Memories: 2 June 2025

2 June 2025

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5:16 pm utterly exhausted. I had to melt the remaining rose gold and form two more butterflies. (I had the third little one left but it doesn’t fit my design. (Or my actual mess of soldering failures!) so I remade two new butterflies from the molten mess. Arggghh. It takes hours to saw and file each butterfly.

But I have decided to rivet the two butterflies on since I am unable to get the rose gold to solder down…(FFSSSS!!!!) I have never riveted anything before (except with my charm and sensuality…sniggers) so I will have to watch YouTube to discern how to do it properly.

I know I will need to add a post in the back of each butterfly then drill a hole into the cuff then melt a ball at the back and hammer it into place! (but how do I know that for sure?) Not sure! But that is going to be the only way I can attach these two embellishments now. I am done failing at soldering rose gold…it’s beyond my abilities. The gods know I have tried and tried…

#titaniasrealm #neverquitnevercedeneveryield #findanotherway #magickhappens #thisAlvinbridalbouquetpatterniskillingmelikealltoxicmarriages #learningnewskills #determination #whippingthiscuffintoline :-)

2 June 2024

Another lovely day. The sun came out. I still have a bad chest so I made my daily vlog then went out and sat on the grass with Charley and let the sun warm my back (and lungs!) I watched podcasts on YouTube. Very interesting ones about spirituality. Dr Ammon Hillman.

2 June 2023

8 pm I just finished my very first sterling silver Celtic twist chain. I spent hours soldering the links together. It wasn’t easy but I was tenacious as ever. I even had to remake a few links as they melted. I am tumbling the chain to polish it. So excited.

I am trying to decide if I am going dancing this evening but I probably should rest!

2 June 2022

At last my darling Johnny Depp has been vindicated. Now the world can move on from side show alley masquerades while our world burns.

To be clear I defended him from the beginning of this nightmare but I was forced into serious doubts on Clementine Ford’s page by women convinced of his guilt. The same insane shills that peddled Covid vaccines like ordinary harlots over which issue I decamped from that utter disgrace of humanity.

Yuck! I no longer waste my time on the fb pages of psychopaths, wherever/whomever they are.

Johnny Depp, I salute you and am glad to see this nightmare is over for you. Stay sober, stay proud, stay free of borderline psychopathic women. I too, coming from an awful childhood that I should not have survived have a long history of attracting dangerous vicious psychopaths to myself that almost killed me several times.

So I have watched your case in earnest because I have walked in similar moccasins (excuse the cultural appropriation) without the fame, money or decent and good lawyers like you had. (I am a little envious of your legal team as mine only served to financially rape me, each and every time I sought Justice. Evil it was!

So my heart is glad for you today. Enjoy the rest of your life in peace. Let the scum drift away like effluent (they always do in time!)

2 June 2021

2:11 pm. Eating Japanese curry in my car as no seating allowed anywhere. Sucks! But I am enjoying my life regardless. I bought two balls to replace the ones that Beauregard chewed up at Evie and Susie’s house. They were a tad devastated. I also bought cute little unicorn erasers as a n extra little surprise.

Time to head back home. Garden City gave me the Heebie Jeebies. It’s all very dystopian and weird. Grateful to not be sick though.

It took me three months to recover from the last flu and long long months (years even!) of chronic asthma and almost a year (on 25th) since the surgery.

I still feel a bit disturbed by all of it and our current paradigm. But there are beautiful highlights like the admiration of little children and my pets.

Not.so.bad!

2 June 2019

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Last night I had two long extended chats. One with Jarrod for about 2 hours. The other with Nigel for about 4 hours.

Nigel, my soulful beautiful friend in NZ told me something quite wonderful. When I bemoaned the fact that I am older now, and so tired and yet have so much to achieve so feel despairing after a wasted life spent for decades on processing my traumas and drooling and shuffling as a mental patient on psych medications he replied, lovingly and with great compassion:

“You don’t have to achieve anything Tanya. You have already achieved so much. You have helped so many people”. For a moment I was silent (imagine...me...speechless?) Who have I helped? How have I helped? I have barely dragged my own arse through life. But then it came to me.

Every time I stood up against all odds and fought for myself. I helped someone. Someone who might have witnessed my courage and determination who had yet to discover their voice or core strength or to tap their inner wisdom. Maybe someone I never met in person but who witnessed me. Maybe that person went on to inspire others in their circle, or began the long journey to self-discovery and determination.

Maybe it was a ripple that gathered momentum that began a new wave. Maybe it was a stone moving forces in a pool, finding direction as it plummeted to the bottom and as the waters regained their former shape and balance moulding around the shape at the bottom of the pond, making room, accommodating and maybe algae grew on the still stone and then tiny fish, or yabbies came to feast on the algae and then eels came or herons diving to pluck up the fish and so the circle of life continued in widening circular ways.

So in my own small insignificant way, I have helped people. Even if I did not know it and received no kudos or degrees or financial rewards but I did my best to show up. Even when I was a zombified automaton living in the valley of the shadow of death.

So thank you Nigel. I needed to hear that. I have nothing to achieve for it has already been done. I need only to watch the world awaken, stretch and yawn and face its problems in ever more creative and beautiful ways and witness the Blossoming of all my little seeds sown when I sat in my own horror and darkness.

Greatness is a job that comes from living life one day at a time and continuously showing up even in our brokenness and always..tending to our garden, forests, watery depths and highest mountains. Watching the clouds roll in during storms that are terrifying but scarifying and which, as in all things in life, soon pass and allow the clarified, sweet sunshine to fill our hearts and minds and grow our crops.

Thank you for the steadfast love (akin to Odysseus strapped to the mast, blindfolded as the sirens sang the sailors to their watery deaths). In my interminable grief and unrequited love (my blindfold) and in shutting my ears and mind to the trickster song, I miraculously navigated through the underworld and came out on the other side.

I learned to see without eyes and hear without ears. My own song. Sometimes the spirit song of my beloved. Which I have had to tune out as unrequited love is a trauma specialty that depleted me and cost me full joy and vibrancy yet in a strange way became a gift and a blessing for it forced me to love myself more and reclaim all that was deemed so unloveable and unworthy.

Sometimes I “hear” the song of the earth as she roils and spins beneath my feet. The sound of silence is a delusion as if you ever really listen...there is no silence. Only the blood rushing through your veins and the swirling Sephirot in the great Mind of God for As Above, So Below!

My achievements? L’Chaim and a little dog named Beauregard.

And some incredible brave and magical friends.

I love you all. (ok not you in the corner picking your nose, and rolling your eyes and saying to yourself “Jesus there she goes again” cos you are one of the 106 friends that park on my page and never interact as you bear silent witness to my tragi-comedic life, ya Troll!). I don’t love your bored solipsisms but I allow you so that too is a kind of unconditional love. Blech!

We all have the Power of the X button. Lmao!

2 June 2018

The most frustrating thing about knitting is when I lose my knitting needle. The faeries have made off with my 3 mm needle. Just one. I have cleaned the entire house and mopped under the couches and nup, it has not been found. It is enough to send me troppo.

I bet the minute I buy another set of 3 mm needles the missing one will show up. Arggghhhhhh!

I should have gone dancing! But I was tired from epic decluttering and housework so drank wine and watched Sense and Sensibility instead.

Now no knitting can be done without that needle so might as well have a hot bath and go to bed. Some days/nights are just supranatural supernal fucking Sabotage!

(My house is clean!)

2 June 2017

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I spent the day cleaning all my copper pots and ornaments. I even cleaned the Sacred Space sign, Mum's memorial sign and Tristan's (my dead ginger tom) memorial sign.

It took all day and my hands are sore and black. A cut I had on my hand is inflamed from all the salt and vinegar seeping into it but oh my, everything is shiny again. Outside I have shiny new fences.

It all looks lovely!

2 June 2014

https://www.facebook.com/share/h6wWpkyVT8TCGd3N/?mibextid=WC7FNe

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Today was exhausting but we had a lovely day. We stopped at Byron Bay in the morning so we could have a coffee and chill out. I went for a paddle in the shallows and was loving the fresh air and the noise of the sea in my ears.

I looked down and noticed a tiny rainbow lorikeet feather floating in the shallows in front of me. I smiled and picked it up, thinking "Thank You Angels" and noticed another even smaller feather floating nearby as well. Two blessings!

So I left the smaller feather so someone else might happen upon the strange gift on the surface of the gentle wavelets.

When we got to the Rabbit Rescue Sanctuary, Ramon got his 'surprise'. A lady lop Rabbit Crystal is naming Sookie Violet.

I asked Kim if she would sell me a laying Chinese Silky which she did. So I brought home 2 lovely blessings from Kim at Grafton.

Kim told me that my little hen would probably be laying fertilised eggs as her rooster had been rather busy. So I will see if she sits on her eggs and perhaps there will be some lovely chicks as well.

I am finally home at Crystal's having a nice cup of tea and watching the bunnies getting to know each other. Very Cute!

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We also met a lovely man on the beach at Byron where we sat up on the grass. He came over to meet Ramon and chatted. He inspired me to think about moving to Byron which was my dream when the girls were teenagers.

I would hate to lose my security in my housing commission but I am seriously thinking Byron would be a good place to be at this point of my life. Maybe when I am done partying every weekend and ready to spend my days and mights on the beach. Very very tempting. Only hiccup would be finding cheap rent.

If Crystal moves to Melbourne and I am alone here. I might just throw caution to the wind and go back to living free by the sea. That is and was my true Home which is why I find Byron so soothing to my fiery spirit.

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I think it is safe to assume that My grandson Ramon is in love. Awwwww! Miss Sookie seems slightly less convinced but she is allowing the courtship to continue at a hare's pace!

By tomorrow they will be a bonded pair if Ramon has anything to do with it. I do hope his true love is requited :-).

2 June 2013

I went out last night and danced my poor old feet off. I had a lovely time. I met up with another young woman at the pub and her friends welcomed me into their group. I have been dancing with them regularly for a year now, on my nights out.

They are all in their early 30s so I was surprised they wanted to hang with this old chick! It was kind of them as I was disappointed that Gail stood me up as I had expected her and her friend Jenny to meet me there.

I must not make arrangements with people who don't follow through! Stresses me out. I have way more fun doing my own thing and going with the flow. I often meet really interesting people that way.

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I have no wish to belong to any group that would have me as their member! Groucho Marx knew a thing or two about relinquishing your personal power and being hijacked by other's selfish motives, methinks.

Every time I try to fit in or gain acceptance with any sort of group consciousness it gets toxic very quickly and I choose to fly my own flag, dance to my own tune and dream my own dreams. I feel much safer that way and life is much more serene.

I live by my own authenticity and I am either Loved or Vilified for it. So to the Haters I say a perfunctory Fuck Off and to the Lovers. Be true, always! For you have shared my horrors and my few Joyous moments with a pure and steadfast love and appreciation.

The world is blessed to know you and may we merit to meet and discover many more, who out of fear, have hidden their beautiful and holy lights under their bushells. Stand up and Shine! In your appointed times. Live your light even in tawdry Darkness. You are Loved and you are Seen! Amen!

2 June 2011

I am Brilliant, I am Desirable, I am Powerful, I am More than the Sum of my crazy fucked up chocolate-craving brain molecules which won't take No for an answer! I am Slim, Attractive and totally in control of my own Life.

I am Free. I am....Wealthy...from all the money I save on not satisfying my chocolate addiction. I am scintillatingly witty, bright, and unattainable! lol

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Update 2 June 2022:

Screaming Mimi-ism, a specialty in our family means that my chocolate cravings make me crazy and internally berserk. But no chocolate means no calories so no extra padding for beserk rampant molecular globulus mass posing as Tanya's brain. Dammit!

And Worse...much Worse...no coca cola for my precious bottle of Bacardi, which in desperation a few days ago I supped with ....orange juice...and tried to pretend it was pina colada without the Pineapple juice and coconut....it wasn't satisfactorily delusioning, but I guess a bit of alchohol did distract me from my fetish for chocolate...(in a very very tiny voice...so noone can almost hear me....and sex...cos that is off the menu!) LMAO.

PS I can’t edit this memory for some verkachte fb reason: It’s from 2 June 2011. And yes I still crave chocolate but not as badly. Or as often. Although I had a few months of bingeing on chocolate recently.

Soul food for a trauma survivor. Matter of fact I am going to get some right now. It’s 6:18 am and I have a bad taste in my mouth from All the Ventolin.

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I had a lovely time yesterday, meeting with Melissa and her gorgeous children. The Eagle Boys pizza up in Toowoomba was scrumptious. I will be back. Haven't had Pizza like that in years in brissie. The company was delightful too!

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The World is my Oyster but only if I have an internet connection and a working computer. It is so lonely out in the real world, I mean, you actually have to interface with three dimensional humans....which is delightful if you are into that sorta thing. A huge Thanks to Peter Sloane who get me back online! xxx

2 June 2010

All the paperwork posted yesterday and nothing more to send the lawyer (the rest is composting as we speak!) So my work here is done and I will just have to wait and see if any of my efforts come to fruition and produce financial benefits. Fingers crossed, and toes, eyes and lots of hair twirling as well.

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Schmeh! Was crook for 36 hours, got better then was so incredibly happy for another 2 and a half days and today, well, just schmeh! Guess what goes up must come down. The great thing is I've had loads of fun with my loved ones, done heaps to the garden, and slowly sorting out my house.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons