Memories: 12 September 2025

12 September 2025

8:07 am I awaken to another crisp sunny morning. Another day in Paradise. I am looking forward to Rosh Hashana which falls on 22 September (Monday evening). A new beginning. A new year. A spiritual invocation.

The lonely lapsed Jew without a family or Jewish community. Belonging Nowhere. Loved by no one but the gods in their infinite comical ways. A strange existence. The Other. Holding my own as the world unravels and rebuilds into another paradigm.

A miracle awaiting to manifest itself. A heart slowly melting, shucking off the exosome crusts of too many heartaches and betrayals. Learning to live again. Differently. Alone. Joyously. Triumphantly. Devoted to my ideals. Breathing freedom, peace and healing.

Yippy yi yo! Boudiccea’s unwanted and uncared for Babe is going to have to strut her stuff in her ancient bones made of stardust and hope. FFssssssssake! lol.

It’s absurdist. This survival. But it’s what I do. Out-live, out-run, out-dance my enemies. Catch my breath, catch a new lifeline, catch a gift of authentic sweetness along the Red Road to Nowhere. Then wake up and do it all again.

Am I asleep or awake in my own psychedelic dreaming? Who can tell? Reality is unreality. Evil is rampant. Even my own Dreaming seems rather moot.

But I have come through hellfire, high water, lost ill begotten life-threatening loves before and I will again.

Time to get going on this hurdy gurdy magical wonderment of a ride through this life. It’s all I have and all I know.

12 September 2023

7.00 am I just woke up from a dream where I was dressed in mismatching roller skates and what was supposed to be scuba gear but ended up being 1990s skater girl clothes, also mismatching and ill fitting. I was working as a singing telegram!

I arrived at the home of the birthday woman, a cute petite Thai lady named Bao Mia. An opulent house but carpeted in thick shag carpet which made rolling in my skates almost impossible.

Everyone stared and had no idea I was the entertainment. I push myself through, find the lady, sing her Happy Birthday. She sorta cowered in shock and amusement. Then I spent the next ten minutes trying to find my way out of that house. On skates!

A little girl asked me to take her to the toilet but I didn’t know where the bathroom was? Finally we find one but waiting outside, we hear a man with explosive diarrhoea, so we leave to find another bathroom. I leave the kid there to get on with things by herself. Awkward.

I am still trying to get out of that house for which I was paid $80 to deliver the birthday song.

Very intense anxiety provoking dream.

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I spent the entire afternoon and evening, until 8:30 pm stiffening all the silk flowers I recently bought with fabric stiffener. Then I made a few hair clips. Glued the flowers on. It took a lot of effort and I still have about half a dozen more to do. But they look lovely. I will gift some to Lyn and her three daughters. Keep a couple for myself.

I bought the silk flowers in a secondhand shop for $8 and I was thrilled as I have not been able to find peonies in about two years. I used to have some that I made but they must have gotten lost or broken over time. So I’ve been wanting to make new ones.

12 September 2022

All day I have heard Sirens. Each one setting Bobo off to howl. Just now I am hearing choppers. Wtf is going on today?

Shelley: Hi Tanya if you live near Carnandal Shopping Centre there was a road rage scene that happen which spilled out on the road and then into a car park and the bloke got stab and now there are looking for 5 men.

Me: carindale? Yeah I live 5 minutes drive from there. Thanks for the heads up. The world has gone mad !!!

12 September 2021

12 September 2019

12 September 2017

6.45 am woken up by a mad calico cat yowling loudly. Got up to let her outside but she ran around the house like a feline lunatic. Drives me insane. Oh well. Back to bed I go.

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Last night I burnt one of my antique fur stoles (the steinmartons) as they were disintegrating. Also a bunch of old cards from my collection. Birthday and Mother's Day cards from my ex and other people I am no longer in touch with or sentimental about.

It was interesting as I found many beautiful artistic cards made by Jasmine (I kept those even though her declarations of love made me cry). She was such a sweet little girl until she reached 12 or 13. Hard to imagine those love notes etc were from the same person. Very sad and very scary too.

I burnt many manipulative and passive aggressive cards from my mother also. Even Jarrod was amazed at the tone of some of them. Angela's cards and many of Marika's cards were also burnt as they constantly focused on my depression and were often condescending.

Cards from my father consigned to the fire with relief and amazement at all the fake "from your father, with love and care" assignations. Men who love and care for their daughters don't abuse them or align with sociopathic ex wive's.

Anyway it was nice to get rid of so many old souvenirs of false and evil family members. Release their hold over me and let them go!

I kept only the most beautiful artistic cards for decoupage or other art projects.

Megan Phillips: A good cleansing cuzn then you could've gone to the moana to cleanse n heal self...with fire then water, blessings cuzn xo

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Still culling cards (cutting out the more artistic or beautiful pictures for decoupage). It is amazing how old some of them were, dating back to my 13th birthday. I had schlepped them from NZ and back to Australia, through many house moves. Wow! Feeling much lighter!

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This reminds me of my "Auntie" Beryl who had awful shaped legs and her feet were always swelling and undulating over her shoes like in this photo.

She was obsessed with my first stepfather. Although married to different people they had been long term lovers and friends.

She was very kind to me as a child and I still have some of the dolls she gave me and doll's dresses that she sold in her gift shop. She made a big impression on me in my childhood.

She is the cause of my mother Gisela breaking Cees's tooth because Beryl stalked them at every venue they went out to for several months until one night Mum punched Cees in the face. To be fair he kinda deserved it, eh. "But Gisela! I don't love Beryl, she has ugly legs unlike yours!" Superficial narcissistic bastard.

Anyway, last night Jarrod and I went through 2 of Cees's photo albums I had intended to burn but still I could not do it. There were photos of men who had been in the camps with Cees. Beautiful men. He had cherished their memory. Also his family photos were charming.

I will scan them or copy them and put them up on Ancestry in the event any of his blood relatives see them, then they can buy them from Ancestry. Or contact me for the originals. There were also some lovely 1940's postcards from Ouderkerk Am Der Amstel (his home town) and Voorberg that I will sell on eBay.

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I tried to purge my Sludge File (health rights complaint, other documents re: abuse from Terry and Gila. Also the ugly will dispute. Got lost in trauma triggers so kept entire sludge file as I need to keep it for some unknown reason. I threw out a lot of the will Dispute documents though, then got stuck.

Now feel distressed but tomorrow is another day. I will burn the excess dross and only keep what is useful if my kids or grandkids ever want to know what send me over the brink of sanity for so many years. The truth! Not other people's lies, slander, perceptions.

I need a stiff drink or a loving hand but I have neither of those in the house. So will go to bed and cuddle up with my dog.

Laila Tov, y'all!

12 September 2016

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Had trouble getting Centrelink to answer the phone. All morning. Grrr. Had to sort out AGL account issues with Centrepay. Apparently Cunterlink is having Industrial Action issues. Even our Public Service employees are sick of being screwed over!

Anyway I spoke to a nice Arbeiter who was very good and helpful so hopefully the trauma with AGL ends. Bill smoothing. Bollocky bills. But if I pay both accounts regularly (less money in hand but bills paid on time), that will ease my stomach ache, panic disorder and shit.

(Humorous curiousity: is our govt shutting down?!)

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I might live in Housing Commission but I have made the best of my beautiful garden. Some plants (like the lime tree) lived in pots for many years then finally found a permanent home here.

Like me, our roots were squeezed and atrophied, pot bound and we existed on the merest breath of freedom and kindness and re-homed ourselves time and again until we found Sanctuary (the bells..the bells!)

13 years later and here we are, my pets, my garden, my goldfish. Lucky to be alive in a sparkling tinkly cascade of water fountains, bird life, animal life and the peace of Sacred Space.

Such relief after my epic thrusting and thriving, jiving and jousting amidst drunks, maniacs, voyeurs and a few very nice groups of other dancers.

My nerves get frazzled to the last raw neuron and the addiction to the music and the wildness thrums me into oblivion and sore feet. The next day I suffer agonies of physical and emotional malaise. Even days after. Today is Monday. Lol!

Which is why having a sacred safe and beautiful space to retreat to, is so precious.

My bowels are furious. But that seems to be the side effect of exercising like a maniac with a condition like Obstructive Sleep Apnoea and GORD. Exhaustion will do that to you. Empty you completely out.

But I took a Valium yesterday morning so today I am calm again. Sorta. Kinda. Ok internally berserk but calmer than I was. Haha. Fun times.

12 September 2015

@ The Elephant waiting for Alter Egos to start! I had trouble finding a park, my flower hair clip broke, I broke my fake pearls in my skirt, but here I am intrepid as per usual. Wish me Luck!

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I had a nice time. Got home by 2.30 am. Still awake at 5.39 am, watching House of Cards. I have had a hot bath, but my feet still hurt. Getting too old for this. Ah well, I have let the hens out. Beautiful sunrise. Interesting times.

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Superficial friends "Oh, Hiii...what is the goss?!" come and go but real friends are there forever. Thanks to my real friends! Love you all!

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12 September 2014

Awww! Just saw possum leaving the nesting box. She has a young baby on her back. So cute!

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I am still feeling weak but I will be checking out Transvaal Diamond Syndicate at Lefties tonight and if I still feel ok, I will be at The Elephant after that. Rock On, People.

Shabbat Shalom to my Jew Crew!

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@ Lefty's with Karen Donohoe. Awesome club. Love it!

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:-)))

12 September 2013

Chez Crystal. She is making me homemade pizza. Yum! My feet hurt so I am lying on her couch, languidly awaiting attention from Ramon Rabbit who is acting coy. (Little Shit!)

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On my walk to Woolies, a couple were concerned about a Curlew which had its wings spread pointing downwards and was shrieking. I rang Wildlife Services but they said he was “faking" being injured or in distress to protect his territory. While we were still talking on my mobile the fractious bird scurried away, in perfect health! Turd Bird! Lol!

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Funny sort of day. Had a debrief (phew) with my favorite psychiatrist. Then I went to the Emporium to look at the shops. Met an acquaintance there. Had a quick catch-up.

His old dog is still alive but riddled with fleas and he can't afford flea control cos he's going bankrupt. I know how that goes...so I walked to Woolies and bought him some Capstar for the poor old dog.

So tonight they won't be sleeping with fleas. My Good Deed on the eve of Yom Kippur. Besides I loved his Dog.

Now waiting outside Crystal's class in Albion so we can go have dinner. Starvin' Marvin here!

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Yesterday was very emotionally triggering and painful. I have been debriefing another acquaintance and it's been a very harrowing story. I need to curl up into my little snail shell. I am not a professional counsellor and I don't get paid for this amount of trauma. I'm told the person is a liar, but I don't know what to believe.

So I'm treating it all with circumspection but I can't help thinking...people didn't believe me either and it's the cruellest thing in the world when you are alone, with your own Truth and the world disbelieves you. It's like screaming into a jet propeller jet stream, and trying not to die from the fumes while being coated in dirty black soot.

The worst thing is, this is a crisis that is close to every woman's heart and mind. So I can't just step back and say 'forget about it', for we have all suffered varying degrees of brutality at the hands of men.

So I am mindful of Hillel's axiom... "If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?"

My father had a saying..."I am Number One", he would dramatically point his forefinger to his own chest. It's how he rolled and he called himself "A Rolling Stone that gathered No Moss". He rolled so far away, estranged and lost, that I don't even know if he is dead or where he died?

Insanity. I don't especially care either. He and my mother were selfish narcissist/sociopaths. I think out of the two of them, my father might have had more empathy, but not much more.

At any rate, they failed to protect me as a child, and later as an adult woman. They literally enabled my enemy, so he could write salacious letters about me to any authority he could contemplate and discredit me in my community and make it possible to rip me off in my mother's Will.

They wished me nothing but harm and a life of misery. They and their paedophile friend/ and later bfs. It's hard to wrap around my mind how one small little girl could be surrounded by 5 adult 'enemies' at any given time.

Later my mother 'arranged' my marriage in a sense and before I knew it I was married into another family of hateful vindictive enemies. I really feel I have only just come up for air. To finally be free of them all.

However these crises of others, remind me....I am not much further along in the grand scheme of things. I am still just treading water. Blowing kisses to Lady Death, and keeping my head down, so she flies overhead.

Well she landed at my house, and took Miss Bella Rosa. Such is life/love/death. We come, we try to conquer and find meaning to our lives, and we leave. All in a blink of the eye of the Infinite.

So what can I do but continue to strive to Thrive. Enough misery, suffering. All I can do is remind myself, that there is a long way to go, and to give hope to the newly recovering, and newly awakening.

May G-d in His Infinite Wisdom Keep Us Safe and keep our individual Lights shining with Love for ourselves, and the Other. Which at times is a finely wrought balancing Trapeze Act. If I fall, Will YOU CATCH ME? Vice Versa?

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12 September 2011

I spent the late afternoon and early evening digging up bindi weeds by lantern lights. I'd still be out there but the wick ran out on the one lantern, and frankly I got tired and cold after a while so after refilling the one remaining lantern I gave up and came back inside).

I find it so irritating when I am halfway through a job and my lack of planning interferes with me actually completing the task. Oy!

12 September 2008

is happy that after all these years Karma or G-d have finally wreaked Justice on my enemies....LOL

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons