Dear Scammers

Dear Phone Scammers Whom This Concerns,

Does this really make you happy?

Is it fulfilling for you to call number after number, hoping that one will stay on the phone long enough for you to steal their data, drain their life savings, or otherwise ruin a life that never did anything to hurt you?

Is it satisfying, in some twisted way, to destroy someone else's life? Does it make you feel better about your own, to know that someone else is suffering more, because you cased them to suffer?

Do you get a rush, stealing the results of someone else's hard work for your own gain? Does it make you feel powerful, for a moment, then fades just as quickly, so you have to find another hit?

It is hard to believe that I could think any more lowly of you than I already do, yet somehow you manage to sink further in my esteem.

You're good, I admit, but I'm a child of the 90s, where we trusted nothing and no one, and in the early days of the internet, we learned what to look for.

Sometimes you get lucky, and we actually were involved in a car accident, or are looking to change Internet providers, or whatever life experience matches up with your scam du jour. Sometimes you get hold of someone who isn't aware of the danger and succeed in getting their data.

I can't protect the entire world from you, as much as I would like to, but I can protect myself.

Last weekend, a scammer got lucky.

They sent me a screenshot as proof of payment after inquiring about one of the dolls I sell through my sole trader business. That's not unusual, some banks take time to transfer money, especially over the weekend. Then, oh so suddenly, they "needed extra verification" once I sent the postage tracking number.

Said verification was sent via an email with more red flags than a scheduling (and geographic) clash between a Chinese Military Parade and a Matador convention. If I only called this (foreign, definitey not the same as the banking website) number and verified my identity and bank details, the customer would send me an additional $500 (emphasised in bright green font) as security while my account was verified. When I called them out on the scam, they blocked me.

I was lucky, I'm only out the cost of a single doll, one I'd been planning to make more of anyway, plus express shipping. I buy materials in bulk, and once the pieces are cut out, mermaid dolls only take about an hour to stuff and finish the handsewing. The scammer didn't get enough personal information to scam my identity, nor did I give them any opportunity to download malware.

I had internet scam warning signs hammered into me since before I was a teen. It's stopped me from falling for more than one scam. If the name the scammer used hadn't been identical to someone who'd out-spent themselves at a stall the weekend before and taken one of my business cards to follow up on their next paycheque, I'd have been suspicious sooner.

I can't change the past, much as I'd sometimes like to. I can only be better prepared in the future.

Never again.

I'm sorry to all of the honest customers who like my hard work, but new precautions are being put in place.

You get the item you want when your money hits my bank account, and not a moment before. If that means waiting a few days, a week, or until the next Ren Faire, so be it.

I will not barter or swap goods with strangers, especially not for a promisary note. I may trade in kind with a trusted and known fellow merchant, but only for things of equal value.

If that bothers you, I have cash or card options, and you're welcome to use either.

Most of the people who might need to call me are saved under named contacts, and anyone who isn't can text or email me like a normal person if it's actually important. I'm not answering the phone for any number I don't recognise.

I will be making cyber-crime reports to anyone who tries to scam me. Call at your own risk.

I'm normally a fairly nice person. Scammers, as scum of the earth and lowlifes who prey on the vulnerable, are not nice people to begin with, so I will feel exactly zero moments of guilt for doing my best to ruin your lives the way you've ruined so many others.

Finally, I leave you with a quote about people who cam and claim they aren't hurting anyone.

"I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!"

"No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.”

― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

Goodbye, Scammers. I won't miss you.

With no regards whatsoever,

Natasja