya, it's just terrible what has been happening to you over a long period of time. I hope your report and open letter will help.

Me: I doubt it Muir. Queensland is closed shop. The blokey blokes fuck each other up the arse and deny or blatantly lie when women come forward with their true and mostly horrific stories. Well, according to one fucktard, I am a Fat Ugly crazy bitch cunt! Well, we will see how cunty I can get when I get justice and Karma is such a beautiful bitch!

Speaking of Karma, as I was walking my friend to my car (she missed her bus) I noticed my favourite venue was crawling with police and chaplains and there was chaos! So it seems the security ineffectiveness devolved even further after I was kicked out. So amusing.

I love that pub, in spite of its feral nature. I have loved the bands that play there and supported them for over 2 years. So being told I am a troublemaking arsehole is a bit much after what I have personally overcome,in that time.

It is really nasty to vilify the women especially as frankly, just by our presence, our exuberant dancing and Joy...we are actually good for business. That place will just die if all the women folk took their business elsewhere.

I wish they had not gotten rid of Rosco's company. Those guys might have undercut them and offer cheaper labour but they also offer cheaper (almost no service).

Rosco and his co-workers actually worked with the patronage, especially the women and I felt much safer back then.

Thanks again Rosco. You Rock!

I had a fantastic night Friday night with Jabba. (even with that foul closing statement!) and I was having a fantastic night dancing with Berst until I saw my attackers and asked for support from security.

Berst were rocking and I was happy! Thank you for the 2 years of happiness, guys and to my beautiful friends who shared that happiness with me!

Debz Bell: Well what that couple did to you legalling is assault you know you could have gone to the police so the security company was negligent we have the same issue here i was at the albert one night and a guy came inthe pub and punched a young guy fair in the face and the bounce stood there and watched and did nothing i ripped up the bouncer in my usual subtile way hahahaha and the bouncer laughed at me ......

Me: Yeah no respect for personal boundaries any more. We are living in scary times but we must speak out and fight the bullshit the best we can. Enough!

Debz Bell: personallty privat securitycompanies dont work for the public because.... they get paid to keep patrons int he bar not throw peoples out thats what the bar pays them for what they usually want to do is kinda settle things down a little so everyones int here not keep any moral ground ya get where i am coming from usually bouncers that work for the bar and not a company do a better job

Me: I am still comforted by Karen's love and support. She left with me and we continued dancing at the casino.

We sat with the beautiful aboriginal woman elder who held my hand and told me "your crime is that you are a Mother in the world, and like all mothers, the young don't want to value or respect us mothers, so we fight and we cry and we keep doing what we do best...being Mothers and Role Models, even though we are hated for it." She kissed my hands and told me not to cry but to get drunk and be happy!

I must say for every Motherfucking demon spawn bastard that ever shat on me or cut me down, there has been an angel of acceptance and unconditional love, a wise one, waiting to keep it real with me.

Women like that aboriginal woman who are fellow sufferers and Survivors are why I will not suicide, or give up on a better future, or turn my face away and let certain men and certain heirarchies try to destroy women!

Debz Bell: this is what i had to learn to accept everything is about money befriend one singular staff member at the establishment someone you can build a rapoort if an even happens get them to go to the bouncers not you then youll gt listened to i always go thropugh my freind the dj now not the bouncer seems to work why the hell were theese peoples hasslign you? you why would anyone spit on you

Debz Bell: And on thing ive had to deal with over and over fact is they dont givde a shit about your personal safety next time your out hav a look arund the bar at howmany fire exits theyre are...... ive noticed if there was a fire or some disaster in most bars abd clubs youd have no hope of getting out in a disaster..... its all about the money nothing else.....

Me: Some fucking animals at the pub, drunk, kept jumping on me. I asked them to stop, one guy turned and punched me in the back shoulder. It happened so quick I hadn't realised he had hit me until the swelling and bruising came out .

The second man, a lebanese or middle-eastern spat in my face. His woman then dragged me by the hair out to the front door with me kicking and screaming the whole way. All three perfect strangers.

All three had to be pulled off me by the former security crew who were all awesome but got a shock too. I was in great distress and shock but didn't want to make trouble and report to Police who are notorious for 'blaming the victim'.

The previous time when I was sexually assaulted in front of the entire pub, the female detective I made a statement to, told me to quit going out as it was my fault for going there. I was more disgusted with her than the sexual aggressor. It was just so fucked up.

So Tanya, being Tanya waited a while to get over the embarrassment, shame and humiliation once more endorsed by Qld Police and Govt and went back to pub. A year later almost to the day, these 3 creeps attacked me and this time I thought, well security had my back. It was shocking and unwarranted and unexpected but i knew security actually fought to protect me. The cops would just tell me to stay home and knit!

So after a few weeks, back I went. Then shortly after that, the pub foolishly imo, sacked the great crew and hired this one, headed by a lazy Fijian woman-hating Bully. He had it in for me from day one.

Another Fijian guy that was working there who seems to have been sacked for running up the street to protect me when I got into an altercation outside the kebab shop told me they don't want to work hard and they don't get paid enough anyway so really they don't want the stress.

Yet he was man enough to jump in after me even though the fight was not involving the pub but a few doors up from it.

So no, I am not a man hater or a racist and I know someone has been made to pay a hefty price for supporting and looking after me and my question is What the Fuck and Why?

I am not a trouble-maker, but I will fight for my rights however, and I have noticed that several women and some men have been harassed by that Eli creep simply because they are friends of mine which he openly admitted to me tonight when he banned me that he hates my whole group of friends (as if I am responsible for their individual actions and I must be punished or scapegoated for anything they do or say!?)

Which is so wrong and so fucking primitive and so stupid as all we ever do is dance all night long and support the bands and the Bar.

Eli also stood by signage to take photos of several acquaintances who were talking to me in the alley way after I had been banned simply because he hates me. So I expect those 3 individuals will be kicked out or harassed next.

The guy is a paranoid psychopath who is dirty on women and the fact he has to work for a living and just feeds so much hatred and contempt. But I am the Ugly one?!

Hmmmm. Last time I checked, although He might be right about me being Fat and a Cunt (I do own a lovely Vagina like any other woman and I am a size 16!). I really don't agree with his perception of me as ugly. Like...projection!!!!

Yes a famous club here called Whisky a go go burnt down. People died. Nothing really changes.

…

2 November 2013

Best Halloween Ever! awesome Party at Sarah's house then we went to Elephant Arms to Dance for Berst. I met lots of new lovely and vibrant people.

I had a fantastic time. Thursday night Halloween party at Irish Murphies was awesome too.

Happy Woman here! Now off to sleep :-)

2 November 2012

This year has been incredible. Traumatic, Triumphant, Tumultuous! Long time friends have fallen by the wayside, family turned against me. Lies, Betrayal, Usury.

I had a taste of real prosperity and Freedom and Joy but it seems some of the closest people in my inner circle will never cease to attempt to destroy me.

I am watching the sloughing off of old skins. Burn and Peel, burn and peel!

Time to move forward with new and Beautiful and Genuine people to be invited into my life. No more dealing with the Lies and Ambivalence of those I held dear. I refuse to live a life of abuse any more. Buck Scherer and Gisela are dead and I will not allow the skip generation to destroy me as well!

Sayonara Sweethearts! My Boots are made for Walking, Dancing and Life enhancing!

…

On the bus to city to go dancing! Not sure how long I can stand on these gorgeous platform boots but after a drinkie poo or two I cease to feel much! Mwahahaha! Looking forward to a great night and more Celebrations of my Freedom!

Time to Activate my MOJO and Manifest Magical Encounters with Real People!

2 November 2011

Not much sleep last night but slept most of day to catch up. Felt like crap since I woke up at 3 pm. Took Bella to small dog park.

Now a tad pissed from drinking wine as I am upset mediation is imminent on 9th Dec. Hope I don't get screwed over again! At least I will have closure on this whole sordid business I guess!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons