At A Crossroads

For my life I have always lived by a simple moto…

I would rather aim high and be disappointed than never reach my full potential.

However, I recently find myself at a crossroads. A crossroads that I can’t seem to navigate through. I’ve recently had to take time off work for health reasons, and it’s got me thinking about the bigger picture and the bigger questions about what I am doing. The last time I took prolonged time off work was furlough in the UK lockdowns but this time it’s very different. Then I used to the time thinking of ways to make passive income, working on little projects around this… but this time I find myself thinking about the why of it all. Essentially looking for passive income is another form of work, a way to make money, a way to get by in life… but why? What is the end goal? You earn money, you spend money but what are you accomplishing with it? Yes, you survive (do you thrive?), you buy the next thing on your wish list… the latest phone… a car upgrade, a holiday, but does that make you happy or is it just a way to flex you have something better than someone else?

So when I have recovered do I just go back to the day job? Earning money each month to pay out in bills the day after pay day leaving just a little bit in the pot to make the next 30 days more bearable. Surely there must be something more to our time on this planet than being a cog in an eternal machine? But there lies the problem…. What? I have a friend who sums it up with a line she always uses at work… ‘what’s the message?’ because at the moment the message is far from clear. When it comes down to it is life just a never-ending cycle of us trying to boost our dopamine levels to get that natural happy feeling?

It only seems to be that when you STOP, take a step back and look around you can really see what’s happening. We are all in a never-ending situation racing to a destination that will never arrive. We are all on a real life Snowpiercer just with less ice. So the big question is what do I do next? Do I try and get off the train? Add stops along the way? Generate a destination? I’m lucky in the sense I am still young, only 30 and happily married. So my crossroads are less of crossroads and more a river dividing up into hundreds of streams. I have time to discover what to do with the rest of my life but the hardest part is deciding which stream is the best one to take. Is the system broke? Am I broken? Am I asking questions I’m not supposed to be asking?

The problem I am starting to realise is society doesn’t really allow for these types of thoughts. We are conditioned to go to school, practice remembering things for an exam that dictates your life opportunities, told to follow the rules and are prepared for a 'working life'. We are not taught to think and when we are allowed to it is within the confines of a topic not to think freely. Big thinkers break the system; they question things that shouldn’t be questioned and get other people to think about things they never previously did. The irony of it all is that big thinkers moved the world forward, they made discoveries, they developed technologies previously only dreamt of. Whether we like it or not we are all part of a giant system that we realistically will never be able to get out of. Even the people at the top are stuck in it becasue is there really a way to rip it up and start again? when there is neally 8bn people on the planet?! So our and my only solution seems to be that of picking the right path within the system. Do I pick a path that makes me happy, leaves a legacy, is beneficial to other people... all of the above? To play in the system I need to know how the system works... the problem is it seems to be on an autopilot with no one really controlling it. FANTASTIC! :/

Final Thoughts

Humanity is straying into a new era where AI and technology is massively reducing the time it takes for tasks to be done and doing tasks humans used to do. We are now at a point where we need to think... think about what we do with all this spare time we are starting to generate for ourselves as a species. Surely there is more to life than just survival? Only time will tell. I have always been a very philosophical person, the only problem with that is the more I think the more questions I generate not answers.

Side Note:

Why post anonymously? I find it easier to be open and honest with things when people don’t know who I am. I want to use vocal as an outlet for my thoughts and creativity without any expectation from the outside world.

.... maybe freelance is my option, I can think what I want when I want for who I want. but then its full of risk of earning enough money to survive. The survive bit has more weight that you first think... it's like the people who originally designed the system knew what they were doing to keep you in line!