Find Someone on FetLife: 8 Methods + Google API Tips

Disclosure: Some links, like Spokeo, are tools I’ve personally used and found helpful. If you use them, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. My recommendations are based on genuine experience.

Let’s face it—FetLife isn’t your typical social media platform. It’s not where you post pics of your brunch or argue about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. It’s a space for people who are into, well, alternative lifestyles. Think of it as the speakeasy of the internet: hidden, mysterious, and full of people who probably have stories they’re not sharing at family reunions.

But what if you’re trying to find someone on FetLife? Maybe it’s a friend who mentioned they’re on there, or maybe you’re like Sarah, a woman who stumbled onto her husband’s secret account and suddenly felt like she was starring in her own Lifetime movie. Whatever your reason, I’ve got you covered. Here are 8 methods to find someone on FetLife, complete with a wild story, some humor, and a whole lot of real talk.

Sarah’s Story: When “Netflix and Chill” Turns Into “FetLife and Suspicion”

Sarah and Mark had been married for over a decade. They had the whole suburban dream—two kids, a golden retriever named Max, and a minivan that smelled faintly of stale Cheerios. But lately, Mark had been acting… off. He was glued to his phone, staying up late, and being weirdly protective of his screen.

One night, after Mark fell asleep on the couch (again), Sarah noticed a notification pop up on his phone: “New message from FetLife.” Her stomach dropped. She didn’t know much about FetLife, but she knew enough to feel like she’d just been punched in the gut.

Was Mark cheating? Was he into something she didn’t know about? Sarah’s mind raced as she grabbed her laptop and started Googling “how to find someone on FetLife.” What followed was a wild ride of detective work, emotional breakdowns, and a confrontation that could’ve been ripped straight from a daytime talk show.

Method 1: Spokeo—The Internet’s Favorite Snitch

Sarah’s first move was to use Spokeo, a people-search tool that’s basically the nosy neighbor of the internet. Here’s how she did it:

1. Gather Intel: Sarah had Mark’s full name, email, phone number, and even his old college nickname (“Big Marky,” which, honestly, she should’ve seen as a red flag).

2. Plug It Into Spokeo: She went to Spokeo’s website, entered Mark’s email, and let the magic happen.

3. Boom—Results: Spokeo pulled up a list of accounts linked to Mark’s email, including a FetLife profile with a username that made Sarah cringe: “LeatherDaddy69.”

Spokeo is a great tool because it scours the internet for any accounts tied to the info you provide. It’s like having a private investigator in your browser—minus the trench coat and fedora.

Method 2: The “Forgot Password” Shuffle

Next, Sarah tried the “Forgot Password” trick. It’s simple but effective:

1. Go to FetLife’s login page and click “Forgot Password.”

2. Enter the email or phone number you think the person is using.

3. If an account exists, FetLife will send a password reset link.

Sarah used Mark’s email and—surprise, surprise—got a reset link. This method is quick, but it only works if you have access to their email or phone.

Method 3: The Credit Card Paper Trail

Sarah remembered that Mark had been weirdly protective of their credit card statements lately. So, she decided to play detective and check their bank statements.

1. Look for charges labeled “FetLife” or anything suspicious.

2. Check for payments to dating apps, adult content sites, or other sketchy services.

Sure enough, Sarah found a $10 charge to FetLife. It was the smoking gun she needed to confront Mark.

Method 4: Spy Apps—Because Sometimes You Gotta Go Full CIA

If you’re feeling extra sneaky, you can use spy apps like mSpy or FlexiSPY to monitor someone’s online activity. These apps can track social media usage, including FetLife, but they require access to the person’s phone.

Sarah didn’t go this route (she’s not that intense), but it’s an option if you’re desperate. Just remember: with great power comes great responsibility. And possibly legal trouble.

Method 5: Background Check Tools—The Internet’s Deep Dive

Sarah also tried background check tools like TruthFinder or BeenVerified. These services dig through public records, social media profiles, and other online data to uncover hidden accounts.

1. Enter the person’s name, email, or phone number.

2. Review the results for any FetLife accounts or related activity.

These tools are great for a deep dive, but they’re not free. Still, if you’re serious about finding someone, they’re worth the investment.

Method 6: Reverse Image Search (Because Creeping Is an Art Form)

Sarah also tried a reverse image search using Google Images. She uploaded a photo of Mark to see if it was linked to any FetLife profiles. While this method didn’t work for her, it’s worth a shot if the person uses the same photo across multiple platforms.

Method 7: Search by Username or Location

If you know the person’s FetLife username, you can search for it directly on the platform. FetLife also has location-based groups and events, so you might find the person by browsing these.

Sarah didn’t have Mark’s username, but if you do, this is a straightforward way to find someone.

Method 8: Ask Mutual Friends (The Sneaky Social Approach)

If you have mutual friends on FetLife, they might be able to help you locate the person. Sarah didn’t go this route because, well, it’s awkward. But if you’re comfortable asking around, it’s an option.

Bonus: Build Your Own Search Tool with Python

For the developers out there, here’s a fun twist—you can create your own search tool to automate some of these methods. Below is a simple Python script that uses the Google Custom Search API to search for FetLife profiles associated with a specific email or username.

How It Works:

1. Sign up for the [Google Custom Search JSON API](https://developers.google.com/custom-search/v1/introduction) and create a custom search engine.

2. Replace `YOUR_GOOGLE_API_KEY` and `YOUR_CUSTOM_SEARCH_ENGINE_ID` with your credentials.

3. Run the script to search for FetLife profiles associated with a specific email or username.

Note: Always use this tool ethically and respect privacy boundaries.

The Confrontation: When “LeatherDaddy69” Comes to Light

Armed with evidence, Sarah confronted Mark. At first, he denied everything, but when she showed him the Spokeo results, the password reset email, and the credit card charge, he finally came clean.

Turns out, Mark had been using FetLife to explore fantasies he’d never shared with Sarah. He swore he’d never met anyone in person, but for Sarah, the betrayal cut deep. She felt like she didn’t even know the man she’d been married to for 12 years.

Final Thoughts: Trust, Suspicion, and the Internet’s Dark Corners

Finding someone on FetLife isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. Whether you use Spokeo, the forgot password method, or check card statements, there are ways to uncover hidden accounts.

Sarah’s story is a reminder that trust is fragile, and the internet has a way of exposing secrets we’d rather keep buried. If you find yourself in a similar situation, take a deep breath and approach the issue with care. And maybe keep a glass of wine handy—you’re gonna need it.

Have you ever had to uncover a secret online account? Share your story in the comments. And if you found this article helpful, don’t forget to share it with anyone who might be going through the same thing. (Or just send it to your nosy friend who loves drama.) Cheers! 🍷