Hilarious
Castle Chronicles IV
WEAPONS / RESEARCH: Lord Androlian has reported the disovery of an adhesive that may solve a number of problems inherent in Lord Dakkarious' ongong weapons research. Whilst climbing a tree to avoid the wrath of the warrior princess Vice Nanaja, Lord Androlian was sapped upon the head. While Lady Emcat professes responsibility for the fortuitious blow which knocked our jester from his perch, Androlian maintains he "slipped on a batch of bat guano." Be that as it may, the sap covering Lord Androlian's hands and hair upon his rather abrupt (and painful) departure from the tree was found to have properties similar to gorilla glue. While Lord Androlian sports a new crew cut, the result of having to cut his sticky fingers loose from his hair, Lord Dakkarious is delighting in expolring the uses to which this adhesive may be put. Our hermetic researcher stepped out from his lab long enough to inform this reporter that our new Sapper Super Glue will undoubtedly be perfect for the attachment of our latest dung bombs to their frisbee disc delivery systems. [See Science & Technology below]
By Andrew C McDonald2 years ago in Humor
TAYLORS SWIFT TRANSFORMATIVE
Taylor Swift, the reigning queen of the music industry, stood backstage, her heart pounding with a mix of excitement and nervousness. She was about to embark on a new tour, and this one was different. It wasn't just another tour; it was a tour that held the promise of a fresh start, a new chapter in her life.
By Angel Jacobs2 years ago in Humor
Castle Chicanery II
MERCANTILE & TRADE: Caravan Leader Fired: Turb N. Guye, long time caravan leader for Lord Androlian - court jester - was terminated yesterday [from his position, not from his life, although the vote was close]. Per reliable accounts it seems Caravanser Guye has on several occasions delivered property and goods to the wrong coordinates, thus causing massive problems with proper distribution of resources and revenue. This firing took place amidst allegations of possible animal abuse as Turb N. Guye was also accused of humping the camels.
By Andrew C McDonald2 years ago in Humor
Nice Guys Finish Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh in Local Marathon
Each year since the inception of the local marathon nice guys, the brothers Tod and Ted Stephens, along with friend Jim Thorne, had finished last. Most had speculated that this year would be no different. Today, the Stephens brothers and Mr. Thorne proved the haters and doubters wrong, finishing fifth, sixth, and seventh respectively. A visibly tired, heavily sweat pit stained, but still smiling Ted Stephens said the following about the nice guy trios historic result. "I am just so gosh darned pleased with my performance, and especially that of my brother Tod and old college roomie Jim. With this finish under my belt maybe Cherry (Tims) will finally go on an actual date with me and agree to that candlelight dinner at Chez Rouzeau I have been asking her about for years. Assuming she says yes, I might be given the opportunity to patiently lay the groundwork for a long term relationship by listening intently and responding with genuine warmth and caring as she talks about the horrible day she had at the shoe factory where she works. This would be in contrast to our other 'dates' which have mostly been us meeting at the local Denny's and splitting a Moons over My Hammy for breakfast, as I listen intently and respond with genuine warmth and caring as she talks about the terrible day she had at the shoe factory. Those are really a waste of mine and her time. Although, she really does need a good shoulder to cry on, and, I am a really good listener. I guess it's not so bad. Eventually she will have to tire of empty passionate sex with various members of the high school football team. I can give her so much more than that. Except for the sex part, I can only handle so much of that until I get really tired and sleepy."
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
Milky Mayhem on the BUS: When a Nursing Baby and a Lactose-Intolerant Passenger Collide
On a typical day in the bustling city, a man named Jerry found himself on a bus heading to his hometown. He had a window seat, which he considered a stroke of luck, and he was excited about the trip. Little did he know that the journey would take an unexpected turn thanks to the young and beautiful mother seated next to him.
By Jointdfw 792 years ago in Humor
Local IT Manager Hires Hollywood Production Company to Create Content for Anti-Phishing Campaign
Local IT manager of Openz Industries, Ted Stephens, announced today that he had hired a Hollywood production company to create content for an anti-phishing campaign aimed at rank and file employees. Openz is a global leader in the manufacturing and distribution of automatic garage door opener remote controls and provides remotes for all of the leading automatic garage door manufacturers world-wide. The company has recently been hit with a spate of phishing attacks and employees have been easily fooled by fake emails exposing valuable company data to hackers intent on using the data to extort Openz or its customers for large sums of money. Specifically the hackers are believed to be targeting Openz' database of garage door opener codes. If those codes were compromised it would cripple Openz and possibly put hundreds of thousands of garage door opener remote control users at increased risk of break in. The previous attacks used fake emails that appeared to be coming from Openz corporate headquarters in Pittsburg, PA, and informed employees that they needed to update their user names and passwords as the company would soon be transitioning to new customer and pricing management software. The emails instructed the employees to click on a link which led to a fake website where they were then asked to input their current user names and passwords and asked several personal identifier questions during which many employees freely gave up their social security numbers, home addresses, personal cell phone numbers, and even detailed information on the whereabous of their sons, daughters, husbands, and wives. In the first atttack some 72% of employees fell for the scam. That number dropped to 40% for the second attack, but that second attack also saw several senior executive sduped. Mr Stephens said of the phishing attackss "While it is true that 40% of our employees were completely tricked by the fake emails and foolishly surrendered personal and confidential information, that leaves 60% who were not fooled. Those 60% need to fully understand the seriousness of the threat we face. They may have sniffed out the first wave of phising attacks fairly easily, but let's see how they do when Hollywood production company New Wave Entertainment steps up to the plate."
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
Chatter Gulls
“Get out of here! Go on! Shoo!” It was an all too familiar scene every…single…time…we prepared our lunch on the beach at St. George Island State Park in Florida. My mom would periodically take us there for the day. I never failed to see swarms of seagulls hovering overhead anytime people had food, because the gulls had been conditioned to people feeding them—even though it was prohibited.
By H. L. "Scooter" Ward, Jr.2 years ago in Humor
Getting Late in The Morning. Content Warning.
I took a pen and I wanted to write something about being late in the morning. If you read the biographies of successful people around the globe, there is one thing that is constant and that is whether they were early birds or they are indeed. If you get up early in the morning, you will have plenty of time to start your morning. You will carry out your tasks without any sort of anxiety or stress. As a consequence, the results will be exactly what you wanted.
By Jamil Ashraf2 years ago in Humor
