Entrepreneurial Spirit: To Take A Calculated Risk

It has been a few years. It takes me a moment to remember, but I do remember. I remember that moment I decided to write. Not that moment when I hoped to become a writer.....but that actual moment I said, "Yes, I'm all in on this. Let's do this....to heck with the consequences."

It was January of 2019. I had just gone over the hump that is 40, only to realize that the way down the hill is a rapid descent from 40 to 50 and 60 beyond..sorta like a slipper slide.

It was dreary and cold. It was the dead of winter. It was dark outside too, all the time dark. I was in my 4th or 5th year working steady at the photography factory as a framer. It was a good job but not great pay and some wear and tear on the old body.

I was a little down, perhaps due to seasonal affective disorder or just general malaise of mid-life. My friend invited me to her group meeting at The Possibility Junction. She called it an entrepreneurial meeting. I didn't really consider myself an "entrepreneur." Entrepreneurs are savvy and smart and take calculated risks with big rewards potentially.

But I went just the same cause she was my friend.

It was a 20 minute pep talk about self-motivation and believing in yourself. Then she said something that really hit home for me surprisingly. She looked at the 15 people in the room and she said, "Each one of you has a dream, a secret wish of what you want to be. I want you to stand up tonight in front of this room of people and actually say what is in your heart. If you can't say it to 15 people in a room, how will you ever have the courage to follow that dream or say it to thousands or even millions of people out there?"

One by one, the folks in the room raised a timid hand and got up and said what their secret desire was. It was my first meeting and I was super shy so I just said nothing. But I had a burning desire to say it. But I didn't.

I went home to my husband and kids. I pulled my blue minivan into the driveway. I turned off the ignition and I sat there in the cold and the dark. I contemplated on it.

Since I was a little girl, my secret dream was writing or creating or storytelling whether it was creating the story or developing the story through acting or such. I loved stories.

Truth be told, 10 years prior, I had tried to write and had failed miserably. I still had one letter from a publishing company in Boston that said they might be interested in my work. Other than that, I had a handful of failed submissions for contest after contest after contest. I had written a whole large manilla folder full of poetry and short stories. I had done this shortly after my divorce when I returned to my hometown with my two toddlers and moved into a little duplex. I guess the trauma of divorce was a well spring for creativity. I had written quite a lot. But after several failed attempts, I had packed up the large manilla folder full of writings and stuffed them in the back of a file cabinet. Then I got to work on becoming a career woman and earning a higher degree so I could feed and clothe my little boy and girl. I had given up 10 years prior on the whole dream.

Fast forward 10 years to 2019, and I sat alone in that minivan. I made a decision to try once more.....one more time with all my heart.

My husband was working late at the kitchen table. My kids were in their room. They were young teens now and preferred their rooms which is pretty normal. Gone were the days of hugs and kisses and holding hands to walk to the park together. It was ok. The process of life, of growing up.

I went to the old file cabinet. I opened the old drawer that creaked. I pushed all the bill and tax files to the front and dug in the back. I pulled out the old folder.

I sat down at the kitchen with determination and went through the file. I was searching for one story, one lead that I could use to create my first book......and I found it.

It was a 2 page story titled Kokopelli and it was about a young boy adventurer in southwestern Colorado. I took that one small gem and turned it into the book I published in August 2019, known as Searching for Fire, a young adult fantasy fiction story about gods, monsters, and Native American adventurers in Southwest Colorado. It is Last of the Mohicans meets Clash of Titans.

The story took me 6 straight weeks to write. I would work at the factory for 8 hours and plot out the story in my head. Then I would go home and write at least 10-15 pages a day, every day for 6 weeks. My husband supported me. My kids supported me but they were surprised by my dedication to it.

I loved the writing process. I loved how the words flow out of you like water when you get in the zone with writing. I love how the best writing comes at that moment. I love the whole process of thought to print, the proofreading, the re-writes, the marketing, etc.

Since then, I have written well over 30 short stories on my blog. I have done 5 published works on Amazon. To be honest, I am not prolific nor successful in terms of money. I haven't made much. But I do feel I accomplished my childhood dream. I became a writer and that is an accomplishment that no one can take away from me. Now my goal is to keep going, to build momentum as Tony Robbins would say or perhaps Ray Bradbury that you are never a true failure until you quite trying.

To be honest, it was very hard to step forward to say I want to write. First, as a woman, I don't really seek that limelight. Second, I felt for the longest time that I am not worthy and that I needed permission to do this. But I soon realized that many people wait their entire lives for permission. Do not wait for permission from anybody. As Nike says, just do it. Fantastic success or folly and flop......at least you had the bravery to be yourself and to stand up and participate in life fully, nobly, and authentically.