Memories: 15 September 2025

15 September 2025

7:19 am

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I spent the afternoon, weeding bindis in the back garden where I sit with my birds. It’s taken me two days but I think I am done now. My back hurts and my hands are so sore but it was worth the effort.

I also cleaned both Beau and Kermie’s inside cages.

In the morning I read chapter three of The Silmarillion on my YouTube channel. So all in all it’s been a very productive day! It’s been gloriously sunny day too. Feeling very contented and blessed indeed.

15 September 2023

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L’shanah Tovah Tikateivu. May we merit a happy, blessed, prosperous, healthy, loving year. Safe from all worries and stress and ancestral traumas. Surrounded by Light, Love, and Truth.

15 September 2021

Reading through these memories I am struck by sadness as my beautiful cats, Penny, Sophie and recently on 9 July Socks have all passed on. Only Beauregard and Charley and three goldfish still with me.

I also made contact with my former love interest (Dave) last month. The love remains like a burnt out, stomped out flicker of an ember of a flicked off, chewed on cigarette butt.

He is not really interested and I have been wasting my time, holding on to hope again. C’est la Vie. The life of The Tanya. Always played, unrequited and decimated. But Up She Rises!

I have been quelling my grief by working hard on making jewellery from upcycled sterling silver cutlery, making wooden beads (last week) and yesterday cutting up and shaping pieces of china and an abalone shell. That took all day. Gosh I was tired afterwards!

I did not get very much to show for it but a few nice pieces. I need to learn how to make the china pieces into jewellery. I need copper tape and silver solder but oh dear goddess, I am fairly useless at soldering lmao!

I guess I can keep cutting nice pieces though and they might come in useful one fine day.

I had intense vivid dreams about my psychiatrist early this morning. He was dressed up in drag and announced to me that we were going dancing! We were standing in front of a huge full length mirror (like you might see in ballet classes) and he and I were preening and pouting at our reflections in the mirror.

He grabbed me around my waist with such intensity and clutched me to his side and declared that we were going dancing! I just nodded happily.

In real life I do want to go dancing again and have booked a 5 Rhythms dance space but we are waiting for NSW to come out of lockdown as the person who runs it, lives down there. Hmmm.

Patience is a virtue plus if I really need to let my hair down, I can put on music at home and dance triumphantly and joyously for free. But I felt the need to dance in a group again, so there is that!

My creativity is burgeoning in all directions like a thousand petalled lotus but I must find my locus and my nîche and a safe space for me to express myself without the poisonous barbs of others.

I just ended a friendship with my neighbour down the road, a few days after his nasty sadistic comments about child abuse then he fought me about my spirituality. Ugly soul. I will disengage from that monstrousity.

I will miss his little dog and his 91 year old mother who I had grown quite close to, in the past 9 months. Perhaps that is why he sabotaged me? To isolate her. But nothing I can do about that. I will not engage with toxic dangerous sadistic people. Life is too short and too precious.

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Update 15 September 2021: Dear Goddess…only Charley, Beauregard and three fish left alive now. And me hanging by my fingernails still dreaming my psychedelic dream of a life Well lived and well loved. Hohum…it may still come but I am done living in fantasies.

15 September 2020

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Today I sanded back the sticky tacky varnish on my camphor laurel slab. What a bloody big job. I only just finished it. I ache all over.

It has a bald patch so it looks like I still have to sand more down back to bare wood.

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Cooking Pumpkin soup (with potatoes and celery) on my new stove top and roast chicken drumsticks with apricot sauce in the oven.

The griller door got really hot so I opened the door to cool it down. Other than that everything is cooking up a storm.

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11:11 pm a message from my Angels ... “Shine Bright like a Diamond”.

Be Kind, be fair, but take no crap.

15 September 2019

3:11 am oh my Goddess! Some mad cow (but deliciously awesome!) went dancing again. Catherine, Karen and Richie and I had a blast. I can’t feel my feet. I must say after my bad week of depression I have surfaced from the subterranean depths like Persephone. The moon is mine. Awhooo.

Time to sleep. I had a lovely day today. Grateful and happy that I am rejuvenating after a fairly scary time.

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Home from a wonderful afternoon at the West End Drumming Circle. I had a beautiful time.

A lovely way to finish off one of the loveliest weekends (which started on Thursday!) I have experienced in a long time.

The lovingkindness and affirmations are also much appreciated 🙂.

Grateful happy Woman here! xxx

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I just received news that my friend’s sister passed away this morning. May her dear Soul find love and peace in the eternally loving arms of the Ein Soph Aur. May her beloved family be comforted in this sad time of transition. Amen.

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A few years ago I created an affirmation: it went like this:

Dear Holy one/Creator/Great Spirit/All that is, was ever shall be let me be able to afford my own home in Byron Bay overlooking the sea, let me live with my life partner, my equal and a man who adores me as much as I adore him, let this man fit in with/accept my tiny family, which is sewn together on a unique tapestry of my life from dear stalwart friends who are more family to me than any of my original family members. Let him fit in well with my daughters (if Jasmine ever returns to me and if Crystal remains relatively close to me in her heart)

Let me be surrounded by a like-minded, kind, supportive, nurturing community/tribe of friends, associates etc who are life-enhancing and devoid of competition, envy or spite.

Well, some components of that manifestation are still missing. The wealth generation that could afford me a safe loving stable home by the sea may never actualise (cos I accept with deep grief but also a sense of realism my inability to thrive financially at this late stage).

I had hoped rather childishly and whimsically (Miss Five trapped in Ms 54!) that such wealth might come from a lotto win as I would want the energy of that money to flow to me from a benevolent loving Source, with harm to none. (I suffered enough from the horror of envy and spite when I prospered at 23 via both my parents in law passing). Money became a dis-eased lacklustre curse and I still struggle to attain enough to sustain me.

But it has always miraculously flowed to me when in desperate need. One way or another but often from the generosity of friends or members of my jewish community who sustained me in very dark and dangerous times. Too many times.

So I am utterly utterly amazed and grateful and humbled to have been gifted with the kindness and emotional and financial support in the past few days.

I may not have a lover (Although Dave still makes his weird little forays to the casino to keep a peeled dreadlocked eyeball on me so perhaps after 6 years of his weirdness that is the most committed relationship with a onetime sexual Partner I ever had in my entire life!) I may not have a life partner/husband personage.

But I do have my friends, and I am delighted to have found my own tribe who love me and accept me in all my epic high strangeness and quirkiness and are so loving and kind and gentle with me.

As Lyn told me tonight: it is over 9 and a half years since my evil mother died and nine is the number of completion. I had to go through fiery torment with the will dispute, fend off more evil narcissists in my favourite dance scene who were variously spiteful and envious of my car, my absurd but stubborn love for Dave and least but not less even of my personality, attitude and style, my life, my humour and my spirit. So much envy they brought me to the very brink of suicide.

Well this year I noticed that those particular women (one had been a close friend who last night rather eerily and weirdly kept watching me as I chatted with my homeless friend) have all Fallen off their perch. Or slunk away like the stinking drooling pathetic hyenas they were.

Most of my enemies from the past few years have just crawled away. Leaving only people who enjoy my company, energy and joy.

It was like a great and painful sloughing off of old cracked skin. And yes..I am still and always will be highly sensitive and at times suspicious. But I am less reactive and more resilient and really...really even those perverted spineless souls like Lana have gifted me. I know who I am now.

I am stronger, wiser, more beautiful and happier. I am healing my mind body and spirit and I am still hopeful of the great miracle of finding a love partner that is authentic, kind, noble, passionate/romantic, loyal and faithful some time in the relatively near future.

A truly happy life with a man who truly loves me would be my “wealth” health and peace. As Lyn said “I wished you peace so you can at least attract a man worthy of you”.

That peace is settling around my shoulders and love is flying to me in every window of my broken battered Soul. A love light that is pure and yummy and blessed.

I am seeing it with my own cynical hardbitten eyes. I want to cry with joy but I still don’t quite trust myself or others quite enough yet.

But For the first time I can feel it flowing exponentially, to me and through me. Fibonacci spiralling back to me and out into other paradigms. I may never have my house in Byron Bay. It may not even matter.

I have my little house here for now. I have my dog, cats, birds, fish (I fought hard to retain my fish family! Let’s hope they get to remain with me!)

I have my garden. I have my Soul! I have my Breath (Ruach). I have my God in all manifestations and I have me. I have laughter. I have the Dance amongst the Sephirot, the galaxies and my own stolid Hobbitses tootsies on this earth. I have Life. Amen v selah.

Thank you for being such true and loyal loving friends and cousins. Thank you for the joy. The love. The support. The loyalty. We are all blessed and fortunate to have each other.

Kisses...from The Tanya and Beauregard, Charlie and Penny, Socks, Sophie and glubby watery smooches from the funny finnèd ones.

Fin. Enough already. Laila tov!

15 September 2018

4.42 am home from dancing. Fergus comes over to visit me and we had a cuddle. Brightened my mood in a delightful way. Sweet guy! My only true loves are 4-legged ones.Marvellous!

He was attacking my tights from under the gates. Funny guy.

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Photo taken after coming home from dancing for hours. Ie the bastards didnae grind me down

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I ended two friendships yesterday. One online one and another longer term IRL one.

I am done putting up with rude disrespectful sabotaging behaviours. Life is too short.

I kept dancing all night in spite of the horrible treatment. It’s all about the dance, babies!

Now home having a hot bath. Thanks to my beautiful cousin for debriefing me this morning.

What can I say but humans suck but glad I have good people in my life who are loyal and caring.

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Another cull of photos done, with Crystal’s assistance. Time to burn!

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@ Megan. Postcard from our Pop back in the day. Interesting Uncle Snow liked smashing up cars like my dickhead father David!

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This painting was gifted to me by the artist Theresa Bouilissia when I was volunteering at the reception of the Logan Art Gallery. Many many moons ago when I was living under constant threats by an ex lover and my former family.

I was severely traumatised but thought by volunteering, it would aid my trauma and depression issues. (It didn’t!). However I made some lovely friendships at the Art Gallery (this was around 1998 before I got the traineeship at QPSA). Anyway Theresa brought it in one day and declared that it was meant for me. Dancing Queen!

This was 13 years before I reclaimed my power and my life by going dancing at Irish Murphy’s and the casino! How prescient she was? Back then I rarely danced except at home with my girls.

Be the Queen of your own life in whatever capacity you can muster. Never ever ever ever let the superficial backstabbing bastards grind you down!

Mama T has Spoken. Lmao!

15 September 2017

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I went to buy Kosher Sacramental wine in Dan Murphys (as recommended by Margaret Street shule website) $15-20 a bottle and I did not recognise the brand so was not inspired to buy possibly unpalatable shit. It's been months since I had kiddush wine or challah. I guess with Rosh Hashanah coming in a few days I felt like channelling my inner Jew.

I was greatly bemused by the fact that they keep their Jewish Kosher wines next to the (Viking) Mead and German Glüewein. I quipped to the staff member that I doubt Glüewein is made Kosher unless they are making up for guilt. I almost died laughing at my own gallows humour.

My Viking Berserker Bitch was tempted to buy some Mead but I bought some very very cheap elixir of life instead (lmao). Something to curl my toes and obliterate my fatty liver. Death by Design.

Anyway L'Chaim to my beautiful Jew Crew. May this New Year (on night of 20th September) bring a new flush of potential, made manifest, bring a new blush of great and true loves, bring happiness, excitement and most of all… Peace. Amen v'selah!

15 September 2016

I had another bad tummy upset tonight. I have googled allergens to Mustard seed which I baked into my bread. I am certain it is the bread that made me sick (or the mustard seeds). So along with Beetroot, another healthy food I need to avoid.

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Very tired today. Only 5 hours sleep. But I kept busy remaking necklaces into boudoir decorations. Working with crystals and beads sure does take a long time. My bed is fully set up again. It was a lot of work getting it back how I like it.

I am happy and grateful that Jarrod was able to repair it and now I can lie in Frieda Kahloesque splendour again!

15 September 2014

@ Crystal's place. We are both unwell. Having a restful time with the bunnies after our big dinner at Red Rooster.

15 September 2012

Update 15 September 2022: I miss those boots lol. Although I can hardly walk in high heels anymore. Mama T has gone old and frail….wahhh weee wah… but that fabulous bitch is making a comeback…healing my lungs if not my tootsies, as we speak!

Day 4 of mullein tea has dredged up lots of icky phlegm. I will persevere for two weeks but I am starting to feel a bit better (inspired by the kindness and generousity of my earth angels!)

15 September 2010

My darling Lyn brought me a special sprayer thingy and some chlorine so I can kill the yucky stuff on pathways and then the water spraying will be easier. She is so clever to think of that.

I was too tired, and it was too windy to spray today. So I weeded the back garden instead. Tonight I actually cooked Chatzilim. Crystal in 7th heaven coming tonight to eat. LOL.

Oh and I planted out some capsicum and tomato seedlings. I think I will have an abundance of these if the possums don't get them or Bella doesn't chase the ball on my vege gardens. LOL.

“Chatzilim” is eggplant deepfried in batter, layered in a casserole dish with tomato chilli garlic sauce then baked for 30 mins in the oven. It's Crystal's favourite dish from Israel. They call it Poor Man's Caviar. It is vegetarian and tastes scrumptious but is hugely fattening.

15 September 2008

has the post-party blues...alcohol really affects my mood the next couple of days...lol

Jarrod: Could be worse, you could have the no party, no social life blues...

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons