LOVE IS PART XV

A New Heaven. A New Earth.

I moti dell'animo

The movements of the soul .

THE REVELATION

THE WAY-MAKER

I am gathering pieces of my past and present, all parts of myself, and bringing it all together. I am preparing to express. I am cleaning out corners of my psyche and sinking into the weight of myself. I am collecting and organizing and archiving.

For others, I am a patient hand to hold while you, while we, grow. I am proof that you can be many things at once. You can have meaningful relationships and also pursue your dreams. I am the scale. I am The Way Maker. The path forward, the line between. Laying bricks as I go, documenting my relationship with matter and the ethereal. A way maker out of shame and away from popular narratives in culture. A way maker into deeper work. Work that isn’t defined by my personal experiences but alchemized from them. I am an example of acceptance, personal power, sovereignty, and the importance of expression/ following your bliss. I am impactful in my home (my immediate family) by being the say-so-er and nurturer. I am an example of balance and the ability to pivot . I am the leader and knower in my home. I am doing what I can to heal as I live so that my children’s journey can be lighter. My desire is for them to have to spend less time working through their upbringing so that they can be open to life and it’s beauty. That their love grows exponentially beyond me.

To my friends I am an example that strength and grace can co-exist. I am a mirror of their own creativity and capacity to do new things. A reminder that their own stories deserve to and desire to be told. I am a safe place for humanness.

I’m at this point in life where I don’t feel the extremes of needing to “cut people off” or anything like that. I understand that what is being chipped away at, is my reliance on external validation. What I’m letting go of isn’t even “old versions of myself” but rather my belief that other people still want/need me to be those versions. I’m learning to steward my energy better, to not spend it concerned about how I’m perceived. The reality is that most people are not as worried about me as my anxiety would like me to believe. Everyone is in their own world and journey and facing their own personal challenges. What I’m losing is the idea that anyone around me can “make me” smaller or drown me out or make me do anything. I’m shedding this as my feet sink more deeply into the ground. It is simultaneous and all at once.

When no one is watching, I’m a dancing queen. Smoking a j, playing dress up in my closet, porch writing, porch reading. I’m naked and lotioned and talking to God. I’m geeking out on a new craft. Scratching words into notebooks and sketchbooks. A goofball and a cry baby. Taking a bath: being surrounded with water, exfoliating my skin, touching the softest parts of my body. Lotioning and oiling my skin. Playing dress up and dancing in the mirror. Sitting outside in the sun, eating fruit and journaling. Cooking a meal for myself. Cooking a meal for my loved ones. Getting dolled up with girl friends. Laughing with girl friends. Being touched, being kissed where my skin is sensitive and ticklish. Being lifted firmly and gently. When my strength is honored. When my power is honored. When I am listened to intently. When the God in me is acknowledged.

Dancing is alchemy. A meal is alchemy. There is love that is carried through generations and it aches. I’ve learned that my role is important. That my experiences are important.

FORTIFICATION

I’m raising children - two suns, two individual souls, while also committing to my own growth and evolution. A more healed me, gives less bs to them, shows them that change can happen, that it does happen, that we are worth working on ourselves and it actually opens life up. It feels so important to be loving them in ways that I desired to be loved as a child, while also allowing them to teach me what they need individually. It is an honor to be their mother for real.

Heartbreak has shown me that I am committed to loving people even after our paths separate. I may tantrum initially but ultimately my desire is to know and understand people and this always leads to more grace. I’ve learned how sentimental I am and how naturally I turn pain into poetry. Heartbreak has shown me how integral stories are to life. How great I am at building story around a person. How creative I am. How I can pull the best parts of a person forward and imagine them intertwined with mine. I’ve realized that I can hold so much. And even still, everything can’t be held. Some must be transformed. I’ve learned to alchemize. I’ve learned that there is no wasted love. I’ve learned that I will always always always return to myself, no matter how lost in the sauce I feel or avoid my reflection in moments. I can learn something from anything.

Some advice for others as they mend their own hearts - Let yourself feel it. Write it all out, exactly how you’d speak it - angry, crying, the petty comments, the long winded rant, the dramatic extreme raw feeling of it. Don’t think about sentence structure or anyone else actually ever reading it, just get it all out on paper. Write like you’re screaming. Add more later. Let it spill out whenever you feel it rise up. Let yourself feel it. And when the storm within feels more settled, look for the questions. There are always questions, our words, our pain is asking. What are they? I believe there is always something to learn from what breaks our heart. It is such evidence of what we desire and don’t. Where we have deeper wounds. It reveals the person we’d like to be, the love we long to have. Heartbreak is a cruel, beautiful gift and we become something new from it.

The past decade has felt like a journey healing the rejection wound. I have lived afraid to lose love, so much so that I barely let myself be known, that I barely let myself exist. The vibrant child and old medicine woman in me have been calling to me louder over the years and her increased presence in my life has shrunken the rejection wound little by little. As I accept and love who I am, I become more sure of love and it’s abundance, it’s ability to be everywhere, always.

In love, I am a poet, a freak, an encourager, a steady stream. I document moments and notice details and put together playlists. I am a sentimental lover. I pray for your highest good, beyond what that means for you and me. I am a co-creator.

When I die the people will remember that I am deeply sensitive in ways that make me a great artist. That I wanted to understand people. That I was often quiet but when I spoke, it mattered. That I had great ideas. That I was determined to learn and be a better human. That I believed everyone is creative and that I encouraged and inspired others to chase their dreams. That I was a safe place, that I cultivated safe spaces - where people could spill and create without judgment. That I learned to hold this power better over years, with more boundaries and care for my own experience and life. That I loved love and found poetry in everything. That I believed in redemption. That I loved my family. That I loved being alive.

THE VESSEL

Day by day over the last two years I’ve had to lay down my own self and give my higher power the ability to consume me from within and use me as a Vessel, not only for others to know and as his grace and mercy through my testimony, but also to continue with me on the path of sobriety I’ve been blessed with for 28 months.

I first met God in the Spring/Summer of 2022. I learned that when you have sex with someone or when you do certain drugs you are allowing spiritual warfare to use you as a vessel is an understatement for what I experienced. For almost 3 months I heard voices, and I actually started talking back to them. It’s crazy because now when I drive past someone suffering from addiction and I see them talking to themselves I can say that I’ve been there, and they are really hearing something. I believe that although I was not able to see who I was hearing, they were actually still there just not in physical form. Remember what I said about giving your soul access to spirits through sex and drugs.

By any means, in late May/early June of 2022, I had a long conversation with God on a bridge in North Kansas City by Harrahs Casino at like 1 o’clock in the morning. I’m usually good with dates and I hate that I don’t remember the date specifically because that was the start of my journey. But being up for days before that conversation had taken a toll on my memory. About a week after that conversation I gave up drugs and alcohol and have been on this journey for 28 months now. Addiction was my valley. I became someone I wasn’t. Hell, Shae remembers the person I was when she let me stay with her compared to the person I was when she met me. God saw me thru that dark period and has kept me.

Now from the perspective of a black man who has the physical appearance of a black man, and is subjected to the stereotype of police departments, there alone is a disadvantage racially. Another perspective as a black man is the constant competition we seem to be in with each other as a culture. This competition leads to envy and envy leads to jealousy. Jealousy in turn leads to violence and black on black crime and before long you have an ethnicity of people exterminating itself. I’m not sure what can bring a solution because the civil rights movement didn’t help, white cops killing young black men ain’t helped and like I said we are killing each other over dumb things.

ABOUT FACE

There was a point in my life where I slept in homeless shelters, outside, and on peoples couches. I was in a valley in life and was unmotivated to stop drinking and drugging like I was. I smoked crack-cocaine and meth at one point in my life as well. The lengths I went to get high included pan handling, breaking into my own mothers house and stealing even the smallest thing of value to take to the dope man. Today I am a contributing member of society with a job, car and a place of residence. I am a father again, and a son to my mother. Leaps and bounds from the man I was in 2019. Hence this part of my life is called ABOUT FACE!!! About face is a military reference for turning around.

Addiction is a generational curse that I inherited from my dad. He inherited from his mom and she inherited from her dad. Going back I don’t know how many generations. My father made me aware from a very young age that he was an individual who suffered from addiction. He never hid the truth and was always very upfront with me about it. He did stay away from me when he was under the influence and while I feel robbed of a father for the 18 years he was around I can respect him more as an adult for not coming around when he was like that. There are 3 of us named Ardist. Ardist I (My dad), Ardist II(Me) and Ardist III(My son). My son is my motivation to be the living example so that he will be the first person with our name to not use a drug or drink alcohol. I’m breaking this chain of bondage and addiction right here in my generation.

 Addiction has been something I’ve struggled with throughout my adult life. And it was something my father struggled with as well. To consider the fact that a generational curse was passed to me from him and my grandma, the relapse-recovery cycle was something that played on repeat for him my entire life, up until he passed away 16 years ago. I cannot rob either of my sons of having me around until my time comes and I’m called to the other side. Which is why I’ve sought drug and alcohol counseling, spirituality and the like to assist me on my journey of sobriety over the last two years plus.

I was homeless for 4 consecutive years while I was in the middle of my addiction. Now before my addiction I was very stable. So much to the point that my sons mother was able to be a stay at home mom. However over time as addiction consumed me, my priorities were different day by day and I had eventually started giving every dime I had to the dope man or liquor store. For this reason no matter what happens today. It could be death or a break up or anything else negative and I will do one thing for certain. I will show up sober. I’ve got too much to lose to ever go back to that way of living.

To have gone from a functional addict to a dysfunctional addict, to now being able to operate without chemical dependency. God has definitely helped me break some strong ties that my soul was attached to.

My Fathers siblings and parents were alcoholics and drug addicts to the fullest extent, and some of them have gone on to the other side. I firmly believe that it is them guiding me and helping me on my journey. There were times I should have been dead or in jail for my actions on account of my addiction, and somehow I am a free man above ground with a chance to be a contributing member of society once again. Do you believe in ghosts? I do.

Being a father of two boys, I have found that it’s important for a man to be in his child’s life. A woman can’t raise a man. Don’t get me wrong there are single women who have raised successful men by themselves however, society in my opinion is jacked up because so many women had to raise men, and the men of my generation in particular are soft, lazy and nothing in comparison to the men of our fathers and grandfather’s generation.

One of my sons has a little brother who’s dad isn’t around and he calls me dad and he does everything just like me. He’s soaking up how to be a man from his brothers dad. If I wasn’t around he would be learning this stuff from his mother. His little sister calls me dad too and her dad is in prison. Once again, me being in her life I see a difference in her than her two year old cousin who doesn’t have a dad around. She is potty trained, she is disciplined and she has clear speech. She hears me say every day I love you Mari. No man can ever do for her what I can and that’s the standard we as black men need to set for our daughters, so that there’s not a daddy issue when they become teenagers and go boy crazy.

I’m curious about life. What’s the purpose of our existence as a species? Why are we alone in the universe? By the time I meet my maker I won’t have the conscious to ask him/her that.

ASCENSION FROM THE RAPTURE

IM ONLY HUMAN

Life has been presenting me with wins and loss’s daily. There's something in me that won't allow me to give up. I'm a warrior. There is so much work for me to do. Constant challenges in my way. Sometimes I like a challenge. Other times I want to be left alone. Overall, I'm not throwing in the towel just yet. So much I want to accomplish. I want to see myself achieve greatness.

I pray every night before bed, being grateful for everything I have. God is always around and through the people I meet. Sometimes I'm going forward, then other times backwards. It's a battle. No matter what , I will keep on evolving. I must be the best version of myself.

My existence itself is a true blessing. My ancestors have been through so much. I can't possibly give up on life.

People can't think for themselves. They want to waste time and continue to hurt others. Black men and women are a force to be reckoned with. We're so powerful together. I love to have a black queen of my own to reach the highest point in life.

THE EVOLUTION

Gluttony and lust are the sins I find myself falling victim to. They have gone hand in hand with me for years. The crazy thing is that I do have self control. I want these pleasures constantly, but I know it's not good for me.

I’ve had to learn that blood isn't always thicker than water. My own blood has betrayed me on so many levels. It haunts me sometimes. I've gone to therapy, which my family doesn’t believe in. Another thing is I haven't become my parents. I don't allow some of their negative ways to direct my life. I've learned to love myself and to learn. I'm only human.

I've done a short film with a woman I believe I love. Her role required her to cry. I was supposed to comfort her. The thing is , I never want to see her in pain. When I think of her, I see her growing old with me. All I want to do is be there for her. To see her laughing and her smile. Maybe she doesn't feel the same way. Focused on her career and all. Only if she knew how powerful we would be together.

Love is so many things. An emotion that can be blissful, yet painful. All of this is needed to have constant growth. Love is so powerful and it's needed. You can make it what you want it to be.

THE PROVISIONAL PROTECTOR

I got a glimpse of God the first time I had a gun in my face and I could hear the click of the misfire… click click and I saw a flash.

My guidance and protection will not last forever. Not because I do not want to give it, but eventually people will separate from me. I am quiet at this time, observant to clear the path for those I lead. The mistakes and miscues of my past were simply points to grow from and learn humility.

I want to be told the truth! About myself and those who claim to love me. Just give me the raw honest truth without hesitation or mental reservation. People don’t really know me and it’s not from a lack of me not sharing, but they don’t care. Just notice me, not when you need or want something but just in general.

A lesson I’ve learned in the recent years is not paying attention to the obvious signs, because it was too obvious I ignored them and ended up losing material things and envious friends.

REBUILD & REBRAND

Sins of revenge, lust and a thirst for power. I’ve forgiven myself for my moments of weakness and defending those who couldn’t defend themselves.

My ancestors are walking with me, changing my direction to avoid repeating cycles and danger. In this season, I’ve witnessed the clarity I needed to understand I am now the elder of my family. At 41. I am the head.  I am breaking the cycle of fatherless homes, and children depending on the women to be the end all be all. I am rewriting the narrative of a rolling stone. Breaking the cycle of being poor and bitter.

I have sons. They are me, each of my sons possess a part of my personality, sense of humor, meanness and gentle nature. I see me in each of them at different stages of life. They are emotional boys who just want to be loved but do not know how to say it. They hide their awkwardness behind their confidence and arrogant presence.

There is a divide between black people as a whole because we have allowed others to condition us to believe we do not need each other to survive. It started in the late 60’s. Welfare, the crack era, and now the strong independent Black woman doesn’t need a man! Black men are weak or are chasing white women once they find success. In reality we need to unplug and stop competing and start complimenting one another.

All the hurt and anger from slavery, from Jim Crow needs to be let go of and we need to heal. We are a culture full of heartache and pain but refuse therapy! What is a solution that can bring forth more unity amongst the community? Each one teach one: stop the divide and debate of 50/50 or the need to shame or insult when you cannot articulate how you feel. Speak from a place of love or do not speak at all.

Love is an emotional rollercoaster of beautiful moments, grey painful days and pure peace when delivered correctly. Love is unique to the giver and receive. It’s language that has many tongues . Love shows up in storms and on a lazy Sunday. Love is free & fun but gets treated like currency.

THE DIFFERENCE

I barely remember a time when I felt separate from what I believe to be God. I can recall memories of being led before I knew by what. There has always been a natural compass within me. I just have chose not to argue with it.

I long to be told that I am loved, more than worthy, that I will not be abandoned. Raunchy but, “Let me suck that dick” would be amazing to hear sometimes. That I am believed in, I want to be told that I am on the right path and given the next direction.

We idolize people outside of ourselves and tend to hate ourselves. If I don’t love me, I can’t love my brother or sister who reminds me of me! We need team building trust fall type of activities. We have to find, value, and appreciate each other again. I love and need Black women in my life. In fact, I love and need black men in my life!

I’ve never loved another soul the way I have my children. Not even my mother. It’s a reflection you have to see if you care to be a good parent. I changed my music, my habits, my friends, my intentions. They are more love, joy, and responsibility than you could ever imagine!

NECESSARY ACCEPTANCE

I’m accepting the loss of love (without death) and understanding that what’s trash to one may be treasure to another. The opinion that matters the most is the one that you hold for yourself. And as I’ve learned to respect boundaries, in turn I’ve learned how to establish my own that will keep me safe and whole.

The habit of weed I believe is what has held me back the most. And the issue is clarity for me. It could have started as a coping mechanism as most vices, but I’m sure at this point it’s more of a hindrance than a helpmate. I’m working to acknowledge the triggers and patterns that leads me to a freshly rolled one.

Absentee, drunken, neglectful and abusive fathers. I’m aware because I never felt the love and protection of my father. Because I see a major issue with many of the fathers that I saw present, it’s an issue that will not fix itself and will destroy anything else we attempt to build.

Love is acceptance and support. Love is yes and no. Love is a muscle to be strengthened. Love is willpower. Love is a choice everyday. Love transcends time and in fact can’t be explained. It’s a nuance that you only understand once you feel it!

THE RESURRECTION

THE GIBORAH

I believe in god. I also believe in magic, nature, science and alchemy. I’m a believer. I believe that heaven and hell are states of consciousness and that herbs and food from the land can heal the mind, body and soul. I believe in Karma and Justice. Sovereignty and Suffering. Light and Shadow. Discernment and Ascertainment. I believe in the powers that be and honoring our ancestors. I resonate with the scriptures of the Bible as well as the teachings embedded within the Quran. The ways of the Buddhists and the Monks. All of the ancient texts carry wisdom of the divine and majestic guidelines. I take what resonates and leave what does not.

I am still , very sensitive. Sensitive to thoughts and opinions, environments, catostrophic worldly events, the emotions of others. I am a gentle person. I used to think that this would settle as I mature in age but my emotions just get more expansive. I believe my sensitivity was the first spiritual gift I became aware of along my journey. My ability to feel deeply into the hearts and minds of others always felt like a blessing and a curse. This gift makes me a masterfully intuitive healer, a passionate writer, an empathic friend and a complicated moody lover.

I have foresight. Prophetic vision. I have always been able to see the future through my dreams or within meditation. Divination is my jam and the cards never lie. I am the oracle, the messiah , with an anointing from my ancestral lineage. I come from a long line of high priestesses, medicine women and warriors. I am my ancestors dream come true because I have been able to alchemize the gifts of my bloodline. I’ve been able to tap into the ethereal realm to bring back information to the physical reality. I’ve learned how to hop in and out of the matrix. Timeline jumping requires rest and skill. I am a bridge between realms.

Something I never realized about myself until someone told me was that my habit and pattern of coming and going is actually extremely traumatic for people that love me and that there are things I can work on to be a better lover and friend. I have a tendency to disappear for long periods of time or I make plans and go on solo adventures without ever sharing with my beloveds. I can be unreliable and extremely inconsistent. People want to be apart of my life and they want closeness with me. I want closeness to myself and closeness to others on my own terms. My desire to constantly go within prevents me from ever fully going through the process of building and maintaining long term friendships or relationships. I’m learning balance, reciprocity and how to have community in a healthy way. I am changing and understanding that I cannot just abandon the people I love and expect them to still feel loved by me.

I’m learning the importance of answering the phone when someone calls, even though I prefer text. You never know when it’ll be the last time you hear the voice of someone you love. I’m getting better at keeping my word and actually showing up when I’m invited, even when my social battery is burnt out or when my anxiety peaks. It’s taking time to make the necessary changes but I am doing my best to be a better companion, daughter, sister , auntie , and friend. Grace is all I ask for.

Currently stepping into a heightened level of teaching and leadership. I am in a season of life where I am impactful and I recognize that I have a community of people that are passionate about following my lead or being apart of anything I aspire to create. Everyone’s watching me. I feel as if I have duty and responsibility on a different scale. I often wonder what qualities and characteristics display what an honorable leader is and if I fit the mold.

I’m inspired by spirit and land right now. Ritual and prayer is the space that I am drawing inspiration from. I uprooted my world & moved to Thailand two months ago. My nervous system has finally simmered down enough for me to process 28 years of experience. I’ve allowed myself to let go of so much that I am now presented with an opportunity to explore my truest self and not just who I had to become to survive the hardships of life in America. Thailand has reminded me of myself and has challenged my belief systems and perspectives. I’m drawn to the culture, the animals, insects, trees, the stories I cultivate in my mind about the mothers who carry their babies and their groceries on motorbikes throughout heavy traffic in Chiang Mai. I have gratitude and appreciation for this ancient city. I’m a student and right now I’m documenting history.

My parents play a huge factor on my perspective on love. They were a prime example of what love is not. I’ve been spending many years seeking the true meaning of love and partnership and I do not have the answers sway. The biggest thing I discovered about my Libran parents was that they didn’t know how to talk to one another and that there is power in the voice. My fathers words of malice were sharper than the blade of a Masaai spear and my mothers voice was so nonexistent that a lot of my trauma and anguish in my youth came from her not speaking her truth. Not speaking at all. She kept everything within. I mimicked them both in my relationships. I either shut down or become verbally violent. When in love, speaking holds weight. What we say or don't say can make or break the foundation of a union. Communication is a major component of communion.

There was a time in my life where my end goal was to become rich and famous and to make a name for myself and my family. To live a life of luxury and lavish. Now my end goal is simply to forever live a life of ease. Healthy and established. The new end goal is land , a wellness center and marriage.

D I V I N E M E N T

I long to be told “I’m here for you” or “I’m proud of you”. Indicating my desire for support and recognition. If I dive deeper into that, a rabbit hole of childhood wounds are re-opened. I am constantly reminding myself that the wound is where the light enters so I am learning to not feel shame for desiring reassurance from the people around me. I am hard on myself. It’s nice to be reminded that I am supported, appreciated and seen. I’ll take the praise kink in the bedroom for 300 Alex.

I feel the most loved when I am well cared for and when I am considered. I’m a caretaker naturally, sometimes I crave for others to get the inclination to find ways to be a care giver for me. Thoughtfulness goes a long way. It is meaningful when people pay attention to me. I’m a writer, being randomly gifted a journal and a gel pen makes the kid and the elder in me light up. If it’s hot and we’re taking a walk through my favorite trail, how nice is it for someone to pack a cold water bottle for me to ensure that I’m hydrated throughout the walk. It means a lot to be considered because I am considerate. I like when someone makes me a meal or offers to massage me or do my hair. Whenever I get overwhelmed, I disconnect and hide out. For days, weeks, months, years. I value people that check on me to see if I’m okay, because sometimes I’m not. It’s challenging for me to express my needs or to ask for what I want. I appreciate people in my life that are generous, considerate, aware/observant and compassionate.

When in love I am playful. I’m funny and outlandish. I am romantic and deeply sensual. I like to dance for my lover and make tea in the rising while we watch the sunset from the balcony. I am affectionate. I become the mother and the baby girl. I am loyal. I’m good at setting the mood and making every moment feel pleasurable to the senses. I am a worshipper, and the queen of praise and affirmation. I affirm my lovers which confirms my ultimate devotion. I am obedient, submissive, relaxed and soft when in love.

My career is physically, emotionally and spiritually demanding. Throughout the last 3 years, I have become aware of my body and how much I have taken on from the people I’ve met and the bodies I have been blessed to touch. Now that I’ve taken some time away from massage, I can feel how much I have forgotten to take care of myself. I stopped doing simple acts of self love like getting my toes done or a weekend facial because at the end of long days of caring for others, it takes too much energy to care for self. I have discovered I can’t pour from an empty cup. So I have learned, the hard way, how to truly care for myself.

So now I’ll order that desert at my favorite restaurant to treat myself and I don’t even like sweets. I’ll buy that expensive perfume and that high quality linen shirt because it looks & smells good on me even though bills need to be paid. I stopped looking at taking care of myself as a chore or burden and instead, made myself a priority. I have had more joy and pleasure in my life since making such changes. I’m falling in love with myself for the first time.

THE EVOLVER

I first met the higher power, a few days before being baptized. I spoke with one of the deacons about my concerns after the transition, we then prayed together. During the prayer, I began to have an uncanny sensation in my head that stayed with me for several days thereafter. I later learned and came to find out, it was the holy ghost. Nothing or no one could bring that joyous feeling out of me. It allowed me to evolve into a more conscious person and I started to believe that spirituality works.

I long to be told that I can’t do something. That lack of confidence drives me to be great. It makes for my go-getter demeanor to produce results. Often times, I find myself looking and hoping to be the subject of denial and inadequacy. The burning desire within, arises to the forefront immediately.

I learned that if I want something to happen, go do it or someone else will and you will be kicking yourself for not moving on it. I’ve seen so many of my ideas come into fruition at the hands of someone else, another person’s life changing, whereas I know I would be in that position and just as successful. Ideas, act on them. Relationships, build them. Jobs, apply for them. Business, write out the plan.

THE PIVOT

Wrath is one sin that was bound to me for quite some time. As an adolescent, I was small and had a temper. I found myself not in control of my emotions, quick to respond with anger and often fighting to resolve conflicts. I viewed it as a defense mechanism, and a way of calming whatever storm I was dealing with. In the long run, I’ve learned that fighting doesn’t solve anything and leads to greater issues. The steps I took as I’ve grown, was working on how I react whenever I feel disrespected, such as being a voice of reason or leaving the situation. It took a lot of maturing and soul searching.

Broke one generational curse by becoming a first-generation college graduate. My father never went and due to a senior year pregnancy, my mother’s plans of college were no more. Because of my actions, 2 of my 3 siblings have attended college. Another other generational curse I plan on breaking is being the first of my siblings to marry. I am taking my time in learning. My ancestors are guiding me to continue making them proud by building a lasting legacy of wealth and influence. I’m doing something that they never had the chance to do and that’s says a lot.

Too competitive of a mindset, over a united front to fight against the machine. Black men and women dispute over traditional gender roles and societal expectations can lead to different behavioral norms and communication styles between us, which fosters misunderstandings and further separations. Cultural differences in how relationships are viewed, nurtured, and maintained can also create rifts. This includes differing views on partnership dynamics, family structures, and values around masculinity and femininity can lead to conflicts. Having an open dialogue with shared experiences, and community-building efforts that underscore the importance of solidarity among Black men and women. Find ways to recognize the interconnection of our challenges that can help bridge gaps and foster a sense of unity.

I’m still learning about myself each day, and I’ve discovered that I want a wife before ever bringing another life into this world. My reasoning behind that is, what I witnessed growing up. Broken homes, estranged and distant relationships. Raised by a father and uncle, both with children by multiple women. I said that’s not a generational trait I want to continue.

The Mastermind Photographers:

Micah Thompson: IG: @Micahthompsonphotography Facebook: Micah Thompson

Kimberly Salas: IG: @Moonspellstudios Facebook: Moonspellstudios