Getting a Real Life

I don’t have the job of my dreams, but my job loves that I don’t love it, and that makes a world of difference.

Four years ago, I would wake up at 6 every day for my marketing career in “Disruptive Tech”, heart racing like I’d overslept for an early flight. I’d slather on some makeup, overdose on redness-relief eye drops, and chug a Pedialyte as I got dressed, still hungover from the late drinks with coworkers the night before. These get-togethers were all but required to fit in--essentially a continuation of a work day--where the higher-ups threw around promotions and tequila shots and inappropriate relationships were forged, HR department be damned.

My workday consisted of pitching the lie of lucrative partnership to local businesses, ignoring customer complaints, and marketing an explitative service while my manager used surveilance software that integrated with our email accounts to nitpick our every outbound communication.

“Should you really use a comma there? It’s more persuasive without it. Be more direct.” He’d say. “They’re the ones who’d bend over backwards to work with us. They won’t question the numbers if you present them confidently.” After all, we had unattainable goals to achieve, and an only 80-hour workweek to achieve them in.

After less than a year, I quit.

I was anxious, miserable, and exhausting from existing alongside Tech Bros hellbent on balancing functional alcoholism and achieving unsustainable professional growth.

I missed my life.

The daily, quiet parts where you sit for 30 minutes and reflect over a cup of coffee, before your alarm and phone and watch and tablet and computer start screaming at you. I missed hobbies -- did I still have any? Y'know, those things that make you interesting to people outside of the tech company bubble? I missed having days so fulfilling and fun that sleep felt like an inconvenient pause before you got to do it all over again.

It took a few more tries, but I finally found a company to work for that didn’t expect me to love it more than I loved my personal time. It’s another Tech Startup “Unicorn” but with an intentional, respectful, adult company culture that prioritizes balance. They don’t question my devotion when I take PTO, they welcome diverse life experiences, and in short, they are realistic. Not perfect, just realistic.

Today, I woke up before my alarm to the light coming through my bedside window. I heated a kettle of water to just below boiling and slowly poured it in a meditative circle over fresh ground coffee beans, watching the carafe slowly fill below them. After reading, painting, or writing out an idea (which seem to flow out of my every pore lately), I might stand at my desk for a meeting or two, then work from the kitchen table or even the couch, my dog curled up at my feet.

My employer now gives me an immense feeling of gratitude and pride, and it’s not from the daily tasks I complete for them. The simple act of respecting that I’m a whole person with feelings and thoughts outside of “how to grow by X% this quarter” ensures I’ll never abruptly quit, desperately seeking a life outside the office.

Last quarter, I leveraged my portion of the company's marketing budget to deliver 4x more annual recurring revenue than the year prior, and I took a children’s book illustration class at a gallery. I launched programs that increased the lead volume by nearly 200%, and I joined a rowing team that meets 2 mornings a week. I get to show up with passion in the world outside of my 9-5 because my job doesn’t drain every last speck of my vitality. I’m a better partner, daughter, sister, and neighbor when I can aim higher than merely surviving til the next day.

I wrapped up my last meeting at 4:30 pm today and went on a run. I thought through a few ideas for a nonprofit group’s upcoming fundraiser I’m planning, decide how to tackle the last bits of a Vocal challenge entry I'm writing, and smile when I lift up my wrist to read the group text from my sisters and realize my forearm is sore from rowing.

I love like my job because it leaves me with the energy to love my real life exponentially more.