Balance: $13

How am I here? How did this happen? How can I solve it?

These are the three questions bashing in my head nonstop since I suddenly was discharged from my job. What made the situation extreme is that I didn’t work for the two weeks before that, they didn’t schedule me so basically, I was laid off without knowing. I used my savings to cover the gap, especially rent, thinking that I would have the opportunity to get it back, limiting myself even more, to save it the quickest.

It has been six weeks since. I’ve been applying endlessly to multiple job postings, but nothing yet. This last week I was finally able to apply for unemployment benefits, still waiting for their resolution to figure out how much I’m going to get. The tragic part of this story is that they can’t recognize the past weeks. My savings are gone, along with my stability and my sanity.

It feels like I’m trapped in a horror movie, what happened looks exactly like a Hollywood script. I was fine. I didn’t have much saved, but I was able to sustain myself, covering the basics while I kept practicing violin and preparing myself to start a second major in business administration at an online tuition-free university. I don’t go out. I don’t buy fancy things, hell, I even limit myself from getting simple stuff. I have just two pairs of shoes, one of them with tiny holes in them, I’m not exaggerating, I was about to order new ones on Amazon though, right before all this. Finally, let's not forget that I am a cat mom, I skipped getting any protein for myself so I can keep the few bucks left to get vermicelli pasta is usually always on sale, butter, and shredded mozzarella. Hey! Don't feel bad, I still have omelets for breakfast, I can assure you, this is a luxury for some people eating twice per day.

I have a goal, getting back into music no matter what. I acknowledge that by doing this, while also working full time and about to start a second major, I was going to be in an extreme kind of thing. Forget about relationships, social life, or vacation trips. I chose the struggle, willingly, because it has a purpose. A struggling artist and I am fine with that, for now.

I’ve been trying everything. Put my phone to sell and no offers have come out yet, even though is an iPhone 13 pro max, locked I have to say. I tried with the few friends and family I got, and no one could step up, completely understandable, everyone has issues to deal with. As of right now, I have a $1600 gap that I can’t find a solution to. Hoping to God, in a few weeks I will start getting benefits, but I know that’s not enough. The damage is done, blood has spilled.

You see, I made a promise to the people renting me the room, the same people who helped me get a job a while back and have given me a month to figure out things. Now I must pay for two months at once. I can’t let them down. I will do anything to make that happen, within my boundaries.

It is crazy to me that all I ever wanted was to work, pay my bills, and study. Life had made sure that I couldn’t be successful even doing that. I am a traumatized person. I’ve been molested; I have dyslexia and intersex. My life hasn’t been nor will ever be simple. The thing is that my issues have nothing to do with this, or maybe everything is interconnected, after all, the reason why I keep losing jobs is because of my issues managing POS systems. I haven’t disclosed it. I don’t need a new thing on my list to feel bad about it.

I had two car accidents about three years ago when I was living in Florida, in a two-week time slot. I know, remember the script? I’m not kidding. The first one, I lost my car because the guy who hit me was uninsured. The second one was on a rental car that I got in the Uber app two weeks after; the accident happened the same day I started driving it. I was desperate. I tried GoFundMe, but no one shared it, even on my Facebook lol.

Anyways. This is material for another log. I’m not even focused on that. What I need is to solve my present situation. I’m so close to performing again. I just can feel it. All I need is one more year tops and getting a proper lefty instrument to start looking for small gigs, and even playing in the streets, that’s a very NYC thing to do. Why again? Oh, well I forgot to mention it, I was already a professional musician, I just lost my dexterity in my left hand. This is the reason why I’m retraining myself as left-handed. I'm telling you lol, Warner Brothers, Paramount Pictures, Netflix, Hulu, HBO... we need to talk.

I have to say. Labor laws must be updated. Companies shouldn't be allowed to deliberately do what they did to me. They ruined my life. If you discharge or fire someone, especially after having them in the loop for weeks, these people should be compensated, or instead, give them two weeks' notice. That sounds fair to me. Both parties are responsible to each other.

Anyways, reach out to my social media for an update, or if you want to see me playing and verify this is not a made-up drama, or I’ll try to write about it. Please wish me luck, indeed I need it, or if you’re feeling generous and in a position to help, I do have all the apps for that.

I wish you the best to all and thanks for reading, that if this gets any tracking, remember my luck...

Daniella