Escape

I was young...I was ambitious...I was happy...I had a career...I had a smile...Just had two last wishes: find the one that will love me in exchange of my own love, and build a family with that soulmate of mine.

If i only knew...If i only knew what would be the consequences of those two wishes, i would pass my turn. If I knew that this family that i prayed for would have so much pain...I would never pay him that bottle of water...

We met in Brussels, a sunday night, at a gay party in a nightclub. Yes, I know...two cis in a gay party? but that's the only place to party on Sunday in the city. Asked me if I can pay him a bottle of water. I just received my pay, I was feeling generous and I accept. We talked all night, danced all night, and went back home together. He was looking serious, and was looking for a serious relationship, not a one night stand; just like me... By just tallking together, there was some much that we had in common. Our view of people, of the world, our wishes for the future..."Finally!!! I found him!"...Stupid me...I should know better. I always trow myself without no fear of consequences, just guided by love...Scorpio thing i guess…we love for real… and we both Scorpio…

At the beginning, everything was perfect. Or I should now say that I ignored the redflags, so convinced that i was better than that..."Yeah! I ain't stupid! I'm way smarter than that! No man controls me, or fools me" (ego is the biggest problem of human being, now I can confirm).

God blessed us when I got pregnant ...But the problems started then also...Progressively and insidiously, he isolated me from my friends, males first and then the females. Imagine, being pregnant in a foreign country, far from your family, isolated from your friends...oh!...did I forgot to mention that that was during the pandemic...Just to let you know that I have no good memory of my pregnancy. I has to work until the end; and I almost lost my precious son because of that... I went to all medical check alone, because he got doubt that he was the father. When our son born, he past a month at the maternity. I was passing my days and nights there with him. His father barely came to visit him. Not really implicate himself in his son life, but wanting to have the last word for everything. He was the judge, I was JUST the executor.

At a point, I had to go back to work. I'm a bartender, working mostly by night...That was the beginning of the downfall. His jealousy was starting to be uncontrollable (and I still didn't saw the worst of him, convinced that the threat was just word...told you "stupid me"). I was spied on, followed by him or his minions.

We agreed together to leave Brussels and move to my native island in the Caribea. It was a good compromise. Our son will be with his people, with less chances to be confronted to racism, closer to both of our families.

Pretty quickly, we had everything that we could dream of: after only three months, we had the house, the car, and i found a very very good job. It's not always that easy for people who want to go back home; a lot fail. because of his compulsive jealousy, I had to renounce to that job and quit, after he almost fight with another employee that he thought i was cheated on him with...I could not face the shame. I had a burn-out. I quited, hoping that all that mess will be behind us. I got a news for you: it didn't; and it's even worst. Because of that same paranoïa and jealousy, they terminated my contract for the job that i had after that disaster. And the one after this one: I had to quit or get sued because i got caught doing something awful (forced by him again).

Now, I have no financial ressource, no job (I don't even want work in a restaurant or bar), I'm depressed; I don't even if I will see the sunrise tomorrow after all the death threat i got on my life, my son's life, my family. I'm scared, I cry all day and night trying to keep a smile in front of my son. He want to take my son away from me...Unfair from someone that that doesn't even have a look for his son while he is having a 39° fever?

All that because of a man insecurity and a woman that just wanted to be loved and ready to accept everything for love. All that because of bottle of water.

I write those line because it's my way to escape, to tell the truth. At least someone will know my story. I will find a way to get myself and my son out of that nightmare. I still have hope and faith... I still have my son by my side.

At least, I hope those words will impeach someone else to repeat my mistakes...If you don't know, now you know...i didn't...