Memories: 11 June 2025

11 June 2025

8:21 am Yippy yi yo! A good result. Breathing in your sleep is good. Feeds the body, mind and spirit! Next! Take over the world!

I look out the window, to observe the sun reflected off my neighbours’ grayscale vista of apocalyptic misery. You cannot entrap the sun in your beige and grey fashion obliterations…it will shine through…force you to activate your pineal gland, motivate you to shine bright like a diamond, glitter and glow in your own fractalised mirage. Hah! Gotcha!

Kermie is singing. Time to get up and greet the miracle of another day.

Love you all xxxx

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I made this when I was 10 years old. (Hmmm that makes it 50 years old!) I gave the Dutch tulip and windmill scene I made when I was 9 to a little boy of Dutch descent down the road (he wanted it for his grandfather!)

But I don’t know what to do with this one. It’s stood on the floor against the wall in my lounge room for months (replaced by the portrait Jarrod made of Beauregard as a Viking!)

I saw at Reverse Garbage that someone very cleverly turns old tapestries into bags and notebooks and purses. This would make a rather large bag. Give it a second life! Let it get used until it finally unravels (like the Mama T amiright! - sniggers!)

But I don’t REALLY need another bag. And after 50 years of looking at it I am sick of it but have an attachment disorder as it’s been made by my own hands at a time in my life when I was freshly traumatised and it’s crossed the Tasman sea with me (twice!) and it’s been through many house moves.Etc etc

Do I discard it? Or transmute it?

Pinky and me! Tweedle dee! Shall it stay, or shall it go?!

11 June 2024

I made these two rings this evening.

11 June 2023

Jan Attridge: You look fabulous!

Me: awww Thanks Jan xxx

I just got home (2:34am) after a lovely night out. I wore my purple overbust corset and full length ball gown type skirt. With a tulle petticoat underneath it.

Some woman accidentally caught her shoe in the Tulle lace of my skirt when I was walking back from the loo. That was annoying. I will have to repair that tomorrow. I haven’t dressed all glamorous in months. It felt good.

I danced with a lovely group of people who were also dressed very stylishly. The man had a beautiful rose coloured velvet jacket and a silk kerchief tucked in the lapel. He danced very punk rock style but eventually he Danced with me and was very gentle and courtly.

His wife says she will come out alone and dance with me one Friday night. (I told her that I usually go there on Fridays) Very nice people.

Another man later in the evening also danced with me and he too was very gracious. Lol.

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10:24 am. Last night while dancing wildly in my gorgeous evening apparel a gorgeous woman appeared in front of me. She had long wavy grey hair and was quite thin, wearing jeans and a cardigan and a skivvy. She shot me this knowing look.

Next thing I knew she was dancing in front of me. I welcomed her in my dance. Two wild free spirits together.

She said she had not planned on going out or she would have dressed better and complimented me on my outfit. I thanked her. She admired my tattoo. I smiled.

She said she has not gone out in three years. I said she should do it more often as it’s good to be dancing.

She told me she is 58 years old. Kept repeating it to herself like a blood curse. I smiled that I was also 58. She tore off her cardigan and pretended to take off her top. I raised an eyebrow. She replied that she was old school and we old ladies know how to party. I smiled. We certainly do. Ahhh yes we do.

Then almost randomly she tells me that she just put her mother in an old people’s home. My heart sank. “That’s awful” I replied “I know how that feels. Just awful”. She replied “She had to go there. It was time!”

I nodded. But the guilt and the wrench is the same. I replied “Just Dance your dance of freedom now. It will do you the power of good”.

So I then understood her mantra of mortality…58…58…58. She’d clearly been looking after her mother for several years and now the sense of impending death hangs over her head and also the sense of freedom but first must come the transition period where she finds her locus again.

Same with my neighbour down the road. He’s been gone a week. Presumably staying with his partner. But it was a difficult adjustment for him when he had to put his mother in a home.

He is such a mother’s boy (to the point of obsession) so I know he will take it really fucking hard when she eventually passes. But by then he will have found more stable emotional/mental ground.

My new acquaintance commented on my large breasts and larger physique. She was very thin, but beautiful. “I don’t have breasts to shimmy” she bemoaned. I laughed. I replied “Hush now…my mumma jumblies are solely manufactured by chocolate…and Hot chips!” She laughed.

Last night was lovely. The people were all loving life. No venal petty envies, no competition. Just being carefree and joyous.

I had gone out with a slow broiling anxiety as I had had a nasty altercation outside Aldi and dreaded that that ghastly albatross of horror would stalk me all day, into the night. But I didn’t let it dog me and went out, doing what I do best. Flying in the face of insanity, societal devolution and just being Alive and free as much as possible.

At one point my lungs started to arc up. I was overexerting mysel, I suppose. But I pushed through it. I left the casino around 2 am. 4 hours of dancing is quite enough 🙂.

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I posted this on 12th May and wondered why I had the initials NY turn up in my silver. Above the letters are what look like flames. I had no idea that this was a sign that New York (as well as other eastern states and Canada) would be badly affected by smoke haze from forest fires!

So ummm…my spirits communicate with me rather emphatically and randomly and even via my silver castings. Amazing!

In addition to this, for the past few weeks I have been having dreams or nightmares about my ex husband which I also found peculiar as I barely think of that creature anymore.

Then a few days ago I found out the treachery runs deeper than I ever imagined. So I am carefully nurturing the shock of that.

Well, not so much a shock but another example of familial sadism. Another stark reminder of how deeply I am dishonoured by my own bloodlines and their cohorts. So yes another reminder that I need to cut all ties and build a life for myself that is satisfying, noble, beautiful and loving.

Probably too late for that at this late stage of life but I can at least get myself free of their sick evil perverted abuse dynamics and recycling of horror.

I can exist without them. I have done it before.

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Hmmm late last night while dancing, a younger woman came to dance in front of me. So I joined her in “The Dance”. She told me I was a good dancer. I replied “Thank you but it is you who is a good dancer”.

She replied that she was merely mirroring me, copying all my gestures and mannerisms. Mirroring…a hallmark usually of either an NPC or a psychopath or narcissist.

I kept dancing. Smiled and went into observer mode for a few moments. She was not mirroring at all. But she had me psychologically speaking “on the back foot” with her assertion. Clever.

So I did what The Tanya always does best! I amped it up…the energy and she amped up her energy and we were like two little spit fiery balls of intense passion and energy and when the dance ended she threw her arms around me in a warm powerful embrace and thanked me (and I thanked her!)

Earlier in the evening I had quipped to Luke that I needed a hug and $20million and my beachside property in Byron Bay. Wearily I thought…man I will settle for a decent hug…

I received a few hugs and gratitude for the Wild Dance of Freedom last night.

Just wonderful. My soul people “get” me!

11 June 2022

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I am glad Bobo and I took a break from our hermitage and drove to Manly Beach for a walk. On arriving home however Bobo had vomited on the car seat. So I had to clean that up. It was a beautiful sunny day but very cold. So I am back in my bed with the electric blanket on. Snoozing 💤

11 June 2021

Washed and hanging on the line. Happy with my little co-creations with the Multiverses. (SHOW ME THE MONEY!) lolz Whatevers. It’s a beautiful day. I spent the last of my pension on cat litter, dog food and cat tins and biscuits. 🙂

I have just enough left to maybe go dancing tonight if I can summon up my inner Warrior Goddess as a) it’s cold, b) I have to go to a new venue so might not feel comfortable in different environment but anything is better than that filthy arrant Bastardry of the band at the casino in January!

Ally Farmer and Brian Mannix. Vileness incorporated! (No I am not over it yet!)

But I think it’s time I pushed myself back out into the night life and reclaimed my dance and inner joie de vie. No filthy bastard has the right to deny me that Freedom.

To my beautiful Benefactor: I just want to clarify. This is not a hint or a distress call for money. You have been incredibly generous to me for over a decade and a half. Thank you for all you have done for me to assist me in the darkest of nights of my usual penury desolation.

May all the Gods bless you and my other Benefactors who carried me high on their shoulders...intrepidly...when Mama T got lost in her eternally infernal psychedelic dreaming.

I hope one day the nightmare ends and I truly prosper from my own creativity and manifestations (no more festy men to damage my vibe ...please Ein Sof Aur!) I am fully cognisant of the immense burden I have been for decades to my truest Beloveds.

I was joking about “show me the money”. My wealth stems from my innate joy and courage and humour (except when it turns black and tumescent as it often does...)

Wealth via better health, love and joy and peace is my manifestation, affirmation and proclamation.

With harm to none, competition with none, earned and acquired and created by honour, and that Love thing I keep refusing to let go of. (Bejesus...it’s an obsession but it is a cornerstone of the Multiverses. None of us could exist at all without it).

I have blossomed greatly since I cut ties, rent asunder my toxic love attachments to evil disrespectful dishonourable people; including and especially, my family of origin.

I paid a huge price: safety, sanity, financial equilibrium, but by the gods I am leaving that behind me now, like a wake at the stern of a ship, shredding like a comet entering our atmosphere all that was unclean, and did not belong with me.

Amen v’ selah.

Mama T is smouldering like a newly landed meteor fragment. Blowing hot but burning down the past and current bullshit paradigm.

Bear with me...WE GOT THIS!

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Plumber arrived this morning and replaced the faulty toilet cistern. Yayyy. No more weird toilet rushing sounds and the new plastic cistern looks fresh and clean and well...new. Pity they have not replaced the very scratched porcelain toilet but Mama T will live with it...-as usual!

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Staying home: too cold, too tired, too broke (sabotaged my funds a tad earlier today). I will resume dancing when I have more gelte schmelte and the weather is kinder and my Muse demands I tribal stomp for several hours.

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11 June 2020

“Don’t be a Dickhead...don’t take it personal” a quote from The Beach.

I just spent three hours searching frantically for the power base for my laptop all over the house and laundry. To discover when sitting down at my desk, that the power base was plugged into my surge protector power board under the desk the whole time.

It was safe, and ready for action...The Tanya had The Power all along!

Gevalt!

11 June 2016

I had a fantastic night out and finished the morning talking with Mona about my weird spiritual life. Wow intense!

I am so very grateful to be alive to see these perfect revelations and to see how wonderful my Life can be. Humbled. Ennobled. Blessed. :-).

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11.05 am. Awake after only 4 hours sleep. That was even with 25mgs Seroquel. The mind is super-charged but my body is weak. I have throbbing swollen aching feet from leaping about in 6" heels last night.

I am still exhausted. Time to drink a nice cup of tea and then attempt to contemplate the inside of my eyeballs again.

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2 pm Up and at 'em!

11 June 2015

I think I will stay in bed tonight. Still not well and I want to dance on Friday.

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8.17 pm. I have slept all day. Then I spent 2 hours searching under the house for stuff Crystal needs. Only found one thing. So now I am pissed off about the waste of time and the way she dumped and ran. Leaving me with lots of re-packing and sorting to do! Grrrrr!

My nose is still inflamed and oozing ick! Sick of that too! At least I slept well.

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11 June 2014

My little Frieda, the Chinese Silky is sitting on a clutch of 4 eggs. Eagerly anticipating new life of velociraptor descendant kind in 2-3 more weeks. Woot!

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Out with Jo at Three Monkeys :-). Being awesomely evil.

11 June 2013

11 June 2012

Gail picked me up this morning and took me to Lifeline Bookfest. Then we had lunch at Maccas. I still had pain and weakness walking after my marathon epic efforts on Saturday, walking and later Dancing. Still feel content though so the Good Vibes from the Good Day Continues!

11 June 2011

I spent the evening on my couch, with Gail debriefing me about my social anxiety, my expansive personality and my complex PTSD which led me to make an absolute pillock of myself at a friend's sons Bar Mitzvah last year.

She also explained how the people I thought were my friends never were and that is why it all went so bad for me.

Lawrence was cool, defusing me in that beautiful gentlemanly British way. So Kudos to him.

Update 2020: Hmmmm...toxic friends are such a drain. Have to flush them out of your auric field, shimmy and shake far away from them. Go be awesome somewhere else!

Although, to be fair Gail did set me up a beauty to undermine me... but I was naive and silly...also ahem stoned. She was manipulative and treacherous. I eventually woke up to her. A pain that has not quite seeped out of me.

Never mind, my beautiful Lyn is coming to visit me today. I am looking forward to seeing her. No one had visited on over a month.

Update 11 June 2025: Always treating me like a pet and forensically psyching me out of my mind when I was labouring under hefty psychotropics, making me feel even further victimised than usual. Fuck that evil gaslighting narcissistic Bitch.

Life blossomed after I cut her out of my life after 15 years of hell loops dragging her and her heroin addicted daughter out of danger. But she Dared to put me down for wanting to be included for once. The cow! Her projection: “they were not your friends”. Well, when push came to shove…neither was she!

I fought longggg and hard to heal my mind, body and spirit. But here I am…healing….rising above the Covidian madness and ALL the Madness that preceded it.

Living my best life. Creative, joyous, whole and as free as I possibly can be with my financial limitations imposed on me by my own governments. And hahahaha…hated by others for that very freedom.

Some idiots won’t be satisfied until I am dead. But…I got news for you…you can’t destroy me. I keep bouncing back like the Queen of my own Destiny I truly am.

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On a mundane note. Last nite's epic fail is better tonight. Pasta softer, almost edible. Not bad for the Domestic Goddess I aspire to be LMAO. I have way more important things on my mind than actual, eeeeek… cooking. LOL

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When the shards fall from my eyes (or the silver coins for the ferryman) and I'm left removing the Rose-coloured glasses....with myopic almost Blind Denial based on Love and Loyalty....what then?

Blinking painfully in the bright Light of Truth that my worldview, my relationships, my life has been centrifuged and it hurts so very much to stand alone in the bright light...Naked and rejected... But Strength comes...

Strength comes from Self-Hood. Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh - I am what I am....Becoming.

11 June 2009

What is on my mind?????What is on my mind???? Do you really wanna know or even care? Que? (Insert Blankness here) You were always on my mind ...if I only had a mind...you would be on it.....Brb currently outta mindfulness.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons