Memories: 11 September 2025

11 September 2025

7:03 am. Windy night and morning but the sun is still shining. I had a bit of insomnia but finally managed to quell my nervous system and succumb to the sweet oblivion of restorative supine slumber. Dear goddess. It took me about two hours to finally sleep! I wonder what caused that? I went to bed feeling exhausted then Bing!

Funny old brain!

I still had to get up three times too. Annoying! On average it’s twice a night. Zombieism is not for sissies.

But a new day greets me. Blustery witchy winds will infuse me with magic and hope and awe. I will drag my carcass through another day. I have had a wonderful two weeks now. I can’t complain. Life is well…life. Swings and roundabouts. A crazy hurdy gurdy ride or a careening crash cart with no brakes while you flail your arms and legs out the side of the toboggan and hope for a safe and comfortable ending. Whhheeee…or whooops!

Here we go, Babies! Another day on “Paradise”. Manifest a good one. Choose joy, heart centredness. Ground yourself and don’t forget to smile.

Yesterday I had a touching cuddle from Mavis. Lyn and Peter’s dog. She put both paws around my neck and pressed her face to mine, ready to receive kisses. I smooched her lavishly and we were both so happy. Love from a dog. Sweet, wholesome and trustworthy.

Life…be in it.

…

9:04 pm I finished stitching the seat. It took me several hours. I think it will hold together better now. Another renovation completed. :-)

…

While stitching the stool I have been watching “The Brutalist”. Amazing movie.

11 September 2024

Love letter from the Void 11 September 2024:

Love is the greatest magick of all. Like all Illusory gifts it must never be controlled, imprisoned or manipulated. To love fully, authentically and beautifully…it must be given and received wholeheartedly and with freedom.

Freedom to stay…freedom to walk away and freedom to choose to be with the Other in such a way that the love keeps blooming exponentially like a thousand petalled lotus.

Lotuses growing up and out of the primordial muck and mire, out of delusions, deceptions and declensions. Growing ever more beautiful and powerful and resplendent. Flowering again and again after every heartache and betrayal. Flowering when she thought she had no more flowers left inside her.

Courageous. Corazon. Passionate. Wild and free. Oh, how they like to trammel the free and wild ones. Cut off our nascent blossoms. Steal our joy.

Don’t let them. Choose life. Choose love. Watch them leave you and know that you will be loved again. If only by your own Self. Loved in such a way that only real loves can conjoin with you. Let the Shades and the empty ones grow their own love. With someone else.

You have something so deeply precious and valued and cherished for your One. Let them show you whom they are. Let them Astonish you with their great and stoic and devoted love.

Let them….BE your most beloved one. Nurtured and protected by your great love. Recognised and honoured by your tribe. You will know when it’s Real.

Don’t despair, little one. I am here with you on this journey through life. You are never Alone, even if other humans mock and deride you, lost in their own ignorance and darkness. You keep shining bright.

PS I love you

11 September 2023

7:52 am. A really bad night with my bladder. I was up all night. I had to pee 12 times. 10 times up until 4 am ish when I finally got a bit of respite between pee breaks. Gahhh.

I need to go to the skin cancer doctor for a regular skin check at 10:30 am this morning. I feel wrung out like a husk. This is not good!

However I had a lovely time last night, chatting to some old and new friends with Elfyyy and Mermaid whom I know from many years ago on Paltalk. I left them at 11 pm then got no peace with my bladder.

This getting older thing is quite confronting. I am exhausted! Oh well, another day blooms before me. I will have my check up then come home and go back to bed, methinks!

…

1:24 pm The skin doctor gave me the all clear. I immediately returned home and threw myself back into bed. Have slept a bit more to recover from last night’s epic bladder event. Exhausting.

Glad that I have not developed any further skin cancers (although there is one on my left shoulder he says is okay which I know is a pre-cancer! )

Life of The Tanya will go on…as long as my bladder holds up!

…

Not well today but in the afternoon I finished wood burning, sanding and varnishing my wooden “charity” box.

11 September 2022

My video got cut off at the end because my clock alarm went off. But yeah…what She said.

Trigger warning: I did two brave things today…started out at Plant Lovers Market…and tried to teach an abusive father that his child has Worth and is indeed “a good little boy”. As usual my connection with the gods has its usual tremulous swings and roundabouts but I am Grateful and contented that I went out into the world and tried to succeed with my art!

11 September 2021

I wish to acknowledge all the souls who lost their lives at the Twin Towers and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001 and the ensuing and endless War on Terror which has bled into the current paradigm.

I am so sorry. I wish we could have created a better safer world. I can only hope and pray we make it through this epoch of the zombie apocalypse. Seek good and human and choose freedom and a life that is worth living. Peace-Shalom-Salaam.

11 September 2020

During the night I woke up to a line:

My guardian angel steps forward to protect me and quips “Don’t worry Tanya, we got this. We are Legion”. I had to laugh. Then I rolled over and went back to sleep!

Yesterday when Lyn visited there was some significant spiritual activity chez moi. The front door which was wide open, closed by itself and we both heard the dead lock latch make a light clicking sound. Then a few minutes later the door opened itself wide again. Which is impossible as it was latched inside the mechanism.

We both tested the door to see what caused the clicking sound and I found the door quite hard to close and when it latched it makes a much deeper sound more like a loud thud than a click.

We had been talking about my mother. I showed Lyn the photo of Gisela that every time I put on display I get spiritual activity.

So after that ghostly or energetic manifestation I burnt the fucking photo. Also the photo of Cees’ childhood home in Ouderkerk.

I told the spook they were not welcome in my house, not allowed anywhere in my energy or in the energy of my friends and/or pets, or anywhere on this property and to fuck off back to their original Source.

I then smudged Lyn and myself with Palo santo. In the middle of smudging Lyn, Housing Commission rang to tell me they had received my email about problems with my gas stove (which had gone on for over a year!) and were sending a contractor.

So that was good news.

No more “hauntings” except for the funny diabolical comedies during the night. Legion indeed. My angels are funny. I should go into show business.

I am not going to lie though. I was seriously rattled. It is not cool for spirits to demonstrate their presence when I have friends or family visiting. It is enough to scare most people away.

But as Lyn wisely pointed out, my mother tried very very hard to isolate me from my true friends. She tried to push Lyn away 32 years ago. Gisela failed. Lyn held strong and has stood by me through thick and through thin.

No matter what life threw at me (and it and my demonic fucking family threw everything at me!) I stayed true and so did my brave beautiful Friends. Real Love is the machinery of the Multiverses. Real authentic loves and strong friendships. More powerful than the “legions”.

…

4:47 pm I finally (phew!!!) finished scraping off the resin on the pink marble table. (Day 10 of working on it!). Now I just need to buy the resin to coat it to protect the marble. Then it is done!

11 September 2019

…

Treeloppers just turned up unannounced from Housing. I was on the fricking loo! But they are on orders to trim back two trees. Oh well.

I asked them to cut back the two dead tea trees at the back too. Which they kindly obliged. So that should appease my neighbour at the back as it has been a source of irritation for him for quite a long time.

I went out after the workmen left to apologise for the pain the living trees were caused as it’s not my land and humans love to tame the wild and wooly to fit their perceptions (in truth to protect the roofing too).

I will make an offering of milk and honey as I don’t want blowback from furious tree spirits and elementals. Although they know I am actually on their side. I was deeply worried the men were going to chop the trees completely down. They cut back a lot more than last time.

(The contractor last year did fuck all and probably billed Housing a large bill!).

So it’s a keenly wrought balance I suppose. I love my trees. Even if they are considered pests. (Chinese elm and African tulip tree). They bring much joy to the garden.

…

Now a plumber is on the way to replace my rusted off shower head. I was told I would have to wait up to 14 days. But Nup...this morning. Hit the ground running. Yayy! I will be able to have a proper shower again.

PS: When I win lotto I will have the most opulent shower head and walk-in spa bath. Lmao. But in the mean time I am grateful for the basic loving care provided me by the State. (Rises to my full but ever shrinking height standing on my dignity!). I do love my home here.

…

…

11:11 on 11 Sept with 101 fb friends. What does it mean?.....why nothing of course. It’s a happy day for my friends who celebrate their birthdays today and a day of grief and darkness for those who died when the Twin Towers were destroyed.

11:11 is an angel number. Keep positive. Breathe. We got this. Thank you for the love, joy, peace and abundance, for my soul friends and guides and for my healing. Look after those who are still walking this earth lost between dimensions. Bring them into the Light and heal their spirits and let their families still alive know peace.

Amen.

Protect those affected by fire, danger and loss. Give honour to those like me who are still finding balance after lifetimes of abuse and atrocities. Let us live in magick and wonderment, in great and true love with our true heartfelt honourable lovers/friends/family/and community. Let no darkness disempower us ever again.

Let the Shades dissipate in the bright eternal Light of the Ein Soph Aur. For darkness makes us grow but it must hold no real power over us. (Blows a Kiss to the Void and to my ever-faithful Avoidant). Yes... I feel his imminent appearance like a fucking globulous cameo figure in a b-grade horror movie.

True love...true love. Psy sighs. Move along, motherfucker...nothing to see here. Only your beautiful exquisite brave Tanya strumming her face with your treacherous fickle fretful fingering.

Oooh oooh, it’s hilarious, innit?

…

Today I said Goodbye to my beautiful friend Sally Castle, who is returning to NZ. I got a tad emotional as Sally has always been such a wonderful support to me. I have such a small circle of close friends who I have been able to trust so I kinda get a bit teary when they move away. Sally was there for me in some of my darkest craziest moments and her love is authentic!

Sally, you are a good solid strong loving and generous woman and I wish you much happiness in the next phase of your life back in Wellington.

Much love always, from me. x

11 September 2018

1:11 pm. Something big is happening. Last night Crystal and I both saw 11:11 pm. Then 12:11am. In fact have been seeing 11 time sequences for days. So I guess I am on the right path, my angels/ supporters/family/friends have my back and the universe is smiling down upon me.

Exciting. A fresh new year with fresh potentialities and much bliss and most of all Shalom.

…

Jarrod and Crystal have gone home. I let Crystal take the car so I could go straight to bed. We had a lovely afternoon and evening together. I love my tiny family!

Even the dogs were very high energy and excited tonight. It was lovely watching them Frolicking around the back garden and in the house. A happy day!

11 September 2017

11 September 2016

Sitting at New Farm park. Unfurling my turbulent emotions, confusion/grief/anger like a hibiscus flower in champagne. Why am I doing this again? Why why why Desiree?

Beauregard is at my side. He is fascinated with people watching and cries and yelps when he spots another dog.

The river is eddying along peacefully and with it goes my pain, my sorrow, my stubborn cleaving to love's false promise.

Freedom. I pay a hefty price. Always have. The world turns on a dime. Suns rise and fall. I am so very small and insignificant. Happy people all around me. Families and lovers. A reminder of what I have lost and what I can not gain.

Last night, I was wild, strong, rebellious. A warrior-goddess in lacey tights and 6 inch heels.

Today I am a creature craving peace and comfort in a yawning cavernous solitude that suffocates me to my core. Breathe Tanya. You got this. Been here in this raw emotion a million times. What is one more time? One more time, one more, one. More.

Bobo presses his back against my back as I write. He is my protector. My guide. Grounds me back from lost worlds of fog and shame and grief.

My emotions swirl. Twirl. Hurl. But I fly in the face of my own madness. My own ridiculous love.

The grass is cool and damp beneath my buttocks. Hard. Unaccommodating. But I bleed my soul into it. Let it soak and merge with Gaia who knows best what to do with my distorted energy.

I tried too hard. I danced and danced. I chanced to entrance. I was satiated with a glance. A smile. A rare occasional hug. I lived for love and I died for love and love never met me as an equal.

I was always digested, Indigested and purged like a sour grape in a sow's arse. (My mother!) G-D love her. She taught me how to fail in almost every aspect of my life. I fought hard. So hard. So long and so hard.

Then I let go. Cut loose, released and almost deceased. But here I am. Another day in Paradise.

Is it good? Is it bad? This staunch alienation. This freedom. This residual shockwave of a life immolated from beginning to end but still poured love, breath and soul into it. Drank from it. Sang it. Dreamt it!

Arose and Shone. Then dove deep into my own putrefaction. Healed.

All will be revealed. Sealed. Fucking congealed. From epic bullshit beautiful things grow. In strange directions and nefarious ways. Striving to reach heights of our own imagination. Never quitting. Never obliterating that ugly delusion that was Hope.

A kiss from my dog. He knows. He loves anyway. Just like me. Just for today.

…

11 September 2015

9.54 pm. Just woke up. I am going to rest tonight. Sophie just hopped up on my bed for snuggles. We are warm and cosy, out of the wind. The quiet is music to my ears tonight.

I will build up reserve for wildness tomorrow night :-).

…

6.23 pm in bed. Exhausted. I only woke up at 1 pm! Damn! Maybe after a sleep I will perk up later.

11 September 2014

Scrabblings above my head in the possum box. Little lady obviously slept there today and smelling me so close in my hammock underneath, has unsettled her. I will give her some apple tonight. That will cheer her up!

…

Home again. Lying in my hammock. Ye gods I feel weak. So I am gonna lie out here and rest and read a good book and watch the sun die and a new night dawn.

…

@ Greenslopes Mall. Car registration paid, thanks to a loan from a dear friend.

I woke up after some very intense dreams, dreaming that I was lost and confused with Alzheimers and had forgotten where I parked my car. Interestingly in real life I sometimes do have to think hard where I parked my car at the end if nights out, when I am tired.

I had a shower and when I went to brush my teeth I had a terrible mouth thrush, from being run down and stress. No wonder all I could do yesterday was sleep and I felt weak and ill?!

So I got a treatment at the chemist and I am sure I will feel much better. Just as well I cooked a healthy dinner last night!

I also bought yoghurt mix so I can make homemade yoghurt and that will help line my stomach with some healthy acidophilus and other microbial Goodies.

Now heading back home to rest!

…

…

We live in a world of miraculous life-saving technologies and sublime Beauty. Keep Smiling. We got this!

…

11 September 2012

11 September 2011

I AM NOT A SQUARE PERSON!!!!!!!!!!! Thank You Felix character in Owl in The Pussycats, skillfully played by George Segal....NEITHER THE FUCK AM I? I've been a round peg (well-rounded cute but dumpy little thing!) shoved into a stifling square little expectation from society, family and bfs for so fucking long that I have only just remembered. I don't fucking FIT, never have, never will and I LIKE IT.

So the next time I am scoped at a community event by ball-less individuals who were too frightened to bother to ask me politely who I am, and follow me around like freaks....Well, ask anyone, they will tell you, but I would be truly impressed, complimented and even flattered if you overstuffed obsequious upper-middle class gentlemen (if you even deserve this Nomer) would bother to speak to me in person! You are just so bloody undignified!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons