Fear of the Mediocre

I've always had this burning sensation that I must do something. Constantly pondering what, why, and how? Scared of failure, and terrified of beginnings. To take the leap; to take the jump - it takes courage, bravery. Your absolute very best.

But how can one? When one fears their best may be mediocre? Nothing is more cursed than a mediocre artist.

What's worse is how art is valued now. Fickleness travels far. With the right numbers, it doesn't matter how mediocre you are. How terrible, unauthentic, unoriginal, and damn right awful you are. If your stats are good, you're a winner.

Forget all those years you spent at acting school, forget the hours you spent perfecting your art, and forget the endless all-nighters you did to meet your deadlines, because you're a writer who procrastinated a bit too much.

None of that matters. How many Instagram followers do you have?

For years, I've pondered the idea of an international language and social cohesion, researching intercommunication, cultural dialogue, Esperanto, and even interculturalism.

How could it be possible? And of course, it hit me while I was looking at the 333 on my microwave.

Numbers. Money, statistics, followers, likes, comments. It's all bloody numbers!

Even school grades have changed to numbers. What do you mean you got a 9 in English? What does that mean?!

And guess who isn't so good at numbers?

Me.

And guess who is good at numbers?

AI. Algorithms... Robots? Banks? Also, not me.

In terms of language, combining the two should make music, but instead, it's a living horror. A Greek tragedy that, instead of killing the actors on stage as scripted, is butchering the members of the audience.

How can art possibly thrive in an environment that does not care for it?

Every time we try to improve ourselves to grab people's attention, we shrink months of work into seconds, effectively changing our whole process, our art, just to suit the consumer.

We are forced to minimise our creativity because of the numbers. Instead of complimenting one another, they devour the other, which feeds the mediocre, the overdone, the commercial, and the mainstream.

What makes it worse is those who claim an artist's title without knowing the craft: fakes, frauds and thieves who 'create' cheap crap.

And I know there have been a few people on this site alone who have discovered their work has been stolen and "re-branded".

Unless you've got generational wealth and nepotism on your side. Talent means nothing. Imagination is being slaughtered while authentic voices are actively excluded from the arts.

Again, it's a bloody horror.

The dead internet theory makes it even worse. The numbers show that 51% of the internet is now AI and bots, 30% of which are negative.

Offline technology purchases are increasing, with people practising the art of digital minimalisation.

What was once a wonderful place to exchange our work and explore creativity at its finest is gone. It’s abandoned but overrun — a place flooded with content but starved of connection.

Everything is perfectly curated, optimised, and eerily perfect, yet nothing feels genuine. Nothing is real.

But art is.

Handcrafted and homemade - it's human. Imperfectly perfect in every way, no matter how many times my impostor syndrome likes to tell me otherwise.

That urge to create means I am not afraid of failing.

I know my craft and I know it well.

I have faith in my own abilities.

I believe in myself.

If I woke up tomorrow and the internet didn't exist, I would still write by hand and make little books like I did at my dad's house on the weekend as a kid.

The one thing I could never be is mediocre. _________________________________________________

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my work. If you like my work, don't forget to give a like, comment, and subscribe!

Take care of yourself out there. I hope to see you around!