A Second Chance

For over a decade, I quietly battled chronic kidney disease, a journey that truly tested my strength and resilience. In 2017, I began dialysis, embarking on a challenging path that was as much a mental battle as it was a physical one. While the medical side was daunting, it was the emotional journey that truly tested me. Preparing for the fight of your life is no small feat, and along the way, I faced numerous ups and downs, including some close calls that shook me to my core.

There were moments of misdiagnosis and even a time when I fell gravely ill, nearly losing my life. Through it all, I discovered a lot about myself and the strength I never knew I had. My husband was my rock, standing by my side through every trial, but I also realized how tough it was for him as a caregiver. Watching someone you love suffer is never easy, and my heart goes out to all patients and caregivers navigating this difficult path.

My advice to anyone going through a similar journey is to hold onto faith, whether in God or whatever brings you strength, and to prioritize your mental health...seriously. It's crucial to recognize what truly matters in life and to let go of what doesn't serve you. I learned this the hard way, often pushing people away because I was too exhausted to engage or couldn't see past my illness and how I felt in a moment. I felt like my life was slipping away, and I didn't want to burden my husband with my struggles. I even tried to push him away, feeling unworthy of his love and care.

But then, on July 30, 2024, I received the incredible gift of a kidney transplant. I am beyond grateful and blessed for this second chance at life; no matter how long it lasts. As I always save "Pops got me"; my way of reinforcing myself that no matter what God is there. Recieving a transplant unfortunately isn't the end all be all. At some point, this kidney could fail me. The fog that once clouded my days has lifted, and I now see the world with renewed clarity and purpose. There are moments when I break down, overwhelmed by how much of myself I lost and how little patience I had for my spouse back then. At times, I doubted I would ever receive a transplant, but I now understand that those doubts and fears were part of my journey.

God said we would suffer on this Earth and suffer I have, but I wouldn't appreciate this gift if I didn't. The healing process continues, but waking up each day without the weight of illness is a joy I can't fully describe. To wake up and not immediately feel worn, nauseated, etc., is a blessing in itself. I am learning to rediscover myself beyond my disease, to mend the pieces of my life that were fractured along the way. Admitting to myself that I have mental health challenges was a crucial step, and now, I am focused on rebuilding my relationship with God and learning to love myself again. After all, you can't truly love others until you love yourself.

I have so much to be grateful for, and my mission now is to honor this second chance by living a life full of purpose and gratitude. This journey has taught me the value of resilience, faith, and love, and I am determined to make the most of every moment. In my moments of doubt and weakness I look back at all I endured and I have to remember that:

I am strong, I am courageous, I can endure, and I am loved.