From the Fire Within

I use to think I was like water.

Feeling as though I was flowing around with no where to go.

I didn’t know how to get over it.

Get over myself.

Until I stood still.

Still in motion.

How is that possible?

Every circumstance, I thought and looked around as though I was there.

Because I was there.

I was silent.

But I was there.

I stopped thinking and flowing around without being present.

I use to think I had to be loud to be seen.

I use to think I had to raise my voice to be heard.

I use to think I had to be pretty physically to be liked.

Now, I walk into a room calm.

I look around me and I engage with a soft smile.

I don’t think I need to be seen.

I don’t think I need to be heard.

I don’t think I need to be liked.

How did I get here?

I let the darkness in me ride for too long.

I saw how it tormented me.

I saw how it it was wrong.

I was wrong to believe I needed to b le a certain way.

Like a mask that wasn’t me.

Now, I can see the fire within me.

It isn’t a bursting flame.

It’s a subtle blue.

It sees everything.

And notices everything.

It isn’t about me anymore.

It’s about the people I love.

The people who love me.

It’s not going to be everyone.

I’m okay with that now.

I’m okay with being a blue subtle flame.

Ready to shine naturally.

I don’t need to be seen all at once.

I can be seen silently.

I can be heard quietly.

I can be loved softly.

I am who I am.

A fire within is better than a fire without.

I have peace now.

I found peace.

I feel a peace I want others to feel.

All I can do is be who I’m truly meant to be.

The litttle girl I was is still me.

She was quiet but confident.

She didn’t let the weight of the world stop her from doing things.

She was free.

I’m becoming her again.

I’m becoming the girl I was and was always meant to be.

Except now I’m a woman.

A woman who isn’t naive.

A woman with a silent confidence and kind face.

Perhaps, I’m me ever so gently.

I say don’t let your darkness consume you.

Let it be a lesson not to be that.

Let it take you away from it.

Let it want you to find your light.

Your peace.

Think back to how you were as a child and apply it to who you are now.

There’s a picture of me as a little girl standing in front of a tree.

I thanked my parents for making me cute, beautiful, and free.

That is how I want to be.

I always knew who I was.

I let others try to take my peace.

Now, I’m more at peace than I’ve been since I was that little girl.

The darkness can’t take you if you let it.

It took me for many, many years.

Then I asked god to rescue me.

Without a doubt I prayed so fiercely he came to me.

He showed me all the things that were consuming me.

I realized that isn’t who I am.

So, I’ve been fighting to get to where I’m at peace.

It’s been hard, harder than I wished it to be.

Now, I see the fire within me.

It’s a silent loudness that echos through me.

Thank you god for creating me.