I Choose Me

Recently, someone assumed I was in a relationship. When I told them I wasn’t, their reaction was almost comical—pure disbelief. As if being single at this stage in my life was some sort of failure. They asked why I wasn’t prioritizing love, and I just smiled. I could have given a long-winded explanation, but I didn’t feel like justifying my choices.

With Valentine’s Day behind us, I saw people showing off their gifts, their dates, their moments. Someone asked me what I got, and I simply said, “Nothing.” Their next question came with hesitation—“Do you even have someone?” My expression probably answered before I did. “No,” I said, plain and simple. When they asked why, I paused. How could I condense years of experiences, disappointments, and self-awareness into a single response?

Truthfully, I’d love to be in a relationship, but only if it’s right. And honestly? I haven’t met anyone who makes me want to commit long-term. I don’t say that out of arrogance. I just know my worth. I know what I bring to the table, and I won’t settle for something that doesn’t match the energy, effort, and love I have to give.

I’ve tried. I’ve put myself out there. But each time, I find myself walking away, realizing that what I’m searching for seems almost impossible to find. It’s not just about attraction—it’s about character, honesty, and consistency. Yet, time and time again, I’ve dealt with people who send mixed signals, who treat me like an option, who show interest one day and disappear the next. I don’t have the patience to decode someone’s inconsistency. I deserve better than that.

Maybe it’s karma for my past. I wasn’t always the best partner. I made mistakes. I let my insecurities dictate my actions. I craved attention in unhealthy ways. I see that now. Back then, I didn’t love myself the way I should have, so how could I have loved anyone else properly? A lot of my past relationships fell apart because of me, and I accept that. I’ve grown, and I’ve done the work to become better.

And yet, the past has a funny way of creeping back. Every so often, an old flame resurfaces, trying to rekindle something I’ve long since buried. I don’t entertain it. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m waiting for a second chance with someone who already showed me why they weren’t right for me. Some people mistake nostalgia for genuine connection. But I don’t live in the past. If I wanted you in my life, you’d still be here.

I know people have their opinions about my stance on relationships. Some think I’m too picky. Some think I should settle. But why would I? Why should I compromise my happiness for the sake of simply having someone? I refuse. I choose me. I choose to wait for something real. I choose to keep working on myself.

I deserve more than half-hearted love. I deserve more than to be someone’s backup plan. I deserve more than empty words and fleeting attention. I deserve appreciation, effort, and a love that feels secure. And until I find that, I’ll continue enjoying my own company, growing, and living life on my terms. Because the truth is—I'm already whole.