Dream Job Turned Nightmare

Looking for work I found the job of my dreams, working in music. I pulled together my application as quickly as I could and sent it off, and then I had to wait.

The phone rang, I got an interview. I was so excited, I was buzzed and, in the days, leading up to the interview I could hardly sleep.

I arrived, and had one of the best interviews that I could remember, and not long after that I was offered the job. I couldn’t wait to start.

The new job meant relocating to a new city, leaving my friends and family behind to work over 2hrs away, but it was everything I have ever wanted. I just didn’t know what I was in for.

I worked hard and I know I did my job well. Clients loved me, patrons loved me and I thought all my colleagues liked my company, but I was wrong. It took some time for me to realise but day by day I started to notice a change and after a few months the anxiety became unbearable.

I went from being excited to go to work and waking up a few minutes before my alarm, to feeling sick at the idea of having to face that environment. At some point, the ‘clique’ decided that I wasn’t good enough for them, and went from being my equals to my trigger.

Each day was slightly different, and progressively got worse. Starting with not helping me when I was stuck. I was still learning the job, and they had all started together only a few months before me. Over time it became them sneaking out for lunch and leaving me in the office. If I was listening to music, or I had taken a bathroom break, or just not facing their direction, they would find their moment to leave and not have to take me too.

This started to expand to some of the management, I would always go above and beyond my job requirements and what I needed to do, and they would find anything to pick at me for, even petty little things.

I slowly started to accept that I was on my own and just went in to do my job, because more than anything I wanted to be there. Being in that industry and working with the external clients made me happy. Getting free access to participate in the events was a huge perk of the job and I loved to live up those moments.

But the bullying and being the misfit is exhausting and just wore me down bit by bit. Even relocating to another office within the same company wasn’t enough. When you walk into an environment full of established relationships and bonds that have been there a while it is hard to join in and become apart of those circles.

The anxiety became too much and when an alternative opportunity came up, I chose to walk away. It broke my heart to leave but it was important for my health physically and mentally.

If you find yourself in a position like this, if my story is relatable for something you are going through yourself right now, leave. There is no shame in walking away. Even if leaving is the last thing you want to do, sometimes it is the best choice for you.

Always put yourself first.

Anxiety stays with you. Sometimes it will come up daily, and other times it will be triggered because of a trauma from your past. It is important do find the things you love and do them often. No matter what, choose your mental and physical health first.