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  • The Microbiomics Revolution Has Arrived

    The age of microbiomics is upon us and with it opportunities for promising new areas of research have arisen that build and expand upon the excitement of the original but add a previously thought unrelated dimension. By combining the study of the microbiome with some random other non-microbiology related thing that people study not only will you gain notoriety as a trailblazing pioneer in the field, but more importantly you will instantly at least double the number of funding agencies to which you can apply for grant money. Confused? Me too a little bit, but to help clarify some I have proposed a few new fields and brief descriptions of possible research focus areas for each. Note that I own any and all intellectual property associated with the name of each field and any valuable discoveries made within them.

    By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor

  • Nice Guys Finish Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh in Local Marathon

    Each year since the inception of the local marathon nice guys, the brothers Tod and Ted Stephens, along with friend Jim Thorne, had finished last. Most had speculated that this year would be no different. Today, the Stephens brothers and Mr. Thorne proved the haters and doubters wrong, finishing fifth, sixth, and seventh respectively. A visibly tired, heavily sweat pit stained, but still smiling Ted Stephens said the following about the nice guy trios historic result. "I am just so gosh darned pleased with my performance, and especially that of my brother Tod and old college roomie Jim. With this finish under my belt maybe Cherry (Tims) will finally go on an actual date with me and agree to that candlelight dinner at Chez Rouzeau I have been asking her about for years. Assuming she says yes, I might be given the opportunity to patiently lay the groundwork for a long term relationship by listening intently and responding with genuine warmth and caring as she talks about the horrible day she had at the shoe factory where she works. This would be in contrast to our other 'dates' which have mostly been us meeting at the local Denny's and splitting a Moons over My Hammy for breakfast, as I listen intently and respond with genuine warmth and caring as she talks about the terrible day she had at the shoe factory. Those are really a waste of mine and her time. Although, she really does need a good shoulder to cry on, and, I am a really good listener. I guess it's not so bad. Eventually she will have to tire of empty passionate sex with various members of the high school football team. I can give her so much more than that. Except for the sex part, I can only handle so much of that until I get really tired and sleepy."

    By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor

  • Milky Mayhem on the BUS: When a Nursing Baby and a Lactose-Intolerant Passenger Collide

    On a typical day in the bustling city, a man named Jerry found himself on a bus heading to his hometown. He had a window seat, which he considered a stroke of luck, and he was excited about the trip. Little did he know that the journey would take an unexpected turn thanks to the young and beautiful mother seated next to him.

    By Jointdfw 792 years ago in Humor

  • Spaghetti. Content Warning.

    I really want to eat it. That wonderful orange squiggly stuff on my plate, but I just can't do it! When my friends think about spaghetti, they think of tasty, tangy, spicy stuff that is just waiting to be devoured.

    By Carol Ann Townend2 years ago in Humor

  • Things I will NOT Do For Money

    We all have our dream jobs and want to have a business. We want to be sustainable, and live comfortably, and not worry about money.

    By Hope Martin2 years ago in Humor