being indecisive

GREEN ONE OR THE BLUE ONE?

SCIENCE OR ARTS?

CASUAL OR FORMAL?

MYSTERIOUS ONE OR THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER?

GYM OR PILATES?

AS an indecisive person with great overthinking skills which is a really terrible combination i have always been plagued with the idea of making decisions and in a society and a country where officially in the constituition i have the full freedom of choices i want to make, deep down I still don't have it.

why? that is because of the fear of failure, maybe the choice i am making what if it's not the right one? what if this choice ends up ruining my chances of getting something big.

AND because of this fear, as a really sensible person You know .. how i made my choices by going the safe path which is not exactly a safe path but yeah by safe path i mean the choices which wouldn't be bashed or disapproved from the people around me.WHY? because if i end up in failure because of those choices i wouldn't be left all alone surrounded by people who would say "see! look what you have done by not choosing the supposedly correct option which we have chosen for you."

i didn't really have that much faith in the choices i used to make which were actually out of my own accord, honestly i still don't have,but but but what's different NOW is that the fear is a lil less.THE FEAR OF FAILURE.

and i think the reason which made my fear of choosing the wrong option reduce is being okay if not comfortable with the idea of not succeeding, as a former super ambitious young lady, i used to thrive on the idea of success and success only! to the point i used to NOT even consider the idea of maybe failing.but what exactly happens when such young lady who doesn't even consider the possibility of maybe failing or maybe things not happening the way they thought they would unfold....well surprise surprise they end up on such platforms like here and start writing poems and stuffs, so they feel a lil worthy and validated atleast, JK:)

another thing which helped me think a lil less of the Question- if i am doing things right? is that "by being comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything, leave some things for the universe to figure out" this particular line i heard in a podcast "OVERTHINKING THIS" BY OSHIN which helped me a lot, and if you fear what might happen then you can also assume that something okay okay would happen instead of something too good or too bad.which i think is quite a fair and rational assumption:)

to be honest i am not writing this to advice people on how to actually reduce their indecisiveness, I myself have no ducking clue but but but the reason i actually am writing this so that if there are people who feel the same way may find this and feel a lil better so that they know they aren't the only one and there are creatures like me who are always asking themselves daily if they are even on the right path and also i got a place to vent my thoughts like a personal diary but with readers.

so this was my experience with being indecisive and also my thoughts on how i actually feel making such decisions and where the fear stems from.. just everything which came up on my mind.

hope you liked it:)