Real 3D Comedy

Peter Brite brought Jen his wife home from the hospital. Jen had a tumor in her brain, and she had surgery to have it removed. Her husband Peter walked her to the sofa.

“Just sit, relax and if you need anything yell. I have to do some work, but we can watch a movie later.” Peter said kissing her on the cheek.

“Sounds good, I’ll just watch some Tacoma FD.”

“I’ll be done before dinner.” Peter said walking into his office.

She found Tacoma FD on Netflix and pressed play on Season 5 episode 4.

The scene opens with Chief McConky sitting at his desk, doing paperwork.

“Shit, I hate this.”

He picked up a piece of paper, crumbled it up and threw it toward the garbage can. The paper ball fell short and hit the floor. Eddie Pesini was standing at the door.

“You really suck at paper basketball. You know what your problem is, you throw like a baby, a big fat baby with a nice mustache.”

Jen laughed out loud. “I love this show.”

Eddie picked up the ball and squeezed it hard in his hand then threw it at Terry. The piece of paper flew out of the TV and hit Jen in the face, she picked it up and looked at it, then looked at the screen. Chief McConky was holding the paper ball in his hand. She paused the show, and the ball was still in her hand, she could feel it as if it were real. She rewound the show a couple of seconds and again Penisi was holding the ball of paper, threw it at the Chief and it flew out of the TV and hit her in the head, she paused the show again, now she was holding two pieces of paper.

“What the hell?” She started to yell for Peter but thought maybe she shouldn’t, he’d worry and want to call Doctor Samulals.

After dinner Jen and Peter sat down to watch the movie Blink Twice. At the beginning of the movie a green blur on the screen turned into a lizard, its head came jetting out toward her, it whipped out its tongue hitting her, Jen wanted to jump into Peters arms but instead hit him in the nose with her head.

“Damn babe, it’s only a lizard, look how cute it is.” Peter said holding his nose as blood streamed out. “I think you broke my nose though.”

Jen looked at the screen a second, Frida lit a yellow lighter with a happy face on it and lit some incense, Jen jumped again, this time screaming in pain and hit Peter in his left eye. Still screaming in pain from the fire, she hits his other eye, then grabbed his balls in her hand and squeezed, Peter screamed. He pushed her off him and got up holding his crotch.

“What’s your major malfunction? What did I do? Did I forget our anniversary again?”

Jen put her hand over her face and the pain went away.

“The lizard, then my face was on fire, don’t you see? My face must look like a piece of roast beef.” Jen pointed at her face.

Still holding his balls, blood gushing out of his nose and he has two black eyes. He walked toward the bathroom and hit his head against the door frame then stepped on the cat which jumped in the air and clawed his chest. Peter dropped to his knees, the cat climbed up his chest and scratched his face; Peter grabbed the cat and threw it across the room. The cat started screaming and hit the dog which was watching, it ran across the room and bit Peter in the crotch.

“Scratch, Balls, stop.” Jen screamed. The dog and cat looked at her and ran into the bedroom. “Are you ok honey?” Jen ran to Peter.

“I need the hospital.”

“It’s just a scratch, you look fine.” Looking at Peter with a bloody nose, two black eyes and a tare in his pants from Balls biting his balls. Then he spit out a couple of teeth.

They walk into the hospital and a beautiful blonde nurse with big breasts and a short skirt looked at him and ran toward them, her breasts bouncing. She looked at his face then at a big bulge in his pants. “Wow, that’s nice. You’re a lucky woman.” She looked over at Jen and winked, then pulled out a paper with her number on it from her pocket.

“No, Scratch and Balls attacked him.”

“Come with me.”

The Doctor walked into the room. I see he got attacked by your dog and cat I see.

“How did you know doc?”

“We see a lot of this.” He opened the curtain to the exam area and there were other guys with black eyes and bloody noses. The doctor looked at his crotch.

“You’re a lucky woman.” Then he looked at Jen and winked.

The doctor looked at his nose. “Yup, it’s broke alright.” He grabbed it and put it back in place.

“Shit Doc, let a guy know next time.”

“All done, now let’s see what you have going on down there.”

The nurse looked intensively; the doctor pushed her back.

Peter pulled down his pants, the doctor and nurse both looked down. “Sorry, I guess you’re not that lucky.” The nurse took her number back from Peters hand then walked out the door.

“Welp, you just have to let it go down on its own, put an ice pack on it and relax.”

An hour later both Jen and Peter sat on the couch. Peter had an ice pack on his crotch. Jen turned on the TV, there was a dog food commercial playing. The dog on the screen was wagging its tail, hitting Jen in the face. She turned off the television and sat back and pouted. Balls and Scratch were lying next to them.