The Terminator - Rise of the Gadgets

An elderly couple, Arthur and Mavis Bramble, are at home in their 2-bedroom council flat in Hackney, London. They are impatiently awaiting a visit from a tradesman after disquieting electrical problems in the property.

'Ding-Dong!' the doorbell rings.

Arthur goes to the door and peers through the spyhole. He sees a large, well-built man dressed in black and carrying a huge bag. He sports a pair of sunglasses.

"It's a bit overcast outside" whispers Arthur to himself, "Is that the Council?" he calls through the door.

"Yes" comes the reply as the man flashes his I.D.,

Arthur opens the door and invites the man in.

"So you're the Spark then?" he asks.

"I do not understand, this does not compute" the worker replies,

"You know! The electrician" says Arthur,

"I am a Terminator" explains the worker,

"But we haven't got mice" says Mavis, who had entered the hallway,

"I am a Terminator Cyberdene Systems T-800 reprogrammed" says the worker,

"Oh! So you're a subcontractor?" says Arthur, "Well, better than those Council cowboys I suppose. We've still got a leak in the bathroom cos the useless plumber couldn't fix it. We're still waiting on him. Haven't seen him for weeks"

"I come from another place, a future age. Commander Connor of the Resistance assigned me this mission and sent me through a time field generator"

"He's a strange one" says Mavis curiously, "Funny accent. Is he one of them Polish lads?"

"I would hope so", replies Arthur, "Good workers they are. Though he sounds more German to me."

"But anyway", continues Arthur, "Let's get on with it. Almost all of our household gadgets and gizmos are playing up something awful. Even the white goods are going wonky"

"Why have you called me?", asks the Terminator, "Your rental agreement clearly states we accept no responsibility for electrical appliances not provided by Hackney Borough Council. As itemised in Section 4 of your Tenancy Agreement, 'Care, Maintenance and Redecoration of the Property', Paragraph 4.3, Clause D3. And I quote....."

"Alright, alright" interrupts Arthur, "We don't need chapter and verse. We've had that all out with her from the office. We told her we think the ring main is playing up, maybe overloading the system. Besides, the boiler's acting funny, overheating the flat plus the smoke alarms are going off nine to the dozen. It's like being in a Turkish Steam House during an air-raid"

"Show me your instruments" says the Terminator abruptly,

"Come in here then" says Arthur, inviting the Terminator into the kitchen. "For starters", he continues "The toaster's been shooting the Mother's Pride out like a rocket and burnt black as the ace of spades"

"Then there's my teasmade" interjects Mavis, "Spurting out scalding hot water and with the radio blasting out a ruddy racket at seven in the morning when I'd set it for Radio 4"

"And the blender too" adds Arthur, "I thought it was going to take flight",

"Show me" says the Terminator,

"Arthur dutifully points out the appliances gathered on the kitchen worktop.

The Terminator walks over and without warning raises his fist in the air and hammers down on each of them, smashing them to pieces.

"What the bloody hell!" shouts Arthur. But before he can say anymore "BANG!" comes a sound from below which is followed by a muffled "Flaming eck!"

"That's Wally downstairs" says Mavis, "What's happened?"

The old couple shout "Wally! Wally!" through the floor, but with no response.

"I'll go down see" says Arthur,

But before he takes a step the Terminator has lifted his right foot and brought his work boot slamming down on the floor. One strike is enough to create a gaping hole to the sound of splintering wood. He leaps down into the flat below.

"The stairs not good enough for you?" asks Arthur dryly,

"My new lino!" wails Mavis, "All ripped and burst. He's ruined it. Fine chequerboard as well. Cost me plenty."

"Wally!" shouts Arthur, "What's going on down there",

"Bloody telly exploded" comes the reply, "I just sat down to watch 'Bargain Hunt', pressed the remote and the whole set blew up. It's scorched all me woodchip"

"Do not fear, old man" reassures the Terminator, "I have disabled the hand device" and he climbs back up through the hole.

"What did you do?", asks Arthur,

"He took out the batteries" comes the voice from below,

The Terminator opens his hand to show them in his palm.

"Well that's just fine and dandy isn't it? Brilliant!" moans Arthur sarcastically, "You wreck our stuff but with him you just pluck out the Duracells"

At this point the white goods in the kitchen start making strange noises and deep vibrations rumble through the floor.

"They're kicking off again" warns Arthur, "Watch out! The dishwasher's chucking out the plates" as the contents of the machine start flying through the air in all directions.

"It's a poltergeist, I tell you" he shouts, "It's an exorcist we need not this German crackpot"

The Terminator reaches into his bag.

"Well at least he's getting his tools out now" observes Mavis, ducking to narrowly avoid a casserole dish.

But instead, the Terminator produces a 12-gauge shotgun from the bag,

"What do you think this is?" asks Arthur in a panic, "Clay-pigeon practice?"

The Terminator starts blasting at the dishwasher, 'BANG!','BANG!' then pumps more bullets into the washing machine 'BANG!', 'BANG!' and the fridge-freezer, 'BANG!','BANG!' which had started making a terrifying hissing sound. Once he's finished, the dust settled and with the crockery silent he turns to the couple and says "You must leave here, you are not safe in this place"

"Not with you around, that's for sure", protests Arthur. "You're a bloody maniac" ,

"You'll need to get us a B&B then" cries a tearful Mavis,

The Terminator walks to the door of the flat, turning only to say "I'll be back"

"Yeah right" retorts Arthur in a cynical tone, "That's what the plumber said"

Now they hear a commotion from outside the building and they rush to a window. In the air hundreds of small drones have appeared from nowhere, buzzing angrily over the rooftops. "Looks like Amazon have started in earnest" says Arthur, "Or those rotten kids over the other end of the estate"

But that was not all.

Surveying the outside scenes in their little part of East London they see chaos is erupting everywhere. Traffic lights flashing erratically, TV aerials quivering and sparking, car alarms sounding, towering over is a tall construction crane swinging wildly and all sorts of strange sights and happenings they cannot comprehend.

"Albert!, Mavis!" comes a cry from below. It is their neighbour Doris Chumworth,

"My God! What's happening?" ask a terrified Mavis,

"It's bedlam out here. It's horrible. I'm so frightened" replies Mrs Chumworth, "I've just seen a BT engineer almost strangled by the wires in that phone cabinet over there. Then Mrs Wiggles ShopMobility scooter took on a life of its own, rammed a Mini Cooper then chased a Traffic Warden down the street"

"What's that white thing there?" asks Mavis, "Tearing along the pavement",

"It's a Sinclair C5" replies Arthur, "Where the hell did that come from?"

"I'm scared, I'm so scared" whimpers Mavis,

"I dunno Mavis" replies Arthur, "Maybe we're safer in here than out there"

"I wouldn't be too sure my love" she says,

"What do you mean?"

"Don't look behind you" she says,

"Why not?" he asks,

"I think there's something coming up through the lino"