Irony
Why Aliens Would Do Better to Avoid Earth in 2025
Landing at Mar-a-Lago Imagine this: It's a balmy September evening in 2025, and a fleet of shimmering saucers slices through the twilight over Mar-a-Lago, their hulls humming with the promise of universal truths. Out step the extraterrestrials—slender, luminous figures with eyes like nebulae, bearing gifts of quantum drives and peace accords etched in starlight. They're here for first contact, a grand unification of worlds. But before they can utter a telepathic "Greetings, carbon-based friends," a golf cart screeches to a halt. Enter President Donald J. Trump, resplendent in a red MAGA cap, flanked by Secret Service agents clutching NDAs. "Beautiful ships, folks—tremendous. But what's the deal? You got warp tech? Fusion reactors? Because America First means we get the best terms, or you're outta here. You're fired!"
By Francisco Navarro4 months ago in Humor
The Secret Lives of Garden Gnomes: What They’re Really Doing When You’re Asleep
For centuries, mankind has slept soundly under the false assumption that their gardens are tranquil places. Quiet sanctuaries of flora, chirping crickets, and maybe a bunny or two, nibbling on carrots. But recent evidence uncovered by The Pompous Post™ investigative team (me, one pair of binoculars, and a suspiciously long summer evening) has revealed the shocking truth: your garden gnomes aren’t innocent ceramic ornaments.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
Surviving Monday Without Witnesses
The Alarm That Will Not Be Silenced The first sound you hear on Monday morning isn’t the birds singing or the gentle rustling of trees. No, it’s your alarm clock blaring like a war horn, reminding you that the world has decided to throw another Monday at you. You lie there, half-awake, convinced that surely the universe has made a mistake.
By Sahir E Shafqat4 months ago in Humor
EXCLUSIVE: Local Man’s Wi-Fi Network “FBI Surveillance Van #4” Finally Gets a Knock on the Door From the Actual FBI
For seven years, residents of a quiet cul-de-sac in Des Moines lived in the shadow of a running gag. It wasn’t a neighborhood watch, or a barking dog, or even the HOA’s obsession with measuring lawn length to the millimeter. No, the source of both pride and suspicion was a Wi-Fi network named “FBI Surveillance Van #4.”
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
My Epic Fail at Yoga Class
Introduction: The Myth of My Flexibility I had always believed yoga was simple. Peaceful breathing, soft music, a few stretches — how hard could it be? Friends swore it changed their lives, improved their posture, and helped them “find inner balance.” I wanted all that. What I didn’t expect was to find myself becoming the accidental comedy act of the entire class.
By Nadeem Shah 4 months ago in Humor
How I Accidentally Became the Office Meme
Introduction: The Day My Dignity Took a Coffee Break They say every office has “that person” — the one who becomes the story everyone retells at lunch. I never thought I’d be that person. I liked blending in, keeping my head down, and letting others be the subject of harmless gossip. But fate had other plans, and it all began with a single, innocent cup of coffee…
By Nadeem Shah 4 months ago in Humor
Views Of A Vixon 1
This very moment is the most wonderful time to ask this old classic quick question. Have you ever heard " Where do you think that sass is going to get you"? Normally, whenever we would hear that, it would mean we're getting into trouble, right? What if this time, it didn't mean that we were in trouble at all? So, you may guess that is not the meaning this time.
By LaBree Johnson4 months ago in Humor
White House Doctor's Confirm Donald Trump Dying of Evil
White House Doctors confirmed today what many have long suspected, President of the United States Donald Trump is dying of evil. The disease is terminal, and there are no treatments and no cure. At a press conference surrounded by global media, white house chief medical officer Dr. Timothy Stephens, read a prepared statement saying. “It is with great sadness that we are prepared to announce today we have finally converged on a diagnosis for the mysterious illness that has plagued President Trump for much of his life, but recently turned much more serious. We had initially suspected frontotemporal dementia as the most likely cause based on his symptology which appeared to align closely with the seven stages of that disease. As a reminder that disease begins with mild cognitive changes followed by changes in behavior and difficulty with language. At that point the patient begins to see a greater impact on quality of life and personality changes. In the final stages we see significant memory loss followed by severe cognitive decline. President Trump’s early symptoms such as chronic incontinence requiring him to wear a urinary catheter and urine collecting bag running down the side of his leg at all times while in public, along with his strangely stilted manner of standing and walking, and ever more frequent non sensical incoherent ramblings all supported the hypothesis of frontotemporal dementia as the disease from which he has suffered for so long now.
By Everyday Junglist5 months ago in Humor
