Confession's of a Closet Writer

Moments:

They say when you die you have seven minutes of brain activity left. And in those seven minutes you are shown play backs. Memories of your life; the good, the bad, the ugly. Moments of joy, happiness, and laughter. Now I'm not sure how you can fit a whole lifetime in just seven minutes but I guess we won't know until we get there. There are so many unanswered questions pertaining to death. But what about living? If I were to leave you today, could you promise me one thing? Would you dance like there's no tomorrow? Could you find the color in a black and white picture? Would you be willing to forgive the unforgiveable? Could you lend the broken a helping hand? Pet your dog as if it's the last time? Tell that one person how much they mean to you? Would you climb that mountain and scream at the top of your lungs? Or go to the ocean and learn to ride the waves? Would you hug all of your friends? Give your mother a kiss? Hold your newborn babies hand? And Lastly, If you were to be shown your seven minutes of life, would you ask yourself one thing: "Was it worth it?" Because from dust we are born and to dust we shall return and all we're really left with is well, Moments.

Oceans:

You are the ocean and I am the sand. You crash into me and drift away, taking pieces of me with you wherever you go. It may be in small doses, but pieces are still pieces. Right now you have half of me. But right now I can't give you the other.. Because I need to learn who I am before I can learn who we are together. You see, you're someone's everything and I won't be the reason someone's everything leaves.. I need you to be someone's everything, so one day you can be my forever. You are the ocean and I am the sand, and when you crash into me I'll be ready.. Ready to give all of me to you.

Time:

The definition of heart palpitations is the sensation that your heart has skipped a beat or added an extra one. Heart palpitations, that's what you give me with every word that you speak. Every sentence makes me fall deeper and deeper. The gentle tone of your voice sends shock waves through my body and I wake in the middle of the night to a cold sweat, because I crave you. I thought my heart was frozen, but overtime you've showed me the fire that still burns within. You make me feel as though time is standing still not blowing past me. But I can't shake these thoughts from my head; Is it just yearning or is it something bigger? Would you look into my eyes when you make love to me? Would you shy me away from the world because you think you're protecting me? Would you encourage me to be better? Look at the world from different perspectives? And finally.. The most important question: If I asked you for time, would you be able to handle giving it to me?

Ghost:

Like a ghost, you haunt my dreams. Sending chills up my spine as you take fragments of my soul. I hold tight to my pillow, when in reality it's you I wish I was clinging to. If you knew you were the only one I longed for, would it even make a difference? If I told you the truth, would it still have ended? I got what I asked for. Yet, somehow I feel empty. I'm sorry I struggle with letting you in and seeing the real me. Your silence leaves me cold. It rattles my bones. I wish I could tell you how much you feel like home. I'm not one for living in the past, but all I have is the memories. How can heartbreak make you feel like you can't breathe? You still hold my heart but no longer my trust. Still I'm left with the question, was it love or just lust?

Love:

Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. But lately, love is what I don't feel from you. Love should not come with conditions or negotiations. Yet, our love is conditional; unequal. You make feel as though I owe you something every time I ask for a favor. When you love someone, you do things out of the goodness of your heart without expecting some sort of payment in return. There is this quote I found. It says, "You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free." But I don't feel free. Instead I feel like I'm swimming in the ocean, and when I come up for air the surface just becomes more and more distant. Your need to "protect me" has instead left me feeling suffocated. Your paranoia and lack of trust has made me afraid of you. Afraid to say and do the wrong thing because it will disappoint you. I shouldn't have to ask you if I can do something or allow you to monitor my every move. You should not have to have my location to trust me, or allow me to take pictures of things to show my truth. When I look in the mirror I no longer recognize the reflection staring back at me. I've tried so hard to be this person you've molded me into. But in the process I lost my own identity. You have made my decisions or influenced my decision making for the past four years. In these four years, I've become so dependent on you that I feel I haven't had time to be my own person. For so long I have been a bird in a cage. Now, I'm deciding to let myself free. I'm sorry I have to do it in this way. I think it will be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. No matter what you say, I'll always love you. So much it hurts to let you go. Sometimes, "I love you" just isn't enough.