Confessions of a Factory Failure

Depending on where you live on our beautiful planet, job opportunities can be plentiful, scarce, or nil. They can be exciting, terrifying, or bore you half to death. In my 10+ years of employment in a few different fields, I've experienced all of the above. Although I've had far more interesting jobs than a "simple" factory position, none have taught me more than what I've learned standing next to the assembly line with all sorts of different people.

I call myself the "Factory Failure" not because I do an awful job, but because I'm not meant to work in a place like that. Some people are and some are not! Insert shrugging emoticon here with a face that says, "shit happens."

The following is just a tidbit from my experiences on the shop floor of a factory that will remain nameless and with people who will also remain nameless. If I drop a name here and there, it's a name from the depths of my imagination and has no connection to anyone I've worked with.

Drama Llamas

So, you can probably guess by the subtitle of this story that just like most workplaces, the factory is FULL of what I like to call drama llamas. When you work in a building with hundreds of people, those hundreds of people are not all going to be buddies overnight, or at all. Opinions clash and conversations that should never be started during working hours are, of course, taking place every day. With so many different types of people working side by side for a ridiculous amount of time each week, the drama level is HIGH. I, being a slight introvert who would rather work alone in a corner where nearby llamas cannot hear my singing, try to stray away from those people everyday. Easier said than done.

When I first arrived at the factory, I tried my best to be a happy llama. It was quite obvious during my first week on the shop floor that the factory needed more happiness and less of the drama from other llamas. My then heart of gold was determined to be the change the company needed! I guess I should now mention that my heart of gold has slowly been melted into a puddle of lost motivation, broken promises, and a distain for lack of leadership. But don't worry, it isn't as bad as it sounds. That puddle is still gold and it's in a new forge being made into something new and shiny. One day it will be shining brightly in what I hope is a less toxic environment than the last few places.

This happy, little llama was not happy for long. My previous job had been much more physically and mentally demanding than my factory position. I was bored, the days were long and the majority of the llama population wanted nothing more than to talk my ear's off about topics I dread. Some people love to gossip, but I really don't care about which drama llama is upset with another drama llama because they got the job rotation the other wanted. Work is work! Do a good job, hopefully don't hate every second of it and escape unharmed at the end of shift. That's always been my goal. The drama llamas make sure to get in the way of that goal when they can.

Example: Lisa worked on station 2 for 3 out of 4 quarters because she's the team leader favorite, but Anya asked to work on station 2 more often because her shoulder hurts from always working on station 3. After a few days of that routine, Anya and Lisa are like 2 female llamas fighting over the last shred of alfalfa in the feeder. Meanwhile, the team leader who is supposed to be herding them into the corral each day is either oblivious to the favoritism, or blatantly states they just don't care. Anya and Lisa are enemies for the rest of their llama lives and the other drama llamas talk about it all day, everyday. You can imagine how old this conversation gets when you hear about it from every llama for a couple of hours a week.

Shepherds

Now, the shepherds who herd all of the drama llamas really do have a difficult job. Shepherds have to keep track of their assigned llamas, keep the machines running smoothly, fill out paperwork that no one ever looks at, alert a million different people of all the changes that happen in a day, and they deal with the crap from above and below. Llamas below complain about everything, sometimes it's legitimate and sometimes it is not. Upper management, we'll call them the llama farm owners and investors, also complain to the shepherds. Certain llamas are not working fast enough, drama llamas went to HR to complain about one another, my feet hurt, I'm hungry, etc. The complaints seem to be never-ending! Of course, not all of the farm owners and investors are this annoying, just as not all llamas and shepherds are intolerable. Just some.

During my first few months on the plant floor I had the brilliant idea that I should upgrade from llama to shepherd. In hindsight, this was the stupidest idea I had since taking a job where I cleaned up dead fish every morning in a concrete tunnel. That's a story for another day.

Shepherd sounded like a good gig. Instead of running around in circles like a llama with it's head cut off on the line, I could assist the llamas and avoid ruining my joints before I was 30. That was my original thought about shepherding. So, I tried it! Did I mention being a shepherd is like being in the middle of a shit sandwich? I had to find that out for myself, and boy, did I ever!

The entire experience of being a shepherd was not a waste. I learned things about the operation of a large factory, the machines that make it run, as well as many things about myself, and the llamas and shepherds I worked with. The most important thing I learned? I'm not sure I could name just 1!

1. I am not a people person.

2. Drama llamas exist in numbers beyond what I could previously imagine.

3. Boss and leader really are NOT the same thing.

The longer I sit here and think about it, the more I could add to the list. But something that has really stuck with me since the beginning of my journey as the "Factory Failure"; llamas and shepherds are the way they are for a reason. This is the thought I keep in the back of my mind when a drama llama leaves the line crying, or a shepherd says something inappropriate about a new llama.

We're all shaped and molded by our life experiences, in both good and bad ways. Keep that in mind the next time you have the urge to roll your eyes at the drama llama next to you.

Be kind, be slow to anger, and don't take people too seriously.

Stay tuned for some fun stories about the drama llamas and the shepherds that herd them. Disclaimer: the alfalfa feeder is not always full, the water trough is sometimes full of algae, and the pasture is often full of crap.

R. R.