Dating, Travel and the In-between

Man, dating is hard, and it becomes even harder when you spend most of your time traveling. On one hand I get to know people as deeply as I know myself. There's less time so the openness and vulnerability of both parties is crucial. However, that only leads to an ache in my chest every time I have to eventually head home. I still carry pieces of all the people I have met and loved while traveling.

There's a song by The Lumineers called Stubborn Love and one of my favorite quotes is from that song. "It's better to feel pain than nothing at all". I resonate with those lyrics that are stuck on repeat in my head. With every great adventure, great love, or friendship comes the inevitable end. Only to be followed by the silence of emptiness illuminating my heart. I know it hurts because it was real and it mattered to me. I would rather feel the pain of ten thousand journeys than never experience even one.

Time becomes an immeasurable construct. Life is both slowed down and sped up in the same notion. I feel the decay of life spread over my travels but rapidly accelerate the moment it's over. My dating life often feels in-between these moments. Things move so quickly, and yet every night spent with someone is one I vividly remember. The days come all too fast and then things just end with a cliff note. A promise to see each other again and sometimes I know that will be the last time we will. Life moves on and we fizzle out like the fireworks we watched on the beach during the summer. Or on that bridge in Hamburg during new year's while it was snowing all around us. I never forgot those memories and I cherish them deeply.

Maybe there is something beautiful about two strangers meeting half way across the world from two different cultures. Often feels like we are two worlds apart and still human. Like the way singing karaoke is universal for expressing one's self. Absolute freedom without fear of judgement. You just sing, and let the music take control, while watching the other person do the same. Some of the best people I’ve met were at karaoke. People from all walks of life could all come together in that room.

Then a week later I am home, and left with only memories. Sometimes we continue to see how things will go, and you know we talk on the phone. We FaceTime one another but the distance always takes its toll. Loneliness toys with hearts the way a young child plays roughly with an action figure. I come out beaten and bruised and swearing off of dating. Only to find myself right back where I was on my next adventure. Though I often wondered if I was choosing to love from afar because it's easier to me. Loving someone up close is terrifying for me and that is something I still have to work on every day. I’ve always been open and vulnerable with the things I have worked to heal. Telling someone I am scared to love them through the mundane is something that eludes my lips. One day I hope to find someone I can love someone without that fear taking over me.

So, I guess the best advice I can give is to just love and endure. Endure the distance, endure the pain because it is worth it. There is great love out there and it's all around us. I find it time and time again and I hope others do too.