Journal entry #8

January 21st

I am still trying to find my way through this thing we call life...

It has been very tough lately...

I have cried more than I ever have in my life, in this past week and I don't know how to deal with what has been going on

January 23th

I havent been feeling very well mentally

I try my best day to day to be better and feel better

but some days I think of ending it all

I do not know if I could actually do it but I have been thinking about it more often that I used to

It is really upsetting but really hard to shake out of

somedays feel like no one is on my side

no one actually loves me and it makes me so sad

I wonder what my point in life is

I wonder why I am here

I wonder what I am supposed to be doing

I wonder if anyone else thinks about this

I wonder if I am the only one

I wonder if one day things will get better

I wonder if things will change

March 23rd

It has been a while since I have done this

I have been going through a lot, so much that I cannot write it down or type it out because then it will be more real...

Monday, I was literally spiraling...

Full on crying in my shower

I think these were the emotions that I did not process a while ago

Now I understand healing is a long process but man it is mentally draining and sometimes I actually can't do it

May 3

Some days I wonder if it will all be worth

Some days I feel so alone

Some days make me so sad

Some days I feel so low

Some days are okay

Some days I feel so small

Some days are so sad

Some days I feel so

May 10th

I had a dream about you last night

It was so strange that it felt so real

I haven't thought about you in a while

I don't know what this means

what do dreams mean?

Is this good?

Is this bad?

I hope you know I wish you the best

I hope you know that summer was nothing like the rest

June 10th

I have been feeling better lately but something feels like my old self is dying and a new version is coming soon

I have been feeling like myself again but also as if something new is coming my way

People are moving on but so am I

June 30th

This past week I have been really struggling

I am unable to find a fulltime job and I have been working two part time jobs

I dont have head space for this and I am feeling burnt out from applying to so many places

Your 20s are infact one of the hardest times of your life

July 25

Damn... time is really flying by...

I am trying to enjoy it but also prepare myself. It feels like change is coming and I am so scared but I am trying to lean into fear. That is how we grow and get better right?

I am trying to journal more and sit in my emotions but this last month is going to a tough one...

It feels like... once again... everyone is moving on and I can't seem to do it.

It is tough, it feels like everytime I start to get comfortable... the universe throws something at me that is too much to handle.

Time is going by way too fast and I don't like it.