The Miss Gloria Hour with Guest: Ziggy

The Board Meeting

“I have one last comment before this meeting adjourns,” Jason Pooper said. “Gloria, the glamorous makeup without your glasses received very low ratings. Put your glasses back on. People want your classic look.”

“This is what I have to say about your ‘classic look,’ Poopers.” Gloria lifted her hand and gave Pooper the bird. As she abruptly wheeled her wheelchair out of the room, she looked back, blew him a kiss, and said, “Don’t worry, Poopsie. I’ll go back to my classic look.”

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The Opening Monologue

“So, I ran into this little old lady who recognized me at the supermarket the other day. She said the craziest thing, that I look much taller in person than I do on TV. I just chuckled and said, ‘But, dear, I’m always sitting in a wheelchair.’ The poor lady didn’t know what to make of it, so she just nodded her head and went on her way.

A few minutes later, in another aisle, I was looking at the jello. And just when I thought the encounter was over, the same little old lady walked up to me. If things couldn’t get any crazier, she said, ‘Has anybody told you that you’re the spitting image of Miss Gloria?’ I just looked at her with amusement. It was the strangest grocery store encounter I’d ever had. She went on, ‘Yes, you could be her twin. She happens to be in the store right now. She’s in the produce section near the watermelons.’

I said to her, ‘Well, I better go find her. Maybe I can convince her to let me be her stunt double.’ Then I rolled away, laughing my head off.”

The audience jumped to their feet with uproarious laughter.

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Ziggy

“Okay,” Gloria nodded her head as she looked at her notes. “My guest today is a man named Ziggy. He is a performance stylist. He’s more about the staging, the message, the aura, and yes, the fashion and style. Vogue has classified his designs as trendsetting, outlandish, shocking, and sometimes crude. Let me introduce this zen master of poetry and fashion — Ziggy.”

Ziggy confidently walked onstage as a cloud of blue smoke swirled around his feet while he chanted a poem:

“Blue smoke forms around my feet / Oasis lands engulf my mind / Freaky beats / I walk sublime / Display a freak show / A mane unusual / Dance a go-go / cloaked per unique visual”

“Welcome, Ziggy! Love the poem. Can you tell us what it means? You’ve got oasis lands, freak shows, and go-go dancing. That’s an interesting combination of activities.”

“Mystery is the game I play / Divulge my secret is a nay.”

“Aha, another poem. The freak show part is becoming clear.”

The audience laughed at Gloria’s witty quip.

“I’m reading here, Ziggy, that you work under the Oliver Olivier Productions umbrella. Can you tell us what you do?”

“Dear Miss Gloria / I create euphoria / Visions ultra-bizarre / Fashions way-out far / With atmospherics not just looks / That’s the way I get you hooked.”

“Aha, I see. Are there any psychiatrists here today? We’ve got a quack loose take him away.”

The audience broke out in laughter at Gloria’s rhyme.

Ziggy responded, “Quack, quack. Cracked crack. Mind loose, I’m a goose.”

Tapping the side of her face with her index and middle fingers, Gloria said, “Oh my, I’ve heard it all now. His crack is cracked. I’d say his mind is whacked. Are you auditioning for Dr. Seuss?”

“Inhale / Exhale / Chortle / Snort / Snicker / Sport”

The audience laughs and Ziggy mutters under his breath, “Ah, they understand me.”

“I’m going to take that as your way of laughing. Okay, now that’s scary. I’m actually beginning to understand him.” Gloria gave the audience a confused look. “Anyhow, let’s move on with this interv… um, freak show. You brought a guest with you today. Can you tell us about them?”

“Exotica / erotica. Flashy moves / Cosmic grooves / A template for my metaphors / Display with Vogue / We’ve all gone rogue / A new day dawns / It’s Davania.”

“Davania is pronounced Duh-Von-Yuh.”

“Okay, okay, I think I’m hip. I’m on this ship. It’s finally time. I got the rhyme. In other words, Davania is here to model one of Ziggy’s new designs.”

“Whoop! Whoop! Davania! That’s hot and weird at the same time,” Gloria shouted. “Come on girl, let’s talk.”

Davania shuffled her hair back with her hand. “Miss Gloria, it’s so nice to see you again.”

“That’s one outrageous dress.”

“Yes, Ziggy designed it especially for this appearance.”

“Ziggy," Gloria points at Davania's dress, "Tell us about this dress. What inspired you?”

“Arms of love / Arms of peace / Peaceful ocean / Green seaweed / Material refined / Optical illusion / Smooth like silk / Create confusion.”

“Well, thank you, Mr. Mysterious. I’m not sure anyone here can understand its meaning.” Gloria gave Ziggy the eye. “If there is anyone in the audience who can decode Ziggy’s poem, please stand up and give it a try.”

An elderly man stood up. “I can decode this for you. That dress isn’t as bad as Björk’s swan dress, but it’s close.”

“Now, now sir, point well made, but let’s play nice,” Gloria politely reminded him.

“Gloria,” Davania spoke up, “I know a little backstory on the dress.”

“Go for it, Davania.”

“The most fascinating aspect of this dress is that it’s made from seaweed. The seaweed is harvested, dried, ground into dust, mixed with wood pulp, and spun into yarn that’s woven into fabric. The result is soft and smooth — almost like silk. And don’t worry, ladies and adventurous men, it doesn’t smell like seaweed, so you can wear it anywhere without offending anyone’s olfactory senses.”

“Well, that’s quite interesting, Davania.”

“The octopus arms were more complex to produce. The top side is made from the same seaweed fabric, while the underside with the suckers uses durable polyester. Ziggy dyed the underside blue so it would stand out more.”

“How about the arms that looped around your legs?”

“The arms that loop around my legs are made from satin, chosen because it slides easily. They’re rigged inside the dress, and during my dance, when I get the cue, I tap my hip with my elbow. That releases the arms, which inflate as they drop and stop neatly at my ankles. It’s a brilliant concept and design by Ziggy.”

“Yes, Ziggy is a bit of an oddball,” Gloria looked at him, “but he’s definitely a genius. Who would’ve thought of creating such a dress? It’s very unusual, yet in an odd way it’s beautiful.”

“I agree,” Davania continued. “He calls this creation ‘Arms of Peace,’ because each and every one of us plays a part in creating peace in our world.”

“Ahh, he’s not such an oddball after all. This world could use a lot more peace these days.”

Ziggy shouted out: “Peace, peace / Calling planet earth / Peace, peace / Acclimation rebirth”

“There we go, my friends, another intriguing episode. I hope you all enjoyed the show, and we will see you again next week. Until then, love to you and peace to all.”

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With Arms of Love, RHC ❤️