Memories: 13 January 2026

13 January 2026

8:50 am. My skin cancers hurt so much during the night that I got up and put some castor oil on them. Now I have woken up with a sore neck and shoulders. It’s a better result this morning. After only three hours sleeping, my breathing had stopped 3 times an hour. So something is up. I am under full blown psychic attack but my body is fighting. But all will be well.

I had some very weird unexpected channelings on my YouTube video yesterday. I heard “Tutto Bellissimo” which means “”Everything is very beautiful”. The spirit went on to remind me in English that I am protected. Interesting!

What does it mean? Watch this space. Big changes are afoot for me personally. Only I don’t know what exactly but spirits telling me I am protected and here for a reason tells me that things will begin to move forwards exponentially now I have chosen to climb out of the soul trap and prison of my own mind.

The spirit spoke to me in Italian, sometimes a mixture of Italian and Latin but when I chided them for interrupting my reading stories and that I had not opened up to them in mediumship ways (protection prayers, mental preparation, deep breathing etc) they very calmly and solidly told me “it’s important” but obeyed my request to speak English so were clearly not malevolent but rather excited.

They were a strong presence, announcing their arrival by stepping up behind me and placing both hands on my shoulders. (I felt the pressure on each shoulder of a very tall physical presence).

I was a tad surprised when they began talking Italian as I don’t speak Italian apart from a few words.

So someone is watching over me and they are very powerful indeed. I wonder why they felt it was so important though. Life is calm and very quiet at the moment. Isolated in my little house far away from the madding crowd and seeping evil toxic shock syndrome infested vampires. So there is that!

The spirit world are absolutely loving me reading “Boudica: Dreaming the Serpent Spear” by Manda Scott as Boudiccea is one of my greatest muses and soul enervating guidances.

Having fought immense evil all my life since very early childhood it is Boudiccea who reminds me that some battles are worth fighting even if ultimately it leads to our own death. To never ever let the bastards grind us down. To never be silent or complicit with evil. To protect our young as best as we can and to be an example of courage and decency in a world gone completely insane.

But I am older now. Running out of time. Out of sync with the complacent complicit pissweak distortions of timelines. I no longer align with the Aktions of this globalist tyranny. I stand alone and scream into the Ether …. Noooo! And only one human left in my circle still gets me and sees me and loves me anyway.

C’est la vie, Babies. As long as I live I shall be the Warrior Goddess of Truth, Honour and Integrity. I will live my best life given my precarious circumstances. I will not give in to fear or stymied stunted immolation cast upon me by fools and cowards and sycophantic fellators of evil men.

I will arise and shine in my own God-given innate defiance. I will play and pray and parley and I will Dance! Even if alone in my house or in my own spirit. Mama T has Spoken!

13 January 2025

An improvement this morning. I pushed myself hard yesterday, even feeling rather exhausted. A few hours of reading “Arabian nights” on my YouTube channel, then when my tools arrived in the post, I hit the ground running, learning from youtube how to insert the new gravers into the graver handles then doing that, then practising engraving on two rings I made back in 2022.

A new direction with my silversmithing, learning how to engrave. (Well it’s an art form that I may not gain mastery in, but if I can make basic designs and pretty up my flush stone setting to make star patterns around the stone settings)…I will be delighted with that. So far I have only set one stone so that too, is another journey of discovery I intend to pursue!

I wonder what mischief and Magick I will achieve today? I might rest today (she says…lol) as I am in some intense soul enervation and/or metamorphosis which is amazing but if I overdo it I will crash and burn.

My Muse drives me very hard and forgets I am an older woman with health issues. Awwww. Well, the aging thing is a fact of nature but if I keep “succeeding” at my small triumphant goals I might just kick down the walls of atrophy imposed by societal oppression and my fraught health…and flyyyy…Babies.

13 January 2024

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13 January 2023

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Making the lazy Susan component for my annealing pan. Determined Mama T here! #titaniasrealm #Iamdyingbutnottodayandprobabkynottomorroweither #neverletbastardsgrindyoudown #fuckthebonepointers #lchaim #chooselife #magickhappens #loveisthelaw #homemadeannealingpan #soldering #casting #annealing #silversmithing #metalsmithing #brisbane #brisbaneartist

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I have had a busy afternoon. I am now actively fighting to discover what happened to my patient record which is missing from QE 2 hospital. Frankly given my bladder is already struggling I could do without another protracted bureaucratic bungle. This is all extremely stressful.

In addition while waiting for my skin biopsy I read a threatening scamming email from some random psychopath demanding I pay them in bitcoin or they will divulge all my internet porn activities. Funny. Especially as I never watch porn nor have money to even be blackmailed with. So another complaint fired off the Scamwatch so yes…more bureaucratic rabbit holes.

I don’t take kindly to being threatened. But I almost had to laugh as it’s probably some spotty kid in mommy’s basement. 15 bitcoins (whatever that equates to in real money) doesn’t seem very much but it’s a ridiculous scam nevertheless.

Some morons really have too much time on their hands. They need a hobby that actually produces concrete results, self esteem, satisfaction and preoccupies one with obtaining all the equipment. I would suggest silversmithing, or I dunno pottery or anything has to be more creative that blackmailing random people on the internet. Sad cunt!

Anyway, no cuts to my skin cancer site today so this means I can go dancing! Yayyy. I need the stress release. I might have a wee nanna nap beforehand as all this aggravation has me feeling quite tired. 🙂

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2:59 am unable to sleep. I have to see the skin doctor later today. Argghhh. I just made a voice recording as I am processing the intense but wonderful nudges from spirit I have received in recent days. Especially yesterday where I was guided to go have a look at the second hand shop which started my silversmithing journey back in January 2021.

I went there to look for a deep frying pan to use as an annealing pan (which I needed now that I have finally…and with much trepidation about money…purchased the Smith Little torch).

I found a small wok in almost brand new condition and even more surprising a lovely pair of funky bright unusual sandals (“walk this world with me”) and a beautiful Jurlique oil burner. Also some toys from The Simpsons which were utterly frivolous but made my inner child smile.

But it was the oil burner which reminded me that spirit is helping me with my continuance in this life as I had been looking at the small one I already had for the past few days and focusing on replacing it with a bigger better quality one and so when I saw this one sitting on the shelf I was a tad astonished. Kismet. Meant to be.

When I got home I immediately washed it, put oils in it and lit a candle and delighted in my abundance and good fortune.

Now bear in mind that that money could have gone towards the gas bottles I require to finish setting up my new torch.

But all good. All in good time.. Rome wasn’t built in a day and I spent the evening preparing the lava rocks for my new (secondhand) annealing pan so I have every faith that the money will manifest quickly as spirit is rather driving me hard like a charioteer on a hurdy gurdy ride in exponential soul growth and I can barely rein in my horses: my zest for life, my classical longsuffering but triumphant ornery defiance and I am working hard to achieve things I have never previously thought possible, even a few short years ago.

So gratitude to my Angels and ancestors that love me. I have shared my truth and my joy: but now I need to schluff, rest my bladder and my laurels or I will not cope at the skin doctor tomorrow.

Laila tov. Life is beautiful. Be brave. Be in it.

13 January 2022

11:11 pm keep on rocking!

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8:18 am Good morning. I just woke up with my characteristic stiff and agonised back which somehow shifts when I get up and move around, albeit gingerly and stolidly.

Getting older with arthritis and a bad back and little sleep is a ridiculous state of affairs. But here I am…alive, if not-so-kicking!

What news from the Metaverses? I have had to delve into my own archives to retrieve my “memories” myself and I find this quietly amusing. So much of my good (and mediocre) writing is being kept from me by algorithms so I have had to work it out myself.

I retrieve as much as I can as the time may come when memory is no longer possible for me. (Although I hope and pray I keep my wits to my End!)

I have been through a lot in my life and I want my story recorded and cherished and reproduced for posterity. My human-ness, my brokenness, and my Berserker fight for reclamation of my spirit and body autonomy, my heart and my soul.

Nil Carborendum et Bastardoes.

Mmmmkay!

What news from the Multiverses? Only a rejoinder to live as free, as nobly, as joyously, as triumphantly as I can muster with my pain, my absurdist existence on this planet, in my circumstances that although limiting have been at times, oddly rewarding backhanded gifts: keeping me safe from the most evil and bestial Out There.

So thanks for that my Angels 🙂. I wanted true love (loyal, faithful, communicative effectively, regularly and courteously and PRESENT) so you gifted me my dog and my bird!

I wanted prosperity…so you worked my fingers literally…until an arthritic bone popped out on my right forefinger (bejaysus) making art and jewellery and nonsensically chasing my own tail in a frenzy of activity only to realise I am making myself even more ill and not able to sell anything. Funny! Great cosmic joke. FFS.

I wanted healing and better health so you purged my bowels yet again and laid me wasted.

I want I want I want: I ache for wanting.

So the answer: give it up and lie fallow and rest and let my Angels gift me what needs to be gifted so I can continue to exist even more splendidly on this planet.

But they give and take away in equal proportions and writhing contortions. So I have lost trust in even those holy ones. Sad but true.

So today…just for today. I will hold myself together like kintsuguied glue and send my strange cosmic song back out to the multiverses as I do with every breath, every moment.

Let there be enough love for me, enough abundance to not just barely survive, enough healing so I can step into my fully actualised Light: fearlessly free to be Me.

….whatever….whatever happens…whomever comes into my life…let there be Peace. Joy. Harmonic resonance and rectification for my enemies.

Lol. The Tanya…holding on to her lifeforce and life source and rebuilding…from zero point field. One universe in an atom contained in her short fat Berserker Body.

Magick!

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13 January 2020

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I’m trying to uplevel myself or should that be...level up?! Detoxing my life as we speak. I even had another frenzied declutter in my laundry. Let more shit go...

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PS Written a week after my 12th birthday.

The necklace which was stolen was an antique gold sovereign and gold chain that my father bought me. Funnily enough I remembered that beautiful necklace recently and even had a look in a jewellery shop as I fantasised about replacing it.

So much was stolen from me (during my childhood and adulthood) that I sometimes dream of replacing the things that were lost. (Like homes, business and certain items of jewellery!). But it’s a fools errand. Unless I win lotto. Stranger things have been known to happen.

I note in my conversation with my former friend that I read yesterday that in 2011 I was holding high hopes of winning the will dispute and using that money to purchase my own house.

Well that was another tormenting debacle of epic proportions which only served to bring me to the brink of suicide and to be paid off like a pathetic little girl for 10 per cent of the estate.

No wonder only 3 years later, under more immense abuse and pressure that I tried to kill myself. Constantly being on the losing end of every.single. Aspect of life is utterly utterly soul-destroying.

Yet, miraculously, here I am...still fighting to thrive, still banging my drum, even in apocalyptic conditions as you know, Someone up there keeps me alive for their own capricious fickle little cosmic Entertainment.

After that awful dinner the other night. (The food was excellent however) I was reminded that even the gods have fucking schadenfreude and enjoy watching me be utterly humiliated.

Well I walked out with my head high and ended that friendship.

Re-evaluating my life means valuing myself enough not to let people treat me like a circus freak. Arghhhhh. Just putrid.

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I was 15 when I wrote the letter:

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I have had a nice day. I went for coffee at Amanda’s then saw some old hat boxes on sale on marketplace (very cheap battered vintage ones) so I drove immediately to pick them up. Odd. I had told Jarrod and Crystal that I was not going to do any more decoupage. Famous last words.

I already started sanding and sealing one of them. I hope I don’t mess these up as the last case I made was a disaster so I kind of gave up on the idea. Hmmm I am nothing if not intrepid. Always giving things another try or chance. Like a damn fool.

Then after that mission I bathed the dog. He got a tad savage so I had to muzzle him to clip his nails and he went hysterical. But I got the job done even if it made me feel very fraught.

Then the letters from my fucked up childhood happened. Oh well. I survived. Still hoping like a child trapped in a middle aged woman’s body to thrive one day. Hohum.

I can’t imagine how in hell I am ever going to achieve that but I am named after the queen of the forest fae (one of them!) so I guess I was born to live in some kind of insane faery tale.

Or some weird shit.

13 January 2018

I danced! Enough Already!

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9.18am. I woke up about half an hour ago. 5 hours sleep. Utterly exhausted from dancing last night. Also the heat. Also hypomania. Lol.

I have managed to do a lot in the past 2 days. I polished my brass and copper door ornaments. Watered the garden while listening to lectures on Gaia.com.

Cooked dinner last night. A massive Japanese curry so I could freeze some down and not have to cook for a while. I folded washing in the spare room. Changed the bed linen.

My feet are still aching from the heat and last night’s dancing. I wore my fake Birkenstocks and they hurt just as much as if I had worn my really high stilettos.

It’s a pity I am not permitted to dance bare feet at the casino. I think it would be much healthier for my poor beleaguered tootsies.

Ah well, old age is not for Sissies except when we are doing it for ourselves, living the psychedelic dream and permeating la vida loca!

Some young handsome man came to dance with me last night. He had 2 friends with him. I danced with him and one of his mates.

He asked why the women did not seem to want to dance? Is this place fully of seedy men? I replied that it could be very seedy indeed and we are just a bit jaded and wary.

He was lovely and bought Jenny and I each a mango daiquiri. I was amused that he and his friends were drinking such sweet syrupy drinks. But it was refreshing and I was grateful. When they left they thanked me for dancing with them. Lovely lads.

13 January 2017

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Friday 13th. I lit no candles tonight but the Source (Force) is always with me irregardless of my ritual (mis) habits. I took my handsome Beau for a walk around the block instead as the evening had cooled down. Then I was lathered in sweat so took a shower.

Now getting ready to go dancing as the night is young, I am a soon-to-be toothless Hag and naturally Fabulous!

I had planned on going tomorrow night but my friend's birthday celebration got put off until next Saturday and I feel like dancing tonight instead.

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This morning my friend accessed the child sexual abuse centre at Morningside to report an incident of medical neglect and suspected child sexual abuse. I had to threaten to end our decades long friendship if nothing more was done, as I cannot be part of a conspiracy of silence and endorse child abusers by non-action or even passive resistance.

My friend and I had both reported to Child safety and a month has gone by when nothing more was done. I could not in good conscience let this continue and be part of it.

I have been triggered for the past month as I know well what the child must be feeling, knowing that her life holds no value and the responsible adults in her core family refuse to help so it fell on her Aunts and Great Aunt to step in (and another adult survivor to insist on it).

I am told the police won't interview the child until school starts. Another week?! So this sounds very strange and concerning.

I will wait and see if anything is done in a week or two then I will write to my member of parliament. Endemic child abuse is another symptom of a sick and perverted society and it is pure evil when even the police wait and put off taking action. Surely starting school is traumatic enough without the police waiting to deal with this issue then?

Meanwhile the child has needed a medical examination for at least a month, when her grandmother rang me and told me the child complained of a sore vagina. My friend who reported today (finally!!!) was promised by the police that they will make sure the child gets treatment.

I bloody well hope so.

13 January 2016

Watching Boy on Netflix. So many memories of home. Funny sort of feeling. Been so many years since I lived there.

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I had a nice day with Beauregard. He has been such a good boy. I am really pleased with him. I think perhaps the parvo vaccine has calmed him down but that was last wednesday.

It was a horribly hot day today but I snoozed through most of it, then got up to play with Bobo and decided to drain the murky green fishpond and refeill it. It looks great now. I thought there were only 6 fish in it, but there are actually 10. Wow. They are so beautiful. It is a real joy to see them in crystal clear water.

I need to get pumps and filters for all the ponds (4) so I have constant moving water again, which keeps the ponds clear, and is better for Feng Shui ie Money, moolah, cash flow, abundance and prosperity. lol.

Even just having clear water always brings a slight boost of positivity to my home. I have 4 fighter fish in their setups on the kitchen bench. It all looks lovely.

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I was on my iphone talking to Annette while filling the fishpond. Uh huh. Beautiful clean fishpond, beautiful wet iphone. I have it drying on rice which I have been told is the best way to dry it. I whipped it out of the water so fast I think it barely got wet but not taking any chances.

Jarrod Nielsen:

(he’s right…I am THAT gullible!)

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2.22 am. Laila Tov. Time to join my little Beauregard in sleep.

13 January 2015

I have decided to reject the loan from BPJC. I needed charity not more debts.

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Humid as Fuck this evening. I have water pouring down my legs and back. Like raining inside a coal furnace.

Tomorrow I will go to the laundromat to wash and dry my mattress topper. At least my bedding will be fresh.

Harvey's Daddy will be home soon. He's been such a good dog! But he snuggles all day and all night. The cats even accepted him readily although Mushu drives him a bit crazy by climbing up on his face.

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@ Laundromat. Drying mattress protectors as it has rained for 3 days. I rarely have to Dry anything by machine.

I am gonna have fish and chips and read a book while I wait.

Jarrod Nielsen: Sounds like here. I haven't seen the sun since I left. I know it's in the sky somewhere for at least 8 hrs, but cloud so thick you can't even tell where it is in the sky. Lol. Just a dull even glow

Me: Europe. Sucks in Winter

JN: the only part that would turn me off living here full time.

Me: You loving it then 🙂

JN: yep. Sure am! Not looking to the 30 hr haul to get home starting tonight

Me: You will be fine! Xxx

JN: I'm not worried, just hate the time spent in cramped airplane seats for 30 hrs - it's what did my back in flying over here. Gotta go and get ready to check out of hotel. See you on the flip side...

Me: Jarrod, no rush to pick up Harvey when you get home. He is quite content here. Tonight he chased the mother possum who has twins on her back so I had to keep him inside with me but he loves my feather cushions on the couch so snuggles there til bedtime when he gets to sleep next to his fat cuddly Auntie!

This arvo I woke up with Harvey on my left and Mushu in my right and Penny at my feet. Sophie was in other bedroom and Socks was somewhere lol.

For a woman who was called Spinster at school and constantly told I couldn't get a Fuck in a Brothel, I am certainly running a Cat House! Harvey has fitted in very well! Harmony at Sacred Space, which is how I like it.

I haven't seen any more baby scrub turkeys so Socks has been busy 😞.

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3.15 pm. Still exhausted but slept relatively well. I can feel my feet muscles again. Took me 5 days to recover. My old body is not bouncing back from the dancing anymore.

I suspect my dancing days are coming to an end. I am so glad I had 2 years of intense physical exercise and emotional healing via music and dance. Best thing ever!

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13 January 2014

Just had a delicious lunch at Earth and Sea pizzaria. Now the young Beauties are looking at That Shop with fabulous Rockabilly fashions while I wait with Ramon outside.

14 January 2011

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons