A story to my hero, the villain.

A letter to my ex-stepfather, my hero.

I haven’t seen you now since I was 19, it doesn’t bother me, but I still dream of you in that same house I grew up in. It’s like I visit the same prison and dark energy every time I dream of you.

I wonder if you ever think of me, and the woman I have become. But truth is, I don’t think your limited perception of women would be able to comprehend what a smart, successful woman I am. You can only see as far as you have come.

I was able to make it out of that dead end town, away from you and I’ll probably never come back.

For all those years I watched you come home, take your clothes off and sit in front of the TV all night wearing only your little briefs with your hands down your pants, the nights I hid in my room while my mother cried and tried to muffle her cries so I wouldn’t hear. I heard.

My mother and I have never spoken about it, I know my mother still isn’t strong enough to re-live it all.

But I re-live it in dreams, still approaching my 34th birthday I dream of you.

I want to write you this letter to let you know that I forgive you for everything.

You actually turned out to be a hero in my life.

I forgive you for telling me I would never amount to anything and would stack shelves my whole life and never leave that town. Because of that I left, I moved as far away as I could go, I moved to Australia. In Australia I studied, I got skilled and worked hard, I got a good job and I’m now one of the managers of a care home.

In Australia, I met a man who is the exact opposite of you, the kindest man anyone has ever met, funny, considerate, everything I could ever want. I believe I would not settle for any man who didn’t treat me with so much respect if it hadn’t had been for the way you treat my mother.

I knew that I could not repeat that cycle.

Growing up in such a toxic environment, I learnt to see through people, I developed a deep perception and self-awareness of myself, making me treat others with the upmost kindness and respect.

I learnt that anger and hate only creates more hate, so I created more love and spread that shit everywhere I go.

Because of you telling me that all woman couldn’t and shouldn’t drive, I nearly believed you, but at the age of 29, my partner got me a car and patiently taught me to drive.

And guess what?! I am a very good driver! Because of the intense road rage, I saw you have, the screaming and running people off the road, I decided I would never lower myself to that, I remain calm, smiling at others and waving at truck drivers to brighten their day.

I became a beacon of light, through all your darkness and suffering.

I hope that you are happy and can find peace in yourself. You deserve it, and I’m sorry to who ever hurt you.

So, thank you, my hero. The villain.

I forgive you.